Journal #8918

Posted 9 months ago2018-03-05 17:14:44 UTC
My grandma had died last Saturday night, the funeral was yesterday. Being a hard case of stoicism, I'd mostly emotionally coped with the loss, even though just yestrday I was about to break down and cry. Yet still, memories and thoughts remain and seemingly start to haunt me.

Three weeks ago when she was taken to hospital, I had decided to stop working on anything related with writing or development for some time, to let the steam off. But the more I tried to suppress creative processes ongoing in my mind, the more painful thoughts I received. In effect, I started writing a book, greatly changed and improved lore and setting of my game project and thought over concept arts and OST for it, and came up with numerous ideas for my Darkmod fan mission.

I've never been so moved, brooding and nostalgic, yet so motivated and ready to act in my entire life. As if creativity was the best way for me to cope with anything bad coming my way.


Commented 9 months ago2018-03-05 21:26:48 UTC Comment #67943
My condolences for your grandmother.

"I've never been so moved, brooding and nostalgic, yet so motivated and ready to act in my entire life. As if creativity was the best way for me to cope with anything bad coming my way."

Every time something bad happens, I guess we mostly either panic and/or get sad, or we act even better than before. I think it's one of those things that makes us human.
Commented 9 months ago2018-03-06 15:41:49 UTC Comment #67941
Condolences. Sometimes, just, things you least expect can trigger something else in you.

Here's to the best and doing your best.
Commented 9 months ago2018-03-06 15:55:26 UTC Comment #67938
My heart hurts for you. We as humans are capable of feeling so many emotions. Let yourself feel them; let yourself be sad. Art is a wonderful way to cope. Let it flow.
Commented 9 months ago2018-03-06 21:36:20 UTC Comment #67940
Condolences. I lost mine a few months ago as well. My first visit to her grave after the burial was... strong.
Commented 9 months ago2018-03-07 05:50:37 UTC Comment #67942
@DiscoStu - I wonder what it will be like. At first, I was never really close to my Grandparents (in a mature, conversational way) so much since I was rather young, but as I grew older, I realized that I really had no time with them - no time or sense at that age, to ask them things about their past, for example, how was I supposed to be smart and ask my Grandfather about his flying and combat history when I was just 8 or 9? It never occurred to me...

I'm still yet to visit both their graves for one last chat anyways, I'm sure it'll feel similar to yours.
Commented 9 months ago2018-03-07 08:04:13 UTC Comment #67939
sorry bro that kind of stuff is never good...
Commented 9 months ago2018-03-07 10:39:35 UTC Comment #67936
I'm real sorry to hear that, man.

On the subject of your feelings, being at the absolute peak of an emotion, even a negative one, can often provide a severe jolt to the creative process. I've often found a need to do something when losing a loved one, just to keep busy, to keep going.

I've churned out maps, short stories and even a video or two. I'm not saying don't grieve, but don't squander the creative benefits. <3
Commented 9 months ago2018-03-07 11:49:05 UTC Comment #67937
So sorry for your loss. My mom lost her mother on Mother's Day five years ago. Mother's Day has never been the same since.

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