Alas, my slightly strange, mostly depressing, journey comes to a close. I have found a 3800SC motor with 70k on it for $400. Very surprising, but I'm so very happy. Monday we're going to call the shop and get that beast over there. I'd like to expect I'll have my vehicle by the end of the week.
Sorry to hear about your troubles, though.
I WAS going to fuck with a 91 Camaro that need serious body work, but turns out that the body wasn't the only thing rusted out... that thing would've been a nightmare, especially this close to winter.