Jeez... I leave for 24 hours and so many things to answer...
when I convert them to 8 bit mono they sound like absolute --
Yeah... The quality really goes downhill when you do that, unless they're recorded in 8-bit.
I notice everyone else is putting in a bunch of radio-like voice effects and stuff
Yeah, but so far I don't need it. Besides, I have software that can add those.
What with Jeff's bottomless pit of a bank account, I'm sure he can just toss a cool ten thousand into hiring out a studio for his personal hobbies and all.
I'm all but certain you're being sarcastic, but still...
I've had pretty good luck making the sounds fairly acceptable when I put them down to 8-bit, perhaps my software (which my parents got for my brithday a year back), being comercial, can do it. Send me a link if you want me to try.
EDIT: The last Charlie lines have been implemented, and I'm glad to say they include an in-joke.