Journals

Ever since something happened with my friends that i rather not discuss, ive been alone, and living a good but boring life. I got a stable job, got a house, food on the table but there isnt really anything interesting in my life. It has become an endless routine. Suddenly, i didnt feeled like mapping, reading, watching tv or whatever. I didnt feeled like doing anything.
Is there anything wrong with me?
Meerjel011 week ago2022-11-23 16:55:41 UTC 3 comments
I've made a cute animation
Oskar Potatis3 weeks ago2022-11-10 21:21:22 UTC 8 comments
Växjö, late afternoonVäxjö, late afternoon
Winter hasn't even started and I am already sick and tired of it. There are so many things I want to do and people I want to talk to, and smile to, but I can't find the energy. The day ends before you even realize it has started! IS SOME SUNSHINE EVERY NOW AND THEN TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR??!! At least it's not as bad as a couple of years ago when my city had a total of two hours of sunshine in all of November because of clouds. I envy the bears - they are geniuses to sleep through it all.

I have always wanted to escape our Winter but haven't had the opportunity. I'll have to suffer Winter this year, too, but at least a milder version down in Croatia in December and Malta in January and February. They see more sun in the darkest month than I do in March or September, and I really look forward to seeing new places, though I think Christmas will feel lonely. Perhaps I should set my sight on NZ and Australia next year? What a dream to have summer twice a year!
Meerjel011 month ago2022-10-23 09:42:51 UTC 5 comments
https://meerjel01.github.io/Videos/Cheaples.html
Do tell me if the video plays at all.
jamie1 month ago2022-10-18 02:30:25 UTC 4 comments
Problem is, what theme?
Also im planning to give rewards or something like that. I only have like 2.5 dollars left in my account, and my next paycheck is next week so uuuh...
UrbaNebula1 month ago2022-10-17 23:41:23 UTC 6 comments
If you're travelling from Southampton to Bath, best go by road.
Windawz1 month ago2022-10-16 03:04:00 UTC 4 comments
A lot of things have happened in a short timespan.

It's crazy how stressed your mind can end up at a certain age, or a certain point in time. Thoughts getting adopted, rejected. Even revealed after a wait worth several years, striking you greatly when it finally happens. I'm likely too emotional about this, as most people here must've gone through the same stage, except they had the will not to let themselves spill it all out as a big stinky piece of text. But I'm tired of holding it all inside until it starts to bring discomfort, and I do apologize for that.

It's weird when you're finally twenty, but aren't bringing anything useful. I'd think I'd be more than of age by now: able to be a productive member of the communities that I am in, pay my monetary debts that I owe to my parents, show that all the effort that went into developing and supporting me hasn't gone to waste. But even now, I'm still unable to do anything. Just sit and wait, and maybe try to influence the situation. Learn and work on personal things from time to time, when I have the energy. And, well, time to do it. I'm just a tiny little bug, crawling around, while the titans are moving mountains, and all I can do is watch.

I'm honestly unsure what to do with all this: with my current life state, all those thoughts that have surfaced, or come, or were ditched. No idea if I should keep doing whatever I've been doing so far, or finally give in to the dreams and wishes that I've had for so long. They seem ridiculous, and likely are never going to work out, but they also won't let me sleep at night.

