Journals

For the past week I was:

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• getting scammed in games
• watched a game about ditching a girlfriend (see #1 below)
• played a bunch of super mario world hacks, none of which I could beat legitimately (see #2 below)
• watched an anime about an MMORPG only to find out later that it gets explicit and R-rated
• Tried out E.Y.E Divine cybermancy (see #3 below)

1. I watched a playthru of what can be considered the shortest visual novel ever, about you trying to ditch your closely attached girlfriend. The entire game was in sepia tone and there was something very wrong about the whole affair. Needless to say, the very life of the protagonist was hanging in the balance.

2. Played 4 hacks (or mods, same idea) of super mario world. I was able to beat none of them. One had a coding problem where bowser's castle opened but the path didn't so I couldn't go there; the hack was riddled with a bunch of other problems as well (such as levels being blurry because the transition effect screwed up)

In another hack, it was so difficult (imagine playing mario with NO MUSHROOMS AT ALL anywhere) that I gave up. I'm too lazy to play a game with savestate spamming.

In yet a third hack, I was able to beat this boss but the boss room didn't register its defeat because a lone goomba was left in the room. I was unable to get rid of the goomba because in SMW you can't kill goombas directly; you can only throw them into other enemies. I gave up on that one.

In the 4th hack I got all the way to Roy's castle where you must get thru THREE AREAS, two of which are AUTO SCROLL LEVELS. In both autoscroll levels, you must run like a mofo to jump from springer to springer avoiding spikes and landing on 1-unit long ledges. It was getting boring. I made it into Roy's room but STUPIDLY DIED when he only needed one more bop.

3. I tried out a demo of E.Y.E Divine cybermancy, a source engine FPS-RPG game on steam. All I can say is, it's a bit too complicated for me. Theres too many skills and no quick way to access them: Theres super jumping, super sprinting, cloaking, healing, and about 10 others, with a possibility for maybe 30 more skills. While your menu is open you are VULNERABLE to enemy fire. The weapons have iron sights and multiple fire modes, and unfortunately aren't very strong. I keep getting killed by these armor clad samurai creeps armed with better weapons. And what's worse, they have a respawn point right outside my starting room, so there's pretty much an endless stream of them. I couldn't go 1 block without getting swarmed by like 5 samurai creeps.

There's a money purchase system that's quite widespread in the game, with many possible ways to develop your character. The focus of this game is obviously on skills and abilities development rather than on weapons loadouts. I'd recommend this if you are good at micromanagement of about 30 or 40 odd skills. Otherwise it might be too overwhelming for you. (By comparison, borderlands had 1 skill per character.)

Yeah, so, not particularly thrilled today.

I just played Dimquest. Now, I know what you're thinking. It's just a really long-ass steam chat. Well it's all very boring-looking, but it was one of the most difficult games I've ever played. I didn't even make it past the tutorial...

