Late april fools? Created 19 years ago2005-04-03 20:18:35 UTC by 96a2107

Jus saw this CS:S update, is this all true:

Friday, April 1 2005

An update is available for Counter-Strike: Source. The update will be applied automatically when your Steam client is restarted. This update addresses requests for more realism in Counter-Strike: Source. The changes are as follows:

Features/Additions
Doubled player speed when jumping. The effect to cumulative, so the more you jump, the faster you go.
Cut price of AWP by 50%.
Added akimbo Riot Shield to buy menu.
Removed de_dust from mapcycle.
Realism Enhancements:

Knives:
Between rounds, it is suggested that you unsheath the weapon and repeatedly press the attack key to air it out as the leather now collects moisture and creates pits on the blade, making it less effective in the next round.

Shotguns:
1. Firing the shotgun without ammo loaded will now cause it to jam.
2. When the shotgun jams, press F2 to fill out form DA-1823-00/A12-H8.
3. You should then hear a scribbling sound. When it stops, press F3 to send the request to LIDM.
4. Failure to do paperwork before pressing F3 will result in the immediate return of the unrepaired shotgun.
5. The repairs can take 1-2 rounds for completion. During that time, you cannot purchase a replacement firearm and may only use your sidearm or knife.

Player Models:
Several models now feature eyewear. This is a completely cosmetic enhancement with the following exceptions:

Part EP-7829-292-2 must be purchased and worn correctly at all times in order to see during the round.

In between rounds, you may purchase and use part EC-2231-833-H34 to clean your EP-7829-292-2. Note: that this does not clean the eyewear itself!

To clean the eyewear, you need to purchase and use the designated cleaner, EC-2231-233-H34, EC-2231-523-H34, or EC-2231-239-H34a respectively depending on your model's eyewear. You can determine the part # of the correct cleaner by asking someone.

Machine and submachine guns:

At least once every five rounds, press F1 to inspect the weapon:
A musical cue indicates that the inspection has started. Now press F1 again repeatedly to clean and lubricate the weapon.

Your Preventative Maintenance Status (either "cleaning" or "lubricating") is determined by the speed with which you press the F1 key and will be displayed above your head.

To accurately simulate real life maintenance mistakes, pressing F1 too quickly will lubricate either the bolt face or the trunnion block. Pressing F1 too slowly sprays lubricant directly into the buffer tube. All mistakes render the gun inoperable, though this may not become immediately apparent.

Experiment with keypress timing to avoid (and discover!) other common maintenance errors.

In order to balance the improved stopping power of a well-maintained weapon, the reloading process has been made much less reliable.

When reloading, you should listen for two or three distinct clicks over a period of several seconds.

If you hear one click or no clicks or more than two clicks, you've bent the link ejector chute and the gun will most likely explode on the next attempt to fire it, though it may not.

It's a joke.

Scared me to death when I saw it

Most obvious abril 1st joke I've seen on teh intarweb so far.
Shame on you valve, for making it so damn noticable.

I didnt even know valve had a sense of humor. I was like if this is real im never gonna play CS:S ever again...1.6 for me. Good thing its a joke.

I like some of the additions, but they're too 'realistic' ;<

they should make the awp 50% more expesive

Yeah, some of them are good (gun jams, etc.) but I think they should concentrate on the fact that the shotgun can still render headshots from, say, opposing ends of the dust underpass.

i think the autoshotgun and the damn awp and the autosniper need to break often. i would love to see the look on those faces of the awp using n00bs when suddenly their gun doesnt work

Stupid me fell for it and wanted to try out the new riot shield

i think the autoshotgun and the damn awp and the autosniper need to break often. i would love to see the look on those faces of the awp using n00bs when suddenly their gun doesnt work

Actually, make them (the players) bend the link ejector chute more often when reloading. That way, it can explode in their face

link ejector chute?? errrr this isnt a space age plasma weapon

shoving some quicksteel in the barrel might do it, highly unlikely that a rifle would explode unless your using a musket

A paintball gun exploded in my face once

Why not, 96a?
Just plug one end, press the trigger and:
BOOOOOOM plastic surgery... Turns white people into black ones...

...

I saw that...I was believing it...just...until the fill out paper work bit.
I was ok until the dual riot shields, which I was like, 'What the feck?'.
Then I looked at the date..

It got me at first untill the updates didnt install. I didnt see the update window untill yesterday so it didnt occur to me that it was a joke at first.