Journals
Life update.
May 5th 2017: I quit my job at a chemical plant because I was not happy. I decide to move to Florida because: 1) I don't like cold weather, 2) why not.
May 12th 2017: I fly to Florida to an interview with a company my friend works for. Not exactly a position I really wanted but it was a job and I was unemployed.
May 13th 2017: Friend gives me a business card for a tech recruiter down in Florida.
May 14th 2017: I email recruiter and get a phone call back for an impromptu phone interview.
May 17th 2017: Fly back to boring rainy Connecticut.
May 24th 2017: Skype interview with recruiter. Goes well. Presents opportunity for neat job, thinks it'll be a good fit.
May 25th 2017: Recruiter has lunch with managers from job opportunity. They seem excited. He's excited, I'm excited.
May 30th 2017: Phone interview with new company. Went well. I laughed, they laughed, we talked about TWHL and my misc game development and programming experience. (neat)
June 4rd 2017: Begin move from CT to FL
June 5th 2017: Complete (mostly) move from CT to FL
June 7th 2017: Face to face interview with same company I had phone. It went well. I laughed, they laughed, we went more into my VG experience for some reason. 5 hours later they offer me the job, I accept. I have a job.
So I was unhappy. Made a handful of significant changes and I'm on my way to being happy.
The job: Designing and programming amusement park rides.
Real. Life. Videogames.
Oh my God
May 5th 2017: I quit my job at a chemical plant because I was not happy. I decide to move to Florida because: 1) I don't like cold weather, 2) why not.
May 12th 2017: I fly to Florida to an interview with a company my friend works for. Not exactly a position I really wanted but it was a job and I was unemployed.
May 13th 2017: Friend gives me a business card for a tech recruiter down in Florida.
May 14th 2017: I email recruiter and get a phone call back for an impromptu phone interview.
May 17th 2017: Fly back to boring rainy Connecticut.
May 24th 2017: Skype interview with recruiter. Goes well. Presents opportunity for neat job, thinks it'll be a good fit.
May 25th 2017: Recruiter has lunch with managers from job opportunity. They seem excited. He's excited, I'm excited.
May 30th 2017: Phone interview with new company. Went well. I laughed, they laughed, we talked about TWHL and my misc game development and programming experience. (neat)
June 4rd 2017: Begin move from CT to FL
June 5th 2017: Complete (mostly) move from CT to FL
June 7th 2017: Face to face interview with same company I had phone. It went well. I laughed, they laughed, we went more into my VG experience for some reason. 5 hours later they offer me the job, I accept. I have a job.
So I was unhappy. Made a handful of significant changes and I'm on my way to being happy.
The job: Designing and programming amusement park rides.
Real. Life. Videogames.
Oh my God
I'm sure it's of niche interest, but I'mma take a moment or two to reflect upon something that has troubled me lately.
As I've mentioned in the past, I am transgender. Though I have been sure of this for some time now, for a variety of reasons, I have yet to make any moves towards making any physical or social changes. Regardless, there is a dichotomy between how I see myself and how others perceive me.
I am, at present, largely unable to affect those perceptions. In real life, it's much more convenient to simply suppress my discomfort and present myself as male, saving myself from any potential uncomfortable questions, harassment or abuse (I'm sure in this town, I would have no trouble finding it). Those closest to me know my feelings and respect them, despite the fact that there has been negligible difference from their perspective (which can be a different kind of difficult, in a way).
As far as TWHL goes, I'm perfectly comfortable presenting the way I feel, because y'all are (generally) great people, and I know that the people I care about here are the kind of folk who won't hold it against me. This place, to me, is not just a place where awesome people hang out and do awesome things, but is also a sanctuary where I can be myself; where I don't have to question myself. That's a very powerful feeling at this stage in my life, and I couldn't be more grateful to have it.
The crux of this journal is where dichotomy creeps back into it. Being the internet, my persona here is simply a distillation of my personality. Plain text conveying my thoughts, carrying no perceptions of who I am physically. So it can be very, very hard to introduce any of the rest of me. There's a reason why I'm not in the Teamspeak of these videos, as much as I very much wanted to be. To present my voice is to challenge who I am here (and, indeed, who I feel I am). As a result, I am cripplingly self-conscious about my voice, even more than I am about... well, the rest of me.
The past handful of days, I've been challenging myself by joining the SnC fellows for videogames. Part and parcel of that is joining the Teamspeak. As much as I love joining in with them, it takes some significant psychological effort every time I have to hit that push-to-talk button. I guess I just want to shout out Archie and Urby in particular, for being just so damn accepting and welcoming. Being able to join you guys means more to me than you might think.
As I've mentioned in the past, I am transgender. Though I have been sure of this for some time now, for a variety of reasons, I have yet to make any moves towards making any physical or social changes. Regardless, there is a dichotomy between how I see myself and how others perceive me.
