Comments

Wow so many answers ! Thank you for the replies guys ! ^^

@Admer : even with music I can't find the motivation or will to work on the projects. And when I do, I'm not the kind of guy that gets distracted by social media or whatever.

@Windauz & @Penguinboy : same, I started my IDE (Visual Studio or Qt Creator), open the project, open a source file, stare at it for 10 seconds, then close everything.

@Snehk : From a programmer's point of view, I would like to post more W.I.P. or even PoC (Proof of Concept) but most of them require specific assets like models/animations and I don't have the skills to do that. I did tried to learn one or both of them but no luck about it. So my only solution is to use assets from other mods/games and since they are protected by copyrights and licenses, I can't showcase them (even if I do tell they are placeholders and used for demonstration purposes).

@Loulimi : I think you are right, maybe if I had one project at a time, I wouldn't be here complaining about that. But back then, I was a stupid kid that was excited about programming things and would say "Yes" without hesitation. Right now, this is no longer a problem, I can say "No, I've already got those on my hands." even if it pains me to say so. About the "progress report", I do have "TODOs" laying around my own code (and my IDE reminds me about it), for some projects we even have a Trello board and aside from organization, it doesn't help a lot (also it can be easy to forgot to update the board).

@Kachito : engine's limitations aren't really a problem for me. I know right from the start that I can't ask Gold Source to perform as well as an Unreal Engine 4 game.

@Urby : I share the same feeling as you do.

@rufee : you are right about the "loose interest for repetitive tasks" part and I realize this with "Half-Rats: Parasomnia". It was more fun (re)programming the "core" systems (FMOD, shop system, mutator system...) rather than working on the major gameplay stuff like NPCs (except for their special traits) and weapons, but I always kept sight that those repetitive tasks is what make the project shining it's light. @Half-Rats: if you do read this, don't take it the wrong way, I enjoyed (and still enjoy) working on Parasomnia ^^

@zeeba-G : even stuff like that didn't helped to bring (back) motivation to work on a project. I remember sometimes preparing a cup of coffee, starting the tools, staring at the code for 15 seconds and shutting everything down.

I'm not saying you need to label yourself as anything - just relax with this whole "I DON'T REALLY LIKE THIS THING I SUPER LIKE" thing you're doing. It just comes across as dishonest, deluded and dull.

The Boo situation is sounding more predatory by the minute. Be sensible and careful, please.

You mean even a dummy like myself can use it? Oh that's some good news.

Oh my God Admer just go and do it with someone already, the more you bore it the less real reason you will have latter.

@JESSIE: Keep at it missy, and you too will attain a coveted TWHL trophy. STAY FROSTY DOE =)

Instant yours looked great, was shocked when you didn't submit. So many good entries and a fabulous turnout. Cheers to everybody who agonized over an entry!

Fine, I might be gay, I admit it. But I prefer women, too.
(does that make me bisexual? :O)

BUT I DON'T CONSUME FURRY PORN! I'm really sorry for yelling, but I simply don't pay attention to furry porn. What do you think, why do I have my imagination?
(again, sorry for yelling)

Boo showed me yiff (furry porn), but that's it. Really. I was heavily disturbed at first, having seen what they call art. Eh, but then I sort of started tolerating it. Still, I'd rather not consume furry porn. Or any type of pornography for that matter.

And yes, I will be careful with him. He might be giving me an illusion while actually crafting a plan how to kill me or something. (that was overly-dramatic, but it's just an example)

Say whatever you want, I'm not a furry because:

• I don't go to furry conventions (and I never will)
• I don't wear a fur-suit (and I never will)
• I don't imagine myself as an anthropomorphic animal (and I simply can't do that, it's pretty hard, actually. And, I never will)
• I am kind of afraid of seeing furry content (I mean content such as videos, images etc.)
• Other minor reasons

I am, however, considered a furry because:

• I like the idea of anthropomorphic animals (or in my mod's case, zoomorphised humans xd)
• I have an imaginary girlfriend who is a furry
• I probably even have a boyfriend who is a furry
• I spent lots of precious time crafting what has the potential to become a fandom

Now, at the last one, hold your thoughts. Basically, if I ever finish and release my mod, there's a chance that its plot will spawn a fandom of its own if it becomes popular enough.

