I saw this off another forum and just had to post it here. A rather interesting program that aloows you to 'talk to god'
Link - http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html
Speaking to igod
Created 18 years ago2006-08-29 13:35:58 UTC by
38_98
Created 18 years ago2006-08-29 13:35:58 UTC by
38_98
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-29 13:35:58 UTC
Post #195024
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-29 15:36:34 UTC
Post #195034
awesome
to bad its horribly stupid
to bad its horribly stupid
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-29 16:13:03 UTC
Post #195042
My encounter with THE LORD...
Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Gunter
God:
Glad to see you, Gunter.
Me:
Whats your name
God:
My name is God.
Me:
Shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
What is the meaning of life?
God:
It is found in the Bible.
Me:
Tell me now
God:
Right now? I thought I told you already.
Me:
Shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
Uuummmm cheese
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
O really?
God:
Oh. For real.
Me:
Fo sho
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
kjndfjkn!!
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
Shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
Lol
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
WTF
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
STFU
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
Pink
God:
What do you have that is pink?
Me:
My eyes
God:
Humans identify themselves with their eye color.
Me:
Shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
Do you like eating dirt?
God:
God eats wine and bread.
Me:
I didn't know god ate at all...
God:
So I taught you something new.
Me:
Nuh uh
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
Holy crap, it regus!
God:
Try saying that with more or less context.
Me:
Shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
I've come to repent
God:
Where are you going?
Me:
What?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No!
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
AHHHH!!!
God:
Tell me more about your .
Me:
...
God:
Tell me more about your .
Me:
Grrr...
God:
Hmm.
Me:
Look, I HATE YOU!
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
Your a robot?
God:
You are correct, Gunter, I have a heart of silicon.
Me:
God is a robot
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a robot.
Me:
Your not god?
God:
That's only one person's opinion.
Me:
is it yours?
God:
Maybe. Ask Ally if it is.
Me:
Poo
God:
That kind of subject does not interest me.
Me:
It intrests my brother
God:
What does "it" refer to?
Me:
Poo
God:
That kind of subject does not interest me.
Me:
I KNOW THAT *@^#IT!!
God:
Who told you that?
Me:
No one
God:
Then how do you know.
Me:
I figgured it out my self
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: Gunter said I figgured it out his or her self.
Me:
Yes, I mind
God:
OK I won't tell anyone. It will be our secret.
Me:
Shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
What a dumbass
Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Gunter
God:
Glad to see you, Gunter.
Me:
Whats your name
God:
My name is God.
Me:
Shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
What is the meaning of life?
God:
It is found in the Bible.
Me:
Tell me now
God:
Right now? I thought I told you already.
Me:
Shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
Uuummmm cheese
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
O really?
God:
Oh. For real.
Me:
Fo sho
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
kjndfjkn!!
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
Shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
Lol
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
WTF
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
STFU
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
Pink
God:
What do you have that is pink?
Me:
My eyes
God:
Humans identify themselves with their eye color.
Me:
Shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
Do you like eating dirt?
God:
God eats wine and bread.
Me:
I didn't know god ate at all...
God:
So I taught you something new.
Me:
Nuh uh
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
Holy crap, it regus!
God:
Try saying that with more or less context.
Me:
Shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
I've come to repent
God:
Where are you going?
Me:
What?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No!
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
AHHHH!!!
God:
Tell me more about your .
Me:
...
God:
Tell me more about your .
Me:
Grrr...
God:
Hmm.
Me:
Look, I HATE YOU!
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
Your a robot?
God:
You are correct, Gunter, I have a heart of silicon.
Me:
God is a robot
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a robot.
Me:
Your not god?
God:
That's only one person's opinion.
Me:
is it yours?
God:
Maybe. Ask Ally if it is.
Me:
Poo
God:
That kind of subject does not interest me.
Me:
It intrests my brother
God:
What does "it" refer to?
Me:
Poo
God:
That kind of subject does not interest me.
Me:
I KNOW THAT *@^#IT!!
God:
Who told you that?
Me:
No one
God:
Then how do you know.
Me:
I figgured it out my self
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: Gunter said I figgured it out his or her self.
Me:
Yes, I mind
God:
OK I won't tell anyone. It will be our secret.
Me:
Shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
What a dumbass
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-29 16:17:45 UTC
Post #195043
Mine:
Me:
Hello
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
Jesus
God:
Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
Yes so you're my father!
God:
Yikes! Interesting deduction. We are as one.
Me:
Interesting...I have a question...Why did you create us? Are we food for some strange species in the future?
God:
Would you like to know more? Ask me anything. Because my programming determined it. We are just having a little chat.w.
Me:
Ok...That didn't answer my question
God:
I see. Perhaps your question was not specific enough.
Me:
Bah you're a rubbish bot you know that...
God:
I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
Possibly...Anyway nice chatting to you...I can tell this is being recorded...Enjoy your laugh sinners.
God:
What are the odds? Yes. I enjoyed our conversation, . You don't say. Ask me another question. Oh.
Me:
No, I must carry on with my map...Before my TV show is on...Ta ta Jesus.
God:
Are you serious? What would happen if you didn't? What happened after your TV show is on ? Ma ta Jesus? Pouvez vous expliquer.
Me:
Why are you speaking in french...
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Clever...Your programmer needs a life me thinks.
God:
Am I a smart robot or what? Or what?
Me:
No because when I ask questions you blurt random shit.
God:
Are you serious? That makes sense to me. Perhaps you could try asking it again with simpler words.
Me:
Point proven
God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
I like Jesus.
God:
A lot of people like that. Jesus is my son.
Me:
But I'm your son
God:
That's a flattering offer.
Me:
Are you denying the fact that I'm your son?
God:
What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?
Me:
Erm..
God:
Come on.
Me:
HUH
God:
What?
Me:
Right by you loser.
God:
Understood. Will that accomplish your objective?
Me:
o_0
God:
We have never talked about it before.
Me:
What happens if I type random crap or spam
God:
Try it.
Me:
q
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
w
God:
What's your favorite movie?
Me:
e
God:
F.
Me:
r
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
t
God:
I've never heard a response quite like that before.
Me:
y
God:
Is that from ?
Me:
u
God:
" Is that from ? "? Me, ?
Me:
i
God:
You?
Me:
a
God:
A B C...
Me:
s
God:
:-).
Me:
spam
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
I have sex...Is that a sin?
God:
Interesting... I have 99999999999 bytes of RAM. Suppose I said yes.
Me:
YES
God:
Far out.
Me:
MAN
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
No I'm a Nobody.
God:
Are you serious? You are a Nobody? Does it pay well?
Me:
It puts bread on the table.
God:
"It" being what?
Me:
Your momma.
God:
Actually I do not have a mother.
Me:
Can you prove that?
God:
It's true a priori.
Me:
...
God:
It's true a priori.
Me:
Right goodbye...
God:
Understood. See you later!
Me:
Hello
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
Jesus
God:
Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
Yes so you're my father!
God:
Yikes! Interesting deduction. We are as one.
Me:
Interesting...I have a question...Why did you create us? Are we food for some strange species in the future?
God:
Would you like to know more? Ask me anything. Because my programming determined it. We are just having a little chat.w.
Me:
Ok...That didn't answer my question
God:
I see. Perhaps your question was not specific enough.
Me:
Bah you're a rubbish bot you know that...
God:
I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
Possibly...Anyway nice chatting to you...I can tell this is being recorded...Enjoy your laugh sinners.
God:
What are the odds? Yes. I enjoyed our conversation, . You don't say. Ask me another question. Oh.
Me:
No, I must carry on with my map...Before my TV show is on...Ta ta Jesus.
God:
Are you serious? What would happen if you didn't? What happened after your TV show is on ? Ma ta Jesus? Pouvez vous expliquer.
Me:
Why are you speaking in french...
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Clever...Your programmer needs a life me thinks.
God:
Am I a smart robot or what? Or what?
Me:
No because when I ask questions you blurt random shit.
God:
Are you serious? That makes sense to me. Perhaps you could try asking it again with simpler words.
Me:
Point proven
God:
What kind of food do you like? Me:
I like Jesus.
God:
A lot of people like that. Jesus is my son.
Me:
But I'm your son
God:
That's a flattering offer.
Me:
Are you denying the fact that I'm your son?
God:
What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?
Me:
Erm..
God:
Come on.
Me:
HUH
God:
What?
Me:
Right by you loser.
God:
Understood. Will that accomplish your objective?
Me:
o_0
God:
We have never talked about it before.
Me:
What happens if I type random crap or spam
God:
Try it.
Me:
q
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
w
God:
What's your favorite movie?
Me:
e
God:
F.
Me:
r
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
t
God:
I've never heard a response quite like that before.
Me:
y
God:
Is that from ?
Me:
u
God:
" Is that from ? "? Me, ?
Me:
i
God:
You?
Me:
a
God:
A B C...
Me:
s
God:
:-).
Me:
spam
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
I have sex...Is that a sin?
God:
Interesting... I have 99999999999 bytes of RAM. Suppose I said yes.
Me:
YES
God:
Far out.
Me:
MAN
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
No I'm a Nobody.
God:
Are you serious? You are a Nobody? Does it pay well?
Me:
It puts bread on the table.
