For those of you who have websites - I started a new topsite directory on mine. http://navycs.com/topsites/ Still working the layout but it seems to be coming along.
Oh and more humor;
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
____________________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
___________________________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
___________________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
___________________________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
____________________________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
____________________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
___________________________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
___________________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
New web directory
Created 18 years ago2006-02-25 13:53:24 UTC by
NavyCS
Created 18 years ago2006-02-25 13:53:24 UTC by
NavyCS
Posted 18 years ago2006-02-25 13:53:24 UTC
Post #164992
Posted 18 years ago2006-02-25 14:03:09 UTC
Post #164993
Hehehe, made me laugh. 
Posted 18 years ago2006-02-25 14:13:48 UTC
Post #164995
That last bit is a really old bash quote.
Posted 18 years ago2006-02-25 14:24:32 UTC
Post #164997
Smart man + dumb woman = affairYou have it backwards. Its dumb man + smart women = affair.
Posted 18 years ago2006-02-25 14:26:57 UTC
Post #164998
NavyCS scares me.
Posted 18 years ago2006-02-25 14:35:16 UTC
Post #165001
I am not smart enough to make all this stuff up I post for your pleasure 
I post for your pleasure 
Posted 18 years ago2006-02-25 16:16:16 UTC
Post #165012
That stuff is brilliant. I loled in RL!1!
Posted 18 years ago2006-02-25 19:09:56 UTC
Post #165037
Pretty funny, I chuckled then went and ate an excess of ham.
Posted 18 years ago2006-02-26 06:31:38 UTC
Post #165095
Ok, one more - I know its old but I laugh everytime I read it. I have a bunch of these type jokes posted in my forum.
How to Give a Cat a Pill...
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's
mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and
swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8 ) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer
to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head
showing. Force mouth open with desert spoon. Flick pill down throat with
elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold
compress to cheek and check records for tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Call fire department to retrieve the f------ cat from tree across
the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13) Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves
from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be
rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat
to wash pill down.
14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local
pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How to Give A Dog A Pill...
1) Wrap it in bacon.
How to Give a Cat a Pill...
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's
mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and
swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8 ) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer
to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head
showing. Force mouth open with desert spoon. Flick pill down throat with
elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold
compress to cheek and check records for tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Call fire department to retrieve the f------ cat from tree across
the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13) Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves
from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be
rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat
to wash pill down.
14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local
pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How to Give A Dog A Pill...
1) Wrap it in bacon.
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