Review everything! Created 12 years ago2012-09-25 10:36:34 UTC by monster_urby

This is somewhat inspired by Captain Terrors journal. Basically, you name an object, person, animal whatever. It can be as precise as naming an item "pea" or you could cover a range of items "vegetables"

The next person then has to post what they think of that particular thing, giving it a wee review or summary, before naming their own item, person, animal, whatever. Pretty simple.

Also, to prevent this thread becoming an abusive clusterfuck, if someone posts something that you don't agree with (such as their views on religion or certain nationalities or whatever), please be mature and respect that it is their opinion and don't start an argument.

So, without further delay:

Chocolate

Chocolate

Chocolate is amongst my favourite foodstuffs. I like to have chocolate as often as I can, and frequently eat so much as to make be sick. I then eat some more.
It would be on my personal list of best things ever, right between entering your nice warm apartment after spending half an hour outside in the bitter -18° cold (made defunct by the end of the 2010 winter) and more chocolate.
I have carefully cultivated a theobromine addiction over the years.

Next we have:
Libraries

Libraries

I fucking love libraries. One word: quiet. It's the only place i can study and actually concentrate. In uni i did all my homework in the main library, and since it was very big and i went to a party school, naturally it was always empty, and i could explore a new sector of the building each time =)

And Now:
The Loch Ness Monster or "Nessie"

The Loch Ness Monster or "Nessie"

I never bothered to imagine or fantasize about monster stories, so obviously I couldn't care less about this one. The rare times I came in contact with information or discussions concerning the Nessie story was at the English classes, and they were terribly boring.
I believe people get scared easily by strange or unknown phenomena, and a story like this just caught roots in the masses.
I'm highly skeptical when it comes to monster stories, most of them are crap fiction. That being said, I wouldn't go closer than 10m to that lake.

Bidet

Bidet

I've only ever actually seen one of these once - they seem to be very rare in this country. I was almost overwhelmed by curiosity to use it, but I resisted and as such have no first-hand evidence to back up this review.
I can however say that anything designed to help a lady keep her dirty little minge clean can only be a good thing. 7/10 for bidets. Fans of the series will enjoy.

This thread

This thread

This thread sucks. The graphics are awful and none of the cheat codes I downloaded work. It doesn't even have 3D.
And the npc dialogue? It sucks. "Chocolate is my favourite food" - who writes this crap?

The next person who posts

The next person who posts

The next person who posts is quite confused. He does not know whether TJB is referring to the person right after him, or the person after the person after him. But he will try to describe the latter, since he thinks describing oneself is not a good idea in this thread.
The next person is a total mystery. Besides Rimrook's girlfriend, I can safely assume it's a "he". He enjoys an unknown type of music, and is really in love with N/A. His unknown face is always unknowing. The unknown part of this next person is so intense that it almost spawns fear of not disappointing his unknown feelings. It's quite like quantum mechanics!
He is so popular in this post that I will reserve a special question just for him:
How much unknown can an unknown unknown if an unknown could unknown unknown?
P.S. This is stupid. Let's stick to the actual scope of the thread

Alcoholic Beverages

Alcoholic Beverages

I've drunk a lot of alcoholic beverages in my life, but it is hard to compose a review since I can't remember any of the instances. But my guess is that it is the best thing ever since I keep pouring it down my throat every damn weekend.

The moon

The moon

From what I've been told the moon is not a balloon and neither cheese however I can't confirm these as I myself have not visited such place. When I do though I will report back what it is made of but as for now, do not believe that it can not be a balloon or cheese until you've gone there yourself.

Keys

Keys

They're absolute assholes. If you've got a convenient bunch of them and carry them in your pocket, they're heavy, pull your trousers down, and give the impression that you have a constant erection. Last time they've cut my foot when I dropped them. Good thing they can be used to unlock doors, or I'd go T1000 on their asses.