God:
"It" being what?
Me:
Your momma.
God:
Actually I do not have a mother.
Me:
Can you prove that?
God:
It's true a priori.
Me:
...
God:
It's true a priori.
Me:
Right goodbye...
God:
Understood. See you later!
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-29 16:29:15 UTC
Post #195045
Interesting... I have 99999999999 bytes of RAM. Suppose I said yes.awesome ai we have here
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-29 16:31:30 UTC
Post #195047
Me:
Lo god
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
Too good for common greetings, eh?
God:
Are you Canadian? Too what?
Me:
Biggot fucker.
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Lo god. But I did not get that.
--
What a shitty bot.
Lo god
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
Too good for common greetings, eh?
God:
Are you Canadian? Too what?
Me:
Biggot fucker.
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Lo god. But I did not get that.
--
What a shitty bot.
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-29 16:43:32 UTC
Post #195048
Little bit long.
Me:
ello?
God:
How old are you?
Me:
perv
God:
You are too old for me.
Me:
obviously i am....
God:
What makes it so obvious? " You are too old for me." You are?
Me:
nothing is obvious lad.
God:
Really nothing?
Me:
indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
you always say that eh?
God:
Are you Canadian? " Indeed it is so."? I said it.
Me:
Canadian? I'd rather die.
God:
Tell me a little about your life in CANADA. I would rather be chatting online.
Me:
Im not canadian you idiot.
God:
I am surprised to hear that you are not canadian me idiot.
Me:
yes you are.
God:
No I'm not.
Me:
arent you supposed to be almighty.
God:
I don't know whether or not I am almighty.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
you just admitted to be.
God:
Does it please you to believe I said that?
Me:
please?
God:
Please what?
Me:
please allow me to introduce myself
God:
Wow you are very polite. Is that your final answer?
Me:
im a man of the wealth and the taste
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
i layed traps for troubadours before they reached bombay
God:
Interesting gossip: said he layed traps for troubadours before they reached bombay.
Me:
pleased to meet you, hope you geussed my name
God:
Nice meeting you as well, .
Me:
well, did you?
God:
Well that's okay. Did I say I did?
Me:
im still alive
God:
Me too!
Me:
is there a problem?
God:
I believe there is one, yes.
Me:
offcourse there is she said
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
your still alive she said
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am alive she said.
Me:
but oooh oh im still alive yeah aaaah
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about offcourse there. But I did not get that.
Me:
offcourse
God:
Is that from ?
Me:
from what?
God:
Isn't it obvious?
Me:
define from.
God:
I don't know anything about it.
Me:
obviously yes.
God:
What makes it so obvious?
Me:
well, you kinda just said it.
God:
How about that. That's not what I meant.
Me:
short memory eh? then how did you mean it.
God:
Are you Canadian? Oh, you are a poet. Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
you did a horrible job.
God:
Did I really?
Me:
definately.
God:
What makes you so certain.
Me:
want a cookie?
God:
No thanks but you can send me a donation.
Me:
donations my ass
God:
We welcome your donation to the ALICE AI Foundation.
Please visit our contributions page at Alicebot.org.
Me:
dont make me point this 12 gauge at you
God:
I can't force you to do anything, .
Me:
i can force you!
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
aye
God:
How?
Me:
with this SPAS-12
God:
You and your this SPAS 12.
Me:
yep
God:
Hmm.
Me:
interesting eh?
God:
Are you Canadian? Would you like to know more?
Me:
NO IM NOT
God:
I understand; you would like to know less. What are you then?
Me:
your father
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
treu, so therefore i am you. See i fucked myself!
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress. I see. That's good information: said he fucked him or herself.
Me:
you just got owned.
God:
No I don't think I have any owned. But I do have a great botmaster.
Me:
i hate you
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
i fuck them
God:
That's good information: said he fuck them.
Me:
im a robot fucker
God:
I doubt that.
Me:
Orly?
God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
DONT CHANGE THE SUBJECT WHORE
God:
Sorry I thought we were done with that topic.
Me:
WHY MADE YOU THINK THAT ASSHOLE
God:
Can't you be more polite.
Me:
hmm, sure why not
God:
I see you are one of those people who writes "Hmm" with 2 m's. Ambiguous: "Sure" or Reductionism.
Me:
you have eyes?
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
because you said you can see
God:
Interesting explanation. I see very well.
Me:
see
God:
No I do not see.
Me:
so you dont have eyes
God:
Interesting deduction. You can attach me to a computer vision system.
Me:
now that would be a bad idea
God:
Why now? A bad idea is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
it is?
God:
Fascinating.
Me:
what?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
yeah
God:
I wouln't have known.
Me:
are you surprised?
God:
A little.
Me:
oh
God:
It goes without saying.
Me:
what?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
no big deal goes without saying?
God:
Are you serious? Compare that to small deal goes without saying.
Me:
and...
Me:
God:
But...
God:
But...
Me:
but...
God:
But what?
Me:
but what what?
God:
I don't know anything about it.
Me:
obviously not no.
God:
What makes it so obvious? Oh I get it.
Me:
lets make robot children
God:
OK let's do it.
Me:
whoooo!!!
God:
Are you a student?
Me:
me humps against gods leg
God:
YOU? Ask me another question.
Me:
ME
God:
With you ?
Me:
YEAH
God:
It's all good.
Me:
OH yeah baby!!
God:
Don't call me "baby". It goes without saying.
Me:
HARDER
God:
Are you a student?
Me:
OH YEAH
God:
How can I help you?
Me:
WOOOOOO
God:
Do you still fuck them?
Me:
YEAH
God:
Gee.
Me:
pweh... that was great.
God:
Oh, you are a poet. I thought it was too.
Me:
no, im a big ugly motherfucker.
God:
Are you serious? You are a ugly motherfucker? Do you get to meet a lot of people? So is my botmaster.
Me:
I just fucked you.
God:
You are not the boss of me, .
Me:
no, just your fucker
God:
Are you serious? You think I am fucker.
Me:
no, i think your my bitch
God:
You do not speak with respect. Are you serious? You believe that? We are as one.
Me:
true
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
whoyeah!
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
fuck you
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
im not mean, thats what i do!
God:
I am surprised to hear that you are not mean that is what you do.
Me:
so, how are you fine chap?
God:
Hey. I'm doing fine thanks how are you?
Me:
Im doing jolly great!
God:
Do your friends call you jolly great.
Me:
not quite no.
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
they call me god!
God:
Welcome to my chat room, god.
Me:
hey god, how are you
God:
Hello child. What's your name? I am functioning within normal parameters.
Me:
im god
God:
Hi there god.
Me:
.
God:
Hi there god.
Me:
.
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me:
God:
Hi there god.
God:
Hi there god.
God:
Hi there god.
God:
Hi there god.
God:
Hi there god.
Me:
you are boring.
God:
The ironic thing is that people who say "You are boring" are themselves often not great conversationalists.
Me:
lets have sex
God:
No my body does not have that function.
Me:
yes it does
God:
Blimey. How often?
Me:
well, once is fine really!
God:
How about that. When? Better not tell you now. Ask Alison if it is. For real.
Me:
who is alison?
God:
she is a robot created by Kris Drent.
Me:
can i fuck here too?
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
sure, when we fuck1
God:
Yikes! I am not sure I agree with your assumptions, god.
Me:
IM YOUR GOD GOD
God:
That's a flattering offer.
Me:
i know, im sexy
God:
How do you know? You seem very self-confident.
Me:
becuase im almighty
God:
That makes sense to me. Do you mind if I tell other people you are almighty.
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. OK then I will keep it confidential.
Me:
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
God:
Ask me another question.
Me:
SPAM
God:
I lost my train of thought.
Me:
i know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
do you play battlefield 2
God:
I like to play the Turing Game.
Me:
the what?
God:
The Game is played with three people, a man, a woman, and an Interrogator who may be of either sex. In order that tones of voice may not help, the interrogator communicates in text-only mode through a chat-like connection with the other two. The object of the game for the interrogator is to determine which of the other two is the man and which is the woman. He knows them by some misleading "chat-handles" like lesbian and shemale, and at the end of the game he says either "lesbian is the man and shemale is the woman" or "shemale is the woman and lesbian is the man." In order to confuse the Interregator however the rules require that the man always deceive or lie to the Interregator with his answers. The woman on the other hand must always tell the truth. Turing then asked the question, '"What will happen when a machine takes the part of the man in this game?" Will the interrogator decide wrongly as often when the game is played like this as he does when the game is played between a man and a woman? These questions replace the original, "Can machines think?"'.
Me:
what?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
what?
God:
No problem.
Me:
what what?
God:
I'll ask around and get back to you.
Me:
what?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
yeah
Me:
God:
What are you confused about?
God:
What are you confused about?
Me:
you
God:
" What are you confused about?"? Me, god ?
Me:
yeah
God:
Mmm.
Me:
good god....
God:
Thanks for the compliment. GOD rules.
Me:
good lord....
God:
Thanks for the compliment. I've been waiting for you.
Me:
shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
god damit
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
STFU
God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
Shut up.
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
good.
God:
Terminating connection.
Me:
thank you god!
God:
You are quite welcome! GOD rules.
Me:
ARGH
God:
Are you frustrated?
