Journal #8005
Posted 12 years ago2012-10-20 17:44:35 UTC
A change of environment, a change of life style. Or better said, a total mess of a program that puts me through high amounts of stress and almost caused me to have emotional breakdowns.
College started.
I have waited enthusiastically for the moment college will start. I was gladly expecting some fun in the experimentation of a new medium. Seems like it isn't so... Seems like I need a longer period so I can accommodate.
It wouldn't be such a big problem if it wasn't for the college schedule.
Which is a total brainfuck. In space as it is in time. The classes are not held in buildings gathered in a campus. They're spread across different buildings in the city. You have to walk a lot if you want to save some money.( one "famous" seminar is held at ~8 km away, of course you take the bus, but still...).
Add that to the fact that we have day in the week with 10 hours of math&physics. Because the building is not close to the dormitories, you don't even have time to take a humane break.
When the fuck should I even have time to study, besides the period before exams? The only way I seem to be able to study is being attentive to the courses, and that way I can manage some seminars. But there are some that I've lost track of, and I seriously can't find a calm period to study.
To be sincere, all of the above would be in the limits of coping. Add to that the fact that before summer I started experiencing anxiety. I can not describe you how awful this is. And it is unscrupulous. It can strike either gradually, either spontaneously- in the form of "scumbag brain"- "Hey, you seem to be too calm. Let's make things a bit more turbulent, shall we?". One needs to develop skills of fighting against it, in a passive way( not actually focusing on the problem).
The chaos of the fucked up schedule mixed with the unpleasant waking-up hours, coupled with city life, can induce anxiety feelings that are disabling. You just feel the need of fleeing from where you are, going home... It induces the fear that you have medical problems and that you will pass out. It really tends to do this when I'm away...
I really need to get a hold of myself.
* end of frustration vent
College started.
I have waited enthusiastically for the moment college will start. I was gladly expecting some fun in the experimentation of a new medium. Seems like it isn't so... Seems like I need a longer period so I can accommodate.
It wouldn't be such a big problem if it wasn't for the college schedule.
Which is a total brainfuck. In space as it is in time. The classes are not held in buildings gathered in a campus. They're spread across different buildings in the city. You have to walk a lot if you want to save some money.( one "famous" seminar is held at ~8 km away, of course you take the bus, but still...).
Add that to the fact that we have day in the week with 10 hours of math&physics. Because the building is not close to the dormitories, you don't even have time to take a humane break.
When the fuck should I even have time to study, besides the period before exams? The only way I seem to be able to study is being attentive to the courses, and that way I can manage some seminars. But there are some that I've lost track of, and I seriously can't find a calm period to study.
To be sincere, all of the above would be in the limits of coping. Add to that the fact that before summer I started experiencing anxiety. I can not describe you how awful this is. And it is unscrupulous. It can strike either gradually, either spontaneously- in the form of "scumbag brain"- "Hey, you seem to be too calm. Let's make things a bit more turbulent, shall we?". One needs to develop skills of fighting against it, in a passive way( not actually focusing on the problem).
The chaos of the fucked up schedule mixed with the unpleasant waking-up hours, coupled with city life, can induce anxiety feelings that are disabling. You just feel the need of fleeing from where you are, going home... It induces the fear that you have medical problems and that you will pass out. It really tends to do this when I'm away...
I really need to get a hold of myself.
* end of frustration vent
13 Comments
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Thats stupid.
And its not your fault its this far, don't get angry over that so easily.
Of course I was not the only person at the school coping with that, lots of kids did. It just wasn't for me. I did at least finish the whole year, it's not like it was a game-breaker.
As intimidating or senseless as it seems, you could certainly get used to it and get yourself on a schedule to complete the year. If near the end of the year you don't feel you could do it for a few more years, start organizing for a transfer to a different school? That'd be my advice. Take it as you want.
Stick with it tho bra, you can do it and it will get easier; you just need some time to adapt. Also, if you start falling behind in anything, don't be afraid seek help from your peers/school/tutors/etc if necessary
Teachers are not heartless! You can do fine Striker.
I wish I had something better to say, sorry