Genuinely fantastic Created 16 years ago2008-08-07 14:55:30 UTC by Archie Archie

Created 16 years ago2008-08-07 14:55:30 UTC by Archie Archie

Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 15:01:00 UTC Post #253418
I know you might think that a mere link belongs in the shoutbox, but this site desperately needs discussion.

It is some of the funniest tripe i have ever read in my life.

Here's a quote from their GTAIV review:
Nicko came from a former Communist country where he was brought up in Godlessness and so he sees no problem stealing and murdering.
And here's one from Bioshock:
players use resources called "Adam" and "Eve" to become genetically degraded by the plasmids making them less human (just like how the Fall, caused by Adam and Eve, brought death, mutations, and carnivores to our world).
and check here for more tripe, but not about games
Archie ArchieGoodbye Moonmen
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 15:39:12 UTC Post #253420
Great, a site with video game reviews written by a religious anti-communist.
(Note: I have not played this game since it is rated "M" and isn't allowed on the Fellowship U campus, so I am basing this mini-review on Secular media reports.)
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 15:39:29 UTC Post #253421
I looked at the poll and immediately thought "No srsly"
It's a joke, right?
Madcow MadcowSpy zappin my udder
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 15:44:48 UTC Post #253423
It also uses something called "Euphoria" which treats humans as "rag dolls" who act only in accordance to physics, which is what Atheistic Materialism teaches.
I nearly pissed myself.
Taylor TaylorJohn Romero's Bitch
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 15:49:14 UTC Post #253424
Doesn't work.

Edit: Now it does. Gay.
After one of the boys asked me if I wanted to play "shirts and skins", I quickly turned off the Playstation because I didn't want to see what that was (Pastor Skeet later told me it's homosexual slang).
What.
Luke LukeLuke
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 15:53:39 UTC Post #253425
I would love to read a Postal 2 review by this guy.
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 15:54:27 UTC Post #253426
PREVIOUS POLL:

Do you use "cheat codes"?

No, they are not Christian
No, I like to solve a game on my own
Only if I can't get past a level
Yes, but God knows I am a sinner and will forgive me
LOL
Luke LukeLuke
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 15:57:22 UTC Post #253427
Jesus is an asshole.
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 15:57:36 UTC Post #253428
oh jeesus ! xD

i didn'T just "nearly" pee myself xD
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 16:02:54 UTC Post #253429
Oh, I'd also like to point on the irony in my first post.
(Pastor Skeet later told me it's homosexual slang)
His name is fucking Pastor Skeet, how hilarious is that.
Luke LukeLuke
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 16:09:58 UTC Post #253430
ZERO CROSSES.
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 16:33:57 UTC Post #253431
I lol'd at Pastor Skeet.

This guys a genius.

Edit: Wait, WTF? Reading this thread I thought the whole site was satirical, but these people are totally serious! These poor, poor idiots.
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 16:50:01 UTC Post #253433
In Metal Gear Solid 4, you play the role of Snake, a soldier who uses stealth to sneak around a battlefield on a mission to steal guns from the Patriots (and to choke people from behind). As his name implies, Snake is actually a symbolic agent of Satan, sent into the world to finish what he started in the Garden. Evidence of this symbolism can be seen by Snake's use of an Apple iPod throughout the game (Apple is a notorious promoter of Darwinism and counter-culture). Also, Meryl, who guides Snake via a disembodied voice, uses an Apple Macintosh computer (I think Meryl is supposed to represent Satan himself, but all the symbolism is very confusing since it was written by a Japanese guy). This game promotes drug use (Snake is addicted to cigarettes and the HDD installation process features an 8-minute video of Snake teaching players how to smoke), eugenics through human cloning (Snake was the product of a project to clone "super soldiers"), disrespect of Authority (Snake's main enemy in the game are the Patriots, who represent the Christian founders of our nation), and Materialistic Determinacy with an absence of Free Will (every game in the MGS series is a remake of the first, only with a different Snake clone, the theory being that by putting the clones through the same missions, they will develop into the same person). MGS4 was designed to train those who will be left behind after the Rapture to serve in the Antichrist's military forces. As such, it has no value for the Christian gamer, who is among the Elect and won't have to deal with that, but it may help the unsaved to know the tactics they will be up against in a post-Rapture world should they choose to join the fight against the Antichrist and secure themselves a place among the Sheep when Christ returns. Therefore, I am giving it ONE CROSS for this slight benefit. ?
LMAO
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 17:06:37 UTC Post #253434
The last time I came across something similar, it was a joke.

I sincerely hope that there isn't a real person who's that clueless. If this is real, I lament for the entire humanity.
satchmo satchmo“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better. -- Samuel Beckett”
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 17:25:13 UTC Post #253437
anyone read their FAQ yet?
Back in 1995, when I turned away from my former lifestyle and let Christ into my heart, His transforming power was so totally awesome that my hair turned grey - almost overnight, no jawsin' - but my mustache miraculously stayed black! I knew this had to be a sign from God...
Archie ArchieGoodbye Moonmen
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 17:28:40 UTC Post #253438
The fact that they censored the picture of the kiss between Jimmy Hopkins and another boy is hilarious. :lol:
Alabastor_Twob Alabastor_Twobformerly TJB
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 17:32:18 UTC Post #253439
This guy must be the most retarded person on the planet. That's a christian fanatic, he's the same thing as Al-Qaeda. Stupid bastards.
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 17:52:47 UTC Post #253440
Back in 1995, when I turned away from my former lifestyle and let Christ into my heart, His transforming power was so totally awesome that my hair turned grey - almost overnight, no jawsin' - but my mustache miraculously stayed black! I knew this had to be a sign from God...
I bet somebody did it to him while he was sleeping.