CHAPTER 1: The FLASHBACK of DEATH
DA Dimbark: Menu's ready.
DA Dimbark: Lemme set up the music and we'll be good to go.
DA Dimbark: You ready?
DA Dimbark: QUEST IS READY
Call from DA Dimbark started.
DA Dimbark: Answer the call.
Call with DA Dimbark ended.
DA Dimbark has ended the call.
DA Dimbark: ............
Call from DA Dimbark started.
DA Dimbark: 2MUCH
DA Dimbark: OFEHWGIOU
Call with DA Dimbark ended.
DA Dimbark has ended the call.
DA Dimbark: #T#&*(T(F&*#Q@H@#
Call from DA Dimbark started.
Call with DA Dimbark ended.
DA Dimbark has ended the call.
2muchvideogames: i was in bathroom
DA Dimbark: WHY NOT WARN ME
Call from DA Dimbark started.
DA Dimbark: Welcome... young one..
DA Dimbark: To the adventures of...
DA Dimbark: DIMQUEST
DA Dimbark: NEW OR LOAD
2muchvideogames: PALM >>> CARA
2muchvideogames: load
DA Dimbark: NO GAME TO LOAD
DA Dimbark: DIMQUEST
DA Dimbark: NEW OR LOAD
2muchvideogames: options
DA Dimbark: NEW OR LOAD
2muchvideogames: now
DA Dimbark: NEW SELECTED
DA Dimbark: Hello adventurer, what be thy name?
2muchvideogames: jack Atahualapa
DA Dimbark: Ah, young Jack.
DA Dimbark: Loading..
DA Dimbark: You open your eyes.
DA Dimbark: You're in the heat of marching battle.
DA Dimbark: You're in a small trench, armed to the teeth with the strongest of the king's armory.
DA Dimbark: Everything is in a blur as gray castle walls are to your left, a field is to the right, and three men stand before you.
2muchvideogames: i didn't know trenches were in medieval times
DA Dimbark: The men are all dressed in red armor with small dragons on them. Two of them hold spears, as one of them holds a broadsword.
DA Dimbark: To your side is your great longsword.
DA Dimbark: Are you ready to fight for your country?
2muchvideogames: aw dam now i wanna make an rpg maker game now
2muchvideogames: yes
DA Dimbark: Three men before you.
DA Dimbark: Soldier 1 steps forward and throws his spear at you.
DA Dimbark: HIT!
2muchvideogames: what
DA Dimbark: You are wounded.
DA Dimbark: Your turn!
DA Dimbark: You can
DA Dimbark: Attack
DA Dimbark: or
DA Dimbark: Use an Item
2muchvideogames: what items do i have
2muchvideogames: what is my equipment and shit
DA Dimbark: You have a potion and an old grenade.
DA Dimbark: You are unsure of your equipment as your vision is too blurry to look closely.
DA Dimbark: You don't even care--it's the heat of the battle!
DA Dimbark: Attack or Item?
2muchvideogames: no way i gotta know my weapon
DA Dimbark: In your hands it a longsword.
2muchvideogames: i cant rush forward if my weapon is like a crossbow
DA Dimbark: DA Dimbark: To your side is your great longsword.
DA Dimbark: DA Dimbark: The men are all dressed in red armor with small dragons on them. Two of them hold spears, as one of them holds a broadsword.
DA Dimbark: To your side is your great longsword.
2muchvideogames: why do i hav 2 swords
DA Dimbark: YOU HAVE ONE
DA Dimbark: Soldier 3 takes out his broadsword and strikes you with it. You have been struck diagonally across the chest.
2muchvideogames: gay i hate active time battle
2muchvideogames: i always play wait
DA Dimbark: Attack
DA Dimbark: or ]
DA Dimbark: Item?
2muchvideogames: can i switch to wait
DA Dimbark: SURE
DA Dimbark: Switched!
DA Dimbark: In the distance you hear a guitar playing.
2muchvideogames: dat hidden options
DA Dimbark: Attack
DA Dimbark: or
DA Dimbark: Item
2muchvideogames: whats hp
DA Dimbark: No worry for that right now.
2muchvideogames: unlimited hp?
2muchvideogames: lol ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK
DA Dimbark: Yes.
DA Dimbark: Because this is just a flashback.
2muchvideogames: wait
DA Dimbark: To get you used to the goddamn system.
2muchvideogames: that means i get killed
DA Dimbark: I HAVE YET TO GIVE YOU THE OPEN MENU YET
DA Dimbark: YOU RUINED IT
DA Dimbark: JUST FIEGHT
2muchvideogames: dam i dont wanna get killed in a flashback
2muchvideogames: maybe i keep waiting
DA Dimbark: Suddenly, the battle is stopped as you hear a guitar...
DA Dimbark: The soldiers look up as a swift man in a red cloak is playing guitar from above the castle walls...
DA Dimbark: He reveals an arrow and strikes you in your shoulder.. You fall over bloodied... as you are struck again in the stomach..
DA Dimbark: You're slowly dying on the battlefield...
2muchvideogames: i hate characters that succumb to plot device deaths
DA Dimbark: You cry out, "Is this what you meant? Nivas, have you forsaken me?"
DA Dimbark: The soldiers look over you.
DA Dimbark: One of them looks down to you, speaks.
2muchvideogames: "crap, he was gonna die anyway? He wasted 1 durability on my sword!"
DA Dimbark: "You aren't dead yet." He chuckles.
DA Dimbark: You are dragged away as several soldiers kick you..
DA Dimbark: Everything blurs as everything disappears into darknes...
2muchvideogames: Topside for questionin'
2muchvideogames: dude needed glasses in battle
2muchvideogames: everything is always blurry to him