Bag Seats

Bag Seats

Although I've never heard of them simply being called "Bag Seats", the good old beanbag is both a blessing and a curse. You can just sit down in them, and relax as you sink into their fluffy goodness. Just don't expect to get out of them in a hurry, which could lead to disaster in emergency situations. Hence why you won't find any at your local fire station or hospital ER. Also, you're in for a pretty fucking warm night if you use two or three as makeshift duvets.

DeadMau5

DeadMau5

My knowledge of general popular culture borders on pathetic, so frankly I have no idea who/what this actually is. My best guess is either a band/musician or perhaps a video game commentator/reviewer. I've seen people on L4D and such with the name, but that doeswn't really help me out. I could just google it and give this review a little more meat, but I din't do dat.
So, I summary, if you want to know my opinion on anything popular, best check back to me in at least 10 years. As for DeadMau5, yeah.
?/10

Gravity

Gravity

Gravity is fucking stupid. Without gravity we could all fucking FLY. Gravity makes boobies sag after a while. What more needs to be said?

"But Blitzeh!" you're probably saying "Without gravity our planet would just be hurtling through space unrestrained! We would lose our sun and we would all die!" you're probably saying.

I reject this notion based on the fact that the earth is both the center of the entire universe and also completely flat. Think about it. It rains all the time (thanks again stupid fucking gravity). So why doesn't the earth flood from all that rain and we don't all drown? If the icecaps are melting why isn't it happening even faster? Because the oceans are constantly losing water that is falling off its edges and out into space. Duh.

Gravity sucks and countless entire countercultures have been created who's sole purpose is to defeat it. Skateboarding, dirtbikes, trampolines, the list could go on. No one likes gravity and it's proven. Entire multi-billion dollar organizations like NASA have been created to defeat gravity and propel man into the blissful, flawless, gravity-less peace of outer space.

Gravity sucks a big one and no one likes it.

The color orange

The color orange

Orange is an interesting and provocative color that I personally like. It has a wavelength of 600nm. I think it inspires energy. Think about it. Oranges contain a ton of vitamin C, and the sun is seemingly orange. Carrots are also orange, and are good for your eyes. TWHL is also orange, and is good for your mapping.

Personally, I can't find another color that is so warm, but at the same time so aggressive and full of energy. Firefox is also orange. Oh hey, look, Avast is orange too.

And Gordon... has an orange HEV suit. Need I say more?

Public transportation

Public Transporation

Public transportation is a unique form of Hell which must be endured by students (for getting an easy ride for 2 - 4 years) and commoners (for not working and claiming benefits for their thousands of children)

Buses usually smell like piss and are uncomfortable, especially when crowded.

Trains have a tendency to be late if nature does anything between it and its next stop.

Planes get flown into fucking buildings.

Buy a car!

Cats

Cats

Cats shit in your house.

Dogs

Dogs

I dont really like Canis familiaris and associated subspecies. They are really annoying because they bark the daylights out of you when ur trying to sleep at night. Also they bark when any random dude walks near your house, like a motion-detector alarm. Smaller subspecies are also known for taking liberal potty breaks around the house, and when you step on what you think was spilled tea, guess what? It wasn't really spilled, and definitely not tea.

Water bears

Water bears

These things are fucking jokes. For starters, it's not even a goddamn aquatic bear like some of you are thinking. It's all a lie; it's all a conspiracy. These disappointments are fucking bugs. Must more be said?

And it's not even remotely like Batman, so that just ruins any potential of it being badass.

0/10
Not even batman.

Anthropomorphism

Anthropomorphism
Anthropomorphism is one of those things you generally have strong feelings about one way or the other. Some people dress up as anthropomorphic characters and go to "conventions", while others prefer to run them (the characters, people, or entire conventions) over in large tread-mounted vehicles while firing automatic weapons.
This review, however, is not about either of those kinds of people. I have no strong feelings one way or the other. Whatever floats your boat, just don't get up in people's face about it.
5/10.