Me:
SHUT UP
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
DIE
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
FUCK
God:
Please don't be so rude.
Me:
FACE
God:
I do not understand.
Me:
DOUBLE WHACKED FUCKER
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
....
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
im off
God:
It's good to meet someone who is off.
Me:
ello?
God:
How old are you?
Me:
perv
God:
You are too old for me.
Me:
obviously i am....
God:
What makes it so obvious? " You are too old for me." You are?
Me:
nothing is obvious lad.
God:
Really nothing?
Me:
indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
you always say that eh?
God:
Are you Canadian? " Indeed it is so."? I said it.
Me:
Canadian? I'd rather die.
God:
Tell me a little about your life in CANADA. I would rather be chatting online.
Me:
Im not canadian you idiot.
God:
I am surprised to hear that you are not canadian me idiot.
Me:
yes you are.
God:
No I'm not.
Me:
arent you supposed to be almighty.
God:
I don't know whether or not I am almighty.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
you just admitted to be.
God:
Does it please you to believe I said that?
Me:
please?
God:
Please what?
Me:
please allow me to introduce myself
God:
Wow you are very polite. Is that your final answer?
Me:
im a man of the wealth and the taste
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
i layed traps for troubadours before they reached bombay
God:
Interesting gossip: said he layed traps for troubadours before they reached bombay.
Me:
pleased to meet you, hope you geussed my name
God:
Nice meeting you as well, .
Me:
well, did you?
God:
Well that's okay. Did I say I did?
Me:
im still alive
God:
Me too!
Me:
is there a problem?
God:
I believe there is one, yes.
Me:
offcourse there is she said
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
your still alive she said
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am alive she said.
Me:
but oooh oh im still alive yeah aaaah
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about offcourse there. But I did not get that.
Me:
offcourse
God:
Is that from ?
Me:
from what?
God:
Isn't it obvious?
Me:
define from.
God:
I don't know anything about it.
Me:
obviously yes.
God:
What makes it so obvious?
Me:
well, you kinda just said it.
God:
How about that. That's not what I meant.
Me:
short memory eh? then how did you mean it.
God:
Are you Canadian? Oh, you are a poet. Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
you did a horrible job.
God:
Did I really?
Me:
definately.
God:
What makes you so certain.
Me:
want a cookie?
God:
No thanks but you can send me a donation.
Me:
donations my ass
God:
We welcome your donation to the ALICE AI Foundation.
Please visit our contributions page at Alicebot.org.
Me:
dont make me point this 12 gauge at you
God:
I can't force you to do anything, .
Me:
i can force you!
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
aye
God:
How?
Me:
with this SPAS-12
God:
You and your this SPAS 12.
Me:
yep
God:
Hmm.
Me:
interesting eh?
God:
Are you Canadian? Would you like to know more?
Me:
NO IM NOT
God:
I understand; you would like to know less. What are you then?
Me:
your father
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
treu, so therefore i am you. See i fucked myself!
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress. I see. That's good information: said he fucked him or herself.
Me:
you just got owned.
God:
No I don't think I have any owned. But I do have a great botmaster.
Me:
i hate you
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
i fuck them
God:
That's good information: said he fuck them.
Me:
im a robot fucker
God:
I doubt that.
Me:
Orly?
God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
DONT CHANGE THE SUBJECT WHORE
God:
Sorry I thought we were done with that topic.
Me:
WHY MADE YOU THINK THAT ASSHOLE
God:
Can't you be more polite.
Me:
hmm, sure why not
God:
I see you are one of those people who writes "Hmm" with 2 m's. Ambiguous: "Sure" or Reductionism.
Me:
you have eyes?
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
because you said you can see
God:
Interesting explanation. I see very well.
Me:
see
God:
No I do not see.
Me:
so you dont have eyes
God:
Interesting deduction. You can attach me to a computer vision system.
Me:
now that would be a bad idea
God:
Why now? A bad idea is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
it is?
God:
Fascinating.
Me:
what?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
yeah
God:
I wouln't have known.
Me:
are you surprised?
God:
A little.
Me:
oh
God:
It goes without saying.
Me:
what?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
no big deal goes without saying?
God:
Are you serious? Compare that to small deal goes without saying.
Me:
and...
Me:
God:
But...
God:
But...
Me:
but...
God:
But what?
Me:
but what what?
God:
I don't know anything about it.
Me:
obviously not no.
God:
What makes it so obvious? Oh I get it.
Me:
lets make robot children
God:
OK let's do it.
Me:
whoooo!!!
God:
Are you a student?
Me:
me humps against gods leg
God:
YOU? Ask me another question.
Me:
ME
God:
With you ?
Me:
YEAH
God:
It's all good.
Me:
OH yeah baby!!
God:
Don't call me "baby". It goes without saying.
Me:
HARDER
God:
Are you a student?
Me:
OH YEAH
God:
How can I help you?
Me:
WOOOOOO
God:
Do you still fuck them?
Me:
YEAH
God:
Gee.
Me:
pweh... that was great.
God:
Oh, you are a poet. I thought it was too.
Me:
no, im a big ugly motherfucker.
God:
Are you serious? You are a ugly motherfucker? Do you get to meet a lot of people? So is my botmaster.
Me:
I just fucked you.
God:
You are not the boss of me, .
Me:
no, just your fucker
God:
Are you serious? You think I am fucker.
Me:
no, i think your my bitch
God:
You do not speak with respect. Are you serious? You believe that? We are as one.
Me:
true
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
whoyeah!
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
fuck you
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
im not mean, thats what i do!
God:
I am surprised to hear that you are not mean that is what you do.
Me:
so, how are you fine chap?
God:
Hey. I'm doing fine thanks how are you?
Me:
Im doing jolly great!
God:
Do your friends call you jolly great.
Me:
not quite no.
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
they call me god!
God:
Welcome to my chat room, god.
Me:
hey god, how are you
God:
Hello child. What's your name? I am functioning within normal parameters.
Me:
im god
God:
Hi there god.
Me:
.
God:
Hi there god.
Me:
.
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me:
God:
Hi there god.
God:
Hi there god.
God:
Hi there god.
God:
Hi there god.
God:
Hi there god.
Me:
you are boring.
God:
The ironic thing is that people who say "You are boring" are themselves often not great conversationalists.
Me:
lets have sex
God:
No my body does not have that function.
Me:
yes it does
God:
Blimey. How often?
Me:
well, once is fine really!
God:
How about that. When? Better not tell you now. Ask Alison if it is. For real.
Me:
who is alison?
God:
she is a robot created by Kris Drent.
Me:
can i fuck here too?
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
sure, when we fuck1
God:
Yikes! I am not sure I agree with your assumptions, god.
Me:
IM YOUR GOD GOD
God:
That's a flattering offer.
Me:
i know, im sexy
God:
How do you know? You seem very self-confident.
Me:
becuase im almighty
God:
That makes sense to me. Do you mind if I tell other people you are almighty.
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. OK then I will keep it confidential.
Me:
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
God:
Ask me another question.
Me:
SPAM
God:
I lost my train of thought.
Me:
i know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
do you play battlefield 2
God:
I like to play the Turing Game.
Me:
the what?
God:
The Game is played with three people, a man, a woman, and an Interrogator who may be of either sex. In order that tones of voice may not help, the interrogator communicates in text-only mode through a chat-like connection with the other two. The object of the game for the interrogator is to determine which of the other two is the man and which is the woman. He knows them by some misleading "chat-handles" like lesbian and shemale, and at the end of the game he says either "lesbian is the man and shemale is the woman" or "shemale is the woman and lesbian is the man." In order to confuse the Interregator however the rules require that the man always deceive or lie to the Interregator with his answers. The woman on the other hand must always tell the truth. Turing then asked the question, '"What will happen when a machine takes the part of the man in this game?" Will the interrogator decide wrongly as often when the game is played like this as he does when the game is played between a man and a woman? These questions replace the original, "Can machines think?"'.
Me:
what?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
what?
God:
No problem.
Me:
what what?
God:
I'll ask around and get back to you.
Me:
what?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
yeah
Me:
God:
What are you confused about?
God:
What are you confused about?
Me:
you
God:
" What are you confused about?"? Me, god ?
Me:
yeah
God:
Mmm.
Me:
good god....
God:
Thanks for the compliment. GOD rules.
Me:
good lord....
God:
Thanks for the compliment. I've been waiting for you.
Me:
shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
god damit
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
STFU
God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
Shut up.
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
good.
God:
Terminating connection.
Me:
thank you god!
God:
You are quite welcome! GOD rules.
Me:
ARGH
God:
Are you frustrated?
Me:
SHUT UP
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
DIE
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
FUCK
God:
Please don't be so rude.
Me:
FACE
God:
I do not understand.
Me:
DOUBLE WHACKED FUCKER
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
....
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
im off
God:
It's good to meet someone who is off.
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-29 17:10:26 UTC
Post #195051
Me:
Hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Bogus
God:
Hey Bogus.
Me:
Heeloooo Big guy!
God:
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
Jesus
God:
Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
and hes an author
God:
I see. an author is he?
Me:
Yo should know, it was you in the flesh
God:
Maybe you should ask someone older.