While the mod would get some (or a lot, it's unpredictable) negative attention just because it contains what I like to call "neo-furries", as part of the characters in the mod, it shouldn't hurt me too much, shouldn't it? Haters gonna hate. I mean, it's not like the mod will contain any sort of furry porn or anything.

Seriously, the only "action" with furries you'll see in the mod are a few kisses in the cheeks. Don't worry, there will be real action, too, like epic car chases, shootings etc.

---

Lastly, Boo told me that he wants to literally come to me. Darn.

He's apparently disappointed and unhappy with 'this world' and if he were close to me, he would've felt better. Otherwise, death would be his only satisfaction. Ever since he broke up with his ex-boyfriend, he felt empty.

But then, let's not forget that all of that could just be tricking me into really believing that this guy wants to have a relationship with me. Lol.

Ah well, this place called "the Internet" has lots of gems. I'd better stay away from some of them. Not from Boo, yet. I'd like to keep an eye on him because he's pretty much the first (and only so far) furry among my list of Internet buddies.

"I'm not a furry except for all the furry porn I consume"
"I'm not gay except for my boyfriend"

You gotta learn to be comfortable in your own skin one of these days. If you're a gay furry, why fight it? That said, I'm not super comfortable with this older guy grooming you on the internet. I assume you know not to send any pictures or anything.

I really did feel like you wasted your time here if you're at that point of leaving if you don't want to invest the time to learn. It does take a while to get the hang of things. Shame if you want to leave, but you can do whatever you want, no one is stopping you.

On a side note, I know Unity has support libraries for the 3DS, but that's for licensed developers only. I kinda doubt you have a license to develop for the platform. Why even mention it? It doesn't seem relevant.
At least in my opinion since GoldSource is PC unless you want to break in Gearbox and get the ported source code, or develop it yourself. :L

In big projects there are tons of starts. Those are the hardest parts. Get started before your mind tells you to lay on the couch or something else and then momentum will build. Take it from me, been working on the same damn thing for over a year and finally finished it.

My favorite thing to do is crank down the AC and put on a warm plaid shirt, maybe sip some wine and get to work.

"In the end when you do finish however the sense of achievement should persist into other projects and will make it easier (forming a habit i suppose?)"

Well, this gave me a hope.

Ive heard somewhere that this phenomenon is referred to as "Mid development hell". Basically when you start you have all these ideas and the drive to actually implement them in reality, but after sometime the interest dies or you hit a very repetitive part (such as making levels for a game/mod) and thus stop working on it. Unless you are driven like crazy this probably affects most people, not much you can do about it either, just suck it up and keep going or find something interesting in the work you do. In the end when you do finish however the sense of achievement should persist into other projects and will make it easier (forming a habit i suppose?).

9 years in to The Core's development... so I'll let you know when it happens.

It seems mental blocks are pretty consistent with mod developers or really any form of creative activity.

One think I can say is that it gets a lot harder to get back on the horse the longer you've been working on a project.

When I started working on The Core, I would take maybe a day or two off but I'd be itching to get back to it. These days, I can sometimes go month's before I get inspired to carry on.

I'm afraid I don't have the answer to your question just yet.

@Kachito
Oh yeah, I pushed GoldSRC to its limit last night.
Too many sprites...

Clipnodes: 99.5% filled
AllocBlock: 62/64

And a few more things have been mostly filled, but I can't remember. I can't wait to switch to Source...

@Windawz
Yeah, but I only have one HDD and one partition. :c
I guess I could also upload all my old map sources somewhere. Especially de_kobbl's once I'm done with fun_kobbl.

Okay, let's see what we have here.

