For those of you who haven't seen my most recent journal, This is a small story/novel I'm writing right now for practice. It's based in the HL world, so bear with me. It will be published on a chapter-by-chapter basis, as I finish each chapter. I dunno how the formating will hold up from pasting into a forum post, so here goes nothing:
Chapter one.
8:47 AM
Black Mesa Research Facility
Black Mesa, New Mexico
(Tram line)
The young man on the tram glanced at his watch, a look of worry on his face. Late again. The Administrator would have his head if just one more experiment was delayed on his account. The tram, leaving the stop at the sector B coolant reserve launched into its automated welcome speech. Like anyone else was on the tram line this late.

?Good morning, and welcome to the Black Mesa transit system. This automated train is provided for the security and convenience of the Black Mesa research facility personnel??

?It?s gonna be a long day? he thought.
8:47 AM
Black Mesa Research Facility
Black Mesa, New Mexico
(Area 7 Security)
Sgt. Henry Pierce stared at the monitor of his computer, scratching his beard. A blue error screen stared back. He looked at the computer users manual.
?There?s no reference to this error in here. What the hell? Is this OS version newer than the manual, or what?? As if to answer his question, a knock on the door.

?Come in.? A greasy haired member of the science team, in casual clothes, walked in.
?I?m sorry to bother you, Sergeant, but I was browsing the web on one of the computers in the caf?, and all of a sudden it crashed. Every computer crashed! The others have been trying to reboot them, but they?re refusing to work!?
?Every computer? Must be a server-wide crash.? Pierce motioned towards his own computer. ?It?s out of my hands, I can?t get this one to work, but if I do, I?ll send down the solution to you guys.?
?But Professor Baker?s becoming a tad violent, yelling something about making it to the? citadel on hard?? Pierce sighed.
?Alright, alright.? He peeled himself out of his chair and grabbed his nightstick. ?Let?s go.?

9:07 AM
Black Mesa Research Facility
Black Mesa, New Mexico
(Sector C)
The young man walked into the Sector C control room and was greeted by three of the four science personnel in charge of the experiment.

?Ah, Gordon. Here you are. We just sent the sample down to the test chamber.? Said a bald man of science with glasses.
?We?ve boosted the anti-mass spectrometer 105%. Bit of a gamble, but we need the extra resolution.? Explained a scientist with a moustache.
?The? Administrator is very concerned that we get a conclusive analysis of today?s sample. I gather they went to some lengths to get it.? Finished a dark skinned science team member with greying hair. The first scientist piped up again.
?They?re waiting for you Gordon. In the test chamber.? The man, Gordon Freeman, looked instantly relived. The sample was late too.

9:11 AM
Black Mesa Research Facility
Black Mesa, New Mexico
(Area 7 Security)

?Good job on stopping Professor Baker from crushing that guy with the monitor, Henry. Real quick thinking.? 
?Shut up, Frank.?
?No, I mean it. Would be a lot of paperwork.?
?Good-bye, Frank.? Pierce closed the door on his colleagues face and put a chair in front of it. ?Jesus. Can?t go one day without being a clown.? He muttered to himself. Pierce sat down on his own chair, pulled out his mp3 player, and set the volume on max.
?I can?t remember if I cried, when I read about his widowed bride, but something touched me deep inside, the day the music died. So bye-bye, miss American pie. Drove my Chevy to the levee, But the levee was dry. And them good old boys were drinking? whiskey and rye, Singing?, ?this?ll be the day that I die. This?ll be the day that I die.??  The coffee in Pierce?s cup started to vibrate, then the entire office shook. ?What the hell?? Pierce exclaimed as he pulled his earbuds out of his ears and leapt to his feet. His coffee cup fell off his desk and smashed on the floor. Unholstering his pistol, Pierce kicked the chair out of the way and ran out of the door and into the hallway. Ceiling tiles dropped to the floor and dust shook from the walls, and for a split second, a flash of green light came from around the corner. The Shaking stopped.
?Okay?What the hell was that?? a loud metallic clang responded. ?Hello?? Pierce walked around the corner and into the men?s locker room, gun at the ready. ?Frank? That you?? A panting noise. ?Frank??
[i]?Ruff.?[/i]
?Frank, this isn?t funny. Come out before I accidentally shoot you.? More panting. Pierce approached a locker that was slightly out of its nook. ?Come on, Frank. I know you?re behind that locker.? A high-pitched harmonic squeal. ?Dammit, Frank. Don?t make me do this.? The locker fell to the ground, spilling its contents half a second before crushing them. A three-legged yellow creature with a single eye jumped out from behind it and howled. Pierce screamed while unloading a full ammunition clip into the creature. The creature dropped to the ground with a whine, its single eye still open.
?That is [i]not[/i] a dog. Whatever the hell that is, that is not a dog. That is not [i]normal[/i].? Another locker behind Pierce opened, and he wheeled around and pulled the trigger, hearing clicks instead of gunfire. The scientist he almost shot fainted and fell back into the locker.

[End of chapter one]
EDIT: Well, that held up okay, exept for the paragraph intents being gone.

?But Professor Baker?s becoming a tad violent, yelling something about making it to the? citadel on hard?? Pierce sighed.

I see what you did there.

