Journal #6441
Posted 14 years ago2010-03-12 01:07:01 UTC
Ever felt like your friends don't give a damn about you?
It happens to me all the time. I have a couple of friends who say they're my friends, but they seldom remember me if I don't call first. I'm already a background element in everyone's lives. I'm the decorative NPC. I'm the optional quest nobody's interested in.
It could be easy to say that I have nothing to give, but that's not true. I care, I'm always there, they always have my unconditional attention. Yet I don't see any of that come back. I'm always the last option, the oh-well-if-there's-nothing-better. Is it asking too much to expect the same from them?
I know that as a computer geek I shouldn't expect to have a girlfriend, but a friend or two at least? Are my expectations so unrealistic? I'm starting to think they are. Actually wanting my friends to pretend they're friends? Pfft. Who would come up with such a thing.
Example: two days ago, one of them tells me one of his (female) friends wanted to see a movie. She said "Bring a friend, I'm coming with one too". Of course, only a week later I hear of this event. He then adds, "I'm sorry, I have to confess you weren't the first one I thought of". Well, not a surprise for me anyway - I'm never the first one anyone thinks of. Sometimes, not even the last one.
Then there's my other friend, whose friendship, company, support and overall giveashitness I appreciated the most. At one point we didn't go a day without talking in one way or another. But not now. For months already she hasn't written anymore, doesn't call, doesn't text, doesn't reply to emails, doesn't get online (to, say, msn) for weeks. She insists everything is alright, but (due to all the above) I still feel that "I don't care" vibe coming from her. She did call me for my birthday, though. But that's it. Is this all a joke? I just don't understand.
Life is always teasing me. There doesn't seem to be anything in it for me.
TLDR: I'm depressed, I feel worthless and forgotten.
It happens to me all the time. I have a couple of friends who say they're my friends, but they seldom remember me if I don't call first. I'm already a background element in everyone's lives. I'm the decorative NPC. I'm the optional quest nobody's interested in.
It could be easy to say that I have nothing to give, but that's not true. I care, I'm always there, they always have my unconditional attention. Yet I don't see any of that come back. I'm always the last option, the oh-well-if-there's-nothing-better. Is it asking too much to expect the same from them?
I know that as a computer geek I shouldn't expect to have a girlfriend, but a friend or two at least? Are my expectations so unrealistic? I'm starting to think they are. Actually wanting my friends to pretend they're friends? Pfft. Who would come up with such a thing.
Example: two days ago, one of them tells me one of his (female) friends wanted to see a movie. She said "Bring a friend, I'm coming with one too". Of course, only a week later I hear of this event. He then adds, "I'm sorry, I have to confess you weren't the first one I thought of". Well, not a surprise for me anyway - I'm never the first one anyone thinks of. Sometimes, not even the last one.
Then there's my other friend, whose friendship, company, support and overall giveashitness I appreciated the most. At one point we didn't go a day without talking in one way or another. But not now. For months already she hasn't written anymore, doesn't call, doesn't text, doesn't reply to emails, doesn't get online (to, say, msn) for weeks. She insists everything is alright, but (due to all the above) I still feel that "I don't care" vibe coming from her. She did call me for my birthday, though. But that's it. Is this all a joke? I just don't understand.
Life is always teasing me. There doesn't seem to be anything in it for me.
TLDR: I'm depressed, I feel worthless and forgotten.
20 Comments
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I know how you feel. It's hard sometimes to find people who aren't self centered and only care about their own pleasures. Maybe find a good cause to hook up with. I volunteer with a local church and have found some of my closest friends there. People who volunteer a lot of their time tend to be a lot less self-centered and more caring. Just a suggestion to think about.
Even in some discussions I tend to be ignored in some cases. Sometimes, though, I think I'm the victim of my own character.... I'm too possesive at times, perhaps selfish.... even though at a Psihology class, there was a test, everyone had a piece of paper that passed it to everybody, and I received pretty good thoughts about me...
The thing is, I tend to ignore this and try to have a happy life... I always tend to help my friends\family ... but I have limits and I'm impulsive....
Don't feel to bad about it, you'll find some good friends soon.
In the meantime, you've got us, right?
Volunteer at the church it'll solve all your problems. Will it fuck. All doing something like that will do is estrange you even further from your current friends and introduce you to a bunch of hypocrites who you won't be able to stand hanging around with.