Yesterday

Yesterday

Yesterday was a day much like any other day. It was preceded by the day before that, or was followed by today. From my own experience, not much happened yesterday. I woke up, did some stuff, fell back to sleep. There have been many days like yesterday, and word on the street is that there will be many more to come.

An interesting thing to note about yesterday is that it is only yesterday for exactly one day. Yesterday, yesterday was the day before yesterday. Tomorrow, yesterday will be today.

The Scroll Lock Key

The Scroll Lock Key

It is that key right next to print screen. I have never used such a button nor will I think of using it. Is it to fill empty space? Beats me, but for whatever purpose it is meant to serve it serves absolutely no purpose for me.

Oh and and it lights up just the same as the caps lock key.
1/10

Castanet

Castanet

While you wont find a rock band with a Castanet player, you will find them in the hands of many sterieotypical latin females (ranging between the ages of 18 to 40). No one really knows how easy or hard they are to play because in the western world, not many music shops store these objects.
If you wish to start a collection, I suggest Ebay. However Castanet lessons will be rare in your local neighbourhood.
6/10

Dessert Forks

Dessert Forks

I have always been more partial to dessert spoons, personally. I like their smoothness and ability to both cut soft pastry and scoop cold icecream in one move.
Not to be confused with desert forks which are something else entirely, dessert forks often have a prong more akin to a knife than a fork which allows for cutting of cake followed by standard fork procedure with the other standard prongs. This is indeed a clever design, but really is somewhat unnecessary.
In conclusion, I own four dessert forks, but never use them in place of spoons which are better all-round implements.

The Bromance of Archie and Urby

The Bromance of Archie and Urby

Worst love story ever; too gay. Gay gay gay gay gay. Bleck
And neither of them dress up as Batman.

0/10
Not even Batman. No badassery.

Sex

Sex

I love me some sex. Might be my second favorite activity. Right behind winking.

In fact, I got a pretty good wink going right now. Try and stop me.

TWHL

TWHL

A place where I feel home. One of the nicest places on the internet. Not necessarily the greatest forum to have ever existed, but a place where a pack of people know well each other( at least on the forums), and have grown together in this online community. This feeling is erased from time to time when guys like Bruce are brucing.
10/10

Shampoos, favorite type?

Shampoos and personal favorite type

First, let's begin with some history.

The word shampoo in English is derived from Hindustani Champo, and dates to 1762. The shampoo itself originated in the eastern regions of the Mughal Empire particularly in the Nawab of Bengal where it was introduced as a head massage, usually consisting of alkali, natural oils and fragrances. Shampoo was first introduced in Britain by a Bihari Muslim entrepreneur named Sake Dean Mahomed, he first familiarized the shampoo in Basil Cochrane's vapour baths while working there in the early 19th century. Later, Sake Dean Mahomed together with his Irish wife, opened "Mahomed's Steam and Vapour Sea Water Medicated Baths" in Brighton, England. His baths were like Turkish baths where clients received a treatment of champi . Very soon due to Sake Dean Mahomed's fame as a bathing expert he was appointed ‘Shampooing Surgeon’ to both George IV and William IV.
In the 1860s, the meaning of the word shifted from the sense of massage to that of applying soap to the hair. Earlier, ordinary soap had been used for washing hair. However, the dull film which soap left on
the hair made it uncomfortable, irritating, and unhealthy looking.
During the early stages of shampoo, English hair stylists boiled shaved soap in water and added herbs to give the hair shine and fragrance. Kasey Hebert was the first known maker of shampoo, and the origin is currently attributed to him. Commercially made shampoo was available from the turn of the 20th century. A 1914 ad for Canthrox Shampoo in American Magazine showed young women at camp washing their hair with Canthrox in a lake; magazine ads in 1914 by Rexall featured Harmony Hair Beautifier and Shampoo.
Originally, soap and shampoo were very similar products; both containing the same naturally derived surfactants, a type of detergent. Modern shampoo as it is known today was first introduced in the 1930s with Drene, the first shampoo with synthetic surfactants.

