How Sean Saved The World
-by Sean Goolsby-
Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess, she was very hot. But she was trapped in a giant fan of whirling death, which would have shredded her to pieces had she not been wearing massive body armor. Hooray! But after escaping her fate of fanny doomness, and even worse situation arose, she was captured by the evil Galdore! Oh no! Thats bad! Galdore's plans were to create a giant tank capable of running the Earth over! Utilizing the magic bridge between Mars and Earth, he could build a track for the death tank, but he needed Princess Rio Grande to power the beastly machine by using her long dreadlocks of power for energy.
Just then Sean got word of Galdores devious plan for world destruction and decided, it was time to SPLIT! He jumped in his mighty Beastmobile and galloped underwater out of the Beastmocave to find out where Galdore was hiding. It wasn't very hard, considering Sean had saved Rio Grande before and when he did, he placed a convenient and completely unnoticable tracking on her face, it lookedlike a pimple, and she spent weeks trying to get rid of it, thinking it was mad acne, but it was made out of hardenned titanuim alloy, and therefore pwned her feeble efforts like a n00b. The moment drew near, Galdore was readying his tank for the crushing of Earth with his newly built tank track on the magical road on mars, when who should appear, but Sean to save the world!!!
"Stop Galdore, you cannot win now! I've got soul patch power!", yelled Sean! Just then the sky turned red with the fury of the heat of the battle that was about to take place. A fierce storm arose from the black void that was the neutron star a few miles away. The rain poured down like pottery on a massive shard of melted caramel, mmmmmmmmm. Death was the only way to destroy the evil that was Galdore, but Galdore had some doom up his own sleeve! "Ha! Sean, you cannot win! I will defeat you like an Eclipse mint explodes in a firey rage of death! And that death will be on you!", exclaimed Galdore, but while he was making god awful metaphores Sean had been charging his tuft beam of incredible beardy beamage! He launched the ferocious attack that was his goatee and vanquished Galdore's metaphoric attack, but Galdore remained unharmed, due to his armored tunic. Now the battle was on.
All of a sudden time slowed down and the war raged in super slow motion. Bullets were flying everywhere like mad, but hit nothing because the bullets were made of Doritos. Sean threw a punch at Galdore, but his foot missed, and Galdore countered with a dearsome blast to the head with his mighty bald head! Sean was a little shaken by the blow, but regained his stamina quickly and jumped in the air. "Heeeeeeeerooooooooooooshaaaaaaaaaamaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Koooooooooommmmiiiiiiiinaaaaaatooooooo!!!!", shouted Sean as he unleased the power that was the ultimate attack, the Heroshama Kominato. The apple flew as fast as the eye could see and nailed Galdore in the eye, rendering him unable to breathe! As a final effort to survive Galdore exploderated, "*Gasp* I can't breathe! Sean save me!". "Ha ha ha, little fartulated man, you cannot survive on Mars when you cannot breathe, come to think of it, you cannot survive anywhere when you cannot eye openness". Galdore fellded down with a last breath of martian potatoes out of his mouth. He was deaded, he got deadinated good.
"Sean! the tank!", yelled Princess Rio Grande. "Oh yeah! I almost forgot!" Sean ran as fast as he could to the local hardware to pick up a bttle of Vodka in which he could use to put under the tank, making it unable to move! As quick as lightning he was back with his beverage and smashed it in between the gears that controlled the tank and the frozen-chocolate floor. And just as quickly as you could say "Shiver me timbers, thar she blows!" the tank exploded, but not to worry, for Rio Grande escaped with the help of Sean months ago, and was waiting at the super lawn-grass emporeum.
"Phew, its finally over", "Yeah, now we can relax and eat gardening tools". The two began their feast on the metallic goodness that is gardening utilities. Thus ends the adventure of Sean, and how he saved the world!
