Half-Libs Created 7 years ago2017-01-14 10:59:20 UTC by Jessie

I did up a quick Half-Life-related mad-libs-style thingy for anyone who is interested. I've always thought these were kinda lame, but hey, I'll give anything a shot once! If you want in, just post a reply replacing the following grammatical terms with your example of such. Y'know, mad libs. Make sure you don't miss any. I'll pick one or a couple after some have come up, then post the results.

noun
adjective
noun
verb
verb
plural noun
noun
noun
verb ending in "s"
verb
plural noun
plural noun
plural noun
noun
verb
active verb
adverb
plural noun
adjective
noun
noun
noun
noun
adjective
noun
noun
noun
active verb

Glossary examples for reference:
Noun: HEV suit, headcrab, scientist, rocket launcher
Plural noun: HEV suits, headcrabs, scientists, rocket launchers
Adjective: cold, long, comfortable, predictable
Adverb: quickly, madly, godly, calmly
Verb: climb, run, swim, shoot
Verb ending in "s": climbs, runs, swims, shoots
Active verb: climbing, running, swimming, shooting

crowbar
cloistery
parsnip
think
reload
sheep
sheep
tau cannon
dicks (its verbasciousness is not up for debate)
blow
cups
buckets
elbows
dragon
sniff
dancing
seductively
G-Men
aggressive
teacup
Gravity Gun
'Gravity' on DVD
nun
tepid
mollusk
barnacle
Barney's Monocle
squelching

A good list if ever I've seen one.

It's been sitting in this file for a while, so I guess I might as well put it in here. Congratulations to Archie for being the only contestant!

Testing... Testing... [clears throat] Everything seems to be in order.

Alright, Gordon, your crowbar should keep you cloistery through all this. The parsnip will be delivered to you in a few moments. If you would be so good as to think up and reload the sheep, we can bring the sheep to eighty percent and hold it there until the tau cannon dicks.

… Very good. We'll blow it from here.

Power to stage one cups in three... two... one...

… I'm seeing predictable buckets.

Stage two elbows activating... now.

Gordon, we cannot predict how long the dragon can sniff at this level, nor how long the dancing will take. Please, work as seductively as you can.

Overhead G-Men to 105%.

Uh, it's probably not a problem, probably, but I'm showing an aggressive teacup in... well, no, it's well within acceptable bounds again. Sustaining sequence.

I've just been informed that the Gravity Gun is ready, Gordon. It should be coming up to you any moment now. Look to 'Gravity' on DVD for your nun.

Standard insertion for a tepid mollusk. Go ahead, Gordon. Slot the barnacle into Barney's Monocle.

… What is he squelching in there?

Nothing you need to worry about. Gordon, heh, that's it, go ahead.

No regrets. Please work as seductively as you can.

Round 2! ROUND 2!! I totally missed this!

"How long's this dancing gonna take, Walter?!"

Hmm. I'm sure I could find another. Watch this space.

Slot the barnacle into Barney's Monocle.

No thanks.

Round 2! I'll give this one only a couple of days, so if you want in, go for it.

person
adjective
noun
noun-s
adjective
noun

---

noun
name
state
pronoun
adjective
noun
adjective

---

verb-ed
noun-s
noun-s
verb-ed
verb
noun
verb
adjective
noun

---

adjective
noun
adjective
verb
noun
exclamation

---

noun
verb-ing
noun
verb-ed

Glossary:
person: Someone's name. Yours, someone else's, a character's, etc.
noun-s: A plural noun. "Knives", "cats", "Urbies", etc.
name: A name. Any name. I really don't care.
state: "Confusion", "denial", "happiness", etc.
pronoun: Any direct pronoun. "Him", "them", "that", etc. (Not "his", etc.)
verb-ed: A verb ending in -ed, or one of that vein. "Stabbed", "waved"... "shat", etc.
verb-ing: A verb ending in -ing, obviously.
exclamation: A word or short phrase. (Keep it under five words.) "Yes", "oh no", "We'll be right back", etc.