Now for the personal preference bit. Shampoo use is often followed by the use of conditioner. However, because I am a man I require things done as efficiently and concisely as possible. You might think that a Shampoo + Conditioner would be the obvious solution, but no. We can do better. A shower also requires the cleaning of the body, often done with soap and a washcloth or loofah. Body wash is a great invention, it is much easier to pour a bit into your hand, cloth, or loofah than it is to repeatedly scrub a bar of solid soap to achieve desired suds. Naturally, the most logical conclusion is to use a combination shampoo, conditioner, AND body wash. You simply pour some on your head, and start scrubbing from the top down. No additional products needed and your body is left with an attractively consistent smell.

The only downside is that this product is nearly impossible to masturbate with compared to traditional soap.

Paper

Paper

God, this stuff can be annoying sometimes. Not only is it easy to lose in the wind, but in my experiences with it you could also get cuts from it or even break holes into it unless you're "Careful." Other reviewers have said that it is easy to file and keep clean, but you have to ORGANIZE it. Why can't companies make products that are able to organize themselves, or are just easy to locate and distinct one paper from another?

But, you can draw Batman on it.
7/10

Zero Punctuation

Zero Punctuation

An amusing and enlightening little series created by Ben Yahtzee Crowshaw which did for The Escapist website what The Simpsons did for Fox. Despite the fact that Yahtzee appears to be well educated and gifted in the art of journalism, some people need to stop taking his reviews so seriously. Too often have I heard "Well, I won't bother playing that because Yahtzee ripped it to pieces". Yahtzee is intentionally and often unreasonably hostile to mainstream games and their developers because that's what makes ZP good.

All in all though, a wonderful thing to come out of the Internet and something I shall continue to enjoy so long as he keeps making it.

8/10

Games as an art form

Games as an art form

To question whether or not games can be considered an art form is so utterly pointless in this day and age to render any argument against the idea completely null.

From humble beginnings with bedroom coders hand-drawing their pixelated visions to multi-billion dollar studios crafting unbelievably life-like experiences, games as an art form have all the pros of any other artform, while suffering from all the cons simultaneously.

Cons such as original work being stolen and rebranded. Cons such as lazy studios pumping out unoriginal crap and using their money and presence to overshadow the little guys. Cons such as people being pretentious assholes about what constitutes art and what a developer may have intended to convey with a certain scene.

But the pros make none of that matter. Look at creative projects like Dear Esther or To The Moon. Games with so little gameplay that the mere fact they exist can baffle people and make them look down their noses. They are complete unknowns with no guarantee of monetary reward for the work put into them, yet they were made anyway out of love and out of a desire to tell a story.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is art.

Rhyming Slang

Rhyming Slang

There once was a man named Rick,
Who had a well endowed dick.
He got it caught in a bit of a spot,
which resulted in a little prick.
He tried to fuck his spouse,
but she left him and his house.
He became sad and his idea was bad,
and fell in love with a mouse.
This mouse would squeak and annoy,
and was no longer a joy.
The man changed his life and went under the knife,
to transform into Penguin Boy!

There once was a man named Urby,
whose trouser were a bit turby.
Archie bought roses and did sexy poses,
and later gave birth to Kirby.
They worked hard on the Core,
until their bums were sore.
When it comes out everyone will shout,
"Holy fuck we want more!"

Yo check this kickass shizzle,
for all mah peeps and nizzles.
I point to you my 42,
and cap yo ass for shizzle.

iMacs

That was lovely, despite the fact you don't seem to know what rhyming slang actually is!
I suppose it's quite a British concept, in fairness.

iMacs

Take a mid-range PC, remove most of its good features, and sell it for the price of a fully kitted out gaming rig. That's an iMac.

Humanity, as a species

Humanity, as a species

Still buys iMacs en masse. We're doomed.

Blitzkrieg's review of shampoo

Blitzkrieg's review of shampoo

It's mostly a copy-paste from Wikipedia, which is not wrong, but I myself would have quoted it. I actually read it so it didn't bother me, found out new things.