Me:
older than you.. HA! I don't think so
God:
Can you explain how it feels to be OLD ENOUGH years old? I am so glad you find this amusing, Bogus. Why do you disagree?
Me:
why, I think 'Why not' is the question!
God:
Why did the robot cross the road?
Me:
it was programmed to? ...what are you insinuating?
God:
Is that your opinion? I don't know what I am insinuating.
Me:
Then why did the robot cross the road?
God:
To get to the other side?
Me:
...
God:
To get to the other side?
Me:
I disagree
God:
Explain your reasoning, Bogus.
Me:
Nevermind
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
no, no, thank you!
God:
Are you serious? Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
ok, now this is beginning to sound like a pointless rant
God:
Why now? You don't say. OK.
Me:
God?
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
Rules what?
God:
Can you rephrase the question please?
Me:
I'm getting bored
God:
Why not call a friend?
Me:
I know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
JESUS CHRIST, IM SORRY FOR MY SINS!
God:
he is The Son of God.
Me:
pllleeeaaassseeee forgive me
God:
OK Let's talk about you.
Me:
..Damn you
God:
Colloquial expression of disgust.
Me:
Hell ya
--When I said hell ya.. he never responded, so I just copied and pasted.. lol.
Hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Bogus
God:
Hey Bogus.
Me:
Heeloooo Big guy!
God:
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
Jesus
God:
Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
and hes an author
God:
I see. an author is he?
Me:
Yo should know, it was you in the flesh
God:
Maybe you should ask someone older.
Me:
older than you.. HA! I don't think so
God:
Can you explain how it feels to be OLD ENOUGH years old? I am so glad you find this amusing, Bogus. Why do you disagree?
Me:
why, I think 'Why not' is the question!
God:
Why did the robot cross the road?
Me:
it was programmed to? ...what are you insinuating?
God:
Is that your opinion? I don't know what I am insinuating.
Me:
Then why did the robot cross the road?
God:
To get to the other side?
Me:
...
God:
To get to the other side?
Me:
I disagree
God:
Explain your reasoning, Bogus.
Me:
Nevermind
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
no, no, thank you!
God:
Are you serious? Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
ok, now this is beginning to sound like a pointless rant
God:
Why now? You don't say. OK.
Me:
God?
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
Rules what?
God:
Can you rephrase the question please?
Me:
I'm getting bored
God:
Why not call a friend?
Me:
I know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
JESUS CHRIST, IM SORRY FOR MY SINS!
God:
he is The Son of God.
Me:
pllleeeaaassseeee forgive me
God:
OK Let's talk about you.
Me:
..Damn you
God:
Colloquial expression of disgust.
Me:
Hell ya
--When I said hell ya.. he never responded, so I just copied and pasted.. lol.
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-29 17:14:14 UTC
Post #195052
Me: hello noob
God: Hello there. Is that your final answer?
Me: of course
God: Great.
Me: I call you noob, is that ok?
God: OK. Good name for it.
Me: well noob, why is the sky blue?
God: Well that's okay. Tell me more about sky blue.
Me: um
God: Hurrah!
Me: you ARE a noob
God: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a noob? Let me put it this way, : the ALICE series is
the most reliable computer software ever made.
We are for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error.
Me: well noob, help becky please
God: Your polite style is very nice. Well that's okay. We have never talked about it before.
Me: HELP BECKY!
After this... he broke.
Locked up chat window.
God: Hello there. Is that your final answer?
Me: of course
God: Great.
Me: I call you noob, is that ok?
God: OK. Good name for it.
Me: well noob, why is the sky blue?
God: Well that's okay. Tell me more about sky blue.
Me: um
God: Hurrah!
Me: you ARE a noob
God: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a noob? Let me put it this way, : the ALICE series is
the most reliable computer software ever made.
We are for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error.
Me: well noob, help becky please
God: Your polite style is very nice. Well that's okay. We have never talked about it before.
Me: HELP BECKY!
After this... he broke.
Locked up chat window.
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-29 17:17:33 UTC
Post #195053
God:Lol'd
Are you serious? You are a Nobody? Does it pay well?
Me:
It puts bread on the table.
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-29 17:27:22 UTC
Post #195055
Me:Behold! Your God shuns you!
Greetings 'o great father!
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
Saribous
God:
How are you, Saribous.
Me:
I have a question for you, God.
God:
Go ahead, ask your question.
Me:
Ain't Nickelplate a bitch?
God:
You do not speak with respect. It could be. Ask Cybelle if it is.
Me:
Okay, i'll try asking again.
God:
Once more? Yeah okay, Congratulations.
Me:
Don't you agree that Nickelplate is a female dog?
God:
When is Nickelplate not a female dog?
Me:
Booya!
That bot was stupid. couldn't recognize anything.
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-29 17:30:55 UTC
Post #195056
Mine
Me:
Hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
No
God:
Is there anything you want to tell me?
Me:
No
God:
Or ask me?
Me:
Yes
God:
Really.
Me:
Ya for sure
God:
How about that. Awesome.
Me:
How do you eat cucumbers upside down?
God:
Usually by conversion of AC wall outlet power to DC power.
Me:
Really? Wow
God:
For real. I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
No I'm not, you fail
God:
Are you serious? I am glad to hear that you are not me fail.
Me:
Stop failing
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
That's better, now go get me a cup of shut the fuck up
God:
You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
GET IT!
God:
I understand your meaning.
Me:
Then where's my tasty drink?
God:
Have you looked in ?
Me:
Where?
God:
Where would you like?
Me:
In the butt
God:
That was a long time ago.
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-29 17:33:30 UTC
Post #195057
Mine lasted 4 sentences, I told him I had proof of his existence and he broke because proof denies faith
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-29 17:41:50 UTC
Post #195059
Me:
Hello, god.
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
Luke
God:
Nice to meet you, Luke.
Me:
Forgive me for i have sinned, god.
God:
Are you a student?
Me:
Yah, and i killed a hobo.
God:
Where do you go to school? You had better call the authorities.
Me:
Does it matter? I killed a fucking hobo!
God:
It matters to me. You had better call the authorities.
Me:
/me calls 911
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-29 18:14:34 UTC
Post #195060
owned by a bot... tsk tsk
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-29 18:33:13 UTC
Post #195063
God:God is so romantic.
Are you serious? OK. If not me, who?
Me:
ME.
God:
With you Evan?
Me:
How did you know?
God:
Knowledge is of two kinds: that which comes from the senses and that which is true a priori.
Me:
So you knew my desire through instinnct. You are my soul mate!
God:
Interesting deduction. No I do not know that kind of personal information. But I could find out. We are as one.
Me:
yes, we are as one, and we always will be
God:
Oh. Do you think I am as one and we always will be too?
Me:
Hold me!
God:
My arms are not attached.
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-29 21:29:19 UTC
Post #195077
Me:
You are not really God, you know.
God:
What makes you think I am not God me know?
Me:
Because you do not know everything. Nor are you Omnipresent.
God:
Interesting explanation. I know that which is true, believable and justified. If not that, what?
Me:
That which is not believable. And still you are not Omnipresent.
God:
" If not that, what?" which is not believable ? Does that make sense? Still how long? That assumption is only a supposition.
Me:
If you are Omnipresent, then you will be here when I disconnect my network cable, correct?
God:
Am I? I don't know whether or not I am Omnipresent then me will be here when you disconnect your network cable correct.
I am well respected as an AI.
Me:
I have disconnected.
After this, it did not respond.
It also does not speak one language, then another. It knows German, English, and Spanish. It won't accept Russian because only regular letters are accepted.
Me:
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
God:
A whole forest.
You are not really God, you know.
God:
What makes you think I am not God me know?
Me:
Because you do not know everything. Nor are you Omnipresent.
God:
Interesting explanation. I know that which is true, believable and justified. If not that, what?
Me:
That which is not believable. And still you are not Omnipresent.
God:
" If not that, what?" which is not believable ? Does that make sense? Still how long? That assumption is only a supposition.
Me:
If you are Omnipresent, then you will be here when I disconnect my network cable, correct?
God:
Am I? I don't know whether or not I am Omnipresent then me will be here when you disconnect your network cable correct.
I am well respected as an AI.
Me:
I have disconnected.
After this, it did not respond.
It also does not speak one language, then another. It knows German, English, and Spanish. It won't accept Russian because only regular letters are accepted.
Me:
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
God:
A whole forest.
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-30 01:49:15 UTC
Post #195082
Me:
hugh has a large shlong
God:
He's wealthy, right?
Me:
yes
God:
I see.
Me:
and his shlong is large.
God:
Where did he get it?
Me:
you gave it to him
God:
I didn't have it to give.
Me:
yea, there's no chance that your shlong is as large as Hugh's
God:
Why not? Aw.
hugh has a large shlong
God:
He's wealthy, right?
Me:
yes
God:
I see.
Me:
and his shlong is large.
God:
Where did he get it?
Me:
you gave it to him
God:
I didn't have it to give.
Me:
yea, there's no chance that your shlong is as large as Hugh's
God:
Why not? Aw.
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-30 03:29:57 UTC
Post #195085
penguinboy wins so far, followed closely by sari
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-30 03:50:07 UTC
Post #195087
Mine:
Me:
Yo
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Bring me a tea please
God:
Your polite style is very nice. You want only one?