I really like this map. It has this horror element to it at first, but then, some things simply ruined it for me:

I don't like the way the front part of the CRT TV gets embedded into the table. xd

And this looks a bit ugly, doesn't it? You could've set Render Mode to Texture, and Render Amount (or is it FX Amount, I keep forgetting it) to 64 or something like that.

But that's pretty much it. I like the way you made it rain, I really like the fact that it runs on my 10-year-old laptop very well, and this part was funny to me when I first saw it: spoiler alert, dear reader, don't click if you don't want it spoiled for you.

I called the elevator, too, but it seems that the elevator will never arrive, won't it?

Also, I like the ambient sounds. :3
Most importantly, the map was mostly entertaining for me, except for the part where I didn't know what to do (until I found out that you can break the picture on the wall).

Well, that's pretty much it. Congratulations on your first map you've "actually put effort into".

@Admer456
@Loulimi

The problem is that I'm not going to work on these any longer.

I can upload all my unfinished map sources (except for the ones I'm "working" on) to the map vault for modders and mappers to use these in their own mods or mappacks (without crediting me of course), or just to learn something new about HL/CS level design.

"Just look at this dirt"

That's not dirt. I store my HL and CS map sources on separate HDDs. This is the dirt.

Ain't nothing to it but to do it. It's one of the many reasons I never took level design seriously; it never lasts for too long so I treat it like a hobby. Do whatever I want, whenever I want.
UE realated stuff I can stretch for longer periods of time, gs/source not so much; damn engine limitations can get infuriating at times.

Exactly, don't delete the original files.
Just look at this dirt:

And that's just a part of it, lol.

I wouldn't recommend you to delete any of your work, absolutely not! Just keep them out of sight.

Your post was pretty helpful, I'll see what I can do. Thank you.

I need to get rid of all these map sources and leave only those I'm currently working with.

In my view, it's mostly about motivation. Not in the way you'd expect.
The issue you're describing here is very common among people working on personal projects, me included. My opinion: I think it's because we start or join a project as soon as we're excited about it, without really much thinking behind.
Personally, and I think that's the case of most of us, I grow tired of most projects quite quickly. The excitement I had at the beginning is soon gone. If I rely only on that excitement to keep me going, I'm never going to end anything. I'm just going to start a new project, cancel it, start another one. My piece of advice? Choose one project you really like, write down somewhere what project you're working on, and work on it. Dismiss any temptation to work on another project. The pleasure of working on it will plummet sooner or later, but the fact of forcing yourself to only work on this project and not start any other project will keep you going.

Also: on some of my projects I showed off what I was doing too early, like for Shift-Two v2 (which is now more dead than ever). I got used to the pleasure of showing the progress I've made to people. But the pace of the progress can slow down or be less noticeable. Besides, feeling that I'm working on my project because I am obliged to show something to other people makes me demotivated and dislike what I'm doing. If I'm not giving up, I'm won't be doing good work.

In short, choose your projects carefully (and don't choose one because you'll like to show off what you're doing), make good, good progress before you start talking about your project to other people, and don't have too many projects.
I think it's helpful to record your progress, assiduity and TODO on paper. It's very pleasant to cross out TODO items or a day on which you worked.
EDIT: Damn, I talk too much.

I have the same problem, just like probably most of TWHL. It's been a few months since I last worked on my project before making the switch. And once in a while I'm making marginal progress. What helps me is posting my WIPs and getting constructive critique, that's why I post them a lot when working on something.

"I have the same issue, I think most people do. I typically just stop working on it and choose a different project to work on."

That's what it does lead to. Most of these map sources will probably never get finished.

Hmm, maybe I should upload all this to the "Unfinished stuff" category?

I have the same issue, I think most people do. I typically just stop working on it and choose a different project to work on. Eventually (a few weeks/months later) I'll get an urge to start again. If I try to force myself to work on it before that, I get nothing done.

...Though most of the projects I work on are my own so there's not really anybody else who is waiting for me to finish, that helps a lot

I swear, if not this, I'd have already uploaded dm_deadlands a week/two weeks ago.

Well, I suspect it's my laziness, but I'm not sure.