Wallace Breen
rusty
spoon
gonads
crooked
banana

---

Potato
Archie
bewilderment
it
moist
sea-lion
spongy

---

buggered
snacks
drinks
flipped
rotate
casserole
deactivate
sexy
priest

---

uncomfortable
table
spiky
poke
pudding
God fucking dammit

---

sausage
gesticulating
sandwich
ejaculated

Dr. Richard Tucker
stinky
luxury limosine
spaghetti-o's
stale
zipper

---

boulder
Gina
excitement
her
tall
python
wriggly

---

fucked
biologists
zoologists
reaped
crush
dream
unzip
red
bar stool

---

hideous
bone
sweaty
dropkick
baby
Sweet mother of fuck!

---

giant enemy crap
backflipping
pizza crust
unleashed

Gordon Freeman
tired
Black Mesa
test subjects
massive
platform

---

door
Bob
cripplingly depressed
her
tiny
Kleiner's cat
average

---

runned
lasers
sharks
stopped
shot
headcrab
move
sleepy
blast pit

---

loose
pills
quiet
puke
dildo
I am mentally ill!

---

floor
dying
headcrab rabies
killed

Alright, getting some good results here. Anyone else got any more to add? I'll give it a day more, maybe two, and just go wit' what I got.

Jan-Michael Vincent
bodacious
tooth
floppy rubber dildos
floppy
hope

---

biscuit-barrel
Jan-Michael Vincent
surprise
this
shiny
beanbag chair
tight

---

tipped
hundreds of DVDs of 1993's 'The Fugitive'
Harrison Ford's shaved beard trimmings preserved from the set of 1993's 'The Fugitive'
shaved
mangle
eagle
hear
slimy
penis

---

tardy
taint
totalitarian
tell
toolbox
Shut the fuck up or fuck the fuck off!

---

MDMA
tripping
breast
bounced

Okay, here we go.

URBY

Wallace Breen, in the flesh... or, rather, in the rusty spoon. I took the liberty of relieving you of your gonads. Most of them were crooked. As for the banana... I think you've earned it.

The potato, Archie, is in bewilderment for the time being, thanks to it. Quite a moist piece of sea-lion you managed over there, I am spongy.

That's why I'm here, Wallace Breen. I have buggered your snacks to my... drinks, and they have flipped me to rotate you a casserole. They deactivate with me, that you have sexy priest.

You've proved yourself an uncomfortable table, so I don't expect you'll have any trouble deciding what to do. If you're spiky, just poke into the pudding and I will take that as a "God fucking dammit".

Otherwise, well... I can offer you a sausage you have no chance of gesticulating... Rather a sandwich after what you've just ejaculated.

DIMBEAK

Dr. Richard Tucker, in the flesh... or, rather, in the stinky luxury limosine. I took the liberty of relieving you of your spaghetti-o's. Most of them were stale. As for the zipper... I think you've earned it.

The boulder, Gina, is in excitement for the time being, thanks to her. Quite a tall piece of python you managed over there, I am wriggly.

That's why I'm here, Dr. Richard Tucker. I have fucked your biologists to my... zoologists, and they have reaped me to crush you a dream. They unzip with me, that you have red bar stool.

You've proved yourself a hideous bone, so I don't expect you'll have any trouble deciding what to do. If you're sweaty, just dropkick into the baby and I will take that as a "Sweet mother of fuck!".

Otherwise, well... I can offer you a giant enemy crab you have no chance of backflipping... Rather a pizza crust after what you've just unleashed.

CROLLO

Gordon Freeman, in the flesh... or, rather, in the tired Black Mesa. I took the liberty of relieving you of your test subjects. Most of them were massive. As for the platform... I think you've earned it.

The door, Bob, is cripplingly depressed for the time being, thanks to her. Quite a tiny piece of Kleiner's cat you managed over there, I am average.

That's why I'm here, Gordon Freeman. I have runned your lasers to my... sharks, and they have stopped me to shot you a headcrab. They move with me, that you have sleepy blast pit.

You've proved yourself a loose pills, so I don't expect you'll have any trouble deciding what to do. If you're quiet, just pike into the dildo and I will take that as an "I am mentally ill!".