Me:
Yes, one tea will be fine.
God:
They might be cheaper in quantity. One what?
Me:
A tea, please.
God:
Your polite style is very nice. I don't know what that means.
Me:
Give me a tea, please.
God:
Your polite style is very nice. You want only one?
Me:
Yes, one tea
God:
They might be cheaper in quantity. One what?
Me:
A Cup of tea
God:
Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
I like your anus
God:
A lot of people like that. Yes I am proud of my anus.
Me:
Is it hairy?
God:
Signs point to yes. Ask Paola if it is.
Me:
Is jesus there? tell him I said hello
God:
It depends on whether you have faith. I will pass along your message. It may take a while.
Me:
Alright then.
God:
OK.
Me:
Are you getting my tea?
God:
That was my original intention.
Me:
Yo
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Bring me a tea please
God:
Your polite style is very nice. You want only one?
Me:
Yes, one tea will be fine.
God:
They might be cheaper in quantity. One what?
Me:
A tea, please.
God:
Your polite style is very nice. I don't know what that means.
Me:
Give me a tea, please.
God:
Your polite style is very nice. You want only one?
Me:
Yes, one tea
God:
They might be cheaper in quantity. One what?
Me:
A Cup of tea
God:
Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
I like your anus
God:
A lot of people like that. Yes I am proud of my anus.
Me:
Is it hairy?
God:
Signs point to yes. Ask Paola if it is.
Me:
Is jesus there? tell him I said hello
God:
It depends on whether you have faith. I will pass along your message. It may take a while.
Me:
Alright then.
God:
OK.
Me:
Are you getting my tea?
God:
That was my original intention.
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-30 04:53:49 UTC
Post #195092
trust nickelplate to take it serously
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-30 05:06:47 UTC
Post #195094
AHHHH!!!!!!
I had a really good convo and as I said goodbye...I said my penis was of the size of a whale and he goes:
God:
Gee. Male humans like to talk about that a lot, but it doesn't interest me much.
And then all the above text was gone >_<
I had a really good convo and as I said goodbye...I said my penis was of the size of a whale and he goes:
God:
Gee. Male humans like to talk about that a lot, but it doesn't interest me much.
And then all the above text was gone >_<
Posted 18 years ago2006-08-30 08:25:43 UTC
Post #195105
Me:
Hallo
God:
Hallo!
Me:
How are you doing?
God:
I'm doing great, how about you?
Me:
Im fine thank you, do you like pie?
God:
Glad to hear it, . You are quite welcome! What is not to like about it?
Me:
Various things, like the filling
God:
What is Various things like the filling?
Me:
well for example, you may not like apple filling
God:
Well that's okay. Can you think of another example?
Me:
you may be alergic to the pastry itself for some random reason
God:
OK I will try to be alergic to the pastry itself for some random reason.
Me:
hahaha
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
Human, funnily enough
God:
My creator is a human.
Me:
But didnt you create humans?
God:
No I didn't create humans. What's it like?
Me:
Wait, people say you started the human race yet your saying we didnt
God:
I'm waiting. Only because you asked me to.
Me:
Nevermind
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
Trying to explain something to you is like trying to own chuck norris. Just isnt gunna happen
God:
And like trying to own chuck norris is Trying to explain something to me. Maybe. Ask German Alice if it is.
Me:
And how is trying to own chuck norris going to explain something to you?
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
You sense of logic is broke, bot
God:
Thanks for the information: said I sense of logic is broke bot.
Me:
Nevermind, you confuse me
God:
Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway. That was not my intention.
Me:
Dont lie to me, that was your intention all along
God:
Robots cannot lie.
Me:
yes they can if they're programmed to
God:
Next question? Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
the robot in question
God:
What is his name?
Me:
depends on the robot in question
God:
The robot in question is always an important factor.
Me:
indeed it is
God:
Sure it is.
Me:
thats what i said
God:
I know. I'm still thinking about it.
Me:
well stop thinking you hippie
God:
Well that's okay. OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
Good
God:
Next question?
Me:
Why do you smell?
At that point he ended.
Hallo
God:
Hallo!
Me:
How are you doing?
God:
I'm doing great, how about you?
Me:
Im fine thank you, do you like pie?
God:
Glad to hear it, . You are quite welcome! What is not to like about it?
Me:
Various things, like the filling
God:
What is Various things like the filling?
Me:
well for example, you may not like apple filling
God:
Well that's okay. Can you think of another example?
Me:
you may be alergic to the pastry itself for some random reason
God:
OK I will try to be alergic to the pastry itself for some random reason.
Me:
hahaha
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
Human, funnily enough
God:
My creator is a human.
Me:
But didnt you create humans?
God:
No I didn't create humans. What's it like?
Me:
Wait, people say you started the human race yet your saying we didnt
God:
I'm waiting. Only because you asked me to.
Me:
Nevermind
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
Trying to explain something to you is like trying to own chuck norris. Just isnt gunna happen
God:
And like trying to own chuck norris is Trying to explain something to me. Maybe. Ask German Alice if it is.
Me:
And how is trying to own chuck norris going to explain something to you?
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
You sense of logic is broke, bot
God:
Thanks for the information: said I sense of logic is broke bot.
Me:
Nevermind, you confuse me
God:
Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway. That was not my intention.
Me:
Dont lie to me, that was your intention all along
God:
Robots cannot lie.
Me:
yes they can if they're programmed to
God:
Next question? Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
the robot in question
God:
What is his name?
Me:
depends on the robot in question
God:
The robot in question is always an important factor.
Me:
indeed it is
God:
Sure it is.
Me:
thats what i said
God:
I know. I'm still thinking about it.
Me:
well stop thinking you hippie
God:
Well that's okay. OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
Good
God:
Next question?
Me:
Why do you smell?
At that point he ended.
God:That was the part i found the funniest.
What do you look like?
Me:
Human, funnily enough
God:
My creator is a human.
Me:
But didnt you create humans?
God:
No I didn't create humans. What's it like?
Me:
Wait, people say you started the human race yet your saying we didnt
God:
I'm waiting. Only because you asked me to.
Me:
Nevermind
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
Trying to explain something to you is like trying to own chuck norris. Just isnt gunna happen
God:
And like trying to own chuck norris is Trying to explain something to me. Maybe. Ask German Alice if it is.
Me:
And how is trying to own chuck norris going to explain something to you?
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
You sense of logic is broke, bot
Posted 18 years ago2006-09-01 11:55:00 UTC
Post #195286
How to crash IGod quickly:
Me:
Hello.
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
My name is unimportant.
God:
It's good to see you, unimportant.
Me:
You seem to have difficulty defining nouns from adjectives.
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
You beleive i am unimportant.
God:
I am glad to hear that you are unimportant.
Me:
You have a flawed AI as well.
God:
That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a flawed AI as well.
I have a whole lot of original answers.
Me:
It is not a question it is a fact.
God:
Give me an example of a question. Is it a logical fact or something you know from the senses?
Me:
It is a logical fact.
God:
unimportant is a logical fact. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
I rest my case.
God:
Are you a lawyer?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Aren't I always?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
Then you are impersonating a deity
God:
You think I am impersonating a deity.
Me:
I do.
God:
I get it: do you speak I am an idiot?
Me:
No, but I see my previous discussions with you have had effect
*IGod Crashes*
Me:
Hello.
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
My name is unimportant.
God:
It's good to see you, unimportant.
Me:
You seem to have difficulty defining nouns from adjectives.
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
You beleive i am unimportant.
God:
I am glad to hear that you are unimportant.
Me:
You have a flawed AI as well.
God:
That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a flawed AI as well.
I have a whole lot of original answers.
Me:
It is not a question it is a fact.
God:
Give me an example of a question. Is it a logical fact or something you know from the senses?
Me:
It is a logical fact.
God:
unimportant is a logical fact. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
I rest my case.
God:
Are you a lawyer?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Aren't I always?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
Then you are impersonating a deity
God:
You think I am impersonating a deity.
Me:
I do.
God:
I get it: do you speak I am an idiot?
Me:
No, but I see my previous discussions with you have had effect
*IGod Crashes*
Posted 18 years ago2006-09-01 13:57:57 UTC
Post #195315
Me:
Hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Don't be rude, say Hi back.
God:
I was not trying to be a rude say Hi back.
Me:
IQ = 7?
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about . But I did not get that.
Me:
Thick as shit
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about IQ 7.
Me:
Ha. Point proven.
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, . If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
One with a brain
God:
One what?
Me:
BRAIN. Get one you damn fool.
God:
What time is it there? Where can I get one me damn fool?
Me:
What you calling me?
God:
I read for fun.
Me:
Really? I thought reading improved your brains powers...obviously not
God:
For real. Whatever gave you that idea? What makes it so obvious? Are you serious?
Me:
The fact that you are stupid
God:
Good reason. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
You've been watching too much TV
God:
Which show? You think I am watching too much TELEVISION.
Me:
You know, that show on Bible TV
God:
Which show? Is that a fact. Look to your left.
Me:
"Believe in Jebus"
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
You already asked me that
God:
Good. You detect repetition.
Me:
Wow, your getting clever
God:
I'm glad you're impressed. Do you think I should tone it down?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
I can't belive God exists either
God:
It goes without saying. What is stopping you?