Anyway, I like how you inserted the aliens into the story, I was worried it was going to be extremely cheesy, but once I got there I see that you did a pretty good job of it.

Yeah, I think the inspiration came from the many movies I've watched, all blended into one scene... Guy goes looking for his friend, gets attacked by an alien/slasher/ect.

That's very good! It SO made me want to make a film of it. Now I only need a lot of money...

Chapter two.

?Hey, hey, buddy. Come on, wake up.? The scientist opened his eyes slowly, being greeted by the bearded face of Henry Pierce. ?Sorry ?bout that. I thought you were another monster. Good thing I was out of ammo, huh?? The scientist groaned and adjusted his glasses.
?We must get out of here! I have no idea what?s going on, but it must be linked to the big experiment in sector C, and that can?t mean it?s a simple fix.?
?You figure everyone else is leaving??
?Absolutely.?
?Okay.? Pierce helped the scientist get to his feet. ?Let?s go. My name?s Henry, by the way.?
?Paul.? The two men walked out of the locker room and down the hallway. At the end there was a closed fire door.
?Great. That?s the only way out of here, and it?s blocked.?
?Not necessarily, my good man. If we can move the desk in your office over here, we may be able to reach that ventilation cover and get inside.?
?Get? inside.?
?Yes.?
?In the vents.?
?Naturally.?
?Why the [i]HELL[/i] would we want to do that? Who knows what?s in there, waiting to pounce??
?You have a weapon.?
?Good point.? The two emptied Pierce?s desk and moved it to the fire door. Paul used a Swiss army knife he was carrying in his pocket to open the vent cover, and just before he entered, Pierce ran into his office, returning a minute later.
?What was that about??
?Couldn?t leave without a picture of my girlfriend. I don?t want to die without it, I want her face to be the last thing I see if I?m gonna die here.? Pierce climbed into the vent and Paul followed him. They passed the first vent cover on the other side of the door, because they could feel the heat from the flames, but Pierce kicked out the next cover and helped Paul out.
?Come on, let?s go Paul. We have to head for the surface.?
?Hey, Henry! Glad to see you?re still alive!?
?Frank! What are you still doing here??
?Looting.?
?Wha- [b]Frank[/b]! You can?t just steal from people, you?re a security guard! I should shoot you!?
?Relax, I?m only taking from the storage closet. No one?s going to miss a few hard drives.?
?We have to get out of here, Frank. There are monsters.?
?Yeah, I know.? Frank pulled out a 357 magnum and twirled it around his finger.
?Frank, is that a personal weapon??
?Sure is.?
?We?re not allowed to have those.?
?Doesn?t stop most people. You know Laurey??
?That fat guy from area 3??
?Yeah, him. He has a military surplus desert eagle.?
?I always thought he was insecure about his weight. Never thought it was so bad he had to compensate with a terrible weapon.?
?Terrible??
?Seven shots on a magazine-based pistol. And it?s pretty inaccurate, too, from what I hear. Just raw, brute force.?
?Either way, I have this magnum here. I think it?ll come in pretty handy.?
?Okay, whatever, Frank. Let?s just get to a security armoury fast.?

***

The three men cautiously turned the corner and walked up to the armoury door.

?Good thing we only saw one of those crabs.? Said Frank. ?I have a bad feeling about them.?
?Yeah, well, we?re here.? Replied Pierce. ?Hey doc, want to learn something new? If you?re in this area, but separated from us somehow, you just need to know this six-digit code to get into an armoury. It?s different for every sector of the base, but they?re usually easy to remember. Watch. One, one, one, one, one, and? one.? Pierce entered the code onto the keypad, and the door unlocked. The three grabbed shotguns and armour from the room, and left without closing the door. Suddenly, a bright flash of light fazzled into existence behind them, and the three wheeled around, firing off their shotguns. The creature crumpled to the floor, its third arm hanging limply, its green collar full of buckshot.
?Just more and more freaks. We gotta get to the surface.? Pierce stated.
?Yes, I agree.? Agreed Paul. ?But we should hurry, before any more of these being app-?

It was as far as he got. Another flash, originating from inside Paul, ripped his body to pieces, sending his ?borrowed? security armour across the room. His Swiss army knife landed three feet away from Pierce, and Paul?s blood splattered messily everywhere. Another one eyed dog-like creature emerged from the flash, and was killed quickly by the two guards.

?Oh, god. Paul.? Pierce ran to a nearby garbage receptacle and let his breakfast exit freely.
?What a waste.? Agreed a green-tinged Frank. ?It?s no use staying here, Henry. We have to head for the surface. We can avenge him by helping the cavalry when they arrive. [i]If[/i] they arrive.?
?That is so? so [b]wrong[/b]!? Exclaimed Pierce. ?To think that we were just talking to the person who that used to be-" Pierce ran back to the garbage can and let more of his stomach?s contents rejoin his breakfast.
?Damn bloody mess. I hope that won?t happen often.? Frank coughed. Both knew nothing, not even something in the Black Mesa research facility, could bring their ally back. Frank half-carried Pierce away from the remains of the scientist as the automated base announcement system told all sectors to report their status.

Problem with the first chapter. Houndeye's have numerous eyes, but only one eyelid.

I thought it was one big segmented eye.

