One of my friends lend me the book "Narcissus and Goldmund". It was a crucial book that led him to his spiritual path and ultimately converted him into an Orthodox Jew.
For those who are unfamiliar with this work by Hermann Hesse, it's a story about two monks who befriended each other, and the author took us into an introspective journey into their lives.
Each of them represent a philosophy in life. Narcissus represents the cerebral, control, and introspection. Goldmund represents the freedom, sensual, and emotional elements in life.
After reading the book, I realized that I went through several stages in my life already. For the first part, as an adolescent, I related most closely to Narcissus. I was a studious student and devoted all of my effort in discipline and study. The second part of my life, which started around my college years, I gave myself to indulgence. This phase did not fully realize itself until I was training to become a doctor in residency. I played games with things and people, and I didn't feel fully alive until then.
Finally, I became an artist. This is when I can most closely relate to Goldmund. I feel the fervor of creation, and it often boiled my blood during one of the creative frenzies that I engage in when I design a level for games.
Now I feel that I embody both elements--Narcissus and Goldmund. It's the only way to fully live life. I am finally at ease about my identity when I am able to embrace both aspects of life.
Hey satchmo, since you brought up Orthodox Jews and assuming you know something about them, what is it really that separate them in religious terms from the rest of the more mainstream, moderate Jews?
I am sure there are more to being an Orthodox Jew than I know, since I am an atheist myself.
I am very introspective, but very emotional at the same time. My patients affect me deeply, and I am highly aware of my professional responsibility as a healer.
Nice to know that even though you're an atheiest you don't throw other people's religions in the trash.
Or that god invented monkeys.