Interactive Story Created 12 years ago2012-07-24 10:54:54 UTC by monster_urby

"Ken Birdwell"

"Press to not die"

You climb to your feet and wonder over to it, to see that on top is a large, red button labelled "Brian."

You look around the walls, then up at the ceiling, now being very wary of secret doors and panels. You lean over the button and gingerly give it a tap, then quickly step back. The button lights up and a 3 tone jingle plays out into the chamber from some unseen speaker system. The room is silent, no hatches open, no floods of chocolate milk. You take a small step towards the button, then another. Just then, one wall of the chamber explodes, sending dusting flying into the air and skipping chunks of rubble across the tile floor. Barrelling through the dust comes a huge ogre. Green skin, huge muscular build, red glowing eyes, tailored suit and reading glasses. As he charges towards you, he raises his arm and you close your eyes tight, preparing for the impact.

"Hello," says a voice "I'm Brian"

You open your eyes to see that the beast has stopped a few inches away from you, his enormous hand offered politely in greeting. You extend your arm and he clasps an enormous fist around it, shaking you violently up and down.

"How can I help?" he asks

"W-well," you can feel sweat running down your forehead "I was trying to get through the glass door."

"Ah, no hand ID or five quarters eh?" He places one of his enormous arms around your shoulders and leads you towards the door. "Let's see what we can do for you."

You stop in front of the glass, and to your surprise you are hoisted up over the monster's head. "Brace yourself!" He flings you with great strength against the glass and it shatters on impact, splintering into thousands of very painful shards. Brian ducks his head down and peers in through the doorway as you climb to your feet, your face cut to ribbons. "Hows that?" He asks, proudly folding his arms.

"That's fine" you mumble, pulling a small shard of glass out of your mouth.

"Great," Brian chuckles "Oh, take this will you as well. Sort of a promotional deal I'm running at the moment." He reaches into a pocket inside his enormous jacket and produces a [BLANK].

Excellent chapter. Chuckled lots.

produces a deck of oddly marked cards.

produces a kitten.

produces a plush stick of celery wearing sunglasses.

produces a doll of none other than yourself.

produces a card reading "My place, 7:00pm"

produces a pamphlet for the local skateboard shop that says: "Buy one helmet and get another helmet for the same price!"

Next part coming. Should be up around lunchtime GMT. (1pm - 4 hours from now.)

He reaches into a pocket inside his enormous jacket and produces a kitten. You carefully take the ball of sleeping kitten and cradle it in your arms. You are so taken back by it's minute form that you don't even realise the gashes on your face are healing rapidly and your aches and pains are drifting away.

The kitten stirs, lets out a silent yawn, stretches and open his big round eyes.

"Hello." you squeak, in the most pathetic baby voice you can muster up

"Hi" says the kitten

---

Meanwhile, a shadowy figure watches you through an unseen camera. His fists trembling with rage.

"Gargh!" He howls "That Brian is an idiot! Not only does he let this escapee out of the prison block, he also gives him Kevin, the magical kitten of healing and awesome cocktail parties. Well, that does it. We need to take this guy down. Captain! Send in the [BLANKS]!"

Send in The Who!

Send in UNATCO! (United Nations Anti-Terrorist Coalition)

Haddock Guard

Skittles(in uk/europe they call them smarties i think?)

Gee, I hope not. Smarties are a different brand. And they're more like M&Ms.

Send in the Discs!

Release the hounds!

send in the interprative dancers!

send in... the comfy chair!

Oh no!

Sorry I haven't posted the next bit yet guys. Next part will be coming tomorrow now so feel free to keep the suggestions coming. If you've already made a suggestion, make more! I never said there was a limit.

Captain! Send in the Generals!

Send in the Immortui Lupi!

"Well, that does it. We need to take this guy down. Captain! Send in the Skittles!"

---

The shattered glass of the door surrounding you, you find yourself in a lift, which starts moving upwards. Kevin is looking back up at you, a quizzical expression on his kitten face.

"You can talk..." you finally gasp

"What? Well yes! So can you."

"Yes, but I'm not-"

"Oh I get it. It's because I'm black isn't it!?"

"You're ginger."

"Well, I'll have you know that black kittens have been talking longer than you hairless apes have!"

"You're not even-" You are cut short by a familiar click, as a hatch opens in the ceiling above your head. "Oh crap!"

A small red packet falls through the hatch and hits the floor near your feet. You stand for a moment, your eyes fixed on the open hatch, which very slowly closes. You look down at the packet.

"Skittles." Kevin, now perched on your left shoulder, reads the packet aloud. "What's that then!?"

"Damned if I know." You bend down to pick up the pack and the second your fingertip brushes the plastic, the pack explodes, sending forth a questionable amount of candy around the lift and into your face. Before you know it, you're up to your neck in Skittles, barely able to move. Kevin's little face pops up in the mound in front of you.

"Don't panic." he says "I've been in this situation before."

"You're kidding right?" you try to move your arms with no luck.

"Nope. All we need to do is [BLANK]"

signal a lifeguard.

choke.

dance.

whip up a banana smoothy down at the staff breakroom

shove them down our pants!

"Nope. All we need to do is shove them down our pants!"

You cannot believe your ears, I mean, your listening to a kitten, but this recent development has you somewhat perplexed.