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CHAPTER 2: FIGHT TO THE DEATH
DA Dimbark: Are you gonna play this right
DA Dimbark: or just bitch about it making jokes?
DA Dimbark: You open your eyes..
2muchvideogames: i have not a slight idea whats going on what else should i doo
DA Dimbark: You're in a stone room, metal cell doors seeming to be the only way out. You're on a bench, stripped of most of your gear down to some ragged shorts... Across from the bench is a bucket filled with water.
DA Dimbark: http://www.yourworldoftext.com/2muchquest
2muchvideogames: eww
DA Dimbark: Use the link above as your score system.
2muchvideogames: d-district prison theme
DA Dimbark: You hear a shout from outside that echoes graciously, "Boss! The guy from Malgrove is awake!"
2muchvideogames: wheres my sword
DA Dimbark: Footsteps follow in the same pattern of echos as the man in the red cloak is before you.
2muchvideogames: i need some of that noclip pills hes got
DA Dimbark: He has a much better profile now: to his side is a greatsword, on his back a guitar, and to his other side a bow.
DA Dimbark: "Well, well, well," he says. "So, another soldier captured..."
DA Dimbark: He's looking at you through the bars.
DA Dimbark: "Well, say something!" he demands as his red eyes stare at you.
DA Dimbark: (DO SOMETHING?)
2muchvideogames: wheres my sword
DA Dimbark: You ask him where your sword is.
DA Dimbark: "What?" he asks sarcastically. "YOUR sword? It's now my sword.. part of my collection."
2muchvideogames: cool
2muchvideogames: sword collectors
DA Dimbark: He coughs.
DA Dimbark: "Malgrove scum.."
2muchvideogames: can i have basic clothes
DA Dimbark: He coughs loudly once more.
2muchvideogames: where can i get some plot exposition around here
DA Dimbark: "Why?" he asks you. "Don't be so demanding, or maybe I will throw you in the arena to be fucking killed by gladiators!"
DA Dimbark: Your exposition is..
DA Dimbark: All you can remember is getting hurt.
DA Dimbark: You have amnesia.
DA Dimbark: Now you are in jail.
2muchvideogames: way to have amnesia in battle, i must be a huge failure
DA Dimbark: You were struck in the head.
DA Dimbark: With somebody's foot
DA Dimbark: "Well," the warden begins speaking. "I supposed it's time for interrogation."
DA Dimbark: "But first, I just want your opinion on this cell room.."
2muchvideogames: how the fuck can i get interrogated if i have amnesia
DA Dimbark: ARE YOU GOING TO DO ANYTHING IN THIS GAME?
DA Dimbark: He doesn't know you have amnesia.
DA Dimbark: ROLEPLAY
2muchvideogames: i am
2muchvideogames: i'm a roleplaying someone whos got no idea whats going on
DA Dimbark: You're not doing anything.
DA Dimbark: You're asking me questions.
2muchvideogames: i'm in a freaking jail cell sure i can do anything i want
DA Dimbark: but you're doing nothing
DA Dimbark: if you're talking to him, say 'say'
2muchvideogames: prisoners cant do anything other than be silent and be told what to do
2muchvideogames: dur
DA Dimbark: "Well.." he says. "Not gonna say anything?"
2muchvideogames: i have no idea what the cell room is like
2muchvideogames: nothing to say..
DA Dimbark: I told you what it's like..
DA Dimbark: It's a stone room with one side made of bars, you're on a bench, and across from it is a bucket.
2muchvideogames: does the bucket heal my hp
DA Dimbark: You don't need healed.
DA Dimbark: YOu look at yourself to see you have a diagional strike going from your struck shoulder down to your stomach which has also been struck.
DA Dimbark: Some pretty nasty scars, but they look as if they've been treated.
2muchvideogames: and my sword is now hanging in somebody's trophy room
DA Dimbark: Do something dammit.
DA Dimbark: He wants you to talk.
2muchvideogames: i dont know shit say what
DA Dimbark: Make fun of him.
DA Dimbark: Tell him you don't know what he's talking about.