Funny what a whiskey-filled brain can generate at 06:01 AM. Sorry for polluting the journal list. I'll try not to do that again. Just sharing thoughts.
jamie1 month ago2022-10-07 22:24:49 UTC 1 comment
The last week (Not this one lol) i ended my shift, and went to pick up my father from Guayapam ecopark (Cant remember how you spell it on english). I was driving the car and he was on the sit next to me. So its a very long and dark trip, and its very quiet. Suddenly my father accidentally turns on the thing that plays CDs in my car (Cant remember how its called in english), and a song started playing. At that moment that song sounded very familiar to me, and my father drew a smile on his face. Then, he told me about those times when we headed back home in the car and we listened to the radio. And of course, he told me the name of the song. We both started suddenly to chat about how old times were somehow slightly better.
After i dropped him at his house, i started to drive to my apartment. I remembered that christmas (2010, i was 12) when he gifted me an HL1 copy. I was surprised by the fact that he was able to get one.
Of course, that game would become one of my most favorites of all time.
Suparsonik2 months ago2022-10-04 19:24:50 UTC 3 comments
I've heard there's a club I could join if I made some very poor life choices... What was it called again?
Nspy452 months ago2022-10-02 10:35:00 UTC 3 comments
Hi. This is the First Time Wrote Or Type Journal On TWHL. So I'm doing this because there are things that make my feelings emotional when I Experience Of My Life as Modder by people who are full of hate. I even have a slightly unstable mentality that makes me hate myself and have a lot of emotions when my parents see me as a stable person but I'm afraid to tell my parents That I'm Having Mental Issue While I Having Difficult Communicate With My Family. I Also Almost No Life... I'm just Staring at My laptop And My Smartphone Everyday And I'm still Do Online School Until These Days Which Is Inactive Sadly. If I moved another schools, I will definitely get bullied until I become Anti-Social. Because Getting Bullied Just Fucking Change My Life Until Someone Viewed Me As Autistic Person, My parents were often called to school almost every year when I was in elementary school.I have a lot of problems with my knowledge, my attitude, and my socialize. My Teacher Just Trying to Manipulate Me They Even Not Give me The Education Book After Finished On Toilet, They even embarrassed my parents when I needed Soap On the Toilet Then My Friends Are Trying to Harassing me By Pushing Me Into The Hole Full of Black Mud Well Luckily I Already Jumped. So My Family Change Elementary Schools But Again Sadly I'm Getting Bullied But I Have 2 Best Friends Now That Sometimes Always Hangout Together. Unfortunately 1 Friend Change schools. So I only Have 1 Friend That Actually Counter-Strike 1.6 Player And Another Friend Which Is Change Schools Was Roblox Player That's Why I Hangout With Them. after advancing to 7th Class I mean Middle School Now My Family Went Onto Some Not Ordinary School Where Students Mostly Focus on Talents Rather Than Focus on Education Knowledge Like Any Other Shitty Schools Do. But The School Still Has Education Knowledge Well That's Fine I Guess That's Important For Students Then The Worst of The Year Comes in Where The Goddamn Virus Called COVID-19 Spread Across the Worldwide And Schools Are Lockdown. We Need to do Online School on Any Device And This Is The First Ever I got Fucking Isolated By Fricking Lockdown Because of COVID-19 Even now I'm still isolated Although The Virus Already Weakening in worldwide. Then Why I'm still Isolated? that's because my family moved around the island Cuz my father has a job as a boss there. Then The Island Was Kinda Have Terrible Society But I Think Mostly on Traffic I Guess...Then The Schools Welp many Teenage Kids are fighting there in various schools. They Even Stealing Other Neighbors Property And Throwing Rock On Our House They Even Do Street racing In Front of Our House Which Is Really Horrible Things In My Life (But I think Not Really) So My Parents Afraid Moved to That's School Since It Already has a Issues. Then I cannot Anything Besides Playing Video Games With Toxic Communities such as Roblox Or Sven Co-op Or Even Any Type Shitty Multiplayer Games It's Just Boring, Concerning,And Depressing at Same Time I don't have a money to buy games (I Have But I just don't know How to Make Them Digital Currency btw I Hate Money) It's Not Fun Until My Friend Sending The Message About game Called Hotline Maimi He said "It's discount" and tried to Gift me Hotline maimi but I refuses so I Asked Him Just Gifted Me Half-life. Because It's Cheaper I don't want my Friend Wasting Too Much on His Money So He Gifted me for the sake of Nostalgia (When I was a 5 y.o) So This Journey Would Begun If I Having Relation Issue With Some People Here...
Hi
raver2 months ago2022-10-01 13:08:08 UTC 3 comments
Today I had a hunch: "would TWHL still exist?". Did a quick search and yes! Even Rimrook and Satchmo stills hangs around here, sick.

I've been gone for 13 years (im 32 now, 19 at the time i was last active, was there since I was 15) and will be gone too. My life is so different from the time I was here at TWHL.

From gaming full-time, making maps, earning money with counterstrike tournaments to a restaurant owner with one Michelin star where I cook myself ;)

ps; I still game as a hobby, now together with my 4 year old son and my wife

Time flies
jamie2 months ago2022-09-23 01:32:38 UTC 4 comments
Might be just me overreacting but these past few days have been boring. These days consist of me waking up, going to work, eat, and waste my time on useless stuff. My life has become excidingly boring. I started running out of mapping ideas for my mod, then i had no mapping ideas. Playing videogames is boring now, watchin tv is also boring, reading is boring. Am i wasting my life?
Rimrook2 months ago2022-09-12 21:38:49 UTC 2 comments
Super Matt Jordan is and has been cancelled for many years now but I always liked and kept the music.

So I put a little Dropbox together of all the (mostly) finished pieces I have.

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/2o60y07saqxu7am/AAD_0vV919iZQITqwV0J0A5Da?dl=0

I do t know if or when I can return to TWHL or mapping, maybe far down the line? Who knows. Enjoy the tunes! ^_^
Meerjel012 months ago2022-09-11 18:37:19 UTC 1 comment
I've gotten the feeling of hatred so I drew a motivative Gift.
User posted image
Sadness might show trust and humanity but happiness feels good to have.
Meerjel012 months ago2022-09-08 17:39:00 UTC 1 comment
I'm a music artist :>