Think "insect eye" when you think of a houndeye.

Isn't that segmented eyes?

You know what a houndeye looks like. It has one large compound eye.

I've read a story that has someone being telefragged in it. I wonder how many people can say that.

Chapter Three

?Are we there yet??
?No, Frank, we?re not.?
?I want to see the sun again, Henry.?
?I know Frank. I know. We?d be out of this hellhole by now if the transit line wasn?t out.?
?I hear voices. Great, I?m slowly going insane.? Frank slumped to the ground and began sobbing.
?Wait, I hear them too!?
?You do?? Frank got to his feet, relieved. ?Over there!?
??blasted fool Freeman!? Exclaimed a scientist in a blue lab coat.
?So? these creatures are because of him?? Inquired his companion.
?Hey, you two!? called out Pierce. ?Need some help??
?Not from the likes of you!? Replied the blue-coated scientist, rather rudely. ?The military should be here soon, unless all the others from Sector C died.?
?Who the hell are you to talk like that to us?? Yelled Frank.
?Arne Magnusson, Sector C. I was so rudely called away from my breakfast casserole this morning to oversee a shipment of isotopes. If I was there, I would have seen that the experiment was about to fail, and called it off. And to make matters worse, the fool that?s responsible for all this probably ruined my morning meal [b]once again[/b]!?
?So, what is this, some kind of...? Pierce trailed off.
?This is a resonance cascade! Creatures are being teleported in from worlds beyond! That fool Freeman probably shoved the sample in too fast for the system to handle!? Magnusson was yelling.
?Calm down, Calm [b]down[/b]!? Pierce said. ?Either way, we have to make it out of here before we get killed by these things.?
?It doesn?t matter anymore! The field of the cascade is expanding as we speak. In a matter of days the entire world will be covered in it! The only way to fix this is to launch the Lambda team?s satellite, and then start a resonance reversal!?
?Well, I don?t know about you Henry, but I?m getting out of here.? Frank said. ?Don?t listen to this [i]nut[/i], he?s probably just a janitor in a lab coat.? Magnusson?s mouth opened and closed, but no words came out.
?I?m coming with you Frank, don?t worry.?
?Wait, come back you two!? Called out the scientist who had been talking to Magnusson. ?I?m coming with you!?
?Be our guest.? Replied Pierce.
?Henry, what time is it?? Asked Frank.
?11:45.?
?We?ve been walking for over [i]two hours[/i]??
?Yup. Hey, buddy, what?s your name??
?I am doctor West.? Replied the scientist.
?Nice to meet you. Let?s go.?

The three left Magnusson behind, and walked up a stairwell. The only thing they saw for the next four minutes was a dead bullsquid.

Sorry for the delay, I ran out of inspiration for a while

PAUL NOOOOOOOOO!

P

I have a few issues here. Sorry:

a shipment of isotopes

...what? They ship atoms now?

The field of the cascade is expanding as we speak.

The resonance cascade was contained within the regions of Black Mesa. The "satalite delivery rocket" is what actually triggered the portal storms which engulfed the planet.

<<EPISODE 2 SPOILER>>G-Man may have given the sample to the science team and caused the resonance cascade but...come to think of it, Freeman fucked things up pretty bad by launching that rocket.

Wait, the resonance cascade only expanded after the rocket was launched?
Oh well, Magnusson never stuck me as a smart person anyway.
Isotopes can be contained in special crates, can't they? I dunno, I'm not a physics student.

Chaper 4

?Hey, Henry, what time is it??
?11:55, Frank.?
?No wonder I?m getting hungry.? Frank turned to Dr. West. ?How ?bout you??
?My stomach feels particularly empty, yes.?
?Cut it out.? Pierce snapped ?When whoever is coming to save us gets here, I?m sure they?ll have food we can borrow.?
?If rescuers are indeed on their way.? West replied pessimistically.
?I?m sure there?s a radio somewhere on the base. Word?s got to have gotten out by now. Now if only we could get out. Frank, are you sure we were supposed to take a left at the bathrooms??
?Hey, did you see something move?? Frank asked.
?Frank, stop fooling around and answer my question.?
?I think I saw it as well?? West insisted. Pierce and Frank unholstered their pistols.
?Get down, doc.? Frank ordered. They heard a muffled moaning.
?I believe someone is wounded. Perhaps we should find him??
?It might be a trap. Who knows what other aliens are out there?? Peirce replied.
?I think I heard someone say something about cakes. This is getting creepy.? Frank said.
?Cakes? [b]Cakes[/b], Frank??
?What else do you put icing on? It said something about icing.?
?Why would an alien be muttering about icing??
?It sounds as if it is coming towards us.? Commented West. A humanoid in a science team uniform rounded the corner, its ribcage exposed and its claws waving wildly. It shambled towards the trio of survivors, its face obscured by an alien. West screamed and the two guards shot it down.
?What the hell is that thing?? Yelled Frank.
?It? It looks like it used to be a person.? Pierce replied. ?Until that?crab thing latched onto his head.?
?Interesting?? Purred West. ?These crab creatures seem to be able to control the host?s nervous system by somehow opening the skull. I assume the grotesque claws and maw are mutations, caused by the creature?s blood mixing with that of the host.?

