So, hello. I'm Draeger.

I created an account here since I thought it'd be fun to join a forum about modding and journalling it all and making some progress by asking for some help. But nope, plans destroyed right now since:

I have an asshole "friend" who's probably some psychopathic sociopathic own personal hell mix thingy. Not so cool. He's controlling.. well, it's easier to count up what he doesn't control. He doesn't control stuff I do at home when I am offline, well, mostly offline. At least on the 20 things where he's on my friends list, stalking my status.

We met in primary school, obviously a long time ago. It was fun, we were so similar. He was lying a bit to make me like him more, but he said sorry later. But then he started being forceful. Controlling my opinions. Getting angry at me if I didn't come online every day. Or took a few seconds to answer his calls. "I was on the toilet, though..", he: "Well, you should've put your status to idle, then! God, I have to tell you everything...". But then he's so nice again, suddenly I did something bad and he's like "Ah, it's alright. Next time, just tell me immediately. Alright? :)", and that way, I guess he sort of got a mind control on me. When I do something good, he treats me nice, when I do anything bad, he immediately sends me off to personal hell for a while, and then is like "Don't do it again, and everything will be nice and pleasant." and some part of my brain now prevents me from leaving him, since I'd hurt him, I guess. Whenever I try, I just stop again and say sorry 20 times and go off to personal hell again, just to remain his friend, even though it's a very horrible experience that has already scarred me in a way:

One time he allowed himself to do some sadistic prank, where early after primary school, in the school after that (I live in Germany, you change school here after 4th grade) lots of us younger people told stories of older kids punching younger kids for fun and stuff like that. And he told me that someone was chasing us. I have diabetes, so that eventually nearly killed me, since I got a severe hypoglycemia, but we managed to work it out by me just throwing like 10 plates of sugar into my mouth until I couldn't eat any more. Well, after that I had many panic attacks nearly every time I went outside, or stood still, or tried to lie down in bed. After a while, it got better, but I still have agoraphobia and claustrophobia and other fun stuff like that.

Well, and I can't leave him since I get a deep feeling of having done something horribly wrong every time I try it. I feel like I am murdering someone when I try to. So no way I am able to leave him, and every attempts by friends and family to get me to have failed. There's looots of things I'd do to not have to leave him.

Well, why am I not able to get access to Half-Life 2 right now? Well, I have been offline for more than a week now. He's probably very angry, and I am very scared of going online since then he sends me off to our hellish fights again. And since you can't seamlessly go from offline mode to invisible mode in Steam, I can't access anything without going online, and since he'd probably immediately notice it's just not possible.

Which means I'll probably just talk about off-topic stuff here, if at all, right now. I'll be forced to face him because of school anyway, so that's when I'll start Half-Life 2 development I guess, if he doesn't force me to play with him for weeks or even months at a time again.