Jahzels Survival Guide (1) Created 20 years ago2004-05-03 11:01:19 UTC by Jahzel

How to survive a zombie infestation....

Monkey Plague Infection Facts:

Monkey Plague Infected personel are usually reanimated through exposure to some government experimental substance in gas form. It re-animates the dead, and infects them. Any victim of these re-animated Monkey Plague Infected personel becomes infected with the substance, and in turn becomes a Monkey Plague Infected personel. (The single exception to this rule is those victims that are almost entirely consumed by the Monkey Plague Infected personel for food, and presumably have suffered extensive damage to their brains while being eaten)
Monkey Plague Infected personel have only basic mobility and motor skills, they typically cannot run, and cannot operate heavy machinery, capachino machines and door handles.
Monkey Plague Infected personel have only one weakness, their head. Damage the brain and Monkey Plague Infected personel almost always fall over and stay dead
Monkey Plague Infected personel lurk for extremely long periods. Merely because an area has been uninhabited for several hundred years is no reason to assume the closet will not have a Monkey Plague Infected personel in it.
Monkey Plague Infected personel bites are inevitably fatal to the victim. Those who have a bitten victim in their party should bow to the inevitable and kill the victim. This would best be done before a crisis moment when the stricken party member can turn into a Monkey Plague Infected personel and attack the party from behind.
Monkey Plague Infected personel are not as "groovin" in real life as in a Micheal Jackson video.
Monkey Plague Infected personel Survival Strategies:

For the most part these are common sense. Your primary risk is "Monkey Plague Infected personel Bite", and you should take basic precautions to avoid this. Here are some tips;

Wear long sleeve shirts (preferably with chain mesh underneath)
Try not to nap in Monkey Plague Infected personel infested areas.
Keep your vehicle windows rolled up at all times
Avoid strolling through seemingly abandoned buildings on your own while paying little attention to what goes on around you
Find a place with food where you can barricade yourself and settle in...
You get the idea, pay a little attention... you are in the middle of a Monkey Plague Infected personel infestation after all.

Useful Tools

I know, I am a gun nut, but the fact remains you can't go wrong with a large and varied assortment of "boom-sticks" when the Monkey Plague Infected personel show up. I'd recommend an assortment of sidearms and longguns using the same ammunition so you're not carting 30 different ammo types around with you.

Carry ALOT of ammo.
Shoot the Monkey Plague Infected personel IN THE HEAD, don't waste your ammo shooting them in the chest repeatedly. Ammo is heavy when carried in any quantity.
Keep your firearms with you, I know it seems like a good idea to leave them with the vehicle when you explore that abandoned church / mall / military base, but trust me. It will just end in tragedy.
When in doubt, its always better you have your gun and not need it, than to need it and not have it (this especially applies to the ever popular "just out of reach during a scuffle" situation.
Some final thoughts:

A Monkey Plague Infected personel infestation isn't as bad as it sounds, if you keep your head and don't get eaten you'll have a lot of fun. According to the movies there should be plenty of random nudity that makes next to no sense, and alot of neat abandoned buildings to explore.

For a detailed stimulation of how the Monkey Plague may occur, head down to here.

Interesting, I guess

very funny.
where is zombieloffe??

THnx for telling them how to get away from the monkey plague @$$!!! now they can get away!!

YAH I GOT MY MOSENBERG READY

I got the stake shooter ready.

You cannot get me.

He is the co-creator! and a moderator so your all screwed! MUAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!

yish but i dunt think so

I would also like to suggest that you might find this weapon most handy.

pulls it out

wait, I can't reach the trigger like this fumbles that's #bang#

its a sucicide gun? lets see how it works! BANG owwwy! me got shot in head and me lost valuable stuff! what that stuff called? oh yah brains...

dont worry. you never had some

We should make a surreal half-life mod. That could be one of the weapons in your invetory...

lol Jahzel! And pepper, your probably right...

...and instead off there being lots of bullets and guns we'll just have hands pretending to be guns and noises you made as a kid pretending to fire a gun with your gi joe figures! And when you die you pretend to die (like when you used to pretend to get shot in the head and you'd go: Aaaaaaaagh......)

Hey, stop stealing my ideas for my mod, seriously

Hey man, sorry seventh. Jeesh. These monkeys get so emotional these days.