I don't know what to do. I am seriously unfocused and lazy enough to not get any work done. I have so many discontinued and cancelled projects that it makes the amount of grass on the planet look little. I had been creating things since teenage years and non of it got to be finished or worked on.
I seriously don't know what will happen to me in the future. I am a broken down man without any know purpose and have been wasting my whole life on nothing.
If this thread isn't welcome then remove it.
Being Sober
Created 6 years ago2018-08-03 15:57:12 UTC by
Screamernail
Created 6 years ago2018-08-03 15:57:12 UTC by
Screamernail
Posted 6 years ago2018-08-03 15:57:12 UTC
Post #340393
Posted 6 years ago2018-08-03 20:18:56 UTC
Post #340395
No thread is unwelcome (as long as it doesn't break the forum's rules), journal entries are better for some things though.
It is good that you are working on any goal since teenage years, and everyone here has some unfinished works. The thing is that you should not stop, no matter the results. You get better with each try, and eventually, you will be able to finish and achieve something. Failing is a human thing, life struggles and disabilities are also a human thing, but you are never in a situation, where you can not try.
BY WILLIAM ERNEST HENLEY
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul
You may want to shoot the Moon, but even if you miss, your shot will remain in the space, among the stars. You just have to keep on going!
It is good that you are working on any goal since teenage years, and everyone here has some unfinished works. The thing is that you should not stop, no matter the results. You get better with each try, and eventually, you will be able to finish and achieve something. Failing is a human thing, life struggles and disabilities are also a human thing, but you are never in a situation, where you can not try.
BY WILLIAM ERNEST HENLEY
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul
You may want to shoot the Moon, but even if you miss, your shot will remain in the space, among the stars. You just have to keep on going!
Posted 6 years ago2018-08-04 07:52:51 UTC
Post #340400
Make something small. Like a small deathmatch map for HL1 or a small fy_/aim_ map for CS 1.6, without custom content and see people play. That will definitely fire you up 4 bigger projects
Posted 6 years ago2018-08-06 20:32:10 UTC
Post #340433
Screamernail,
thanks for sharing your story.
It is important to know that a lot of people are going through what you are experiencing. Be it in their 20s or later in their 40s or 50s. You are not alone!
You said you only have unfinished projects and that you feel you are wasting your life on nothing. I don't think this is necessarily the case: Can I suggest you look at some of your work and instead of seeing only discontinued projects, you look out for the bigger picture, i.e. what did you learn doing these projects, how did you improve from one to another. Even if unfinished, there will be some sort of process noticeable! And this is already a good sign. It's a sign that you are not wasting your life, it's a sign that overall there is (even when unfinished) progress.
I had similar problems before I went to university to study design and architecture.
What uni taught me is to realistically assess:
a) My skills at this very moment,
b) Work out a realistic schedule for a project
c) Setting own, do-able deadlines and stick to them
And finally d) Do not get caught in details but rather scale back on the scope of work to actually get it done.
Basically It boils down to get to know yourself better:
a) What can you do?
b) In what time can you do it?
c) What do you want to achieve with this piece of work?
The last one is really important: Always have an idea (like a single one) behind of what you are doing. Every great map, every great game, movie or piece of architecture usually had a single good idea behind it, spanning over the entire piece of work. This makes it easy for you as a designer to keep the project and yourself in check. You can always double check if what you are doing right now is still working towards benefiting your idea. If it doesn't, take a break and think about what you are really trying to achieve.
The "one idea"-concept is a VERY powerful tool in design. It will also make sure that you do not waste time on minor details that don't matter in the end.
Example: Crossfire (Half-Life Deathmatch map)
Crossfire's idea was, essentially as the name suggests, to create a fast paced space where there is a lot of crossfire going on. The buildings with their windows and balconies in the main area are set up in a way to mimic close quarter combat. You can shoot (or being shot at) from all directions, there are some spaces for you to hide and regroup and there is the helipad outside with the one bunker to go in (by the way, IMO the map would work just as well without that area).
This is a cool map everyone loves to play. Why? Because the idea behind it is good! It's good for HLDM and its weapons. But is it a particularly beautiful and detailed map? No. The architecture is smart and effective but very simple. There is not a lot of complex brushwork going on, the map uses like a total of 10 textures or something, the windows don't even have frames or glass in them, there are no doors or sophisticated lighting effects and the elevator platforms couldn't be any more simple.
But still, someone had a good idea and built a map with the focus only on things that help to get the idea behind it across. And it rocks. You don't actually miss anything and it's done.
