Forum posts
A guy getting smashed to bits right after firing a weapon...
mmm, comes right up for me. Anyone else have an issue?
Real life Counter-Strike. One less T to deal with.
Yea, the more I think about it is was 2-4K for a group of Navy themed maps. Ill still pull my notes when I get to the house in a few days.
I believe Valve commissions mappers and pays 2-4K per map? My conversation with Valve on the subject was a couple of years ago - I think I still have the notes, ill have to dig them up.
mmmm, dog honey... I think I'll be sick now.
Ok, one more - I know its old but I laugh everytime I read it. I have a bunch of these type jokes posted in my forum.
How to Give a Cat a Pill...
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's
mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and
swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8 ) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer
to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head
showing. Force mouth open with desert spoon. Flick pill down throat with
elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold
compress to cheek and check records for tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Call fire department to retrieve the f------ cat from tree across
the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13) Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves
from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be
rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat
to wash pill down.
14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local
pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How to Give A Dog A Pill...
1) Wrap it in bacon.
How to Give a Cat a Pill...
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's
mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and
swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8 ) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer
to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head
showing. Force mouth open with desert spoon. Flick pill down throat with
elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold
compress to cheek and check records for tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Call fire department to retrieve the f------ cat from tree across
the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13) Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves
from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be
rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat
to wash pill down.
14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local
pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How to Give A Dog A Pill...
1) Wrap it in bacon.
Cyborgs.
I am not smart enough to make all this stuff up 
I post for your pleasure 
I post for your pleasure For those of you who have websites - I started a new topsite directory on mine. http://navycs.com/topsites/ Still working the layout but it seems to be coming along.
Oh and more humor;
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
____________________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
___________________________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
___________________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
___________________________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
____________________________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
____________________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
___________________________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
___________________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Oh and more humor;
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
____________________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
___________________________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
___________________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
___________________________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
____________________________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
____________________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
___________________________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
___________________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Here is a thread where we got carried away with it
Tech Support on steroids
BTW, I was no the author of this, a friend of mine emailed it to me.
Tech Support on steroids
BTW, I was no the author of this, a friend of mine emailed it to me.
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity: applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 ! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity: applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 ! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
15th...
The problem is the link in the php script, it uses & which is not a valid char. I have a picture on my index page which is random from my gallery. www.navycs.com
My site has created a lot of controversy over time - it has been in a few threads wondering what the motives are. Taking a step back I understand why people have concerns I guess but what the heck, its fun! Anyone know how I can get my main page to W3C validate when I am parsing both php and html in a single page?
Very nice. Do you use Milk Shape?
I guess your saying the Coffee is not decaf?
I am a Navy Counselor by trade in the Navy. The time I spend communicating my adventures is fun to me. I also don't want to become a site for which you first thought - I want to ensure each person who wants the information understands the information. If I post pictures of me on a beach in Spain with 40 miles of women this only depicts one side, I really want people to gain information as it pertains to them individually - I haven't figured out how to code this feature yet so until I do I will continue. The Navy has a lot to offer but it is only what you put into it. Oh and it is the NAVY not the ARMY!
Then you would love the fact my last name is Goering 
Master Chief is the rank, the paygrade is E-9. I do not have MSN but do have AIM - I am rarely on it, can't stand IM
lol, I meant Greece won
Something to do with Greek independence, I assume Greek won
Thank you - website suggestions and critiques are always welcome.
I have been able to see most of the world. I have been to every country in Europe and North Africa and been thru the Suez Canal.
I have used this site many times - I have dabbled in map making
I have been able to see most of the world. I have been to every country in Europe and North Africa and been thru the Suez Canal.
I have used this site many times - I have dabbled in map making
Well, howdy. I own the NavyCS website. To clear some things up for ya'll because I know the questions are burning in your head
I am currently a Master Chief in the US Navy. I have served for nearly 26 years and I have 2 sons also serving. The website started 2 years ago - I started it as a proto-type recruiting site, Navy Recruiting Command choose not to utilize the idea. Because I enjoy the game so much and I know the Navy I choose to stay with it. I do not "recruit" from the site but do get emails almost everyday of people asking me about my experiences - a lot of people have joined. The website is not a trap. I have talked a nimber of people out of joining also because I didn't feel joining the Navy met their needs.
Now as far as the site itself goes - it is a hobby and it is legal. I am learning, well attempting to learn coding and SEO. Think about it for a second, if this site was sponsored in anyway do you think it would look like that? I am having a great time with it - my unique visitors per month is over 7000 and growing every month.
Now truth be told the game America's Army IS a recruiting attempt - the US Army spent $8 million dollars the first year and a couple of million every year since to keep the game going.
And lastly, the map de_raid is very well done and people on the server seem to enjoy it. I have it available for download in my map download section, I get a ton of people to the section, use MSN search and search "counterstrike maps" and you should find me near the top.
If linking to my site is against some moral beliefs you harbour then that is fine, one link for SEO from a non-ranked site ain't going to matter when I have about 600 already. I will keep doing my hobby!
I am currently a Master Chief in the US Navy. I have served for nearly 26 years and I have 2 sons also serving. The website started 2 years ago - I started it as a proto-type recruiting site, Navy Recruiting Command choose not to utilize the idea. Because I enjoy the game so much and I know the Navy I choose to stay with it. I do not "recruit" from the site but do get emails almost everyday of people asking me about my experiences - a lot of people have joined. The website is not a trap. I have talked a nimber of people out of joining also because I didn't feel joining the Navy met their needs.
Now as far as the site itself goes - it is a hobby and it is legal. I am learning, well attempting to learn coding and SEO. Think about it for a second, if this site was sponsored in anyway do you think it would look like that?
I am having a great time with it - my unique visitors per month is over 7000 and growing every month. Now truth be told the game America's Army IS a recruiting attempt - the US Army spent $8 million dollars the first year and a couple of million every year since to keep the game going.
And lastly, the map de_raid is very well done and people on the server seem to enjoy it. I have it available for download in my map download section, I get a ton of people to the section, use MSN search and search "counterstrike maps" and you should find me near the top.
If linking to my site is against some moral beliefs you harbour then that is fine, one link for SEO from a non-ranked site ain't going to matter when I have about 600 already. I will keep doing my hobby!