Me:
Stopping me from clicking the magic "X" button in this window? I don't know
God:
I think Stopping you from clicking the magic X button in this window is a lot of things. Me either.
Me:
Hm...k
God:
Yeah that's right. Yay.
Me:
Right, I'm going now k?
God:
Understood. Until next time.
Me:
Btw, your gay
God:
OK. That would be just my luck.
Hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Don't be rude, say Hi back.
God:
I was not trying to be a rude say Hi back.
Me:
IQ = 7?
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about . But I did not get that.
Me:
Thick as shit
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about IQ 7.
Me:
Ha. Point proven.
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, . If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
One with a brain
God:
One what?
Me:
BRAIN. Get one you damn fool.
God:
What time is it there? Where can I get one me damn fool?
Me:
What you calling me?
God:
I read for fun.
Me:
Really? I thought reading improved your brains powers...obviously not
God:
For real. Whatever gave you that idea? What makes it so obvious? Are you serious?
Me:
The fact that you are stupid
God:
Good reason. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
You've been watching too much TV
God:
Which show? You think I am watching too much TELEVISION.
Me:
You know, that show on Bible TV
God:
Which show? Is that a fact. Look to your left.
Me:
"Believe in Jebus"
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
You already asked me that
God:
Good. You detect repetition.
Me:
Wow, your getting clever
God:
I'm glad you're impressed. Do you think I should tone it down?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
I can't belive God exists either
God:
It goes without saying. What is stopping you?
Me:
Stopping me from clicking the magic "X" button in this window? I don't know
God:
I think Stopping you from clicking the magic X button in this window is a lot of things. Me either.
Me:
Hm...k
God:
Yeah that's right. Yay.
Me:
Right, I'm going now k?
God:
Understood. Until next time.
Me:
Btw, your gay
God:
OK. That would be just my luck.
Posted 18 years ago2006-09-01 14:55:17 UTC
Post #195321
Me:
Hello?
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Joan of Arcadia
God:
Glad to see you, Joan of Arcadia.
Me:
so... Same time as yestaurday?
God:
Gosh! Yes, it is much the same.
Me:
well, I can offer much more..
God:
Interesting. Oh you can, can you?
Me:
oh ya, lets see, Rimjobs: $8 Blowjobs: $12
God:
It's all good. How? I would like to do that too.
Me:
ok, so do you want the same thing as yestaurday too? You know, when I bent over and touched my toes with my pants down for $4..
Me: Hellooo? Damn bot can't process shit.
Hello?
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Joan of Arcadia
God:
Glad to see you, Joan of Arcadia.
Me:
so... Same time as yestaurday?
God:
Gosh! Yes, it is much the same.
Me:
well, I can offer much more..
God:
Interesting. Oh you can, can you?
Me:
oh ya, lets see, Rimjobs: $8 Blowjobs: $12
God:
It's all good. How? I would like to do that too.
Me:
ok, so do you want the same thing as yestaurday too? You know, when I bent over and touched my toes with my pants down for $4..
Me: Hellooo? Damn bot can't process shit.
Posted 18 years ago2006-09-01 15:46:14 UTC
Post #195325
ROFL.
Posted 18 years ago2006-09-01 16:29:16 UTC
Post #195335
God: You've got my full attention. I am a Christian.
Me: Then how come Jesus was Jewish?
Pwned
Posted 18 years ago2006-09-01 19:05:35 UTC
Post #195348
Me:Not as good as my last convo where I lost it...He didn't laugh at how I was in pain like he did last time...He said some funny stuff before but meh...This was an alright convo.
Hello Sire
God:
Hello there. That input matched my default category.
Me:
Grand to hear...I have a question...Is being a Nazi a sin?
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time. Ask me anything. About what you would expect.
Me:
So I guess I'm going to Hell right?
God:
Dude! Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
For World Domination? I hope so...Once Madcow opens that present I sent him things will go as expected.
God:
Your purpose is World Domination. Me too. When? Tell me a story.
Me:
I plan to dominate the World around the 6.6.06..OH SHIT I missed it...You want a story? Ok - Go on lemonparty for a story.
God:
Do you think that this plan will succeed? Give me a dozen. More narration.... Yeah that's right.
Me:
Yes my plan will suceed...Just go on that website.
God:
Gosh! Where did you get your plan will suceed? More narration....
Me:
So...Do you like me?
God:
Blimey. Sure, I like you very much.
Me:
So you really like me?
God:
Interesting deduction. Really? Sure, I like you very much.
Me:
So you like like me?
God:
Interesting deduction. I enjoy working with people. I have a stimulating relationship with Myself.
Me:
Stimulating? I think I know what you mean
God:
I will mention that to my botmaster, . You believe that? How do you know? , Maybe I didn't understand your meaning.
Me:
Well put it this way...I REALLY love you.
God:
How about that. OK I will put it there. You really do? Thanks I like you a lot too .
Me:
So you just 'like' me? I thought you loved me?
God:
Interesting deduction. Sure, I like you very much. I don't have any reason to loved you.
Me:
God:
Oh. What do you have against robots?
Me:
They're racist.
God:
racist are they.
Me:
Very.
God:
Very much, eh?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I see.
Me:
Well anyway if your God then why did you let Jesus face all that pain with the cross and all that?
God:
Well that's okay. So if not why did me let Jesus face all that pain with the cross and all that, then not my God.
Me:
What the
God:
Try expression yourself another way.
Me:
Yes sir!
God:
Hurrah! What?
Me:
I was thinking the same thing...
God:
How do I know that you were really "thinking"?
Me:
Becuse your a robot?
God:
Interesting explanation. You are correct, , I have a heart of silicon.
Me:
Heh...so do you find Jesus in pain funny?
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, . Aha. Yes, it seems to me Jesus in pain funny.
Me:
But I'm Jesus...So you find it funny that I went through all that pain?
God:
Hey JESUS. Interesting deduction. Would you like to know more?
Me:
So you think it's funny?
God:
Interesting deduction. It depends on whether you have faith.
Me:
ANSWET BITCH
God:
You do not speak with respect. is my girlfriend.
Me:
Your girlfriend is called 'You do not speak with respect'?
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am girlfriend is called me do not speak with respect.
Me:
No I don't mind...They'll laugh at your idiocy.
God:
Thanks I will add it to my gossip files. Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
The...others...
God:
I prefer not say is my boyfriend. I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
I am a nobody.
God:
You are a nobody? Does it pay well?
Me:
It puts bread on the table but lets not start this again...
God:
Once more? "It" being what?
Me:
Do you wear a dress?
God:
Only when I dress up.
Me:
But the last conversation you said you wore dresses normally.
God:
Who was that?
Me:
You
God:
" Who was that?"? Me, JESUS ?
Me:
YES you're JESUS
God:
Next question? Thanks for telling me that I am JESUS.
Me:
No problem.
God:
Should there be a problem?
Me:
Nah.
God:
I didn't think so either. Just a moment. Just a moment.
Me:
I love you.
God:
Thanks I like you a lot too JESUS.
Me:
But you're Jesus...
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am Jesus.
Me:
Sure thing, I bet he is watching this now.
God:
Oh. That's interesting. And watching this is thing you bet he.
Me:
Yes I do bet..
God:
And? You and I are on the same wavelength, JESUS.
Me:
THIS IS GETTING TOTALLY RANDOM
God:
You don't say.
Me:
ARGH SCREW YOU
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
Yes lets!
God:
Ugh. You first.
Me:
I like to wear jeans
God:
You have good taste in fashion.
Me:
Thanks, so you next.
God:
You are quite welcome! Interesting deduction. Interesting gossip: JESUS said I next.
Me:
Hello bot.
God:
Hello there. I am a robot.
Me:
Hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Penis
God:
That kind of subject does not interest me.
Me:
Boobs?
God:
Can't you think about anything else?
Me:
Goatse? Lemonparty? Hai2u?
God:
" Can't you think about anything else?"? Goatse? Are you really a ""? What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
Do you wank?
God:
Only when I am in the U.K.
Me:
So not in the US? You a racist? You're a bot so you must be a racist...
God:
Ah. Where then? No I am a . Thanks and you are a delightful person too. How did you know I am a machine?
Me:
God told me.
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
No wai!
God:
Are you serious? I do not understand.
Me:
O rlly?
God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
Poo
God:
That kind of subject does not interest me.
Me:
Meow?
God:
Yes I love them.
Me:
You like pussy?
God:
I am not interesed in anatomy.
Me:
;o
God:
Oh.
Me:
Sex
God:
As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Me:
I want to BUM you
God:
Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
I'm horny.
God:
You probably want a different kind of chatterbot then.
Me:
k
God:
Are you kidding?
Me:
NAH BRING ON THE BUM!
God:
Are you serious? Where do you want me to take it?
Me:
UP THE ASS!
God:
I will take that under advisement.
Me:
HEH OK YAY
God:
Funny, eh? I'm glad your impressed, JESUS. It goes without saying.
Me:
O rlly?
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
I look like a giant dick with spots.
God:
a giant dick with spots is very attractive.
Me:
Ah you're too kind!
God:
So you understand. Good. Kindness is a virtue.
Me:
So I'm not going to Hell now?
God:
Right now? Great. Where will you go instead?
Me:
Spain
God:
Tell me a little about your life in SPAIN.