[Edit]
"Zounds Abstinence Shorts""A great way to show the youths that abstinence is "where it's at"."
Enjoy the roomy comfort of our sexyboxers as underwear
They're made to promote abstinence, yet they are described as "sexy".
Is it just me or is that just retarded?
Alabastor_Twob Alabastor_Twobformerly TJB
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 18:03:23 UTC Post #253441
The last time I saw a website lack that it was in GTA IV
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 18:15:22 UTC Post #253444
Good job on the triple post.

The site is a joke, yes?
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 18:26:51 UTC Post #253445
The site is a joke, yes?
I sincerely hope so.
Alabastor_Twob Alabastor_Twobformerly TJB
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 20:31:58 UTC Post #253448
If anybody still has any doubt that this is a joke site, just look at the little box at the top right of the page:
Here's a thought to pass on to any unsaved gamerz you know:

"U save ur game b4 u die... shouldn't u let Jesus save ur soul b4 u die IRL??
Lulz.
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 20:35:24 UTC Post #253449
Anyone take a look at the main site?

http://objectiveministries.org/

Look at the "Christian Activism". The first one is epic.

If this succeeded, I'd raise money to get the cross shot out of the sky with the same rocket they shot that satellite out of the sky with. For max lulz, of course.
Luke LukeLuke
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 20:52:23 UTC Post #253450
Read the names of the songs.
Baby got Baptism? =/
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 21:10:56 UTC Post #253451
If it was visible to the naked eye then the entire middle east would get pissed off. :lol:

http://objectiveministries.org/kidz/crafts.html#habu
The "convert the beatnick atheist" minigame that I saw at the bottom is lulz.
Alabastor_Twob Alabastor_Twobformerly TJB
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 21:19:22 UTC Post #253453
The game series (as the title notes, this is the fourth game) has already resulted in murders in real life. This game has no redeemable qualities. Needless to say, all Christians should avoid this game and pray for the people who made it and their victims (murder victims and gamers of all ages who have played it and have been spiritually scarred). ZERO CROSSES
That's also from GTAIV... just to be clear to that obviously superior being, it is not in face the fourth game in the series... unless london, vice city, san andreas, vc stories, and lc stories don't count all of a sudden. But then again, maybe they don't, because he is OBVIOUSLY superior and even changed Niko's name to Nick! D=

Edit:
http://www.godtube.com/
(from their site)
Quick, spam it with porn and whatnot. Keep it inconspicuous in case they moderate before posting it.
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 21:26:54 UTC Post #253454
It has to be lesbian / gay, though, otherwise it won't be entirely worth it.

ZL is the only person I know with both, so ask him. ;)
Luke LukeLuke
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 21:39:17 UTC Post #253455
ZL... do it.... DO IT!
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 23:09:49 UTC Post #253456
"Here are some Secular games that Christian gamers and parents should be aware of..."

AHAHAAHA SNORT HAHAHAHAHA SNORT OHHAHA OHH AHAHAHAHAHAH SNORT SNORT

Lcp will be back momentarily...

10 minutes later.......

Tribulation Knights
Help lead Christians from harm's way in the large, free-roaming post-Rapture city of Tortosa Bay. Features flying cars and mission-based gameplay. It's like Grand Theft Auto, only not evil. (PC)
OH dear god! this is torture

can't wait for L4D
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-07 23:16:08 UTC Post #253457
i cant wait for Tribulation Knights. </lol>
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-08 01:02:00 UTC Post #253458
Ignorance speaks for itself apparently. I lol'd repeatedly and was strangely confortable with it.
Rimrook RimrookSince 2003
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-10 04:38:00 UTC Post #253523
There must not be very many mega-Christians out there who know CSS because every single one of these sites we manage to find end up being ass-ugly.

AMIRITE?
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-10 04:51:04 UTC Post #253525
but most of them are joke sites and are meant to look bad, like this one.
Penguinboy PenguinboyHaha, I died again!
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-10 05:02:59 UTC Post #253526
they are an actual band, so whether or not this is taking the piss is negotiable
Archie ArchieGoodbye Moonmen
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-10 07:13:13 UTC Post #253527
What the fuck was all that? :D
It's like a twilight zone.
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-10 09:33:22 UTC Post #253530
You know, it's better to just ignore that crazy religious/gaming website by not ever visiting them again. Because the more you do, the more web hits they get, the more popular they get, which leads to more advertising revenue they get. And with more money they have, the more power they have to spread their twisted version of Christianity.
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-10 14:04:50 UTC Post #253559
Why'd they get more popularity due to hits? Bandwidth usage, maybe, but as long as you don't click their ads you aren't helping them. Besides, this is a joke. It has to be.
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-10 15:19:33 UTC Post #253561
If it is a joke, they're doing a great job. I couldn't help but laugh when I read each of those articles.

It would be such a shame if this isn't real. Half the of the laughs, for me at least, come from the fact that this guy is being serious.
38_98 38_98Lord
Posted 16 years ago2008-08-10 15:57:39 UTC Post #253564
look at the root directory homepage. there's no way that's real.
Penguinboy PenguinboyHaha, I died again!
Posted 16 years ago2008-09-02 17:56:52 UTC Post #254903
Updated reviews!!!
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