Hello. My name is Vladimir.
I am a bareback double IPA. Gasp as I ride semi-naked on horseback through the Siberian tundra and straight down your throat.
I am 100% hetero and will pass laws to prove it. Drinking me gives you the energy, ignorance and dogmatism required to shoot a deer (with your top off), go river fishing (with your top off) and pass internationally denounced, discriminatory legislation (top optional) before you've even had your caviare breakfast.
I contain sexual performance enhancing limonnik berries - power only to be harnessed by those engaging with the opposite sex, of course.
From Russia, without love,
Vlad.
Warning: May contain traces of sarcasm and protest.