DA Dimbark: Say your name.
2muchvideogames: i remember doing that in the last game
2muchvideogames: i died.
DA Dimbark: Ask where youa re.
DA Dimbark: ???
DA Dimbark: SAY SOMETHING ALREADY
DA Dimbark: The warden opens the cell door, blocking it with himself.
2muchvideogames: moving on...
DA Dimbark: "You know what," he says. "Congratulations, you're a gladiatior."
DA Dimbark: He grabs onto your arms and forcible places handcuffs ony ou.
DA Dimbark: He leads you out of the cell, as you see an open area composed of three levels of cells similar to yours. Across from all of them are some very large windows and a small door. He goes through the door.
DA Dimbark: He's taken you through them to another part of the jail, a hallway. You pass three doors to the right until you make it to a fourth one. He shoves you through and locks the door behind you.
2muchvideogames: "I'm gonna kill u with ur sword, which in the near future, will be My sword!:
DA Dimbark: You're in a room with two doors across from each other, one of them locked. Inside is some very small gear: a dagger and a metal chestplate. It's very dimly lit with a torch.
2muchvideogames: "bitch you have no future."
DA Dimbark: There is a sign on the wall.
2muchvideogames: ABANDON YE HOPES AND DREAMS, AND PERISH IN THE NAME OF ENTERTAINMENT OF THE MASSES
DA Dimbark: No.
2muchvideogames: equip that stuff
DA Dimbark: IF YOU HAVE BEEN BROUGHT HERE, TAKE THE ITEMS AND GO THROUGH THE DOOR ACROSS FROM THE ENTRANCE
DA Dimbark: You take the chestplate and the dagger.
DA Dimbark: Your torso is well prepared and a dagger is in your hand.
DA Dimbark: ARMOR + 40
DA Dimbark: You see the door across from the locked entrance.
2muchvideogames: go
DA Dimbark: You go through the door... geared up..
DA Dimbark: There is a crowd of people.
DA Dimbark: They begin cheering.
2muchvideogames: reminds me of goosebumps
DA Dimbark: It's a large arena: mostly composed of dirt except for the stone walls around at which the crowd watches.
2muchvideogames: just like in star wars
DA Dimbark: There's about 350 people there. Across in the arena you see the warden holding your sword. There's also a woman dressed in the same gettup, equipped with a mace.
2muchvideogames: lol on a glance i can tell theres 350 ppl
DA Dimbark: "People of Mihor!" cries the warden. "Tonight, we have two prisoners! Glacia and the unknown Malgrovian! The winner will get their freedom!"
DA Dimbark: The crowd cheers again.
2muchvideogames: oh no
DA Dimbark: "Battle!" the warden cries as e sits abck.
2muchvideogames: that means that lady already owned some bitches
2muchvideogames: maces are slow weapons so my speed dagger has the upper hand
DA Dimbark: The lady across from you walks to the center and whips out her mace, putting one hand out pointing at you.
2muchvideogames: i go first
DA Dimbark: Her face looks innocent, but also very upset.
DA Dimbark: You have to go to the center of the arena.
2muchvideogames: he aleady said battle
2muchvideogames: i'm running around the arena
DA Dimbark: But you're not near her.
DA Dimbark: No.
DA Dimbark: You're standing there.
2muchvideogames: i run around the arena
DA Dimbark: You run to the center of the arena prepared for battle. You get the first move.
DA Dimbark: You have three attacks:
2muchvideogames: ignored
DA Dimbark: Uppercuts
DA Dimbark: Slashes
DA Dimbark: and
DA Dimbark: Braver Strikes
DA Dimbark: Choose ne.
DA Dimbark: *Choose one.
2muchvideogames: the second one
DA Dimbark: You manage to run around and slash her diagonally. She stumbles back, hurt a bit. The crowd cheers.
2muchvideogames: backpedal
2muchvideogames: backpedal
2muchvideogames: backpedal
2muchvideogames: backpedal
DA Dimbark: She runs up at you and jumps into the air, throwing her sword into your chestplate! -28
2muchvideogames: i thought she had a mace
DA Dimbark: *MACE