?So, it?s a zombie? And those things are?head?crabs?? guessed Pierce.

?I believe so.?
?While it?s nice you two are having a good chat, I think the path topside is this way.? Frank pointed down the hall.
?I hope someone is here to rescue us. I?d be so glad so see a soldier right now.? Pierce said exhaustedly.

@Urby: Didn't the rocket launched in Episode 2 have something to do with the "satalite delivery rocket"?

man, hollywood should make a movie of hl1

No, someone else should make a movie of HL1. Hollywood would screw it all to hell if they tried. Because it's not a Hollywood action movie unless it has at least one sex scene, and the world "fuck" liberally added to as much dialouge as possible.

@Urby: Didn't the rocket launched in Episode 2 have something to do with the "satalite delivery rocket"?

No, the rocket in Episode 2 was launched in order to close the combine mass portal which opened when the citadel went kablamo.

Also, I personally hope there is never EVER a Half-Life movie. Some things should stay where they belong. Half-Life belongs on the PC, and at a push, the consoles.

Also, keep up the story.

No Half-Life movie, but yes Team Fortress movie.

No, the rocket in Episode 2 was launched in order to close the combine mass portal which opened when the citadel went kablamo.

Whut. I thought the payload on the Ep2 rocket was designed to tap into the Black Mesa satellite and deliver the signal to "cancel out" the portal?

I've never read anything about the BM satellite triggering the portal storms, either. Didn't Eli say something about repercussions of the cascade being felt far and wide?

Whut. I thought the payload on the Ep2 rocket was designed to tap into the Black Mesa satellite and deliver the signal to "cancel out" the portal?

I've never read anything about the BM satellite triggering the portal storms, either. Didn't Eli say something about repercussions of the cascade being felt far and wide?

Actually, I'm not sure where I read about the satellite delivery rocket but I definitely read it somewhere. As for the repercussions being felt "far and wide" that was what Kliener said with regards to the explosion that destroyed Nova Prospekt.

Nobody has really spoken to Gordon about the portal storms and what caused them because they assume he lived through it like they did.

As for the repercussions being felt "far and wide" that was what Kliener said with regards to the explosion that destroyed Nova Prospekt.

Ah yes, that's it. Not sure about that whole Rocket/Satellite thing though.

?These crab creatures seem to be able to control the host?s nervous system by somehow opening the skull."

Thats a reference to Opposing Force, isn't it!

I happened to have remembered that line, and modifyed it, yes. I usually just change scientist lines to fit the story, because then they sound more like the scientists.
EDIT:
Chapter 5

?Just through these doors, up the stairs, and we should be able to see the sky.? Pierce huffed. ?Good thing, too. I think I hear a helicopter. Rescuers!?
?Thank god they?re here!? West added. The three men climbed up the stairs, tired, but jovial.
?It?s been nice knowing you, fellas, but once we get out of this place, maybe after a few beers, I?m flying to DC, staying with my parents until they get this under control.? Frank exclaimed.
?What about the resonance reversal? The delivery rocket? The Lambda team?? West asked.
?I?m sure someone will take care of it.? Frank replied. ?There?s got to be some PhDs working on it by now. I just want out of here.? The men realized they had been standing next to the exit doors talking.
??Why are we still in here?? Pierce asked, confused.
?Hell if I know. On three, we?ll open the doors. One, Two, Three!? Sunlight shone through the open doors, illuminating the stairwell better than the lights and windows in the door ever could.
?My eyes, my eyes!? Frank grimaced. ?God, it?s beautiful, but my eyes!? The men stood dumbfounded, waiting until their eyes adjusted to the midday sun. They heard men talking.
?Alright, men! You have your orders! Move out and find any survivors.?
?[b]HEY![/b] Hey, over here!? Pierce yelled while the other men waved their arms wildly. ?We?re so glad to see you guys! Do? Do you have food? Water?? The three ran towards the squad of soldiers, no more than eight of them.
?Open fire!? Their commander, clad in a beret yelled
?Open? fire?? Pierce stopped in place, wondering what it could mean. ?Open fire?! Run!? The three men ran from the soldiers as their Mp5s blazed.

* * *

?Man, those guys ran [b]quick[/b]!? Complained a soldier in a balaclava. 
?Did you see that one guard?s gun? I?m sure he had a python.? His friend replied. ?Why do we have to kill these guys, anyway? They?re just running from the monsters. Just because we have orders doesn?t justify killing innocent people.?
?Yeah, I mean we?re all [i]human[/i], right? Our only enemy should be those? [b]things[/b] that keep flashing in. They?re coming out of the damn walls!? He leaned against a garage door. ?If I get my hands on the guy who ordered this op, he?s dead. I don?t care if he?s the president, nothing justifies this.?
?I?ve got half a mind to leave, just take one of the civie SUVs and drive out of here until I run out of gas, then start running.?
?Hey, guys! I think they went this way!? Called a man with a cigar in his mouth. The two soldiers walked off, not hearing the three sighs of relief coming from inside the garage.

