Created 20 years ago2004-08-13 08:41:31 UTC by BrattyLord
timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following
agreement:
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party
of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall
be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform
previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise
illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry
way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by
the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of
the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the
aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal
transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at
his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of
elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party
of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said
direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the
second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part
(Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to
maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb),
notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part
(Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties.
The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural
failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the
aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part
(Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this
agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil
(counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer)
throughout.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb)
becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of
the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the
second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state,
local and federal statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first
part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of
the fourth part("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner
consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this
selfsame document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a
clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party
of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his
heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the
objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of
the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress
and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm".
actually i think that joke is kinda stupid.
How many stupid people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?i meant to fall off the ladder, kill himself.
two. One to screw it in, fall and kill himself, and the other to grab his wallet and run off.
A man is sitting in the waiting room at the hospital. His wife had been in labor for hours already. He sat, waiting, his nerves tingling. Will it be a boy? A girl?
The docter comes in and looks at the man, without any expression on his face. He looks at the man and says, "I've got good news, and bad news. The good news is, the baby is born, its healthy, and your wife is fine. Its a boy by the way. The bad news is that your baby was born with no arms, legs, or torso, its just a head."
The man was shocked by this, and didn't know what to think. He didn't know how he was going to get on with this horrible thing that has happend to his baby. In the end, he ends up accepting the fact that his boy was just a head, so he trys to get along with him. He raises him, takes him to baseball games, helps the head go on his first day to school, helps him with his homework, and basically accepts his son.
One day, the Child turned 21, and so his father decided it was time to take his son to get his first beer. He drives his son to a bar, takes him to the counter, and sets him down. By that time everyone in the bar is staring at this head that this guy just plopped down on the counter. The wisper to each other and such like that. The bartender went over and said "Wat'll it be?", and the father ordered his son a beer.
The father picked up his son, and dipped him into the beer, so he just sipped the foam, and immediatly POOF! a torso appeared out of nowhere!!! The father was so happy at this, so he urged his son to take another drink. the other people in the bar stared at this thing that had just happened, wide eyed!
The boy leaned forward with his new torso, dipping his wouth into the beer, and immediatly, two arms pop out of nowhere!!! His father is so happy for his son, and is crying, the other men in the bar clap loudly, applauding the miracle that happened before their eyes!
The boy took his new arms, grasped the mug with both hands, and lifted it up to take another drink. Immediatly, POOF!, two legs popped out of nowhere!!! By this time the Father was crying aloud, everyone was danceing, having a party, and having a great time. The boy could now walk. They chanted songs, singing and dancing around the bar, the father weeping with joy, the son walked out into the middle of the street got hit by a car, dead on the spot. SMASH!
everyone was silent.
the bartender was humming a merry tune, picking his nails with a toothpick.
the father cryed with sadness. everyone else in the bar was dead silent, ecept the bartender, who went about his work. The bartender went up to the man, and asked him "SO do you want another one, or are you just going to sit there".
The father looked up at him and said
"HOw can you be so cold hearted!"
The bartender replied
"He should have quite when he was a-head."
Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.I did that once .