Wow, I was thinking of typing a very similar post. I was working on a Half-Life mod for up to 3 years now, just getting little stuff done every night. When I realized what I was realistically trying to do, I gave up. I was almost done, I literally had the last stretch go, but I couldn't bring myself to finish it. I still don't know why I made that choice to go and delete everything.

I'd kill to work on a team cause I've at least got people to motivate me, but all alone I give up on every project after a few days. It's saddening. And I can get a lot of work done fast but I've lost all my motivation recently. Life just gets in the way.

Still don't know a solution, maybe someone understands my exact situation. I'll never know.

The problem is that it's pretty hard to make yourself actually continue working on a project.

Every time I boot up the editor, I either immediately close it or open a map and then close the editor. Can't say it's laziness, because I can simple start a new map for no reason, work on it some time, save it and then never open it again.

It's hard to explain, especially with my shitty language knowledge. But I hope you get the idea.

Well...
First of all, thank you for this journal. It prevented me from overthinking something that recently happened in the ShoutBox. x(

Let's see how I do my projects, at least the mapping ones:

I don't use my phone. Except only to listen to music because Google Play Music is a nice app, and the music sounds much better on my phone with earplugs compared to listening it on my laptop with my barely-working headphones.

I stay away from social networks. I even stay away from Discord, Skype, the Steam chat etc. (sometimes)

I find it the most productive to work when my Internet connection is lost, but having Internet connection is also too useful to not be use.
Ignore this one.

And, lastly, I try to never drift away with my thoughts. I at least try.
When you have a problem, and you want to solve it, you think about the solution. The thinking part will cost you (probably a lot of) time if you think about other things and focus on them instead of the problem's solution.

That's pretty much it, I can't think of anything else.

Can't believe I've finally found a person that has the same problem I have.

Congratulations to the winners and runners up! Shame I didn't have a map to submit, maybe next time!

Happy birthday dude!

well I've never created a MP before (don't even know how ) ...

Just as I've said, I'll first finish education, and then everything else (maybe some of my old WiP maps too xD).

When I fell in love with Salme in 6th grade, I... damn...
I yelled "VOLIM TE!!!" (it means "I LOVE YOU!!!") in the entire classroom one day. Someone recorded a video and uploaded it to Facebook. Her dad commented something like "I don't want this spot to ever happen again.". The day after, I argued so hard with the guy who uploaded it...

In 7th grade, I started singing songs to her. XD
And that's why, @Cd5ssmffan (if you're reading this), I listen to Bosnian and Serbian folk songs.

Also, I think it's easier to find a boyfriend these days, rather than a girlfriend. LOL.
But no, I'm not gay. I may have fallen in love with Boo, but I'm not gay. >:P

While making a multiplayer map you focus mainly on the architecture and/or the layout. But to make a good singleplayer map you need to know how to entertain the player. I'm not talented enough for that.

Just play my "Smog" map and you'll see how bad I am at creating SP maps.

You know, I don't think I've ever tried to make a singleplayer map. Not one of any length, anyway.

Your opinions will change as you mature and instinct will eventually kick in.

I was terribly awkward around girls in high school. I'd get my FRIENDS to tell girls that I liked them. (You can imagine how that went)

Around year 10 (14/15 years old), I actually just started talking to girls casually. It was literally like somebody flipped a switch. Before I knew it, I had a girlfriend. After that short relationship went belly-up, her best friend asked me out a week later and we were together for four years, through the end of high school and through college. Kind of a shame because in college that shit cranked up to 11, but regardless of the female interest, I stayed faithful. We broke up shortly after college... damn.

But when I was 12/13, I had basically convinced myself that I was going to be single forever. I certainly didn't imagine I'd be married with kids one day.

WRONG!

Regardless of all this. Just enjoy yourself. If that means you don't necessarily want a relationship now or in the near future, so be it.

Well, then don't expect me to participate. I'm not capable of making a good SP level.