* * *

?Okay, so not all of the soldiers are happy about this.? Frank said. ?That?s good, right??
?Not really.? Pierce replied sadly. ?They still have to follow orders, or they might get shot as traitors. Hey, where?d doc West go??
?I am over here,? he said from the depths of an SUV?s steering column. ?Trying to hotwire this vehicle so that we may make our escape.? The SUV started.
?Alright! Good going, doc!? Frank said with joy. The two guards climbed into the SUV, Pierce taking the wheel. He steered it to the flimsy garage door, and floored it. The metal ripped away easily, and soldiers wheeled around from all directions and started shooting, hitting the car?s panelling and occasionally the glass. The three men were almost to the gate leaving the facility when a bullet cracked the windshield, breaking it into many pieces, still held together.
?Crap!? Pierce exclaimed. A bullet pierced the driver?s window, hitting him in the arm. Pierce lost grip of the steering wheel, and the SUV turned wildly, still speeding, until it hit a concrete wall. Everything went black for the three men.
?Ha ha ha.? Chuckled a man in a gasmask darkly. ?Let?s see ?em get out of [i]that[/i].? Soldiers crowded around the SUV, looking into the vehicle. Two security guards and a scientist, faces covered in blood, hung limply in their seatbelts. ?Alright, we got those bastards.? Reported the soldier in the gasmask over his radio. ?Stay alert for anyone else.?

Not the final chapter.

Keep it coming.

I will, as long as I have ideas to write for it.
EDIT: and it seems the ideas have temorarily run out. I'm 1/3 through a chapter, and have nothing more to say in it.
Do you guys think I should just wrap the chapter up and post it as a short chapter?

You may as well. If your out of ideas for the time being just put the story on hold and do some research (e.g. read some books, watch a few films, play a few BM related mods)

I've halfway through a book at the moment and I'm trying to work on my character building in order to continue my RPG thread.

Chapter 6 (Part one)
Inside the SUV, three forms stirred.

?Everyone okay?? Asked Pierce weakly.
?Yup.? Replied Frank.
?I seem to be wounded,? West answered, ??But I can keep going.?
?Okay.? All three men looked attentively out what was left of the SUV?s windows. ?No soldiers? Let?s go.? They limped out of the SUV and towards the gate. A soldier jumped out from behind a tower and started shooting. The men dove for cover until the sound of gunfire transformed into the clicks of an empty Mp5. Henry unholstered his 357 and aimed it at the soldier?s head.
?Look, I?m all alone! Everyone else went inside! I- I was just following orders!? The man backed up, towards the humming gate. He reached slowly for the pistol in his leg holster, and his arm brushed against the metal of the gate. He convulsed, twitching with electricity, and fell forwards, dead.
?Well,? Pierce said, ?I guess we can forget climbing the gate.?
?Perhaps there is another way out near here?? West volunteered.
?Maybe,? Frank answered, ?But we have to find it without being killed by these freaks and soldiers. Why do you think they?re trying to kill us, anyway??
?I dunno, cover-up?? Pierce pondered. ?Whatever it is, it?s bad news for us.?

End of Part one

pretty cool! I think the story started out really strong/good, but has degraded in quality a bit since the beginning. It's still pretty good tho, are these all first-draft stuff? (if they are they are really good)

Yeah, they're first draft, with a few errors I picked up only after I posted here fixed. Case in point;

The man backed up, towards the humming gate. He reached slowly for the pistol in his leg holster, and his arm brushed against the metal of the gate.

Used to be:

The man backed up, towards the humming gate he reached slowly for the pistol in his leg holster, and his arm brushed against the metal of the gate.

RUN ON SENTENCE?!
Also, note that half the dialouge in the first chapter is stolen directly from HL, and more or less all the scientist dialouge in the entire story is just modified scientist lines. So half of it is Valve's writing. Thanks, Marc!
EDIT: Looks like I may not get around to writing this weekend. We'll see. Until then, you can read the following fanfic that I'm reading. It's addictive! http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3147068/1/The_Black_Mesa_Incident

Chapter 6 (Part two)
?We should get going,? Frank told the other two men. ?The other soldiers may be back soon, or they might radio this guy.?

