JOKE 1
A group of passengers were on an small airplane when the captain realizes they are carrying too much weight. The captain makes an announcement that they must jettison some luggage out of the hatch. Among the passengers, a chef, a business man, a priest, and a terrorist were stepped up to throw their stuff out. First the chef.
"I am wealthy enough, I suppose I could purchase a new frying pan when I land." And he tosses the pan out.
Next was the business man. "I can have my assistant fax me these papers, it's ok." And so he tossed out his brief case.
Next was the priest. "This bible of mine could land upon a poor soul and teach him the word of God." He tosses his bible out.
The terrorist takes off his vest lined with dynamite. "I am a coward and I don't want to die just yet." Tosses the vest off the plane and everyone thanks him. The plane was now light enough to make the journey safely.
Later that day, the priest was walking down the road to his church when he saw a woman crying. He asked what is so sad and she replied "I told my husband that his work would kill him, then a briefcase fell from the sky and hit his head and killed him." The priest comforted her and moved on.
A few houses down he saw a man crying. He asked what was so sad and the man replied. "I asked the heavens for an answer and this bible fell from the sky before me. I am crying of joy!" The priest congratulated him and moved on.
Next he found a boy laughing hysterically. "My dear boy what is so funny?"
The boy replied, "I farted and my house blew up!"
JOKE 2
A guy was riding on an small airplane, and he decided to smoke a cigar. Unfortunately, he was sitting next to a woman with a dog. The dog began coughing, so the lady said, "Excuse me, sir, but could you please put out your cigar? It's really bothering my dog."
He angrily replied, "No, I won't! You shouldn't have a dog on this flight anyways!"
"This is a non-smoking flight! You need to put that cigar out!" she said. They argued back and forth... get rid of the dog, put out the cigar, and so on.
Finally, the man said, "Look, I'll compromise with you. If you get rid of your dog, I'll get rid of the cigar." He was thinking, "She'll never want to give up her dog." But much to his surprise, she agreed to the deal!
The lady opened the hatch and threw her dog out. The man, thinking that he had another cigar anyways, threw his cigar out the window, thinking that he had won.
When they returned to their seat. The woman was sad as the man looked out the window. To his surprise the dog was on the wing! He showed the woman. "What's that in his mouth?" She asked.
It was a frying pan.