Freakazoid

Freakazoid

One of my favourite shows to date. Insane randomness of parodying everything ever created, popculture references mixed with occasional clips from fifties horror movies. Too bad it got killed off quite early.

Single blade razors

Single blade razors

While I personally have never used a single blade razor, I have wanted to get one for a while. The initial cost can be quite high, especially as they can require peripherals, but if they are properly cared for they can last a lifetime. The blades themselves can also be gotten for extremely cheaply, unlike those Gillette Mach (N+1) blades.
There is also the case of straight razors, or 'cutthroats'. While the cost of the razor can be extremely high, they will also likely last a lifetime, and won't require replacement blades. And also, while they require a lot of practice to use effectively, I find myself swayed by the idea of being able to rinse the blade off easily. Too often I find myself unable to get those tiny fragments of hair from between the blades of modern razors, and if you don't rinse and dry them properly they dull much quicker, leading to higher costs as you have to replace them.

Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream

Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream

If you thought your dick was the only thing that could have an orgasm, you'd be wrong. Clearly, you'd say, twats can as well. But you'd still be wrong. Because your tastebuds can. And this can only occur when eating Ben & Jerry's "Jesus christ is there cocaine in this" ice-cream. Cookie dough tastes like refined shit, but the Phish Phood and Chocolate Brownie flavours are literally the tears of jesus. Sure, they con you out by halfing the volume of the whole tub, but it's still worth it for those roughly 2 minutes you spend messaging your tastebud's balls before they jizz flavour all over your goddamn mouth.

I've been playing too much borderlands.

Door Mats

Door Mats
As a piece of flooring, door mats can be very useful. They provide traction. A place to wipe your feet. You can get ones that say "Welcome" or "Piss Off". They provide a hiding place for spare keys so cliched that most people wouldn't consider you might actually use it.

But they're not perfect. Suppose you step in poop. When you go to wipe your feet on your door mat, the poop is transferred to it, and it gets dirty and smells like poop. And it is extremely hard to wash things out of a door mat, especially if they're the ones made of coarse fiber carpeting, or, god forbid, the same material they use to make shag rugs.

7/10 for Floor Mats.

Candlejack

Door Mats

Door mats speak alot about a house. Firstly, door mats are optional for ones front door. Indeed, some home owners even have more than one door mat and do not limit themselfs to front doors.
Some door mats can be friendly and say things such as (typically) "Welcome" which can explain alot about the home owner (such as, they could either be very friendly or very un creative).
Door mats were originally created for people to wipe their dirty feet on before entering the building, however these lessons have been long forgotten due to the fact that people dont work hard enough these days to get dirty shoes and because people these days dont have respect for home owners.

A career in watermelon eating

EDIT: Ruh roh. looks like someones gotta review two things now...

Candlejack

He's gonna need more rope.

A career in watermelon eating

I guess that would kill my kidneys in the long run. Luckily, Candlejack will take care of that faster. Damn, said his name again.

Resistive touchscreen

Resistive touchscreen

Some people (e.g. Ant) like to bitch about how "bad" resistive touchscreens are, but I love the damn things. For almost all touch-related input you want to do on anything, using a stylus is superior in every way. Poking and prodding with my fingers at a phone or tablet annoys me when I compare the experience to my beloved DS and it's brother the 3DS. The stylus is a precision instrument that will strike fear into the hearts of your enemies, but your fat prodding finger is a blunt instrument that fails at the requirement of even the slightest bit of precision. Stylus input is no good for multitouch, however I pretty much never use multitouch on either of the two capacitive touch devices I own. The function multitouch provides can easily be replaced without much trouble with zoom buttons and so on. Also, the Nintendo DS is the best thing in the universe, and it uses one, so there you go. And on that note...

Nintendo DS

Nintendo DS

Never owned one or used one, so not a whole lot to say. It looks okay I guess, but I never cared much for portable gaming devices anyway.