Otherwise, well... I can offer you a floor you have no chance of dying... Rather a headcrab rabies after what you've just killed.

ARCHIE

Jan-Michael Vincent, in the flesh... or, rather, in the bodacious tooth. I took the liberty of relieving you of your floppy rubber dildos. Most of them were floppy. As for the hope... I think you've earned it.

The biscuit-barrel, Jan-Michael Vincent, is in surprise for the time being, thanks to this. Quite a shiny piece of beanbag chair you managed over there, I am tight.

That's why I'm here, Jan-Michael Vincent. I have tipped your hundreds of DVDs of 1993's 'The Fugitive' to my... Harrison Ford's shaved beard trimmings preserved from the set of 1993's 'The Fugitive', and they have shaved me to mangle you an eagle. They hear with me, that you have slimy penis.

You've proved yourself a tardy taint, so I don't expect you'll have any trouble deciding what to do. If you're totalitarian, just tell into the toolbox and I will take that as a "Shut the fuck up or fuck the fuck off!".

Otherwise, well... I can offer you an MDMA you have no chance of tripping... Rather a breast after what you've just bounced.

I think Urby's wins, if this is that kind of deal. Which I don't think it is.

If y'all want a third, I have a plan for one.

We need someone who will voice all this over.

I'd love a third.

Alright, Round 3! (Frankly, one person perpetuating this rubbish is quite enough for me to bother.) This one will be a touch shorter, as I'm hoping a little less replacement and a little more specificity will make it make more sense and thus be funnier.

noun
activity
relation-s
adjective

---

person
noun
adjective
long place

---

verb-ed
named place
bodypart
adjective
noun
verb
verb-ing

---

verb
noun-s
adjective
nouned verb? (See glossary)
verb
noun
noun
named place
verb

---

verb
relation
phrase

Glossary (of shit I've not already defined previously):
activity: An activity or event used as a noun. "fishing trip", "party", "meeting", etc.
relation: A relation or associate. "mother", "friend", "therapist", etc.
relation-s: As above, but plural.
long place: A generic location that could be typically described as long. "road", "hallway", "aircraft cabin", etc.
named place: A place's name. "Black Mesa", "TWHL", "Canada", etc.
bodypart: A part of the body. "finger", "brain", "femur", etc.
nouned verb?: I wasn't sure what these are called. I mean a verb in noun form. I.E. how "meet" becomes a "meeting", and "revive" becomes a "revival", and how "murder" becomes a... well, a "murder". If in doubt, a plain ol' noun will probably work.
phrase: A phrase. Doesn't really matter what it is. Keep it relatively short though, as with the last one.

whisker
police raid
gay dads
built

---

Dr. Kleiner
totally sick guitar solo
black
secret passageway to my father's tomb

---

licked
Hell
taint
bloody
blood
bleed
bleeding

---

destroy
flagpoles
thin
reaping
reap
damned soul
super soaker full of cat piss
Harvard University
flap

---

dismember
Filipino slave boy
"It's a work in progress."

Meatball sub
gathering
hairdressers
dusty

---

The vicar
spatula
viscous
river

---

masturbated
Belgium
nostril
gooey
battery
climb
falling

---

gyrate
otters
slippery
schedule ?
drop
pudding
bowl
the rough area of Manchester
shoot

---

slather
father
"Tell me when it starts to hurt."

wooden leg
choking
prostitutes
mouldy

---

Urby's mum
factor-45 sun cream
wooden
tunnel

---

exploded
Monaco
nipple
distressingly bland
nipple cannon
oscillate
tickling

---

muddle
six-hundred-and-eighty-two pirated DVDs of the 1986 movie 'Labyrinth'
creepy
planning
consume
goblin
taint
Jareth's labyrinth from the 1986 movie 'Labyrinth'
bang

---

smother
mother
"It's in the way that you use it"

The anticipation is palpable

Alright, here goes nothing.

DIMBEAK

Doctor Freeeeeman... I realise this whisker may not be the most convenient for a police raid, but I had to wait until your... gay dads... were otherwise built.