2muchvideogames: also i backpedal so should miss
DA Dimbark: into your chestplate.
DA Dimbark: Your turn.
DA Dimbark: You can either attack.
DA Dimbark: Or use a specil action and then attack.
2muchvideogames: run around the arena and rush from about 9 o clock with an uppercut
DA Dimbark: You run around and miss with your uppercut.
2muchvideogames: this is dumb
DA Dimbark: How so?
2muchvideogames: basically if i say something u dont understand u ignore it
DA Dimbark: She leaps forward and bashes your armor with a mace. -24
DA Dimbark: How so?
DA Dimbark: You ran around and rushed at her.
DA Dimbark: But you missed.
2muchvideogames: how does that miss she standing still
DA Dimbark: BECAUSE
DA Dimbark: I roll dice.
2muchvideogames: and she jumps while i backpedal how does that miss
DA Dimbark: If the dice says you hit, you hit.
DA Dimbark: If it says you msis, you miss.
2muchvideogames: ur using a dice?
DA Dimbark: Yes
DA Dimbark: And with your special action, I added 1 point
2muchvideogames: thats still kinda dumb
DA Dimbark: Your turn>
DA Dimbark: She seems tired and weak.
2muchvideogames: defend
DA Dimbark: It may be a finishing blow--end it good for the crowd.
DA Dimbark: Are you sure?
2muchvideogames: yes
2muchvideogames: defend my ass
2muchvideogames: i dont give a shit about the crowd
DA Dimbark: You hold out your weapon to defend yourself and prance about a little bit.
DA Dimbark: She manages to break through your defenses and strike you. -17
DA Dimbark: *I made her have to roll a 5 or 6
DA Dimbark: She rolled a 6
DA Dimbark: But I made her attack weak.
DA Dimbark: er
2muchvideogames: shitty defend only blocks about 7 dmg
DA Dimbark: And she had to roll a 5 or 6.
2muchvideogames: do i still have that potion
DA Dimbark: No.
2muchvideogames: granade
DA Dimbark: She still looks tired.
DA Dimbark: YOu are young and strong.
DA Dimbark: You think they'd let you go into jail
DA Dimbark: with a grenade?
2muchvideogames: is she like 50 years
2muchvideogames: old
DA Dimbark: She's 38.
2muchvideogames: yes because nobody in medieval times know what a granade is
DA Dimbark: Just fight you fool!
DA Dimbark: It is your turn to make a move.
2muchvideogames: try to escape
DA Dimbark: You cannot escape from an arena! But you manage to get away from the circle.
2muchvideogames: what circle
DA Dimbark: The circle in the middle of the arena.
DA Dimbark: She follows you around the arena.
2muchvideogames: run around the side of the arena
2muchvideogames: again
2muchvideogames: RUN RUN RUN YO ASS
DA Dimbark: You run around, failing to evade her as she strikes you in the back! -26
2muchvideogames: how does a freaking 38 year old woman catch up to young muscular soldier dude
DA Dimbark: BECAUSE YOU ROLLED A ONE
DA Dimbark: Just throw the finishing blow already!
2muchvideogames: run faster dumbass
DA Dimbark: It's a fight to the death!
DA Dimbark: You speed up and continue running.
2muchvideogames: yes
2muchvideogames: moar running
2muchvideogames: now suddenly run towards the center of arena
DA Dimbark: You make it to the center as she comes back. It's a relatively easy place to access.
DA Dimbark: She lunges at you, but misses as she reveals a weakspot.
DA Dimbark: (Her armpit.)
2muchvideogames: suck
DA Dimbark: You run up to her armpit and begin sucking it.
2muchvideogames: the fuck
DA Dimbark: She slices at you. -26
DA Dimbark: You're dying..
2muchvideogames: what kind of dm are u
DA Dimbark: All is becoming blurry..
DA Dimbark: YOU SAID SUCK
2muchvideogames: fucknig me up
2muchvideogames: this will go down in best of steam chats
DA Dimbark: You're dying!
DA Dimbark: It's your move.
2muchvideogames: sit down
DA Dimbark: I said armpit.
DA Dimbark: You said suck.
2muchvideogames: that makes no sense
DA Dimbark: It's a verb.
DA Dimbark: Like saying attack.
2muchvideogames: u ignore the stuff i say to do and pick up stuff out of the blue