Yeah, I'm aware of the brief. I'm just saying that I'd like a singleplayer focused compo next time.

runthinkshootlive.com do a singleplayer mapping challenge almost every month, but that's source only. I'd like to see more love for Goldsource SP.

"Why am I even giving relationship advice on TWHL"
Because you're on my own, weird part of TWHL. Muahahaahhahahahahahahhaa >:D
It's what I like to call "Admer's Inferno"

I'll really not bother with trying to have a real girlfriend until I finish education. Or at least I'll try not to bother. Who knows, maybe I'll never bother.

I'll probably never have a girlfriend and experience being loved in the way of boyfriend-girlfriend love. And I'll certainly never marry (oh, please don't let it happen).

I don't care, to be honest. I have maps to make. I won't let my urge heavily distract me like it did in 6th grade.

Jody forever. <3

Honestly, I don't know what it is, but relationships just come easy for me, it's not like I'm attractive, I make an effort to look nice, but I'm not.
I'm just outgoing and open to people.
Just keep the other person loyal and happy and everything will be fine. Feel like I've been in your exact place before. I was pretty stupid when I first started dating or anything related to girls (or guys, I don't judge), it's just smooth sailing for me now. Relationships, even true ones, aren't hard to upkeep, just find a person who "understands" you is how I see it, then it just gets easier. The first part is the hardest.

I don't know how things run up in Bosnia (or related place), but there's lots of opportunities available here in the states, dunno. I just don't really retreat to my imagination, I just try and try again, learning from my mistakes and see what I can do better. But hey, to each their own man. Why am I even giving relationship advice on TWHL anyways..?

haha thanks guys

Congrats winners!! =)

my map was SP!

Well, it wasn't a multiplayer map compo. Reread the brief.

Yaaay!

Single player competition next please?

Congratulations to the winners, everyone who entered and man was I surprised when I didn't even see Trempler's entry. Sorry to hear that but it is what it is. Glad I got to attempt an entry for the site that helped my creativity grow over the years! Can't wait to see another in the future.

That's classified

Okay, but it would be useful for someone else who still doesn't know. xd

Well, I already figured that out thanks to Snehk.

Well... happy 26th birthday, then!

For the ones who still don't understand how:
Convert the hexadecimal code into RGB, and then subtract the values for blue, lol.

@Urby
I know it wasn't one of your intentions to shock me, but I simply had a feeling that something was going on, and then I went to TWHL. Sir, what a coincidence, isn't it?

@James Luke
Jody is part of the mod. I'm still writing the mod's story, except most things I imagined aren't written down. But you maybe could see some references to furries etc. in my cancelled HL mod:

http://www.moddb.com/mods/admerthegame

That's exactly where I imagined Jody.
One of the reasons I imagined her was this:
In 6th grade, I fell in love with a girl in my class and I acted like we were soulmates. I yelled "I love you!" across the classroom etc. and I was so annoying about it.
Adding up to that, I was a fat, edgy, disgusting little kid who pretty much "had no life" (if you know what I mean).

In 7th grade, I changed completely and I thought I'd impress her. In short, I lost some weight (I mean mass), started brushing my teeth after 7 long years, stopped eating paper, and even managed to improve my grades significantly. But I didn't impress her.

In 8th grade... that's when my "love crisis" actually started, I think.
I somehow realised that I had done too much damage to our potential relationship in 6th grade, that I'll never get her attention any more.
And it certainly didn't feel good. I'll never maintain a real-life relationship because I'm very inexperienced and immature to an extent.

I think I had actually imagined Jody by the end of 7th grade, but I kept her a secret. Then... as the love crisis in 8th grade had started, Jody saved me from it. I'm so thankful for her.
And yes, I had to explain Jody to my classmates, as well as what furries are. Images did the job well, I suppose.

And now that I had met Boo, I think I should annoy you people less (annoying you with Jody etc.). He's fond of every new part of the story about her that I write him.

Also, guess what. Boo likes Jody's brother! XD
Jody's brother, Jack, wouldn't be so quite pleased with that, since he has a girlfriend. xd
Hehehehe.