Breaking news, I am in Lanzarote on holiday. It is warm and sunny, and there are penis bottle openers in every shop.
More on this story as it develops.
On the off chance that any TWHLers look this journal up in future before holidaying in Lanzarote, I would recommend Groucho Pub in Puerto del Carmen, if you happen to be staying nearby. It's a pleasant place to spend an evening, and the music is good.