E3 2019 Created 1 week ago2019-06-08 14:39:53 UTC by Penguinboy Penguinboy

Created 1 week ago2019-06-08 14:39:53 UTC by Penguinboy Penguinboy

Posted 1 week ago2019-06-08 14:39:53 UTC Post #342705
Urby said I needed to create this thread, so here we are...
User posted image
E3 is a week-long conference where a bunch of corporate advertisers gather and try to get you to spend money on stuff you don't need. Typically, many of the larger advertisers prepare an elaborate 90-minute long live advertisement involving celebrities, sports stars, and executive managers trying to act 20 years younger than they actually are, and failing miserably. All this in front of a live audience, who are often padded with paid shills who will clap for the most inane bullshit to try and make online spectators think that what is being said is something to be excited about. Oh, and sometimes they announce video games, and very occasionally, they're actually interesting ones.

I'm so jaded on E3 this year. All my interest in this corporate wank festival has drained out of me in the last 3 years or so. I'm not sure if that's me changing or the show changing. Probably both, but who cares? So if I sound particularly sarcastic or unenthusiastic about this whole thing, then that's why. Anyway, in previous years I've watched the keynotes live, but this time I'm going to be sleeping like a responsible person. I'm still interested in game announcements, so I'll just be reading the news like anybody else.

So. E3 is a thing and it's a thing that is happening soon. Expect a flood of game news to come rolling through in the next week or so.

Sometimes I offer half-assed predictions of what each company will do for E3. That seems like a lot of effort, so here are my exclusive quarter-assed predictions for E3:
  • Nintendo wont be at E3 this year. Instead, they're doing an online video.
    • Nintendo realised that this whole thing is a sham and they can get the same number of eyes pointed at their advertisements without paying for flights to LA. Their videos are always lowest on the bullshit meter - they announce a title, talk about it briefly, show an in-game trailer, and move on to the next title.
    • I genuinely have no idea what Nintendo are going to do, because I'm way out of touch with them. So my predictions will be on how they'll disappoint me.
    • Advance Wars, Golden Sun, and Elite Beat Agents (hey, let me dream) will continue to be dead IPs.
    • Metroid Prime 4 won't get any screen time.
    • Too much time will be given to Pokemon, even though it's already had a lot of time recently.
    • Wind Waker HD won't get a Switch port, and therefore will continue to only remain available to the 3 people who actually own a Wii U.
    • They might have something about Dark Souls 2/3 on Switch.
  • Sony won't be at E3 this year. Instead, they're doing an online video.
    • This is the first year Sony has skipped E3 that I can remember. What I think that means is that the PS5 stuff they've talked about recently won't be mentioned much (or at all) this year.
    • Because Sony has recently been talking about next-generation hardware but probably aren't ready to actually announce something officially, they'll probably be focusing on already-announced games like The Last of Us 2 and .... those other games that I can't remember.
    • Third party titles will probably get a decent amount of coverage. Maybe a bit more Nioh 2, that GRRM/FromSoft game, stuff like that.
  • Activision won't be at E3 this year. Instead, they'll stick their junk into the Microsoft or Sony presentations.
    • Call of Duty: Modern Warfare. I'm not even kidding, that's what they're calling it. Their marketing people need to be switched (not the Nintendo kind).
    • Maybe some Sekiro DLC?
    • What else is Activision doing these days? Nobody actually cares, do they?
  • Blizzard won't be at E3 this year. Instead, they'll .... I dunno. Cancel some more games, probably.
    • Ok I'm being a bit unfair with ActiBlizz. They ditched E3 years ago. They have Blizzcon later in the year, where they'll ask you if you've gone and gotten a phone yet.
  • EA will be at E3. EA's presentations have followed almost identical scripts every single year. There's no need to predict this. I can tell you what they'll talk about.
    • Battlefield. Madden. FIFA. NBA. Golf or something probably. Star Wars game. Dragon Age. Need For Speed. Resurrection of IP they've been hoarding for a few years. End.
  • Ubisoft are the most French company who will be at E3. So you know they're weird. It'll have Aisha "Ladyboners" Tyler cracking jokes that nobody finds amusing in the slightest. Ubisoft try so hard to be interesting and fun but everything they do just comes off as annoying and mildly offputting.
    • Just Dance or some other dancing game that literally nobody wants but continues to exist anyway. It'll be awful. They'll dance for like 10 whole minutes.
    • A new Watch Dogs game has already been confirmed, so there's that.
    • Probably more footage of BG&E2, just in case anybody still mistakenly thought it'd be anything like the first one.
    • Rayman or something perhaps? They do some indie stuff every now and then.
    • There's that new Ghost Recon game, plus R6 Siege is doing that evergreen thing so they'll probably talk about that. Maybe they'll revive Splinter Cell? If they do, Strider will hate it.
  • Microsoft is always highest on the bullshit meter. They usually get in some random sports people to roleplay on stage, it's fucking weird.
    • I guess they'll talk about Halo, whichever the next one is. And Forza. And... what else does Microsoft do? Oh, right...
    • Minecraft will get like 20 minutes of coverage. But it won't be anything new. It'll just be Minecraft. Gotta get your money's worth!
    • They'll talk about VR or their Hololens stuff again. It'll be boring. Again.
    • They'll say the word EXCLUSIVE a whole lot.
  • Bethesda has the most shills at E3. If you're not aware, shills are people who are paid to attend and pretend to love everything (or they could be rabid fans, of which Bethesda has loads for reasons I don't understand).
    • Someone will mention Elder Scrolls Online and the audience will applaud.
    • Doom Eternal will be showed and the audience will applaud.
    • Titles of games will appear on screens with no additional information and the audience will applaud.
    • Todd Howard will take a giant dump on stage and the audience will applaud.
  • Who else... wait, Square Enix is at E3? Since when?
    • I thought SQEX kept all their good stuff for TGS. Well, I guess they do own Eidos now... Maybe another Deus Ex? Tomb Raider?
    • They might talk about their Japanese titles. Maybe Dragon Quest, or publishing some of their phone ports to western markets.
    • Maybe some surprises. Nier Automata certainly did well, will they do something with that IP? Possibly too soon for that yet.
  • There are a few other dregs but they're exactly that. Nothing worth worrying about.
    • Oh yeah Cyberpunk 2077 is a thing. I'm sure there's a bunch of important stuff I missed. Pretend I didn't.

