Clever Insults Created 20 years ago2004-10-28 07:41:45 UTC by Unbreakable

I will

I went through a stage in my life (grade 2 or 3 i think) of using "mr. bean" as an insult.

"You smell."
"Oh shut up, Mr. Bean"

Hahahaha, thats funny, shizel my nizel... Ya, remind me never to say that again..lol.

This Momma joke is kinda old for me but I told a couple new friends, and turned out they never heard it before, so instead they laughed histarically:

Yo momas so fat that in order to F$ck her, all I had to do was slap her thigh and ride the wave. *Drumroll.

It has always been one of my favs for the yo mamas so fat phase.

Hehe, had a good laugh reading that.

Good stuff.

Yo momas so fat that in order to F$ck her, all I had to do was slap her thigh and ride the wave

lol...

That's a good one.

So..... What's it like having a smaller dick than your mother?



I love that one.

Urgh, you actually have to think about that one for a coupel seconds, then it hits you and you have to hold back teh will to vomit.

Good Job!

Why don't you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance?

I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper?

You have an inferiority complex -- and it's fully justified.

You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse!

Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

Whom am I calling "stupid"? I don't know. What's your name?

Take a vacation; go to Club Dead.

Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle.

You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent.

You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime.

You grow on people -- like a wart!

Ok... the best insulter ever is Winston Churchill. Winston Churchill and a lady socialite mutually hated each other. She'd had a state dinner and when she saw Churchill seated at the table, she said "If I'd known you would be here, I'd have poisoned your food." To which he replied, "If I'd known you were cooking, I'd have eaten it." He's also reputed to have been at a different event, very drunk. This lady says to him "Winston! You're drunk!" To which he repies "You, my dear, are ugly, and the difference is, in the morning, I'll be sober." These are insults of a higher caliber than most of those above and they are insults to which you should aspire.

Now my insults... not as good.

The best part of you ran down the crack of your mother's ass and left a brown stain on the sheet.

Festering cum stain.

Vaginal bloodfart.

You're dumber than a post, since a post knows what it's doing!

*calibre

I've heard those Churchill quotes.

Yours are just... odd

They are true insults... most are applied like a hammer, without finese.

*calibre

Maybe in the UK, but they spell color, armor, and center wrong, too!

COLOUR ARMOUR CENTRE!!! YOU'RE CONFUSED!

Uphill gardener

So....... Elof...... what's it like having a smaller dick than your mother?

Err... I've only got one

I refuse to have battle of wits with some who is un-armed

Oh yeah

It's like the crap for your brains has crap for brains

Here's one:

Shut The Fuck Up.

finese

I don't think even the most backwater rednecks spell it like that

seventh, the next time you dont spell a word correctly, i'll make sure it haunts you till the end of your days.

ohhhhhhhh.. roasted chickens?! :

hey bratty, your just pumpin weird al yankovich insults from genius in france... "I'm dumber than a box of hair, but those frenchies dont seem to care!"

Wierd Al is an imposter. He is pretending to be Frank Zappa.

Oh yeah:

Shut the fuck up

800 grader, du kan lita p? mej, du kan lita p? mej!

Before you say another word, make your little neuron talk to the other one first. Cuz there ain't no other ones left in your head.

english-->Damn you all to hell
German-->Ich werde Sie verdammen Sie alle zu H?lle verdammen
Italian-->Il Damn lei il damn voi tutti all'inferno
Russian-->Прокляните Вас, проклинают Вас все к черту

Im multi Bilingual. I don't know french though.
But what kind of language do you speak Zombieloffe??

--yo momma so fat wen her pager goes of people think shes backing-up
--yo momma so hairy that u almost died of carpet burn at birth

hahaha the last ones awsome

hmm we people should read the name of this thread before posting

Clever insults...... and we get...... some pritty crude jokes

I speak fluent Babelfish.

oh, never heard of it, where'd it originate?

t'internet translator....

ahhhh, I see said the blind man

multi Bilingual

multilingual.

:

This thread is back in black!
[b]
You're mom is so fat that people find oil when she walks
You're mom is so fat that she needs a stick to type on her computer (Or else she will press multiple buttons
You're mom is so fat that people find oil when she walks
You're mom is so fat that every room in her house has 100 M as withd
You're mom is so fat that 83% of her is fat
You're mom is so fat she needs a train... what the word?... train van(?) to be able to take the subway
You're mom is so fat that a step in a stair is 10 M long so she wont fall words when she walks down or backwards when she walks up
You're mom is so fat... I lost ideas...!