I am, at present, largely unable to affect those perceptions. In real life, it's much more convenient to simply suppress my discomfort and present myself as male, saving myself from any potential uncomfortable questions, harassment or abuse (I'm sure in this town, I would have no trouble finding it). Those closest to me know my feelings and respect them, despite the fact that there has been negligible difference from their perspective (which can be a different kind of difficult, in a way).
As far as TWHL goes, I'm perfectly comfortable presenting the way I feel, because y'all are (generally) great people, and I know that the people I care about here are the kind of folk who won't hold it against me. This place, to me, is not just a place where awesome people hang out and do awesome things, but is also a sanctuary where I can be myself; where I don't have to question myself. That's a very powerful feeling at this stage in my life, and I couldn't be more grateful to have it.
The crux of this journal is where dichotomy creeps back into it. Being the internet, my persona here is simply a distillation of my personality. Plain text conveying my thoughts, carrying no perceptions of who I am physically. So it can be very, very hard to introduce any of the rest of me. There's a reason why I'm not in the Teamspeak of these videos, as much as I very much wanted to be. To present my voice is to challenge who I am here (and, indeed, who I feel I am). As a result, I am cripplingly self-conscious about my voice, even more than I am about... well, the rest of me.
The past handful of days, I've been challenging myself by joining the SnC fellows for videogames. Part and parcel of that is joining the Teamspeak. As much as I love joining in with them, it takes some significant psychological effort every time I have to hit that push-to-talk button. I guess I just want to shout out Archie and Urby in particular, for being just so damn accepting and welcoming. Being able to join you guys means more to me than you might think.
I'm about to start working on a new map.
I was wondering: do you follow a particular methodology when creating the map? Like: layout first, then texture, then lighting, or a bit of everything with iterative improvements?
I personally used to go with the room-by-room approach (completely finishing a room, then going to the next), which I now think is a terrible idea.
I was wondering: do you follow a particular methodology when creating the map? Like: layout first, then texture, then lighting, or a bit of everything with iterative improvements?
I personally used to go with the room-by-room approach (completely finishing a room, then going to the next), which I now think is a terrible idea.
I suspect my computer is starting to show its age, but I don't know exactly which part(s) is lagging behind. Anyone with experience in this sort of thing able to guide me towards what I should be looking to replace/improve next? (I'll give what information I have, may not be complete.)
ASUS P8Z68-M PRO (~5 years old)
Intel QuadCore (?) i5-2400 CPU @ 3.10GHz (~5 years old)
8 GB RAM (DDR3?) (~5 years old)
NVIDIA GeForce GTX 960 (<1 year old)
2TB HDD (<1 year old)
Windows 10 (<1 year old)
ASUS P8Z68-M PRO (~5 years old)
Intel QuadCore (?) i5-2400 CPU @ 3.10GHz (~5 years old)
8 GB RAM (DDR3?) (~5 years old)
NVIDIA GeForce GTX 960 (<1 year old)
2TB HDD (<1 year old)
Windows 10 (<1 year old)
An explanation to the recent misunderstandings of my sentence(s):
For Bosnians (and maybe Serbs, Croats etc.), Germany is a sort of a 'promised land' and everyone wants to work there.
That includes me. I'd love to live and work in Germany someday.
We have these stereotypes in my country which say that the most-paid job in BiH is (in pay-checks) equal to a very low-paid job in Germany.
Though, there are reasons for me to avoid going there:
And now:
I think I also read somewhere that they uncensored Quake, which is nice, ahahaha. Less reasons for me to not go to Germany! 
For Bosnians (and maybe Serbs, Croats etc.), Germany is a sort of a 'promised land' and everyone wants to work there.
That includes me. I'd love to live and work in Germany someday.
We have these stereotypes in my country which say that the most-paid job in BiH is (in pay-checks) equal to a very low-paid job in Germany.
Though, there are reasons for me to avoid going there:
I am the excited owner of a Mazda 3 hatchback, 2006 model.
No seriously, my mouth is stuck in smiling mode.
No seriously, my mouth is stuck in smiling mode.
Bulding a pc rig - 600~ euros...
Hello summoners (no wait hello twhl)
i am planning to build a new pc (finally, actually mine is 7 years old)
can u help me? i want propositions with/without GPU. I might think about building a rig for 600 euros without GPU which i will buy 2-3 months later.
Hello summoners (no wait hello twhl)
i am planning to build a new pc (finally, actually mine is 7 years old)
can u help me? i want propositions with/without GPU. I might think about building a rig for 600 euros without GPU which i will buy 2-3 months later.
For me, the semester ends by the end of May. Finally...