DA Dimbark: You take a seat. She aims her mace at you, "Do you give up?"
2muchvideogames: i get to give up?
2muchvideogames: i thought it was fight to death
DA Dimbark: It is.
DA Dimbark: She'll just strike your head off.
DA Dimbark: FINISH HIM
2muchvideogames: dur
2muchvideogames: i wish i had my sword
DA Dimbark: She wants the satisfaction of making it a theatrical moment
2muchvideogames: not this little dagger ass couldn't hit an elephant
DA Dimbark: Are you gonna finish her or what?
2muchvideogames: more like the other way
2muchvideogames: stand up and backpedal to the wall
DA Dimbark: You backpedal to the wall.
DA Dimbark: She comes your way and corners you.
2muchvideogames: then rush towards the door i entered from
2muchvideogames: open it
2muchvideogames: go in side
DA Dimbark: You go to the door. It's been locked!
2muchvideogames: pick the lock with teh dagger
DA Dimbark: As you start to, the woman nears you and several guards aim their bows at you.
DA Dimbark: This is your last turn!
2muchvideogames: why are there guards with bows
DA Dimbark: Stay idle and you'll be killed.
2muchvideogames: this match is rigged
DA Dimbark: How so?
2muchvideogames: like all ur quests...
DA Dimbark: You WERE winning.
DA Dimbark: How's it rigged?
2muchvideogames: too linear...
2muchvideogames: like there are stuff you EXPECT ur player to do, with no alternative approaches
2muchvideogames: its the same way with mods
DA Dimbark: Like what?
2muchvideogames: if you have a linear ass map it gets old fast
DA Dimbark: There are several alternative approaches.
DA Dimbark: THESE ARE MERELY TUTORIAL LEVELS
2muchvideogames: well for one this plot is parallel to the other one
DA Dimbark: Just win the goddamned match.
DA Dimbark: Get out of this jail.
2muchvideogames: a tutorial does not occur in life-threatening situation
DA Dimbark: Then you'll be in the open world of DimQuest.
2muchvideogames: its not a good tutorial..
DA Dimbark: So what about in Final Fantasy 9
DA Dimbark: The first battle is like a tutorial
2muchvideogames: tutorial is vivi wandering a town
DA Dimbark: No
DA Dimbark: It's fighting Baku
2muchvideogames: thats a match between friends
2muchvideogames: they dont really want to kill each other
DA Dimbark: How do you know this isn't?
DA Dimbark: Suddenly, everyone dissolves.
2muchvideogames: beacuse i lost my potion.
DA Dimbark: Before you, the woman takes off her mask to reveal she's a spirit trapped in an already dead body.
DA Dimbark: The warden says, "Alright.. that's enough.."
2muchvideogames: no wonder i did like no damage
DA Dimbark: He chuckles.
DA Dimbark: YOU ONLY HAD TO STRIKE HER ONE MORE TIME
2muchvideogames: dam if u gimme all this stuff i could prolly make a really good adventure
2muchvideogames: but i dont liek to bother with this stuff
DA Dimbark: YOU ARE IN JAIL
2muchvideogames: ONCE AGAIN
DA Dimbark: I DONT THINK THEY LET YOU KEEP EVERYTHING
DA Dimbark: THEY'LL GIVE IT BACK ONCE YOU LEAVE
2muchvideogames: wheres my potion and granade
DA Dimbark: THE WARDEN HAS IT
DA Dimbark: SAME WITH YOUR SWORD
2muchvideogames: gimme
DA Dimbark: BECAUSE
DA Dimbark: YOU'RE IN JAIL
DA Dimbark: YOU HAVE TO WIN THE MATCH
DA Dimbark: FORGET EVERYBODY DISSOLVING
DA Dimbark: GO BACK TO YOU BEING CORNERED
2muchvideogames: in any rpg theres always a way to jail break
2muchvideogames: or is there
2muchvideogames: ????
DA Dimbark: Your turn. The woman is there.
DA Dimbark: There are several ways.
DA Dimbark: All of them in the jail cell, that is.
2muchvideogames: chuck some feathers from the item store at here
DA Dimbark: But you've been inveitebly forced.
DA Dimbark: In the jail, you could've taken the bucket, and splashed the warden.
2muchvideogames: why
DA Dimbark: He would've dissolved, dropping his gear.
2muchvideogames: how
DA Dimbark: Because he is a Danedras.
2muchvideogames: oh of course
