Journal #8894
Posted 6 years ago2017-12-25 05:40:03 UTC
tl;dr to this journal is that it (hopefully) serves more purpose to me than it does to anybody reading, but feel free to read if you wish.
So I wrote a long winded journal about addiction & nicotine prior to this one and said I would quit on that day.
Well, I didn't quit nicotine at that time unfortunately, but I did end up doing it a few months later (I made it two months). I ended up in a new job at the end of those two months and started smoking as a result of my coworkers smoking, and even after only a few days of it I was feeling awful so I very quickly swapped it over to vaping.
As glad as I am to know that I can avoid smoking even with the (by now) fully ingrained habits and dependency on nicotine, it's senseless to be consuming nicotine in the first place when I know that I function perfectly (Well, significantly better to be frank) without it. (Vaping being 'safer' is complete and utter meaningless drivel without long term studies anyways, but that's an entirely different can of worms)
So here I am about to embark on my second journey of cold-turkeying the nicotine and hopefully staying off it for good. I'm hoping that publicly stating it in some capacity will increase the likelihood of me holding myself accountable to it rather than trying to commit to it internally and forgoing it because nobody else knows about it, therefore no consequences to breaking it.
2017/12/25 Quit nicotine (2nd attempt)
So I wrote a long winded journal about addiction & nicotine prior to this one and said I would quit on that day.
Well, I didn't quit nicotine at that time unfortunately, but I did end up doing it a few months later (I made it two months). I ended up in a new job at the end of those two months and started smoking as a result of my coworkers smoking, and even after only a few days of it I was feeling awful so I very quickly swapped it over to vaping.
As glad as I am to know that I can avoid smoking even with the (by now) fully ingrained habits and dependency on nicotine, it's senseless to be consuming nicotine in the first place when I know that I function perfectly (Well, significantly better to be frank) without it. (Vaping being 'safer' is complete and utter meaningless drivel without long term studies anyways, but that's an entirely different can of worms)
So here I am about to embark on my second journey of cold-turkeying the nicotine and hopefully staying off it for good. I'm hoping that publicly stating it in some capacity will increase the likelihood of me holding myself accountable to it rather than trying to commit to it internally and forgoing it because nobody else knows about it, therefore no consequences to breaking it.
2017/12/25 Quit nicotine (2nd attempt)
4 Comments
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When I quit smoking over a year ago I wasn't really actually trying to quit, it just naturally happened as I found something that got along with me better.
And when I quit nicotine entirely (even if only for two months), that too wasn't a 'desperate' attempt, it was just an open minded attempt which could go either way.
Perhaps for some people it may help to count the days and celebrate their small victories, but in my experience when you place a large amount of emotional investment in either direction, it will bounce in the opposite if it doesn't work out the way you want.
So the exhilarating victories quickly turn into crushing disappointments when (not if) you relapse which is a natural step in dealing with addiction, which then turns into depression and loss of hope and less chance of the ultimate victory (quitting forever).
For me I wouldn't have quit smoking or nicotine entirely if I wasn't open minded about the possibility of relapsing into it again. If I relapse, then I will learn what I can from it, and hope that I will go into the next attempt with a different approach. Maybe it's better, maybe it's not.
But I didn't beat myself up for failing to quit just because I started again, because I knew it would just bury me deeper into it.
Just gotta try again. And again, and again and again and again.
Even if I never end up winning entirely, certainly sporadic periods of abstinence is still a victory as I've gotton less of the thing I didn't want. And that alone seems worth the effort to me.