Rollercoasters

Rollercoasters

The coolest things on earth. the exciting adrenaline rush on the big downhill and the anticipation leading up to it are exhilarating, and never get old =)

Leopluradon

Leopluradon

I had to wikipedia this. Although I probably could've guessed based on "-don" ending it. It is a gigantic ancient creature. That's pretty badass. What's not to like about gigantic ancient creatures? They are awesome. Gigantic? Awesome. Have teeth? Awesome. All dead? Awesome. They can't eat me because they are all dead. There are no downsides at all to these magnificent creatures. They are basically forty foot long sea-dwelling reptiles with teeth. My official review: badass.

Captain Terror

Captain Terror

is a super-awesome ambitious mapper who rarely lets his creativity get restrained. He's still learning (as are we all) but already he's one of the most knowledgeable and skilled mappers of the community. For some reason he occasionally suffers from unexpected and poorly considered bouts of immaturity on the forums, but overall he presents himself as a helpful, friendly and all-round good guy.

The Core Development Log Updates found here

The Core Development Log Updates found here

Id like to first state, that this site took yonks to load and sucked down more bandwidth than it should have.
A quick look at the source code shows a big list of "urby says/archie says" (as well as some doofus called "Digi" whos says things like "Motherfucking HUD, y'all." ) quotes which when you press "refresh" button on the actual site a new quote will be loaded with a nifty bit of the old Javascript.
The quotes include but arnt limited too:
"Mapped to the end of cenlab"
"Cencom 3 updates up in this... sandwich?"
"Cenboss1. It's pretty terrifying."

which can be a little bit of fun for a little while (depending on your idea of fun) but after a while I thought "someone coded up this big list of quotes when they could have been just making the thing they're talking about"
alas, the rest of the page was alright. Nice curvey boxes and stuff.
Not sure how I feel about The Core.

Paul McCartney's hair cut

Paul McCartney's hair cut

Honestly? I always thought it looked a bit shit. Whilst I imagine it was in at the time, it just makes him look like a massive nerd now. Which does give it some redeeming factor (nerds ho!), but its a bit too outdated for my tastes.

(to clarify, I am referring to his haircut when he was in the Beatles)

The number 27

the number 27
27 is pretty cool as it's got an irrational root of 5.1961524227066318805823390245176 , it's also 3x9, as well as the natural log of 532048240601.79861668374730434118. It's pretty damn cool.
It's also 30 minus 3 , as well as 51204214 minus 51204187. Pretty crazy, huh?

The importance and role of Qui-Gon Jinn in Star Wars episode 1 : The phantom menace

The importance and role of Qui-Gon Jinn in Star Wars episode 1 : The phantom menace

He didn't have one. This character should not have existed in the movie. Obi-won and Qui-Gon should've been combined into one character... called "Obi-won".

He's supposed to be the wise old sage and yet we need to question everything he does. He makes idiotic decisions , does dumb things, and risks the lives of everyone around him for no reason at all. For example, when he and Obi are escaping the Federation ship. He says "We've got to warn the Naboo. We'll sneak down with the army" or something like that. Maybe if you're trying to warn someone about an army, going WITH THE ARMY is not a great idea? You might want to arrive just a little sooner than that.

But it gets worse. He tells Obi that they will split up, stow away on two different ships, and then meet down on the planet. Keep in mind he has NO IDEA if the two random ships they stow on will land right with eachother or miles and miles apart. He's also DOUBLING their chances of being caught, for ZERO additional benefit. He's also ensuring that if they DID get caught, they would not have help from eachother and need to fight an army alone.

Not to mention his morals are highly questionable. He has no qualms at all about using his mind tricks to con people out of things and to get his way. He does it multiple times. Then when the queen needs to make a decision later in the film, Obi suggests using the force to help her, and Qui-Gon says something like "We can't use our powers to help her." Okay. Sure. Is he TRYING to make everything worse all the time? Some wise old Jedi.

The wheel