"I'm sorry?" you finally ask.

"You deaf!?" Kevin cups his paws around his mouth "WE NEED TO SHOVE THE SKITTLES DOWN OUR PANTS!"

You definitely heard it right that time. "You're not even wearing pants..."

"Correct. I guess that means this one's on you." Kevin grins a sinister grin.

-- END OF PART 1 --

"Nope. All we need to do is shove them down our pants!"

You cannot believe your ears, I mean, your listening to a kitten, but this recent development has you somewhat perplexed.

"I'm sorry?" you finally ask.

"You deaf!?" Kevin cups his paws around his mouth "WE NEED TO SHOVE THE SKITTLES DOWN OUR PANTS!"

You definitely heard it right that time. "You're not even wearing pants..."

"Correct. I guess that means this one's on you." Kevin grins a sinister grin.

-- END OF PART 1 --

(No blank this time. Thought I'd round up a first chapter of sorts and start the next one this weekend. It'd be good to hear your thoughts so far though. Some of you seem to be enjoying it and taking part at least, which is all I ask. )

((I definitely clicked the edit button...))

It's very enjoyable. Sort your god-damn spelling and grammar out, though.

Nah.

I mean, your listening to a kitten,

*you're

PART II

You waddle out of the lift, with a manner that only a man with several thousand skittles down his pants can muster. Kevin, gleefully trots along just ahead of you.

You try to take your mind off things and look around the room you now find yourself in, every step you take producing a sound not unlike someone shaking a bag of marbles with a sausage in it. Looking up, you can see that the brilliant white walls shoot straight upwards on all sides, fading from view in a brilliant white light which conceals whatever form of ceiling is or is not up there. You glance back down at the floor, covered in jet black tiles, which aren't actually jet black at all thanks to the heavenly glow high above your head. Every step echoes beautifully around the room, regardless of the awful din produced by your undergarments.

"Where are we?" you say aloud, almost forgetting you're not alone

"You're dead." replies a sweet, tiny voice, which does little to lighten the weight of what was actually just said. You stop in your tracks, the momentum of the skittles causing you to wobble a little. Quickly, a realisation hits, and your shocked, wide eyed face falls to a resentful frown. You look down at your feet, to see Kevin sitting in front of you, a tiny paw clasped over his mouth to stop himself giggling aloud. You consider stepping on him when something catches your eye up ahead. A small white cloud is gently drifting down towards the floor, with a small, old man sat on top of it, seemingly meditating.

He sits, motionless. His head is bald, most of his face hidden by a massive amount of facial hair. He is wrapped in purple robes with golden stitched patterns all over. He opens one eye and looks you up and down, then closes it again. "I am the grand wizard Walnutcracker!" he shrieks in an insane, high-pitched cackle. "What would you ask of me?"

Without thinking, you blurt out "[blank]"

"I need to use the loo!"

"I can see the strings."

and your shocked

*you're

"Hahaha! You're bald!"

"i lost my blender! and its not in the lost property box!"

@Dimbark:

and your shocked, wide eyed face

Context is important when you read English.

> and your shocked, wide eyed face
Context is important when you read English.

Grammar Nazi fail

Four Year Bump of Win!

Without thinking, you blurt out, "Hahaha! You're bald!"

The wizard furrows his brow, but keeps his eyes firmly closed, "I know you are but what am I?"

"What?" A blast of energy knocks you off of your feet and you hit the floor with a crash as several of the skittles in your pants break free and roll away, some of them... cheering? You scramble to your feet, and Kevin immediately starts giggling. You glance down at your reflection on the smooth, black tile floor and sure enough, you are completely bald. Out of the corner of your eye. you see your hair is whipping around the room, as if caught in a strong breeze. It flies at you, circling your shiny dome a couple of times before flying into the wizards face. seemingly being absorbed into his beard, which then grows a couple of inches.

"That'll teach you to make fun," the wizard cackled.

"Not cool, old man. You didn't even add the hair to your head. You're still bald! What was the point of that?"

The wizard shrugs.

"Fine, I'm leaving," you say, scooping up Kevin who is in the process of rolling around on the floor, still emitting a squeaky kitten giggle. You walk past the wizard to the large double doors at the far side of the room.

"Not so fast," shrieks the wizard. He raises his arms and thrusts them downwards, violently. Two [blanks] drop from the ceiling and slam into the ground, shattering the tiles as they land and blocking your path to the door.

cognitively aware sharks

I waited four years to not have my suggestion picked. Thus, I'm going to nitpick. There should be grammatical marks at the ends of the all of the quoted sections. That said...

huge, perfectly spherical steel balls
[and then some joke about balls of steel]

or

fat men in dog costumes

I literally forgot this was a thing.

sapient potatoes

I literally forgot this was a thing.

Likewise. I thought about it yesterday and read through it. I'd forgotten a lot of the actual story... as well as how terrible the grammar and punctuation were.

I'd forgotten about this one, but I still vaguely remember a half-life themed multiple choice one.

4 years too late bro.
I'm going to keep my theme of suggestions consistent though:

2 blenders drop from the ceiling

but I still vaguely remember a half-life themed multiple choice one.

Just the one?

Pretty sure that I alone have started three of those.

I remember the one with the vivid description of shooting a metrocop in the leg, wherein the main character died 5 seconds after doing that.