So, let's see how I'm doing, regarding the subjects:
Bosnian - One test left (will be an A)
English - One test left (will be an A, too)
Turkish - A
Maths - A
Physics - A
Biology - One report left (will be an A)
Chemistry - One presentation left (will be an A)
History - A
Geography - A (at least I think so, I might have an oral exam left)
P.E. - A (lol, everyone's got an A in P.E. this year)
Art Class - A
Tech Class - A
Music Class - Composition recognition test left (will be an A, hopefully)
Islam Class - A
So, it's been 9 years, and I'm finally going to finish elementary school.
Then I'll go to high school, uh-oh.
(in my country:
Elementary - Grades 1 to 9
High - Grades 10 to 14
College/Uni/Etc. - depends on degree)
Man, time flies fast, doesn't it? I mean, I remember thinking about this moment when I was in 6th, 7th and 8th grade. I knew it was going to happen and it's apparently going to happen.
Also, there isn't much left, seriously. We'll have an excursion to Montenegro from the 17th to the 19th of May and then a prom at the 26th of May, so that is 3 days less to count. In short, it's just 6 days left minus the weekends and those events.
And I'm so happy because of it. This summer, lots of stuff will happen (I hope), including:
But after that becomes history, I'll be worried. Because I'll have to decide which high school to sign up.
I have 2 options: the general high school in Stolac (my town) and the electro-technical high school in Mostar.
Since at least 2 of my classmates will also sign up for the ETS in Mostar, I'm encouraged to sign up there, too. We won't have stupid classes like biology, geography, chemistry, music class etc. NO! We will have stuff related to I.T, tech and robots.
The only 2 downsides, perhaps, will be the fact that I'll have to take the bus early in the morning every day and I'll have to buy my own food (whereas here I carry some snacks into school from home). Bummer. But I'll not let those 2 silly reasons stop me from studying what I love.
This year is so good, I love it!
Edit:
Alright, adding some context for that "This year is so good" sentence...
So, this year I was gifted some more games on Steam. Some people who buy games on a regular basis have no idea how meaningful this is to me.
Then, a moderator from a Far Cry modding site sent me a PM, offering me some spare parts. I told him that we'd talk about that in summer.
And, the most recent addition to the kindness of others towards me was an admin from another modding site saying he'd give me a copy of Windows when I build my dream PC. Wow, I'm so lucky, aren't I?
Well, I'll certainly have to take those offers with a grain of salt, because you never know whether they really mean it or not.
I'm not sure if this is so, but I've always been nice to other people on the Internet (I can only recall swearing and behaving badly 5 or so times). I think that me being nice fired back on me, lol. I'm glad if it is. Karma, I think that's the word for it.
Next, I've started socialising a bit with my classmates. I talk more with them, and we laugh at stuff and sing Serbian war songs during the breaks.
My social situation is much better compared to what it was 1.5 years ago.
So yeah, this year is so good, it's even the best one in my life for now. I love it!
So, let's see how I'm doing, regarding the subjects:
Bosnian - One test left (will be an A)
English - One test left (will be an A, too)
Turkish - A
Maths - A
Physics - A
Biology - One report left (will be an A)
Chemistry - One presentation left (will be an A)
History - A
Geography - A (at least I think so, I might have an oral exam left)
P.E. - A (lol, everyone's got an A in P.E. this year)
Art Class - A
Tech Class - A
Music Class - Composition recognition test left (will be an A, hopefully)
Islam Class - A
So, it's been 9 years, and I'm finally going to finish elementary school.
Then I'll go to high school, uh-oh.
(in my country:
Elementary - Grades 1 to 9
High - Grades 10 to 14
College/Uni/Etc. - depends on degree)
Man, time flies fast, doesn't it? I mean, I remember thinking about this moment when I was in 6th, 7th and 8th grade. I knew it was going to happen and it's apparently going to happen.
Also, there isn't much left, seriously. We'll have an excursion to Montenegro from the 17th to the 19th of May and then a prom at the 26th of May, so that is 3 days less to count. In short, it's just 6 days left minus the weekends and those events.
And I'm so happy because of it. This summer, lots of stuff will happen (I hope), including:
- Buying and building that dream PC
- Opening a bank account
- My cousins from the USA will come and stay here for a month or two (and they haven't been here since 2011)
But after that becomes history, I'll be worried. Because I'll have to decide which high school to sign up.
I have 2 options: the general high school in Stolac (my town) and the electro-technical high school in Mostar.
Since at least 2 of my classmates will also sign up for the ETS in Mostar, I'm encouraged to sign up there, too. We won't have stupid classes like biology, geography, chemistry, music class etc. NO! We will have stuff related to I.T, tech and robots.
The only 2 downsides, perhaps, will be the fact that I'll have to take the bus early in the morning every day and I'll have to buy my own food (whereas here I carry some snacks into school from home). Bummer. But I'll not let those 2 silly reasons stop me from studying what I love.