I accidentally put way too much effort into this. Here's the short version: E3. Discuss, if you want.
Penguinboy PenguinboyHaha, I died again!
Posted 1 week ago2019-06-08 19:18:24 UTC Post #342709
I am waiting on details about two games: The Outer Worlds and Cyberpunk2077

I guess that means I should just check out the Microsoft presentation and then... I guess just sleep until E3 is over.
UrbaNebula UrbaNebulaGoldSourcerer
Posted 1 week ago2019-06-08 22:28:37 UTC Post #342710
This is the most cynical thing you've ever written and it's beautiful.

If that new Watch Dogs games is half as cringey as it seems it will be, it should make for some good laughs. It's probably too soon to hear about a follow up to the Resident Evil 2 remake, but maybe an RE3 teaser? I dunno. Don't really have much to add, pretty sick of it all too.
Maybe they'll revive Splinter Cell? If they do, Strider will hate it.
Yes.
Strider StriderTuned to a dead channel.
Posted 1 week ago2019-06-09 08:51:24 UTC Post #342713
I'm hoping EA DICE would announce a third Mirror's Edge game, EA said Catalyst sold well and DICE is optimistic about the future of the series, but judging by the mixed reception of Catalyst I doubt they'll announce it anytime soon.
LOZ98 LOZ98Oh crap, what do I put here now.
Posted 1 week ago2019-06-09 12:55:28 UTC Post #342714
I haven't really been paying attention to E3 this year, to the point where I didn't realize it was this week. Can't think of anything I'm overly excited for this year, and I doubt we'll get any surprise announcements of anything cool.
Though maybe I should break out the rum...
JeffMOD JeffMODCall 141.12
Posted 1 week ago2019-06-09 14:45:50 UTC Post #342715
Both you and the show are changing.