Sorry for rant, but that method of evangelicalism sickens me.
As for your problem - I went through a very similar situation 3 years ago, and I found that a lot of the people I thought were my friends actually weren't worth the effort. If they're willing to use you then drop you, then they're no friends.
Try new things - tone down the computer geek side of you when you're meeting new people. Try inviting that girl who called on your birthday to something you wouldn't have done before, whether it be a nightclub or a gig - something sociable and public where you can reignite the friendship and meet new people.
From what I know of you through TWHL - you're a good guy and you deserve to find friends who care. If you don't think the current ones do, maybe you shouldn't waste your time on them.
I agree with above people who don't have time for you are not worth the effort, and who cares if you're a computer geek? Be yourself and you will find others who like you for who and what your are.
The way i feel about the friends i have now is that i'll do anything for them, and they know that. I offer my services to them whenever they need and i ask for nothing in return, but i'm careful to not get taken advantage of. Gotta ask for a little something in return every now and again. Now that i'm 21, i always tell em they owe me a beer.
So they take me up on the offer and we go to a bar after school and just bullshit for a few hours.
People come and go stu, just keep on keeping on. You'll make an effort to hold on to the people you really care about.
Thanks, to all of you. I don't think my friends are selfish assholes, they just don't seem to be very interested as of late. They do have other friends which they seem to think about.
"Try new things - tone down the computer geek side of you when you're meeting new people."
I doubt I come across as a computer geek for people who don't know me, it's not like I'm talking about C++ all the time. And I tend to reserve the programming/geek jokes for fellow geeks. I'm probably just too boring.
"Try inviting that girl who called on your birthday to something you wouldn't have done before, whether it be a nightclub or a gig - something sociable and public where you can reignite the friendship and meet new people."
I've done that in the past, we've had wonderful times together. However, she seems to have lost interest. She politely declined all my offers in the past 6-8 months, and it's not like I invite her to software security conferences. She'd be the one I'd miss the most if I don't talk to her anymore.
Capt: I did wonder if TWHLers should give a flying fuck. You don't know me, after all. But thanks for caring in a "fellow forum member" way.
I do have a (sort of) new friend, someone in the way to become one, a classmate from uni. But I won't jump to conclusions early.
"Just one of those days, I guess".
I'm sure you know this already, but sometimes you just need to pull yourself together to get some results. Bottom line, if your "friends" don't care about you then they aren't really your friends and can thus summarily be discarded. Why waste your time on someone who doesn't care?
I'm already at the point where I can count them with one hand.
Livewire: I guess I don't then. I socialise while at uni. That narrows it down to more cultured and educated friends.
After a certain period of time, things patch up and get back together. My friends I hated so much for forgetting me are again some of my closest, I have a girlfriend, and I'm out at least weekly.
Give it time, make new friends to fill the empty spaces and try to overlook the situation as a whole and continue life as normal. Shit'll come back together on its own.
though of course the social aspects of life are just as important
It's not so bad, just some emotional shit that life throws at you.
Nobody ever remembered my birthday except for my family. No friends or GFs at all. I just call them "the people I know" cause they only know my name and nothing more. But I could have gained friends and gfs, it's not so hard. Just let the popular culture and society control you and "BOOM" you got friends and girls. But wait.. you also lost your unique values and now you are a worthless stereotype with more social power. But it were the choices we made that made us who we are, now. I don't think we should regret them, even if we do.. it won't be of any use at the moment.
"Self-interest" is what makes the world go around. Rarely people stand up for each other, for that matter. Keep trying, you can not lose. How can you lose when you already got nothing, right? When somebody lets you down, don't give up on her/him. To reach people no one else is reaching we must do the things no one else is doing. Never hesitate to make your intentions become real. The smallest good deed is greater than the grandest intention. These may cost you a lot, if you got the thing what they call "pride". Pride makes people go blind.. without it you'll be living your life more fuller than anybody else without regrets or depression of any kind. Also don't feel forgotten, when I do feel like that I just look at the sun or the moon and realize that there are actually hundreds or thousands of people like you and I, out there fighting the same thing. Always have a vision and think what it is fueling it.
I hope that things will get well together like the way you want them to be.
NineTnine: well... yeah, it is. But I deem a completely independent life with no social interaction completely worthless. I value company the most.