?Wait.? Pierce replied. He cautiously walked towards the soldier and picked up the dead man?s Mp5. ?These guns use 9 millimetre ammo, right? That?s one thing we have plenty of.? He pulled out the ammo clip from the Mp5 and filled it with bullets from his spare pistol clips. Looking at the solider, he found another clip hooked onto the man?s belt. ?Okay, now we have some more firepower. Let?s go.? The men walked towards a small concrete structure, no taller than a foot, built into the ground. A rusted metal hatch was set into it.
?It appears we might be able to go underground through here.? West muttered as he examined the hatch?s lock mechanism.
?Underground? Like, where the [i]aliens[/i] are?? Frank asked.
?Absolutely. Perhaps there is a sewage canal we can worm our way through, go underneath the fence and out of the facility.? Replied West. Behind him, Pierce pulled out the picture he salvaged from his office and kissed it gently.
?I?m going to get out of here, Megan.? He mumbled to it. ?I [b]will[/b] see you again.? As West opened the cover, Frank grimaced.
?It smells like it [b]is[/b] a sewage canal, doc.? He said, trying to keep his face away from the hole in the ground.
?Well,? Pierce replied wearily. ?At least it?s somewhere the soldiers won?t be searching, right?? He lowered himself into the transparent brown liquid. ?Hey,? He called out to the others. ?There?s no chunks in here! It?s at least [i]partly[/i] filtered!?
?Good enough for me.? Frank sighed. He lowered himself into the tunnel and helped West follow suit. The two guards covered up the hole again while West turned on Pierce?s flashlight. The men trundled along in the darkened tunnel, trying not to breathe anymore than necessary. From further ahead the tunnel, they heard a splash, followed by a chuckle above and the sound of a cover being replaced on another entrance. The guards raised their weapons and West pointed the flashlight ahead, the beam falling on a stationary white shape. The men walked closer and inspected it. The corpse of a scientist had been thrown down the manhole, her black hair flowing in the water, a pleading look still on her delicate face, and blood soaked through the front of her lab coat. West and Pierce lowered their head in sadness at finding a colleague murdered by the soldiers, and Frank?s face hardened in anger.
?Those bastards will pay. We were expecting a rescue mission, not a cover up. They. Will. [b]Pay[/b].? To emphasise his point, he punched the wall of the tunnel, making himself bleed. He didn?t notice through his anger. Taking off the woman?s lab coat and covering her face with it, the men crawled along, Frank inventing a new torture method in his head as they went. The men found a manhole cover with a ladder, and after a quick and quiet debate, decided to go out through it. Pierce eased the cover up, and poked his head out the cover, barely noticing the storage room over the sound of the mechanical chirp emanating from the laser sensor he tripped.
?Oh, [b]shit[/b].?

I like it, except there should be more smoking and drinking, and one of the dudes should be injured/mutating or sumthin.. (i dunno i do like it, but it needs some spicing up imo)

P

West is injured.

?I seem to be wounded,? West answered, ??But I can keep going.?

And this isn't an action movie, the heroes don't need to be drug addicts to add to their "badass" personality (They don't need one, since it's not a movie)
Soldiers smoke, and perhaps drink...

Don't worry, it'll happen when someone turns this script into a movie. Along with the word Fuck

NOES!!!!
EDIT: If it gets turned into a movie, I will hunt down whoever claimed to write it, and hurt them Gabe Newell style until they remove the movie from all theatures, burn the tapes, and let me write it the way I want it written. Then maybe recast it.
It's MY vision. You have been warned.

dunno just needs more conflict/drama to make it interesting, just imo. like maybe they somehow learn of scientists trapped somewehre and they are going to try to save them on their way out, or they HAVE to fsr...

needs more conflict/drama

Don't worry, the next chapter should have some of that.

Chapter 7
Pierce leapt out of the hole, Mp5 at the ready. Holding it in his good hand, he reached down with his right and pulled West out as Frank got ready to lift himself onto the tile floor. The sensor and its emitter were mounted on two large crates, and other crates of various sizes surrounded them, with only a single opening on their level. A catwalk supported with thick beams on one side, a wall on the other stood in front of them, and the sounds of heavy combat boots on metal were getting louder. From both sides of the catwalk, a rather large squad of soldiers took aim at them.

?Throw down your weapons!? Yelled the commander of the squad, a hardened man in a beret. ?You?re surrounded!?
?What kind of soldiers do you think you are?? Replied Frank angrily. ?You?re not soldiers, you?re [i]murderers![/i] This isn?t a rescue mission, this is a massacre! We?re [i]human beings[/i], dammit! We should be working together to fight the aliens, not killing each other! Why are we taking each others lives?? A single tear ran down Frank?s face. ?And [b]you![/b]? He yelled, singling out a soldier with a red cross on his helmet. ?You?re a medic! Do the Hippocratic oath and Geneva mean nothing to you?? The medic looked down, an ashamed look on his face. His face hardened, and he tossed his sidearm aside, jumping over the railing. He ran over to West and started tending to his wounds.
?Harrison, get back up here!? Barked the commander. ?You?re in direct violation of orders!? Harrison looked up from West?s stained clothes and directed a rude gesture towards the solider.
?I?m not gonna kill anyone else! Screw our orders, this isn?t [i]right![/i]? He replied angrily, before turning back to West.
?Harrison, if you don?t step away from that scientist, we [b]will[/b] open fire! I will not tolerate insubordination!? The commander yelled.
?Go ahead, you?d just be proving these men right.? Harrison sneered.
?Open fire!? The commander ordered.
?[b]Belay that order![/b]? Pierce yelled, aiming his Mp5 upwards at the commander. ?I?ll shoot!?
?Open fire, or I will see to it that you are court-marshalled!?
?No [i]sir![/i]? A soldier replied. ?Harrison and the guards are right, we?re [i]nothing[/i]! Cowards! With all due respect, sir, I refuse to murder another human being in cold blood, because I have [i]mo[/i]-? That was as far as he got, as the commander punched him the face, knocking him down, and took the Mp5 from the soldier?s hands. The commander swivelled 90 degrees and downwards, opening fire on the guards, the medic, and the scientist. Gunfire erupted from both sides of the railing, and soldiers fell, being taken down by bullets and buckshot. The men jumped into the canals again, and the defecting medic started to climb down after them, but was shredded by gunfire halfway down. His limp corpse was thrown against the opposite side of the opening, and into the water below.  There was silence for a few seconds, followed by the screams of the soldier who had spoken against the squad commander as he was executed.
?Fire in the hole!? The commander screamed. Pierce, Frank, and West ran as fast as they could in the low space of the canal as a grenade sailed into it and exploded. The men dove into the water and escaped most of the blast, with only their armour vests melting at the back and labcoat catching fire, respectively. The fire was quickly and quietly put out, and the men kept walking in the tunnel, watching their backs for any soldiers coming in after them.