Yo se que YOUR MOM!!! is un burro y Zombieloffe(
) saltar un bolsa de ella! ( I'm not sure if that was spelled correctly)
Jag vet att YOUR MOM!!! ?r en ?sna och Zombieloffa hoppar p? hennes bollar
I know YOUR MOM!!! is a dunkey and Zombieloffe jumps on her nuts

BEAT THE ONE ABOVE!!

Wtf, why did I get dragged into this :<

Mercenary, you necro-thread reviver you.

YOu are sooo fucking slutty, i cant go get a pack of smokes without running into 9 guys you fucked!

LOL
I heard it from a movie

Red Dwarf wins the insult compo hands down.

'You little glob of tuburculotic sputum.'

'You are a whiny, puss filled little maggot with the inane lovability of an itchy veruca.'

'You are a cowardly, low life, scumbucket with the charm and self-wit of a pubic louse.'

'You rank tuft of rectal pubic hair.'

'You are a disgusting puss-filled bubo with the charm, wit and self-worth of an alsatian dog after a head swap operation.'

And of course the classic

'Smeg head'

wooh red dwarf!!!

You've got the brain of a cheese sandwich.

I'm alone in space with a man who'd lose a battle of wits with a stuffed iguana.

Morning, Lister! How's life in hippie heaven, you pregnant baboon bellied space cookie? What's the plan for the day then? Slobbing in the morning, followed by slobbing in the afternoon, then a bit of a snooze before the main evening's slob? God, you're a disgrace to the species.

What do you want this time? A hand with your homework? Or would you like me to sew little name tags in your PE kit?

Good evening, you stupid, stinking, festering, gimboid of a cat.

You've got the brains of diarrhea and the breeding of a maggot.

So you're saying, Lister, you're an intergalactic, pus-filled cold sore! At last, Lister, we agree on something.

Tee hee, hoddle, ha. Why don't you just get back into your cesspit or you won't have the energy for a full day's slob.

STOP YOUR FOUL WHINING, YA FILTHY PIECE OF DISTENDED RECTUM!!!

Your father was a baboon's rump and your mother spent most of her life up against walls with sailors?

You always put the emphasis on "Rim" in "Rimmer." Makes me sound like a lavatory disinfectant.-Rimmer

Your nickname was never "Ace!" Maybe "Ace-hole."-Lister

Our first contact with intelligent life in three million and two years and it's the android version of Norman Bates.

"Mister Arnold" isn't his name. His name's "Rimmer." Or "Smeghead." Or "Dinosaur Breath" or "Molecule Mind." And on a really special occasion when you want to be really mega-polite to him, Kryten, we're talking MEGA-polite, in those exceptional circumstances, you can call him "Arse-hole."

You send off for every bit of rubbish going, you do. Just so you'll have some mail to open.... (Silly voice) Please rush me my portable walrus polishing kit. Four super brushes that will clean even the trickiest of seabound mammals. Yes I am over eighteen, though my IQ isn't.

What is this, a meeting of the ugly convention?

You're about as much use as a condom machine in the Vatican.

You are a total, total... a word has yet to be invented to describe how totally whatever-it-is you are, but you are one. And a total, total one at that.
Alright, keep your hair on.
I'm lucky if I can keep my legs on with you in charge!
Yeah, he's out to lunch, man!
He's out to lunch, breakfast, dinner, tea, supper, the lot! He's not in for a single meal, if you ask me!

You're tighter than an Italian waiter's keks.

Are you trying to say I've got a big bum?
It's like two badly-parked Volkswagens.

lol! ur all a bunch of AssHats!

If you whould have a meting whith the world stupidest person you whould be alone.

the joke would've been funnier if it was spelled right :/

I didnt have time to spell it right and if you didnt know the most people spell wrong somtimes... Expasialy when they are in a hury...

Here's a good one:
"YOUR MOTHER SMELLS LIKE SPIDER KEBABS, FACECAKE"

Ass master/ but some people might take that as a complement... :

Your father smells of elderberry and your mother was a hamster.

Du har en Elderberry i r?ven...! <--- One of the most used insult in my class ^^

Did you ever suck a dick you did'nt like?

How is that an insult, Merc?

Ur moms so hairy, when you were born you got capet burn - I know it's not very good, I heard it at school

Its an insult because you cant answer yes or no?

I guess?