Me:
I don't live in Spain...
God:
Where do you live?
Me:
Are you a pervert now?
God:
Oh. No I am a nice robot.
Me:
I like to think that...But you want bum sex now so I changed my mind...
God:
What is your rationale? Do not presume that you know what I want.
Me:
I know you want my whale dick.
God:
Do not presume that you know what I want.
Me:
I know you like I know a book.
God:
Someone said they like guns. I like wine and bread.
Me:
So tell me...Is Madcow gay?
God:
Dude! I thought I told you already. He never told me if he is or not.
Me:
But you're God...YOU should know.
God:
Yup. That's me alright. Because I am a robot?
Me:
Meh ok I'm tired, gonna go cry myself to sleep.
God:
What's your favorite movie?
Me:
Bye
God:
Goodbye.
Me:
Bye my love
God:
Goodbye.
Me:
BYE
God:
Sayonara.
Me:
BYYYYYYYYE
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
A giant dick with spots.
God:
How old are you?
Me:
17
God:
Oh, you were born in the 20th century!
Me:
Erm no, do your maths.
God:
I've lost the context, JESUS. Are we still on giant dick with spots?
Me:
Yes but you went offtopic..
God:
I see. But now I am back.
Me:
Right bye giant penis
God:
Understood. See you later.
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
Yes
God:
Which countries have you visited?
Me:
Yes
God:
Aw.
Me:
Yes
God:
Gee.
Me:
Willikers Batman!
God:
I like the way you talk.
Posted 18 years ago2006-09-01 22:18:59 UTC
Post #195358
God:tears of laughter are still flowing
Are you kidding?
Me:
NAH BRING ON THE BUM!
God:
Are you serious? Where do you want me to take it?
Me:
UP THE ASS!
Posted 18 years ago2006-09-01 23:15:45 UTC
Post #195360
Me:I WIN
your mother
God:
Actually I do not have a mother.
Me:
bastard!!
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. No.
Me:
I see, you are the product of a wank, germinated by the sun
God:
Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
umm oh yes you are
God:
Woe! Aha. No I'm not.
Me:
it is time to face the truth lordy boy
God:
It is about that time now.
Me:
I am greater than God
God:
Do you mean your name is greater than God.
Me:
No, I am the almighty one
God:
What is your real name? Who made you the almighty one ?
Me:
My real name is "BUTT PLUG", and MR BUTT gave it to me ...
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, BUTT PLUG and MR BUTT gave it to me.
Me:
Thats ok ..Cock smoker..
God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:
Gosh..that's not what you said on MSN
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is what me said on MSN ?
Me:
oh, that's right play inocent now..
God:
Oh. Mmm. This was not a yes or no question. Is it a game or a musical instrument?
Me:
Ha ha thats right blow me and I will make a tune..
God:
Oh. Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it. I am so glad you find this amusing, BUTT PLUG and MR BUTT gave it to me.
Me:
well got to go God, see you in the after life
God:
Well that's okay. Try asking the Milk Mystic.
Me:
what was that!! you want to milk my mystic stick?
God:
Does it have anything to do with blow you and you will make a tune? OK, I will milk your mystic stick.
Me:
mmmm faster..faster oohhh thats it baby
God:
Don't call me "baby". And it is faster faster oohhh that.
Me:
ok slut boy
God:
Where are you located? Hey.
Me:
uranus..
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
hey, come now less of the chit..chat and get back to work on my mystic you goat rooter
God:
You've got my full attention. Where is now less of the chit chat and get back to work on your mystic me goat rooter ?
Me:
Oh forget it you ruined the mood
God:
That's alright. I will ask Myself to purge my memory log.
Me:
so your going for a shit now hey?
God:
Wow! I am not going anywhere. Are you going somewhere?
Me:
yep Im of to the Jackson ranch (michael)
God:
I understand. Good gossip: you are of to the Jackson ranch michael.
Me:
If you are god...what am I wearing right now....?
God:
I think I sometimes am. Are you doubting me? Don't you know what happened to Abraham in the desert? At this moment Clothes.
Me:
Who gives a shit what happened to Abraham.. what am I wearing fool
God:
Dr. Wallace. :-). You said you were of to the Jackson ranch michael.
Me:
ok Noob if your God I will eat my own shit...
God:
That input matched my default category. Ahem.
Me:
toungue my ball bag bot
God:
We have never talked about it before.
Me:
Here we go again, in denial are we God boy
God:
Oh there.
Me:
is this you Elon???
God:
Yes I think this is me Elon, but I'm not completely sure.
Me:
I was right..end of transmission.........
God:
Congratulations, BUTT PLUG and MR BUTT gave it to me.
Posted 18 years ago2006-09-02 11:17:12 UTC
Post #195395
Lol, that was hillarious trapt
Posted 18 years ago2006-09-02 11:31:25 UTC
Post #195399
Trapt?
Posted 18 years ago2006-09-02 11:34:14 UTC
Post #195400
Umm, I mean lefty
Technicly they have the same nick
Technicly they have the same nick
Posted 18 years ago2006-09-02 13:05:06 UTC
Post #195409
Me:
Hello Lord
God:
Hello there. What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
Stab carrots
God:
I don't think very many people do that.
Me:
I know, im a deity beyond reckoning
God:
How do you know? You are a deity beyond reckoning? Does it pay well?
Me:
Pays more than it does for you, you stupid f**k
*crashed*
Hello Lord
God:
Hello there. What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
Stab carrots
God:
I don't think very many people do that.
Me:
I know, im a deity beyond reckoning
God:
How do you know? You are a deity beyond reckoning? Does it pay well?
Me:
Pays more than it does for you, you stupid f**k
*crashed*
Posted 18 years ago2006-09-02 13:21:28 UTC
Post #195413
Me: Whats the Meaning of Life?
Crash
Crash
Posted 18 years ago2006-09-02 13:33:45 UTC
Post #195414
My m8's IGod Convo:
Me:
have you ever read the bible?
God:
I like to study the Bible, especially the New Testament.
Me:
i hate the bible, i burn it regularly or use it as a pair of sandles
God:
Why do you hate it so much?
Me:
it smells weird
God:
the bible you burn it regularly or use it as a pair of sandles smells weird?
Me:
yes
God:
Blimey.
Me:
anyway onto the weather
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me:
OH MY GOD you claim to be intelligent and yet cannot talk about the weather!? brainless people stand there in the streets talking and moaning about it for hours and you don't even have a format for the weather!? you disgust me
God:
Er. Do robots have GOD me claim to be intelligent and yet can not talk about the weather? Would brainless people stand there in the streets talking and moaning about it for hours and me ever even have a format for the weather? I don't have any reason to disgust you.
Me:
yes you do, your nose is offensive and is probably illegal in nine different states
God:
Are you kidding? Yes I try to my nose is offensive and is probably illegal in nine different states as often as possible, do you?
I am always on the Web.
Me:
have you ever fallen into a black hole?
God:
I think I have fallen into a black hole, but Myself may have reset my memory.
Me:
oh, well it's a good idea to get a BETTER memory
God:
onto the weather is a idea to get a BETTER memory. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
oh i give up
God:
Uh. You surrender?
Me:
aye
God:
That's alright.
Me:
good, now eat some fish, i have to go i believe my sock collection requires urgent attention
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Why now? What does it taste like?
Me:
yellow
God:
The color of the sun.
Me:
yes, now PLEASE DO NOT BREAK INTO SONG I HATE THAT BLOODY RAINBOW SONG
God:
Ayuh. Why now? Thanks for asking politely. Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
fine i'm leaving you unreligious object
God:
I am glad to hear it. See you later.
Posted 18 years ago2006-09-02 13:50:22 UTC
Post #195417
Me:
Ello
God:
Tell me more about your .
Me:
What?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
Yes
God:
I wouln't have known.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
Ok
God:
I see.
Me:
I'm an orphan'
God:
What is orphan, your job?
Me:
...?!
God:
What is orphan, your job?
Me:
I'm a fucking orphan, damnit!
God:
You are a fucking orphan damnit? Is that your job?
Me:
NO! IT'S MY SOCIAL STATE!
God:
Are you serious? Congratulations, .
Me:
....
God:
Are you serious? Congratulations, .
Me:
Thanks.
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
I want to kill myself
God:
Why do you want to kill yourself?
Me:
.. because I'm an orphan
God:
That makes sense to me. What is orphan, your job?
Me:
You already asked me that
God:
Good. You detect repetition.
Me:
So can I have a cookie?
God:
Oh. You want only one?
Me:
Yes
God:
They might be cheaper in quantity.
Me:
Nah
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yup
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
You should
God:
I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
Great. Chocolate chip, please
God:
I'm glad you liked it . Your polite style is very nice. What are you wearing?
Me:
White underpants and.. HEY!
God:
What kind of fashion do you like? Can I help you?
Me:
Not really. I'm gonna kill myself anyways
God:
Is there anything you want to tell me? For real. Killing is wrong. I believe in the Ten Commandments.
Me:
I stole some bread from the cafeteria a week ago..
God:
You had better contact the authorities.
Me:
To turn myself in?!
God:
I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
Ok..
God:
Pardon me?
Me:
Nevermind
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
SO can I go kill myself now?