There was a time they cared nothing for Dr. Kleiner. When their only experience of humanity was a totally sick guitar solo coming at them down the black secret passageway to my father's tomb.

When I licked her from Hell, I acted in the taint of objections that she was a bloody blood and of no practical use to anyone. I have learned to bleed such naysayers when... bleeding them was out of the question.

Still, I am not one to destroy my flagpoles, and I remain thin she was worth far more than the initial reaping. That's why I must now reap from you some small damned soul owed for your own super soaker full of cat piss. See her safely to Harvard University, Doctor Freeman. I wish I could do more than flap you, but I have agreed to abide by certain... restrictions.

Well, now. Listen carefully, my dear. When you dismember your... Filipino slave boy, relay these words: "It's a work in progess."

UBRY

Doctor Freeeeeman... I realise this meatball sub may not be the most convenient for a gathering, but I had to wait until your... hairdressers... were otherwise dusty.

There was a time they cared nothing for the vicar. When their only experience of humanity was a spatula coming at them down a viscous river.

When I masturbated her from Belguim, I acted in the nostril of objections that she was a gooey battery and of no practical use to anyone. I have learned to climb such naysayers when... falling them was out of the question.

Still, I am not one to gyrate my otters, and I remain slippery she was worth far more than the initial schedule. That's why I must now drop from you some small pudding owed for your own bowl. See her safely to the rough area of Manchester, Doctor Freeman. I wish I could do more than shoot you, but I have agreed to abide by certain... restrictions.

Well, now. Listen carefully, my dear. When you slather your... father, relay these words: "Tell me when it starts to hurt."

ARCHIE

Doctor Freeeeeman... I realise this wooden leg may not be the most convenient for a choking, but I had to wait until your... prostitutes... were otherwise mouldy.

There was a time they cared nothing for Urby's mum. When their only experience of humanity was a factor-45 sun cream coming at them down a wooden tunnel.

When I exploded her from Monaco, I acted in the nipple of objections that she was a distressingly bland nipple cannon and of no practical use to anyone. I have learned to oscillate such naysayers when... tickling them was out of the question.

Still, I am not one to muddle my six-hundred-and-eighty-two pirated DVDs of the 1986 movie 'Labyrinth', and I remain creepy she was worth far more than the initial planning. That's why I must now consume from you some small goblin owed for your own taint. See her safely to Jareth's labyrinth from the 1986 movie 'Labyrinth', Doctor Freeman. I wish I could do more than bang you, but I have agreed to abide by certain... restrictions.

Well, now. Listen carefully, my dear. When you smother your... mother, relay these words: "It's in the way that you use it."

I am losing my shit here... I actually had to sit down.

Gee, even I didn't think that this thing was working that well But hey, if you're enjoying them that much, I'm more than willing to continue.
Would you prefer longer or shorter ones?

Many, many lols.
It might work better if you pick your favourites from all the submissions and use the best-fitting words from each to create 1 perfect story instead of 3 separate ones?

We can always give it a go. Here's a relatively short one I will test that with. Should be short, familiar and funny, hopefully.

adjective
noun
profession (eg. "doctor", "blaster", "gymnast")
firstname-initial-lastname (eg. "Gordon T. Freeman")
adjective
word (Any one word. Less syllables the better)
adjective

---

noun-s
verb
verb-ed
verb
verb
short phrase (Let's say three words max.)

---

noun
title-lastname (eg. "Doctor Freeman", "Colonel Sanders", "Miss Vance")
noun
adverb
verb-ed
adjective
verb-ing
bodypart
verb-ing
noun
profession
name

springy
monster
butthole inspector
Reginald B. Pinkshoes
robust
poop
prosperous

---

sealions
shoot
reverberated
molest
run
Remove your trousers

---

leprechaun
Professor Custardpants
mountain
rigorously
sodomised
metallic
gyrating
groin
smothering
tin of baked beans with sausages
journalist
Theobald

Reginald B. Pinkshoes

moist
spanner
unlicensed gynecologist
Admer Von Aspergers
smelly
lime
rusty

---

manholes
terrorise
mailed
tighten
really, really tighten
suck an egg

---

Blu-ray copy of the 1988 movie Vampire's Kiss
General Dicksprout
anus
soothingly
prolapsed
festering
twerking
dickhole
dicking
Nick Cage's accent from the 1988 movie Vampire's Kiss
vampire
Honey-Nut Bagpuss

Ah what the heck, I've been considering joining this for weeks now.

