Translation- Stop upsetting me and I'll stop whining.
So stop being such a whiney bitch...with a mustache.
Its alright if your maps are bad, and its good that you had some spotlights, we all go through it. But to earn respect, you must kept since it is an unsustaining thing. Whining so much is isn't getting you anywhere! You're running around in a cirlce panicking. If someone pisses you off, fuck it and ignore them. If you want to get back on the right track, map something good and fun! add it too the server and let us play it through. THEN take all criticism nicely and contructively, if its bad, adress the problem constructively and learn something. Use the knowledge you have and educate the noobies. Write tutorials, or make example maps. If there is nothing else you can do, at least make prefabs!
A good mapper maps good.
A good member shares good.
lastly, calm the fuck down. I'm surprised you take this crap as seriously as you do. Mapping is a fun hobby to enjoy.
I must say, you're maps have awsome construct. maybe you should help out on a mod or put a little something of your own together.
Or grab milkshape and begin modelling, there's never enough of that.
Don't say something sidecocked about this, because this is the best advice i have for you.
Actions speak louder than words and never lie.