To wrap it up, my advice for you is to write down an idea you think you'd like to show off and then build something on top of it you KNOW you can pull off. Scrap everything that doesn't help to get your idea across and set a realistic deadline for your project. Don't worry if it is not perfect! It takes courage to "call it a day" and upload what you got. Better have a finished project that has some flaws than a few gigabytes of unfinished content nobody will ever see. This is how you will see a lot more progress and it'll become easier and easier for you to finish one project at a time!
You're a good person and you can do this!
thanks for sharing your story.
It is important to know that a lot of people are going through what you are experiencing. Be it in their 20s or later in their 40s or 50s. You are not alone!
You said you only have unfinished projects and that you feel you are wasting your life on nothing. I don't think this is necessarily the case: Can I suggest you look at some of your work and instead of seeing only discontinued projects, you look out for the bigger picture, i.e. what did you learn doing these projects, how did you improve from one to another. Even if unfinished, there will be some sort of process noticeable! And this is already a good sign. It's a sign that you are not wasting your life, it's a sign that overall there is (even when unfinished) progress.
I had similar problems before I went to university to study design and architecture.
What uni taught me is to realistically assess:
a) My skills at this very moment,
b) Work out a realistic schedule for a project
c) Setting own, do-able deadlines and stick to them
And finally d) Do not get caught in details but rather scale back on the scope of work to actually get it done.
Basically It boils down to get to know yourself better:
a) What can you do?
b) In what time can you do it?
c) What do you want to achieve with this piece of work?
The last one is really important: Always have an idea (like a single one) behind of what you are doing. Every great map, every great game, movie or piece of architecture usually had a single good idea behind it, spanning over the entire piece of work. This makes it easy for you as a designer to keep the project and yourself in check. You can always double check if what you are doing right now is still working towards benefiting your idea. If it doesn't, take a break and think about what you are really trying to achieve.
The "one idea"-concept is a VERY powerful tool in design. It will also make sure that you do not waste time on minor details that don't matter in the end.
Example: Crossfire (Half-Life Deathmatch map)
Crossfire's idea was, essentially as the name suggests, to create a fast paced space where there is a lot of crossfire going on. The buildings with their windows and balconies in the main area are set up in a way to mimic close quarter combat. You can shoot (or being shot at) from all directions, there are some spaces for you to hide and regroup and there is the helipad outside with the one bunker to go in (by the way, IMO the map would work just as well without that area).
This is a cool map everyone loves to play. Why? Because the idea behind it is good! It's good for HLDM and its weapons. But is it a particularly beautiful and detailed map? No. The architecture is smart and effective but very simple. There is not a lot of complex brushwork going on, the map uses like a total of 10 textures or something, the windows don't even have frames or glass in them, there are no doors or sophisticated lighting effects and the elevator platforms couldn't be any more simple.
But still, someone had a good idea and built a map with the focus only on things that help to get the idea behind it across. And it rocks. You don't actually miss anything and it's done.
To wrap it up, my advice for you is to write down an idea you think you'd like to show off and then build something on top of it you KNOW you can pull off. Scrap everything that doesn't help to get your idea across and set a realistic deadline for your project. Don't worry if it is not perfect! It takes courage to "call it a day" and upload what you got. Better have a finished project that has some flaws than a few gigabytes of unfinished content nobody will ever see. This is how you will see a lot more progress and it'll become easier and easier for you to finish one project at a time!
You're a good person and you can do this!
Posted 6 years ago2018-08-07 13:56:24 UTC
Post #340441
You are definitely not alone. Just take a look through my comment history on this very site and you will see that I have a terrible track record when it comes to starting a project, getting bored or running out of ideas and then giving up. Even my most promising project, The Core, has been in and out of development Hell more times than I can count and that's been going for nearly ten years! I even started two community projects in the middle, one of which released, the other did not...
Then there's all the stuff I have started that don't relate to gaming/modding. I've started hundreds of books, I've spend money on crafting supplies and such to make props for videos which have then been left in the bag they arrived in before getting thrown out.
It means that you're human. Some people can commit to a project and see it through from start to finish, some cannot. I certainly cannot, but that hasn't stopped me having a career I mostly enjoy and making a family and all that shit.
Chin up.
Then there's all the stuff I have started that don't relate to gaming/modding. I've started hundreds of books, I've spend money on crafting supplies and such to make props for videos which have then been left in the bag they arrived in before getting thrown out.
It means that you're human. Some people can commit to a project and see it through from start to finish, some cannot. I certainly cannot, but that hasn't stopped me having a career I mostly enjoy and making a family and all that shit.
Chin up.
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