Journal #8713
Posted 7 years ago2016-06-21 03:51:54 UTC
To my friends and acquaintances; the good people of TWHL.
Life is certainly strange... A fact I have been constantly reminded of over the course of these last few weeks.
I have been going through a rather drastic series of changes in my life recently, and it hasn't given me much time to create the worlds that I once used to love creating.
The simple truth that I have been realizing is that I no longer feel any desire to map. It was something I did to distract myself. Something I did in my moments of weakness to build myself up and give me confidence in something because I thought i was halfway decent at it.
I would get absorbed and consumed but my motivation always faded and it all eventually became tedious work towards an end result that never seemed worth it once I invested so much time into it.
Truth is i don't like mapping anymore. It seems.... Like a nostalgic idea now. Something I used to love doing and have such a fond memory hammering away at these crazy ideas... And the worst part about nostalgia is that it's never the same once you try to go back in time. You get the taste but it's never as sweet as you know it once was.
My life and hobbies surrounding it have turned away from gaming as a whole. I no longer strive to make it in the gaming industry or develop a one hit wonder mobile game or a gripping multiplayer game that's refreshing and new...
I've undergone a transformation this year. Broken out of my chrysalis if you will... Really matured into who I should have been about 5 years ago.
Which brings me to my point... I'm sure some of you have noticed my absence. My apologies for going MIA when I started an ambitious project. I wanted a taste of glory and success that Urby had with TWHL Tower (cheers btw, epic work)
But I myself didn't want to put in the work; and I still don't. I'm forfeiting ownership of the mod and I'm removing my name from it.
So sorry for that. I shouldn't have committed to that project but i was in denial about a lot of things in my life.. It was a poor distraction for some things that desperately needed my attention.
Such as my health and well being as well as the health and well being of those around me.
So this is my note to all you regulars.. I'll skulk the forums and drop by from time to time because really... Nobody ever truly says goodbye to this website... There's the occasional question that I'll immediately know the answer to... There's the journal post I'll drop a comment into.. But maps or mods... Don't count on it..
This isnt a goodbye; more like a "see you around".
Thanks for listening, thanks for being such a large part of my life.
-Brett (Tetsu0)
Life is certainly strange... A fact I have been constantly reminded of over the course of these last few weeks.
I have been going through a rather drastic series of changes in my life recently, and it hasn't given me much time to create the worlds that I once used to love creating.
The simple truth that I have been realizing is that I no longer feel any desire to map. It was something I did to distract myself. Something I did in my moments of weakness to build myself up and give me confidence in something because I thought i was halfway decent at it.
I would get absorbed and consumed but my motivation always faded and it all eventually became tedious work towards an end result that never seemed worth it once I invested so much time into it.
Truth is i don't like mapping anymore. It seems.... Like a nostalgic idea now. Something I used to love doing and have such a fond memory hammering away at these crazy ideas... And the worst part about nostalgia is that it's never the same once you try to go back in time. You get the taste but it's never as sweet as you know it once was.
My life and hobbies surrounding it have turned away from gaming as a whole. I no longer strive to make it in the gaming industry or develop a one hit wonder mobile game or a gripping multiplayer game that's refreshing and new...
I've undergone a transformation this year. Broken out of my chrysalis if you will... Really matured into who I should have been about 5 years ago.
Which brings me to my point... I'm sure some of you have noticed my absence. My apologies for going MIA when I started an ambitious project. I wanted a taste of glory and success that Urby had with TWHL Tower (cheers btw, epic work)
But I myself didn't want to put in the work; and I still don't. I'm forfeiting ownership of the mod and I'm removing my name from it.
So sorry for that. I shouldn't have committed to that project but i was in denial about a lot of things in my life.. It was a poor distraction for some things that desperately needed my attention.
Such as my health and well being as well as the health and well being of those around me.
So this is my note to all you regulars.. I'll skulk the forums and drop by from time to time because really... Nobody ever truly says goodbye to this website... There's the occasional question that I'll immediately know the answer to... There's the journal post I'll drop a comment into.. But maps or mods... Don't count on it..
This isnt a goodbye; more like a "see you around".
Thanks for listening, thanks for being such a large part of my life.
-Brett (Tetsu0)
20 Comments
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I haven't mapped in forever but I still come around. I don't know how or why. But I still do.
For me personally, I love telling stories and mapping kind of slips into that quite neatly. I've always been a gamer and doubt I'll ever stop, but who knows what the future holds.
Either way, I wish you all the best with everything you pursue in future, and hope to still see you around from time to time.
<3
As for TWHL World, do we consider the project dead or someone has the ownership ?
Do what you enjoy. Sometimes what you enjoy changes. Don't look back!
'What the fuck and how did I do that..?'
But I digress. Back to you, good to see you that you're at least hanging around and such. There's going to be a time where everyone will post something like this on every one of their most active forums, but hey, it happens, people change, etc, and most of all, it's life. ^^
I get the impression that not just you, but maybe rimrook and loads of other people at some point have gone thru this as well, which might be why almost nobody makes new maps except kids like dimbark or someone. I don't actually see this as that bad, because if your life got improved to be able to do something well and useful irl then that's probably really good for you. However I suggest to everyone to still keep their old maps and stuff because occasionally you might still have some collab or something like twhl tower and it's always fun times to still be able to contribute. All good.
The reason I don't map anymore is just because Source is so damn old nowadays, and the community around mapping for Half-Life specifically has been way past its prime. But also I, too, have generally lost my interest in it. Maybe I'll return to it someday, but as of now there are many more things to be doing in life.
- I am well acquainted with the engine and how to use it,
- I know enough about Architecture to know I know how to make it look natural, yet
- I have few ideas and even less time.
Such are the perils of being a grown up, I guess.Good things go well for you.
I hope your personal improvement goes well and bring a positive change to yourself, this world and the TWHL community.
We all come back from time to time. TWHL is still my number one tab, even though I don't get a lot of information from here, but it's the online social aspects of keeping an eye on the regulars.
Good luck with whatever you're up to now, but I'm glad you'll still pop in from time to time!
@Shepard & KB90: TWHL World isn't dead unless you want it to die. I still have the Google Docs folder open to all who want in. I believe has shown interest in revitalizing the project.
@Ghost: yeah dude you totally get it. I've been diving back into my music too. I forgot how incredibly therapeutic it was. Losing interest in hobbies is part of life and a sign of growth it seems.
@kamyon95: no projects are dead unless there is no interest in them. I'm just not participating in anymore projects because I'm sick of making commitments that i don't follow through on. It drives me crazy.
@PB: I have a bad habit of not being able to let go of the past - I'm really trying to work on that. I have many regrets in life but if you don't have regrets, it means you never made any really tough decisions or sacrifices. You can't always make the right choice and not everything in this world is sunshine and rainbows. Regrets exist. Things and people will hurt you. Accept it and move forward. That's my new way of life.
@2muchVGs: I'm not deleting anything. Don't you worry.
@Stu: few ideas and even less time. Bingo.
@Loulimi: I had to read that one a few times lol. All people are different and i can guarantee that you and I are quite different. I'm an engineer with OCD. I compartmentalize. It's who I am. I look back at my life and I certainly see stages of growth and transitions between them. I'm in another transition right now.
@Striker: Yeah I'm pretty fucking proud of that book. TWHL is def my number 1 tab still to this day.. I just don't click it as much.
@Strider: Yep you also get it haha. Appreciate the kind wishes.
@All. Thanks for your support and your well wishes. It means the world.
Of course I don't know you and we are different, this is somewhat I wanted to say but I either removed it when rewriting my comment or simply took it as something implied.