This year is so good, I love it!
Edit:
Alright, adding some context for that "This year is so good" sentence...
So, this year I was gifted some more games on Steam. Some people who buy games on a regular basis have no idea how meaningful this is to me.
Then, a moderator from a Far Cry modding site sent me a PM, offering me some spare parts. I told him that we'd talk about that in summer.
And, the most recent addition to the kindness of others towards me was an admin from another modding site saying he'd give me a copy of Windows when I build my dream PC. Wow, I'm so lucky, aren't I?
Well, I'll certainly have to take those offers with a grain of salt, because you never know whether they really mean it or not.
I'm not sure if this is so, but I've always been nice to other people on the Internet (I can only recall swearing and behaving badly 5 or so times). I think that me being nice fired back on me, lol. I'm glad if it is. Karma, I think that's the word for it.
Next, I've started socialising a bit with my classmates. I talk more with them, and we laugh at stuff and sing Serbian war songs during the breaks.
My social situation is much better compared to what it was 1.5 years ago.
So yeah, this year is so good, it's even the best one in my life for now. I love it!
hello, i deleted a .txt file from desktop yesterday (shift+del). There was a telephone number written in the file. Is it possible to recover it??
the file has a telephone number to a milf ;@ so its important to me
the file has a telephone number to a milf ;@ so its important to me
I had to put my cat down tonight. It's latest in a long line of shitty things happening in my life.
I wouldn't wish this misery on anyone, and I feel like a monster for signing the paperwork.
I might not be around for a while, not that I've been very active lately. Stay safe, TWHL.
I wouldn't wish this misery on anyone, and I feel like a monster for signing the paperwork.
I might not be around for a while, not that I've been very active lately. Stay safe, TWHL.
So I end technical tomorrow. Not a big deal, but looking back, a lot has changed over the course of last four years... for both good and bad. What next? College I guess, if I'll pass matura exam (many people fail on maths, it's quite difficult exam). If not, then I already have a technician title, as well as several courses I took in the school for free - timber quality and dimensions sorting, forklift operator, tractor drivers license (yet to take exam); now I'm doing a drone pilot and farming chemistry is about to come. I can always work abroad, like 3 of my 5 siblings...
Sup.
Been lurking around here because I like to see the screenshots thread. Anyway, Super Matt Jordan is beginning to shape up. It's been the toughest thing to develop a game as the software itself is developing. It made for some troubling and practically crippling experiences. Lately, Stencyl released a particularity stable version and I will likely use it to finish things up. My progress still seems minimal, as in I have no scenes or new artwork to show. What I have been working on is all of the underlying systems that essentially run the game's primary features. It's not fun work but it's provided a lot of experience. When all of the systems are set, it'll be fun and easy to work on with everything in its place, kinda like mapping.
For those that have opted into the project, you're still in it. The cast of people hasn't changed in the five years that I've been working on it, so still expect to see yourself when the day comes. Other than that, I'm just working and doing my thing.
So what's everyone else up to lately?
Been lurking around here because I like to see the screenshots thread. Anyway, Super Matt Jordan is beginning to shape up. It's been the toughest thing to develop a game as the software itself is developing. It made for some troubling and practically crippling experiences. Lately, Stencyl released a particularity stable version and I will likely use it to finish things up. My progress still seems minimal, as in I have no scenes or new artwork to show. What I have been working on is all of the underlying systems that essentially run the game's primary features. It's not fun work but it's provided a lot of experience. When all of the systems are set, it'll be fun and easy to work on with everything in its place, kinda like mapping.
For those that have opted into the project, you're still in it. The cast of people hasn't changed in the five years that I've been working on it, so still expect to see yourself when the day comes. Other than that, I'm just working and doing my thing.
So what's everyone else up to lately?
Oh no, I've done it. 
So, I watched a very specific video and this sentence can pretty much describe it:
I'm totally HORRIFIED.
I thought it was like the rest, but it's scarier than a lot of things. Or maybe because it's my first time actually watching something like that, I don't know!
But yeah, at first glance, it's really what everyone said about it! At least on a smaller scale.
I might watch it again, lol, but I hope not to.
Now you must be wondering what is this about. Well, guess what I watched, or explore a bit more. =)
So, I watched a very specific video and this sentence can pretty much describe it:
I'm totally HORRIFIED.
I thought it was like the rest, but it's scarier than a lot of things. Or maybe because it's my first time actually watching something like that, I don't know!
But yeah, at first glance, it's really what everyone said about it! At least on a smaller scale.
I might watch it again, lol, but I hope not to.
Now you must be wondering what is this about. Well, guess what I watched, or explore a bit more. =)
Turns out a pretty face and a lot of advertising is enough to win an election, no need to have an electoral program!
Today I made a ModDB page for my project, officially starting it's development.