I actually attended E3 two years ago, the first time that the convention was opened up to the general public. It helps that it's only a 30-minute train ride away from my house.

It was interesting to be actually inside (I've been oogling outside the convention hall for years prior), but overall it was a let down. To be able to play the latest games, you have to wait in line for hours. It's basically Disneyland for geeks.

I don't feel like waiting in line, but I did meet some independent game developers. That's the highlight of my visit.
satchmo satchmoWhat you can do today should have been done yesterday.
Posted 1 week ago2019-06-09 20:40:40 UTC Post #342717
The Outer Worlds - Out October. 25th
Cyberpunk 2077 - Out April 16th

Thanks E3. That's all I need.
UrbaNebula UrbaNebulaGoldSourcerer
Posted 1 week ago2019-06-10 12:33:01 UTC Post #342720
Really?
Dopefish will be furious!

What is it with mobile release only these days. Frick. Remember last year when EA announced a new Command & Conquer? Yeah.
Speaking of Command & Conquer, this was dropped a couple of days ago:
The Mad Carrot The Mad CarrotMad Carrot
Posted 1 week ago2019-06-10 17:44:57 UTC Post #342721
Wow. I guess I'm lucky I'm not a fan because I'd have a hard time not getting upset seeing that "Commander Keen" video. You have my sympathy. I hope Valve never does anything like that with the Half-Life series
potatis_invalid potatis_invalidh̲͚̤̿͑̔̒̃̉̓ȋ͂͋̉̿̎͋̈́͏͚͖͇̭̩͓͔͝
Posted 1 week ago2019-06-10 21:37:52 UTC Post #342722
I really don't like that nuke icon on the C&C:R screenshot.
Hope they're not gonna move superweapons and support powers there, it'd be inconvenient as hell.
Posted 1 week ago2019-06-10 22:49:09 UTC Post #342723
I must be getting old or depressed, all games look boring so far, even Cyberpunk 2077 doesn't look very appealing.
LOZ98 LOZ98Oh crap, what do I put here now.
Posted 1 week ago2019-06-11 02:12:42 UTC Post #342724
So I missed this reveal, but uh,
This is something I'm very much looking forward to.
JeffMOD JeffMODCall 141.12
Posted 1 week ago2019-06-11 08:16:20 UTC Post #342725
No frickin waaay! I love Evil Genius so much
Archie ArchieGoodbye Moonmen
Posted 1 week ago2019-06-11 09:56:20 UTC Post #342726
Blair Witch looks like a new Outlast.
LOZ98 LOZ98Oh crap, what do I put here now.
Posted 1 week ago2019-06-11 16:57:39 UTC Post #342727
Wow! Evil Genius 2 looks awesome. I love the Despicable Me/Incredible art design.
satchmo satchmoWhat you can do today should have been done yesterday.
Posted 1 week ago2019-06-11 17:15:05 UTC Post #342728
Breath of the Wild Sequel
LOZ98 LOZ98Oh crap, what do I put here now.
Posted 1 week ago2019-06-11 17:30:31 UTC Post #342729
BOTW sequel, new Luigi's Mansion, Banjo and Kazooie are coming to Smash, a few new details about Animal Crossing, and Pokemon Sword & Shield looks good, all wrapped in a no-BS presentation...
Yeah I think Nintendo 'won' E3 this year.
...I need a Switch.
JeffMOD JeffMODCall 141.12
Posted 1 week ago2019-06-11 17:53:44 UTC Post #342730
Yeah, a Switch looks like the next thing going on my gaming shopping list... Dammit.
UrbaNebula UrbaNebulaGoldSourcerer
Posted 6 days ago2019-06-14 18:35:25 UTC Post #342735
Pokemon.
Posted 2 days ago2019-06-18 12:07:41 UTC Post #342750
the only thing I associate with E3 is the Duke Nukem Forever 2001 trailer. Ahh a man can dream at least hey.
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