Last nail in the old coffin

Posted 1 week ago2019-03-12 23:54:02 UTC
Admer456 Admer456Lean, mean, mapping machine :3
If you remember this and you wanna know what happened between me and him:
link
...you can read about the end here, if you wish.

So, yeah. It's over.
It's all... done. I'm not sad, and I definitely appreciate the freedom now. I do miss him, though.
All of you who were worried of it being a predator scenario, you may sleep peacefully now. But it wasn't such a scenario anyway.

Brad and I played TF2 and GMod a couple of times. I remember he often asked me for technical help, and a little bit too often, I might add. But he was a good guy. He badly wanted me to get the new PC that I got in July 2018, but something happened before I did...

In June, he... he simply disappeared. He completely disappeared from the Internet, deleting most of his accounts and leaving no contact info for me. Blimey. :/

So yeah. But that was not the only relationship in my life.
There was a girl from Texas, who was kinda nice until she started being overly horny and begging me for nudes (eww). Plus, she always looked for excuses to avoid voice chatting with me and I never saw a picture of her. Could be a catfish. And she wasn't the only catfish there.

There was a cute girl from Taiwan once, but that's a WHOLE other story which involves a dumb Bosnian dude from Slovenia hating me so much after finding out that I'm bi. :D

Then I've had like... 4 more relationships. Two before that, and two after that. The peak was about 3 or 4 relationships at once.
Almost all of these are pretty much done.

The point is, it taught me a damn valuable lesson. Say NO for once.

It taught me another one too, but that's something I realised after reading Voltaire's Candide. It is the fact that "we must cultivate our own gardens".
5 out of 7 of these relationships started like this: "Admer, I love you" - "I love you too!" - "Will you be my BF?" - "HELL YES!!!"

It's just like Candide. He was given all sorts of goods throughout the story, like when he visited Eldorado. But of course, there were really bad situations too, like when the entire Prussian army started beating his butt up, one by one. The thing is, he never did any actual work. He was just going around the world looking for his beloved Cunegonde, and he just got lucky and unlucky at times. In the end, he settled for a piece of land, and he and his friends started actually working on that land, and everyone was happy. (I should read even more books)
And notice something. It's always the other person saying "I love you" first. Meh. I wanna conquer some land myself (it feels more rewarding!), not have it simply given to me so that I can easily lose it later on.

Also, seriously. God. Back then, I didn't know how to say no. It was probably because I was desperate and/or I didn't want to hurt the other person's feelings. Now I am not so afraid.

But yeah. I'm actually happy. Very very happy, partly due to the freedom I have now, and the fact that I don't have to lose so much time during the day to just chat (fact is, they were all from different time zones, so each would message me in different times of day - and that led to many hours being lost on Discord). All these breakups did not affect me at all, in fact I could say they made me a bit stronger.

I'll just not bother with relationships until I'm 25 or so. I'm just not ready yet. Especially for a real-life relationship.

You don't have to say a thing, as far as I'm concerned. I already know. I'm too young, I'm too childish, I have too high expectations... I mostly know...
And what was the point of this journal? It was just to make some things clear, and put an official end to my journals about furries and journals about my relationships.

9 Comments

Commented 1 week ago2019-03-13 00:30:52 UTC Comment #101896
In my experience, being afraid of disappointing people just causes so much more disappointment for everyone. Best to ignore that fear.

Good to hear that you're comfortable with your situation. It's always important to save some love for yourself.
Commented 1 week ago2019-03-13 13:10:37 UTC Comment #101897
You're acting like a smarter version of me. It happens that the younger ones are better then the 24 old me.

Just to cheer you up. You're a great guy.
Commented 1 week ago2019-03-13 17:40:03 UTC Comment #101898
In my experience, being afraid of disappointing people just causes so much more disappointment for everyone. Best to ignore that fear.
See, I was the one who kinda got disappointed each time... :s
It's always important to save some love for yourself.
Oh well. Gotta love myself first, so then I can love others. :3
You're acting like a smarter version of me. It happens that the younger ones are better then the 24 old me.
Age should not mean too much in this regard, IMO. What do you mean by that statement?
Just to cheer you up. You're a great guy.
Thanks, and likewise. :)
Commented 1 week ago2019-03-13 17:45:07 UTC Comment #101899
dude your 10 years old and youre bi? come on. tl;dr
Commented 1 week ago2019-03-13 18:39:17 UTC Comment #101900
He's 16, an age at which most teenagers have since long felt sexual attraction towards others, for some towards both boys and girls.
Commented 1 week ago2019-03-13 20:32:00 UTC Comment #101901
"dude your 10 years old and youre bi? come on. tl;dr"
"He's 16, [...]"
17, friend. :D
10 in the mind, 17 in age, 24 in the looks (according to some).
Also, I include a TL;DR with some journals. I simply didn't write one for this one. It happens. :P
Commented 1 week ago2019-03-13 23:43:19 UTC Comment #101902
@Bruce Haha

"@Admer But yeah. Finish school, get a girlfriend.
All of this internet stuff is fake anyway.
Commented 5 days ago2019-03-19 22:24:07 UTC Comment #101914
Yeah Stojke, correctly!
Internet has a lot of liars because they always use money than true love. That is why I have Filipina girl friend and I found since from hard serious website like b-messenger and I got and call video chat and she shows me truth and me too and that is seriously. I know it is really hard to find.

My best Bosnian friend you can find safe like online dating or meet in your place. Good luck to find your dream wife :D
Commented 5 days ago2019-03-19 22:40:28 UTC Comment #101915
Thanks SSB. I'm sure I'll find my special person one day. :) (unless she finds me, lol)

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