Why don't you just map all that.

I'd need voice acting, coders for the advanced AI (climbing ladders, for one) Modelers, HDR (see chapter 5) and time.
I'd rather write HL and concentrate on mapping other worlds.

I'd need voice acting

Boink!

I don't want to map this, though, it would ruin the reader's versions, I'm sure.

Chapter Eight
Pierce crawled out of the busted grate on the drainage pipe, flopping out into the canal. West splashed into the water beside him, followed by Frank landing much more gracefully ahead of the two. They cautiously looked around themselves; The canal ended in a denser grate ahead, and the warehouse behind them stood silent, with no sign of the squad that ambushed them inside. The men climbed a ladder that stood against the side of a wall, and found themselves surrounded by cargo containers.

?We should rest for a while.? West said.
?Doc, we gotta keep moving. There?s got to be a way out of here somewhere.? Frank Replied.
?No, Frank, he?s got a point,? Pierce said. ?We?ll be able to go faster longer if we sit down for a few minutes.?
?Alright, alright. Let?s get out of the open, though. I don?t want to be caught sitting down.? Frank opened the nearest cargo container, which opened with a loud, drawn out squeak. The men went inside, opened the ceiling hatch, and closed the door. They sat down to catch their breath.

When they woke up, it was dark out.

?Oh, damn.? Frank cursed softly. ?Wake up, [i]wake up[/i]! Time to get moving guys, let?s go!?
?Just a few more minutes, Frank.? Pierce murmured ?Tell Radar his bear can wait.?
?Dammit, Henry, wake up! You?re dreaming!? Frank slapped Pierce?s cheek until his eyes opened.
?I was having the most wonderful dream,? He said. ?I was a surgeon.? By this time West had gotten up and readied his shotgun. As Pierce checked his Mp5, Frank opened the container?s door and peeked outside.
?Okay, let?s go.? The men cautiously walked outside, scanning for any monsters in the dark. Neither Pierce nor Frank bothered with their flashlights, knowing that if there [b]was[/b] anything nearby, the flashlight would bring it to investigate. They rounded a corner, and found themselves face to face with two headcrab zombies. Pierce and Frank ran out of range of the zombies? claws, and West dealt them both a shotgun blast to the head. Pumping his shotgun, West noticed the sound was slightly different, as if a new shell had not been loaded into the chamber. He was out of ammo. They came towards another oddly placed corner in the shipping containers, a concrete warehouse towering overhead. A door slammed open, and they heard a voice call out;
?Spread out! I?ll scout ahead, see what the opposition is.? The soldier slowly walked towards the bend in the containers, Mp5 at the ready. As he rounded the corner, he got a face full of the butt of Pierce?s Mp5. He crumpled to the ground without a sound, out cold but still alive. No cries sounded out, and Pierce looked around the corner. A wall of crates was on the other side of the door, blocking the view of anyone inside. The men searched the soldier?s backpack, and Pierce pocketed two grenades meant for the M203 mounted on all the submachine guns the soldiers used. West exchanged the foe?s Mp5 for his now empty shotgun, and they crept towards the warehouse, knowing an ambush lay in wait. It was, however, the only way forward.
?Damn those architects.? Frank breathed. ?Only one door in the entire yard.? He fumed at the linearity of it all. There were, in fact, two doors, but one of them was a large door, only openable from the other side of the warehouse?s outer wall. West opened the door and peered inside. A wall of crates stared back. They had cover. The men crept up to the crates and peered around either side. They were greeted by the gunfire they expected. Holes started appearing in the crates, and on the opposite side computer parts slid onto the cold concrete floor. Pierce chanced a look around the crate- sandbags and crates were being used by the soldiers as cover. On one wall, a large fuel truck was parked, its driver dead next to it, hardhat askew and his green jumpsuit stained with blood. Pierce pulled an impact grenade from his pocket and pushed it into the M203. He steadied himself, leapt out from behind the crates, and pulled the trigger furthest from the submachine gun?s stock. He was knocked back by the unexpected force, and the grenade flew gracefully towards a large group of soldiers in the middle of the warehouse. A single man realized what was about to happen, and leapt back, away from the sandbags. It was too late. The entire warehouse was lit up by the chain reaction that followed, as crates full of explosive materials lit each other, and the flames reached the truck on the side of the room. Shrapnel thudded into the wall beside Frank?s head. When the majority of the smoke cleared, the three men heard moaning from behind what was left of a forklift on the side opposite the now burned-out truck.
?Please-" A lone soldier crawled out from the wreckage, his face covered in blood. ?Shoot me. [i]Please![/i]? He moaned. A single shot rang out, the sound of a 357 revolver unmistakable. The soldier collapsed, no longer in pain. Frank gazed around the room as he pocketed his gun. A huge hole in the wall marked where the truck had originally been, leading out into the yard. Pierce and West walked towards the doors at the back of the warehouse. Frank picked up the Mp5 from the dead soldier, wiped off the blood, removed the damaged grenade launcher, and followed them through to the shipping offices.

