Journal #8005

Posted 6 years ago2012-10-20 17:44:35 UTC
Striker StrikerI seriously doubt myself
A change of environment, a change of life style. Or better said, a total mess of a program that puts me through high amounts of stress and almost caused me to have emotional breakdowns.

College started.

I have waited enthusiastically for the moment college will start. I was gladly expecting some fun in the experimentation of a new medium. Seems like it isn't so... Seems like I need a longer period so I can accommodate.
It wouldn't be such a big problem if it wasn't for the college schedule.
Which is a total brainfuck. In space as it is in time. The classes are not held in buildings gathered in a campus. They're spread across different buildings in the city. You have to walk a lot if you want to save some money.( one "famous" seminar is held at ~8 km away, of course you take the bus, but still...).
Add that to the fact that we have day in the week with 10 hours of math&physics. Because the building is not close to the dormitories, you don't even have time to take a humane break.

When the fuck should I even have time to study, besides the period before exams? The only way I seem to be able to study is being attentive to the courses, and that way I can manage some seminars. But there are some that I've lost track of, and I seriously can't find a calm period to study.

To be sincere, all of the above would be in the limits of coping. Add to that the fact that before summer I started experiencing anxiety. I can not describe you how awful this is. And it is unscrupulous. It can strike either gradually, either spontaneously- in the form of "scumbag brain"- "Hey, you seem to be too calm. Let's make things a bit more turbulent, shall we?". One needs to develop skills of fighting against it, in a passive way( not actually focusing on the problem).
The chaos of the fucked up schedule mixed with the unpleasant waking-up hours, coupled with city life, can induce anxiety feelings that are disabling. You just feel the need of fleeing from where you are, going home... It induces the fear that you have medical problems and that you will pass out. It really tends to do this when I'm away...

I really need to get a hold of myself.

* end of frustration vent

13 Comments

Commented 6 years ago2012-10-20 18:54:19 UTC Comment #58185
What the hell is this crap? All of it should be in campus/faculty building. Unless its a specialistic laboratory or test/work area, such as a workshop.

Thats stupid.
And its not your fault its this far, don't get angry over that so easily.
Commented 6 years ago2012-10-20 19:04:22 UTC Comment #58178
Courses are generally held at the college's main building, but seminars and laboratories are not.
Commented 6 years ago2012-10-20 19:50:24 UTC Comment #58181
I hope you knew what you were going into ? In that case just suck it up and adapt.
Commented 6 years ago2012-10-20 20:03:55 UTC Comment #58179
No, not quite. But I'm trying...
Commented 6 years ago2012-10-20 20:24:13 UTC Comment #58182
This is weird. Find a different university?
Commented 6 years ago2012-10-20 22:50:47 UTC Comment #58174
Sounds like how my first attempt at college was. Different classes miles away, had to walk, take the subway, then walk again to get to one.

Of course I was not the only person at the school coping with that, lots of kids did. It just wasn't for me. I did at least finish the whole year, it's not like it was a game-breaker.

As intimidating or senseless as it seems, you could certainly get used to it and get yourself on a schedule to complete the year. If near the end of the year you don't feel you could do it for a few more years, start organizing for a transfer to a different school? That'd be my advice. Take it as you want.
Commented 6 years ago2012-10-21 01:02:17 UTC Comment #58176
wow it sounds like you are getting quite an exotic education Striker!

Stick with it tho bra, you can do it and it will get easier; you just need some time to adapt. Also, if you start falling behind in anything, don't be afraid seek help from your peers/school/tutors/etc if necessary ;)
Commented 6 years ago2012-10-21 01:43:05 UTC Comment #58175
Yes, my teachers were very understanding! on the first day of my history class my professor basically said "it takes me 45 mins to get here, longer than any of you! There's no excuse for missing my class!" and i looked him in the eye, out of a class of 60 kids, and when he saw me I just shook my head while maintaining eye contact. It took me an hour and a half to get to the building. I let him know that, and he understood.

Teachers are not heartless! You can do fine Striker.
Commented 6 years ago2012-10-22 23:24:38 UTC Comment #58184
Yeah heh, not a fan of 'universities' that are actually several random buildings spread over the city. As if there wasn't enough space in the city for a campus.
Commented 6 years ago2012-10-23 00:52:54 UTC Comment #58177
ya no question that is pretty gay, as if it was not hard enough to find parking on one campus...
Commented 6 years ago2012-10-27 00:10:25 UTC Comment #58183
Public transport, cap'n.
Commented 6 years ago2012-10-30 03:52:18 UTC Comment #58173
Try to stay in touch whenever you can.
I wish I had something better to say, sorry :(
Commented 6 years ago2012-12-07 15:04:35 UTC Comment #58180
No problem Soup Miner.

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