Journals

Sometimes,I look at all the modders who have made stuff for several games.
I look at their work with despair,knowing that I will never be able to reach their level or fame.

Sometimes,I feel like I'm on the top of the world,after a long,brutal fight.
Just because I finally rigged that hand,or got that code working properly,or I just could do something right.
Sometimes,I wonder why I'm so stupid.Why I can't figure this thing out.
I feel like I shouldn't even be alive,to be honest,just another soul waiting to fade out.

Sometimes,I tell myself to calm down,that I'm doing all right.
Everyone makes mistakes,at times.Why,then do I always feel that I'm an idiot?
I must've been a pretty irresponsible kid and maybe extending up to a small portion of my teenage,I guess.
Or it's probably how my society/culture/you get the idea is.
I seem to...forget it,there's no point in being hopeful.
Focus,focus! I need to get out of here alive! As it is,the whole place is in shambles,many scientists and guards are dead!
It is all my fault...I shouldn't have pushed that thing in...I could have just stayed with Barney's sister...she's cute and besides,Barney knows nothing.

Focus,Gordon,focus! Stop shaking,steady your aim!

Everything would have gone to hell anyway.Someone else would have pushed it in. I couldn't have stopped anything.I'm alive,that all that matters,
get out and call for help.
I wonder if Breen is alright. I need to get my paycheck from him.....

At least, I hear the military is coming to rescue us.But then,why do I feel like something isn't right?
Never mind.First make it out,then think about it later.

-IA