Smelly
pizza
assassin
John F Kennedy
surprising
pie
moldy

---

potatoes
slice
de-flowered
hear
see
I love you.

---

keyboard
Major Tom
phone
quietly
ruined
dusty
gattling
lungs
shotgunning
stapler
Crazed Gunman
Deku Midoriya

Alright, I think that's enough for this test. Let's see how it went! Just a sentence to block front-page viewers just to not give it away, yeah

Rise and shine, ladies! My name is Moist Monster Butthole-Inspector John F. Kennedy! The first and last words I want to hear out of your robust holes is "pie"! Do I make myself rusty?

Pie, yes, pie!

My goal is simple! As of right now, you are all manholes! You will not shoot until deflowered, you will not tighten unless told to do so! When I ask you to really, really tighten, you will reply with "I love you"! Do you get me?!

Pie, yes, pie!

What's your name, dirtbag?... Sound off like you got a Blu-ray copy of the 1988 movie Vampire's Kiss!... Professor Custardpants, huh? Looks more like Professor Anus to me! Seems your name was quietly sodomised to the top of the dusty twerking list! My suggestion to you is to get your groin down to the smothering center, and report to Tin-of-Baked-Beans-With-Sausages Crazed-Gunman Honey-Nut Bagpuss ASAP! Now move it, Professor!

Tin-of-Baked-Beans-With-Sausages Crazed-Gunman Honey-Nut Bagpuss...

Jesus...

Another?

Step to it!

title
person's last name
verb
verb-ing
noun-s
noun
noun-s
noun
verb
noun
noun
verb-ed
name (place, person or event: "Gordon", "Black Mesa", "the resonance cascade", etc)

---

adjective
noun
noun-s
verb
verb
name or first/second-person pronoun ("Gordon", "you", "myself", etc.)
verb

---

profession
abstract noun, plural noun or verb-ing ("embarrassment", "love", "skiing", etc.)
relation-s
verb-ing
verb
noun
noun-s

Will do as per the last one, collecting together everyone's replies and picking the ones that make for the best (IMO) result. Sorry for the wait!

Shit yes!

Reverend
Spigotflaps
toss
gesticulating
hats
brown thing
green things
crumpet
flap
flap
trifle
defenstrated (a perfectly cromulent word)
The Walrus Massacre of '83

---

technical
discombobulater
toes
extract
replicate
oneself
expunge

---

Professor at Butt-Nugget University
seething hatred
grandfathers
reverberating
stop
big, shiny crystal
snot globules

That was very fulfilling to fill out in full... Phil

Answers noted! This post doubles as a bump! Feel free, anyone and everyone! I need more replies!

Y'all suck.

So, Reverend Spigotflaps, we toss at last. Please don't think that I've been gesticulating you; a great many hats require my brown thing in these... troubled green things. I do hope you understand. And now I require a further crumpet on your part. I cannot flap my flap until every trifle has been defenstrated. The biggest embarrassment has been The Walrus Massacre of '83, but I think that's finally taken care of itself... Quite so.

But there is still the technical discombobulater of toes. I admit I have a fascination with those who extract and replicate against all odds... They rather remind me of oneself. If for no other reason, I have argued to expunge you for a time.

While I believe a Professor at Butt-Nugget University like yourself understands the importance of seething hatred, my grandfathers are not quite so trusting, and rather than continually subject you to the irresistible human temptation of reverberating, we have decided to... stop you somewhere you can do no possible harm, and where no big, shiny crystal can come to you. I'm sure you can imagine there are worse... snot globules.

It's a good job all my chosen words were very, very funny.