Journal #8103

Posted 7 years ago2013-01-30 21:17:36 UTC
Instant Mix Instant MixTitle commitment issues
The past few days have been quite fun, found out that one of my closest friend's life is going to be completely fucked up.

Her step-dad abused her when she was younger, but she didn't tell anyone apart from a few days ago when She told her doctor - she went to them to see if they could do something about her self-harming scars. Because she has a younger sister that she's worried about, the doctor went and told the police.

Today, her step-dad's been taken away and her mum was told about the matter. Her mum will have to quit university, and probably move to somewhere that's cheaper to live as her step-dad was the only source of income.

If only I could've punched him in the face when I stayed over at her house.


Commented 7 years ago2013-01-30 21:26:24 UTC Comment #50899
The raper goes to jail and the mother gets to live her days off in the trailer park, all is well with the world.
Commented 7 years ago2013-01-30 21:31:24 UTC Comment #50891
Yeah... Great fun.
Commented 7 years ago2013-01-30 23:19:15 UTC Comment #50892
How lovely. Her mother was initially widowed because for depression or something, her husband and my friend's father commit suicide. The issue is that now, her step-dad has gone missing and now he's messaging her bio mother threatening to commit suicide. That's going to fuck her up big time if he does...

I really should've stayed in better contact with her. Should I go and see her on the weekend or get her to come to me ( bear in mind she's 1 1/2 hours away )
Commented 7 years ago2013-01-31 02:03:32 UTC Comment #50900
Shit man, that's a mess.
Take a couple of days off school and go to her right away.
And if the bastard shows up, beat the living daylights out of him.
Commented 7 years ago2013-01-31 08:28:49 UTC Comment #50901
Makes me sick how people can get so fucked up.
Ruining others lives with out any concern at all.
Commented 7 years ago2013-01-31 11:42:43 UTC Comment #50895
I'm guessing you live in Scotland, since it says so in your profile, right? Aren't there any kinds of benefits they can provide? Some kind of help / compensation? Surely there should be some help in this type of situation.
I can't really say much on the matter since I don't know how old you both are, honestly I have no idea how old you are so I can't judge. If she's 18 or over, she can get a student loan from the country and go study in university, living at dorms. If that was the case then her life would not be ruined. If she's under 18 then the country should definitely provide benefits for her family.
You should search this stuff up, at least help her while she's going through crap.

I had a problem on a similar scale last summer, my grandad had a stroke, he lives alone in the country side in Latvia, whilst his relatives and family are far away. My mum called him one day to find he could barely speak in the phone, he had been lying on the floor for over a day dieing, I had to keep calm in the situation, and find solutions quick, had to help my mum think straight. We managed to call an ambulance, and in a few days I took a plane straight to Latvia to constantly visit him in the hospital. He's all right now thankfully :).
Anyway what I'm saying is, the best thing to do in these types of situations is just to think straight and try to come up with a solution. Comforting your friend would be a start. Try to look for solutions together.
Commented 7 years ago2013-01-31 16:40:34 UTC Comment #50893
Well so far they can't really do that much now as they've only got my friend's words ( however I think the father now running away and threatening suicide reinforces this) - I haven't asked her if there have been any advancements today. Only until the police have gone through all this shit that the government can start helping them. She's 16 - since she's been in scotland she's entitled to free university ( SAAS Pays for tuition fees for all scottish students at scottish universities ) , it's really one of her main goals and from what it sounds like she's going to get the right grades to get in. It's just that it's more her family and friends to be honest. The damage has already been done to her, but her stepdad was the only source of income in the family. Her mother will have to quit university and get a job to support her younger brother and sister, and it'll be hard for her to support her bigger sister who goes to uni as well.

It's hard to think of solutions though, because it's a really pretty big involvement with the police on the phone half of the time. It's life changing shit, and nothing I can say will help to be honest. I'm not exactly the best quick thinker, I can have a laugh but i'm not an entirely optimistic person and I'm worried whatever I say could be taken wrongly and just make things significantly more shit..

I hope to god she's alright today.
Commented 7 years ago2013-01-31 20:40:53 UTC Comment #50890
"SAAS Pays for tuition fees for all scottish students at scottish universities"
*all EU students

Anyway, sorry to hear. Definitely get out there & comfort her.
Commented 7 years ago2013-01-31 21:22:11 UTC Comment #50898
That was extremely insigtful skals, i didn't think you had a sensitive bone in your body :o

I hope you're able to sort things our Instant Mix! ='(
Commented 7 years ago2013-01-31 22:17:16 UTC Comment #50896
Instant Mix, I live in England and currently go to University, so I'm quite sure we have the same system. Over here you can apply for a student loan which is given to you when entering university, to pay for study, and to cover living costs, and this sum changes depending on the circumstances the person is in. If your friends mother does not already receive loans to cover university costs, she can definitely apply for them now, being a lone parent. If she already does, she can at least contact them and see if the change in circumstances can increase the benefits.
Child benefits should increase the lower the income of the household is, so that's another thing to look into.

I moved to London seven years ago, with my mother and sister, my mother worked a minimal wages job, for the first few years the three of us lived in a small two bedroom flat, and we were happy, because before that we had to share a single room with other people. We eventually managed to get a three bedroom council flat, my mother still lives there. We were surviving on benefits, and yet I still managed to make it through school, get good grades in college, and move on to University.

Life isn't over. As for your friend, she should study hard and go to University. All that step-dad shit was a long time ago, she's made it through, all that's left is to look ahead.

Like everyone's said already, comfort her, continue being her friend just like you were up until this point, and use your head to help. Look up the things I mentioned before.
Commented 7 years ago2013-01-31 23:46:22 UTC Comment #50894
Cheers skals, thanks for the insight :) Wasn't sure about what the fuck saas does anyway, this is just coming through from our "representatives". Honestly dude, thanks. I think she's doing better today, but i haven't heard any update on her stepdad.. wether he's offed himself of he's been caught. She doesn't care though , in her words " i'll be fine. everything will be fine. whether hes dead or alive."

Commented 7 years ago2013-02-01 17:58:39 UTC Comment #50897
It's good to hear that things are improving... and she's right, The fucker is threatening to commit suicide as if anyone cared about him, it won't make any difference if he offs himself, he's not going back to that family either way. It's laughable.

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