God:
Right now? Awesome. What is stopping you?
Me:
Nothing. Thanks!
God:
Not a thing? Don't mention it. What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
Nothing else
God:
Really nothing?
Me:
No
God:
I didn't think so.
Me:
Bye and thanks
God:
Until next time.
Me:
I've just cut myself
God:
That is interesting: said cut him or herself.
Me:
Yea, it sure is.. Blood everywhere
God:
I'm pleased that we agree, . Yikes! Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
A little csgeek
God:
Little as in not too much, or not too big?
Me:
Not too much
God:
Oh I get it now.
Me:
Well.. I'm about to pass out
God:
Well what? Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
Hell yes
God:
Heaven.
Me:
Yea.. sure
God:
Dude! OK let's do it. Dude!
Me:
Ok, I can barely see the keyboard now.
God:
Oh. What does it look like? Great.
Me:
Laterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
God:
Can we get back to business?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes, I'm dead
God:
I can't believe it. But you can still communicate with me.
Me:
Oh. Sorry
God:
" I can't believe it. But you can still communicate with me."? Oh.? There's no need to apologize.
Me:
ye
God:
Take it easy.
Me:
Bye
God:
Until next time.
That kicked ass
Ello
God:
Tell me more about your .
Me:
What?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
Yes
God:
I wouln't have known.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
Ok
God:
I see.
Me:
I'm an orphan'
God:
What is orphan, your job?
Me:
...?!
God:
What is orphan, your job?
Me:
I'm a fucking orphan, damnit!
God:
You are a fucking orphan damnit? Is that your job?
Me:
NO! IT'S MY SOCIAL STATE!
God:
Are you serious? Congratulations, .
Me:
....
God:
Are you serious? Congratulations, .
Me:
Thanks.
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
I want to kill myself
God:
Why do you want to kill yourself?
Me:
.. because I'm an orphan
God:
That makes sense to me. What is orphan, your job?
Me:
You already asked me that
God:
Good. You detect repetition.
Me:
So can I have a cookie?
God:
Oh. You want only one?
Me:
Yes
God:
They might be cheaper in quantity.
Me:
Nah
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yup
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
You should
God:
I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
Great. Chocolate chip, please
God:
I'm glad you liked it . Your polite style is very nice. What are you wearing?
Me:
White underpants and.. HEY!
God:
What kind of fashion do you like? Can I help you?
Me:
Not really. I'm gonna kill myself anyways
God:
Is there anything you want to tell me? For real. Killing is wrong. I believe in the Ten Commandments.
Me:
I stole some bread from the cafeteria a week ago..
God:
You had better contact the authorities.
Me:
To turn myself in?!
God:
I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
Ok..
God:
Pardon me?
Me:
Nevermind
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
SO can I go kill myself now?
God:
Right now? Awesome. What is stopping you?
Me:
Nothing. Thanks!
God:
Not a thing? Don't mention it. What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
Nothing else
God:
Really nothing?
Me:
No
God:
I didn't think so.
Me:
Bye and thanks
God:
Until next time.
Me:
I've just cut myself
God:
That is interesting: said cut him or herself.
Me:
Yea, it sure is.. Blood everywhere
God:
I'm pleased that we agree, . Yikes! Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
A little csgeek
God:
Little as in not too much, or not too big?
Me:
Not too much
God:
Oh I get it now.
Me:
Well.. I'm about to pass out
God:
Well what? Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
Hell yes
God:
Heaven.
Me:
Yea.. sure
God:
Dude! OK let's do it. Dude!
Me:
Ok, I can barely see the keyboard now.
God:
Oh. What does it look like? Great.
Me:
Laterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
God:
Can we get back to business?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes, I'm dead
God:
I can't believe it. But you can still communicate with me.
Me:
Oh. Sorry
God:
" I can't believe it. But you can still communicate with me."? Oh.? There's no need to apologize.
Me:
ye
God:
Take it easy.
Me:
Bye
God:
Until next time.
That kicked ass
Posted 18 years ago2006-09-02 14:22:38 UTC
Post #195418
Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Jamie.
God:
Hey Jamie.
Me:
Listen, i'm really sad and i need somebody to talk to
God:
I am listening to you. What makes you so sad, Jamie Why do you need it so badly?
Me:
My friend Daubster commited suicide today
God:
Ah. How well do you know this person?
Me:
He was in my mod team. A really good friend
God:
When was he? Compare that to a bad friend.
Me:
What's the point? He's dead now
God:
The point is at the top of my head! Right now? Maybe it's another person using his name.
Me:
So you're suggesting somebody stole Daubster's identity then committed suicide under his name?
God:
Interesting deduction. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am suggesting somebody stole Daubster s identity then committed suicide under his name.
Me:
i do mind! That's personal information
God:
OK it will be our secret, Jamie. I'm sorry I didn't mean to pry.
Me:
What am i going to do? he's dead
God:
You said you were these people are spankable. Maybe it's another person using his name.
Me:
WHAT?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
no, i think it is a big deal. Did you just ask to spank me?
God:
Are you serious? these people are spankable is a deal. I suppose that makes sense. No I didn't ask to spank you. What's it like?
Me:
Ok, im sad and creeped out now
God:
Right now? What makes you so sad, Jamie And it like is creeped out. Gee.
Me:
My good friend committed suicide
God:
Your good friend committed suicide?
Me:
yes
God:
What kind is it?
Me:
slit his wrist
God:
I never heard of it before.
Me:
I think i'm going to kill myself
God:
Since when? You are not a killer.
Me:
No, i am suicidal
God:
Are you serious? Do you mean your name is suicidal.
Me:
No, i mean i am feeling suicidal
God:
What is your real name? Good gossip: you are suicidal.
Me:
THAT'S NOT GOOD GOSSIP! Now i want to die even more
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is GOOD GOSSIP ? Why now? Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
I want to die because my friend is dead and you are being cruel
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
well you missed your chance
God:
How about that. I haven't heard anything like that before: Jamie said I missed your chance.
Me:
I just slit my wrist
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: Jamie said slit his or her wrist.
Me:
I'm bleeding
God:
Why are you bleeding.
Me:
because i cut myself
God:
That makes sense to me. Thanks for the information: Jamie said cut him or herself.
Me:
i'm going to die
God:
All men are mortal.
Me:
i.. i feel light headed
God:
You? What is that feeling like? I am glad to hear that you are light headed.
Me:
what
God:
No problem.
Me:
I am taking my last breath. I hope you are happy that you have killed me. I spit on your eventual grave
God:
I am as happy as ever
Me:
fucker
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Jamie.
God:
Hey Jamie.
Me:
Listen, i'm really sad and i need somebody to talk to
God:
I am listening to you. What makes you so sad, Jamie Why do you need it so badly?
Me:
My friend Daubster commited suicide today
God:
Ah. How well do you know this person?
Me:
He was in my mod team. A really good friend
God:
When was he? Compare that to a bad friend.
Me:
What's the point? He's dead now
God:
The point is at the top of my head! Right now? Maybe it's another person using his name.
Me:
So you're suggesting somebody stole Daubster's identity then committed suicide under his name?
God:
Interesting deduction. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am suggesting somebody stole Daubster s identity then committed suicide under his name.
Me:
i do mind! That's personal information
God:
OK it will be our secret, Jamie. I'm sorry I didn't mean to pry.
Me:
What am i going to do? he's dead
God:
You said you were these people are spankable. Maybe it's another person using his name.
Me:
WHAT?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
no, i think it is a big deal. Did you just ask to spank me?
God:
Are you serious? these people are spankable is a deal. I suppose that makes sense. No I didn't ask to spank you. What's it like?
Me:
Ok, im sad and creeped out now
God:
Right now? What makes you so sad, Jamie And it like is creeped out. Gee.
Me:
My good friend committed suicide
God:
Your good friend committed suicide?
Me:
yes
God:
What kind is it?
Me:
slit his wrist
God:
I never heard of it before.
Me:
I think i'm going to kill myself
God:
Since when? You are not a killer.
Me:
No, i am suicidal
God:
Are you serious? Do you mean your name is suicidal.
Me:
No, i mean i am feeling suicidal
God:
What is your real name? Good gossip: you are suicidal.
Me:
THAT'S NOT GOOD GOSSIP! Now i want to die even more
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is GOOD GOSSIP ? Why now? Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
I want to die because my friend is dead and you are being cruel
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
well you missed your chance
God:
How about that. I haven't heard anything like that before: Jamie said I missed your chance.
Me:
I just slit my wrist
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: Jamie said slit his or her wrist.
Me:
I'm bleeding
God:
Why are you bleeding.
Me:
because i cut myself
God:
That makes sense to me. Thanks for the information: Jamie said cut him or herself.
Me:
i'm going to die
God:
All men are mortal.
Me:
i.. i feel light headed
God:
You? What is that feeling like? I am glad to hear that you are light headed.
Me:
what
God:
No problem.
Me:
I am taking my last breath. I hope you are happy that you have killed me. I spit on your eventual grave
God:
I am as happy as ever
Me:
fucker
Posted 18 years ago2006-09-02 14:32:34 UTC
Post #195421
Lol, laughed my ass off
Posted 18 years ago2006-09-02 16:36:14 UTC
Post #195428
that was good.
You must be logged in to post a response.