win

Chapter Nine

?Damn, what happened here?? Pierce stared at the group of offices on the right side of the hallway. Filing cabinets were overturned, papers were spilled, and there were large bloodstains in many of the rooms.
?The military happened, it seems.? West offered.
?Looks like the dragged off a lot of corpses, too. Probably dumping them in the waste center.? Frank mused. He pushed open the door of the one closed office. The bullet-riddled corpse of a security guard lay inside, with his pistol still in its holster. Pierce looked nauseous again.
?Overkill, much? I understand why they didn?t want to carry him off.? He said. As if on cue, one of the guard?s lungs fell out, and Pierce ran to the nearest trash receptacle, despite him not eating anything in more than twelve hours.
?Let?s go. We can?t help anyone here.? Frank lamented. The men walked through a break room covered in yellow blood and entered a darkened hallway.
?Going somewhere, boys?? A voice coolly asked. The men whipped around, guns at the ready. Frank pushed his back against the wall, covering himself from all angles. A pleasing shape in a black jumpsuit walked out of the shadows.
?Drop the gun.? Frank ordered the operative.
?Hey, no need to be so aggressive,? the woman replied.
?I said drop. The. Gun.? He snapped, tightening his grip on his 357. ?Cover us, there?s likely to be more of them around here.?  The woman chuckled and tossed her pistol to Frank.
?Relax, handsome. I?m not here to kill you,? She explained, taking off her mask and nightvision goggles. ?I?m getting out of here, same as you. Slipped away from my squad first chance I got. I?m not a blind follower of the government?s orders.? She shook out her long red hair.
?Why should we trust you??
?You think everyone the government sends [b]likes[/b] their orders?  You think that they don?t try to sneak away?? Pierce though of the soldiers griping from outside the garage, and the men who got shot down for trying to help them.
?Frank, we should let her come with us. As long as we keep an eye on her, we should be safe.? West looked over at the drama unfolding. He had, after all, missed one of his favourite shows.
?Henry, she?s an assassin. She?s here to kill us, the same as the soldiers.?
?Actually,? she chimed in. ?Our orders were to kill the soldiers, too.?
?You see?? Frank glared. ?We can?t trust her anymore than we can trust the military.?  The woman suddenly leapt down for her pistol, raised it, and shot. Behind the men, an alien dropped to the floor, bleeding profusely. Another shot to the head finished it off. She holstered her gun and turned to the men.
?You were saying?? Pierce said smugly. Frank sighed.
?Alright, you can come with us. Name?s Frank.?
?Henry Pierce.?
?I am doctor West.? West declared, mirroring the first time he met Frank and Pierce.
?Zoe Timmins. Hey, doctor West, you got a first name??
?No.? He lied, thinking back to the ridicule he endured in his school days. His parents had wanted a girl so badly that? He let his thoughts about the past slip away and directed his attention towards the conversation.
??do we get out of here?? Frank asked.
?The military?s set up a landing zone on the edge of the facility.? Zoe replied ?If we can get there, we might be able to hijack an osprey and fly out of here without much opposition. I saw a flying manta ray thing when my squad got here, so we may have to deal with a few of them once we?re in the sky. And if we?re going to get out, we?d better get going, before daybreak. I have a feeling that we?re sitting on a full-blown war here.? Zoe turned and walked towards the building?s exit, forcing Frank to peel his eyes away from her form-fitting jumpsuit. The group left the building, weapons at the ready. The moon lit the yard dimly, and the sound of static radiated from around a corner. As they approached the corner, they heard a sigh.
?I?m bored.?
?Yeah, where?s all the action? I thought this was supposed to be a cover up mission, not a [i]babysitting[/i] job.?
?We should just leave, find something to shoot.?
?What about that Freeman guy??
?Yeah, love to take him down. Bastard thinks he can fight us? For a scientist, he sure is a dumbass.?
?Heh, I bet he?s already dead. Probably getting eaten by a monster. He just got lucky a few times.? Zoe put a finger to her lips and pulled two grenades from her belt. Slowly loosening the pins and releasing the spoons, she rolled them both around the corner and stepped in front.
?Hey there.? She said. The men started catcalling, oblivious to the danger they were in.
?Hey beautiful. Wanna have some fun?? Suddenly, the soldier looked down. One of the grenades had hit his boot. ?You bi-? The blast cut him off, killing the soldiers and destroying their radio as Zoe dived back around the corner.
?Sometimes I think that these guys were hand-picked for stupidity, not sadism.? Zoe smirked.
?Do you do that? often?? Frank asked incredulously.
?Nope. Don?t get to.? Zoe walked back around the corner, opened what was left of the door the soldiers had been guarding, and motioned towards the men. ?Come on, there?s more ass to kick.? Frank turned towards Pierce.
?This has got to be the least believable part of the entire day.? Pierce shrugged in reply and followed Zoe through the door.
?Actually, it is past midnight. The day has just started.? West said as he passed Frank.

The only description is long red hair. Does she have Adrien Brody's nose and Steve Buscemi's smile? (sorry :P)