DA Dimbark: A vampire-witch.
2muchvideogames: water soluble creatures
DA Dimbark: And he would've told you if you spoke to him.
2muchvideogames: hhow could that not occur to me
DA Dimbark: BECAUSE
DA Dimbark: YOU WOULDN'T LET HIM TELL YOU
DA Dimbark: BECAUSE YOU WOULDNT SIMPLY SAY
DA Dimbark: 'HELLO'
2muchvideogames: yes i'm like that in real life
DA Dimbark: THAT WOULD'VE BEEN ALL THE TUTORIAL YOU NEEDED
DA Dimbark: BUT NOOO
DA Dimbark: WE HAVE TO GO TO THE ARENA
DA Dimbark: SO JUST KILL THIS BITCH
DA Dimbark: AND GET YOUR FREEDOM
2muchvideogames: and get deus ex dissolations
2muchvideogames: so sadist
DA Dimbark: You're in an arena.
DA Dimbark: This is literally
DA Dimbark: the only time this kinda thing will happen
2muchvideogames: theres no water buckets here
DA Dimbark: unless
DA Dimbark: you get arrested again.
DA Dimbark: You know why?
DA Dimbark: BECAUSE ITS AN ARENA
2muchvideogames: get arrested again
2muchvideogames: for the fifth time
DA Dimbark: NOW THROW THE FINISHING BLOW
2muchvideogames: i dont like violence i'm a conscientious peace lover.
DA Dimbark: You were in the army.
2muchvideogames: somehow
2muchvideogames: but i forget everhitng
DA Dimbark: Then you're gonna be killed.
2muchvideogames: again
DA Dimbark: JUST TYPE
DA Dimbark: 'throw finishing blow'
2muchvideogames: thats too boring
2muchvideogames: run around the arena again
DA Dimbark: You run around as you are followed by the woman.
2muchvideogames: say 'stop stalking me'
DA Dimbark: "Die motherfucker!" she cries. She does not seem happy that she has to kill you, but she'll just about do it.
DA Dimbark: The warden cries aloud, "If one is not killed soon, both will be killed by my men!"
Call with DA Dimbark ended.
DA Dimbark has ended the call.
2muchvideogames: lol i need to meet more 38 year old women say 'DIE MOTHEFUCKER'
Call from DA Dimbark started.
DA Dimbark: Shit.
2muchvideogames: can u imagine
DA Dimbark: Pressed something
DA Dimbark: You're being chased
2muchvideogames: climb the arena walls
2muchvideogames: it cant be too high can it
DA Dimbark: The walls are too tall and smooth.
2muchvideogames: gay
DA Dimbark: An arrow bounces the wall next to you.
DA Dimbark: The woman corners you./
2muchvideogames: throw the dagger at the bowman
DA Dimbark: You throw it across the staidum, stricking the bowman
2muchvideogames: cool i hit him
DA Dimbark: You are hit by several other bows as you collapse...
2muchvideogames: WHAT
DA Dimbark: The warden is on the field... as he plays guitar before your weak body.
DA Dimbark: "No cheaters.." the warden says.
2muchvideogames: this make no friking sense
DA Dimbark: There are several bowmen defending the place.
2muchvideogames: u never said that before
2muchvideogames: u said one arrow
DA Dimbark: They're all in hiding.
DA Dimbark: In the crowd.
2muchvideogames: wating for their surprise buttsicks
2muchvideogames: and HELLLO
2muchvideogames: ARROW TO KNEE
2muchvideogames: and other places
2muchvideogames: So now i can say
DA Dimbark: He reveals his bladed shoe and strikes you in the head as all goes dark...
2muchvideogames: i used to be an adventurer
2muchvideogames: just like this guy
DA Dimbark: GAME OVER
2muchvideogames: AMEN.

---

CHAPTER 3: The PEACE of DEATH
DA Dimbark: Let's just play.
DA Dimbark: You wake up..
DA Dimbark: It was all just a bad dream..
2muchvideogames: i hate this plot device
DA Dimbark: You are the chief of security in the beautiful kingdom of Malgrove...
DA Dimbark: You're all sleepy and yawny.
DA Dimbark: You're in your bedroom, built into a rook of the castle Malgrover.
DA Dimbark: You're in your comfortable woolen bed, completely naked. You like to sleep in the nude. Across from you is a chest which probably has an outfit or two in it, and next to it is a stairway that goes down the rook.
2muchvideogames: oh no not one of these premonition dreams
2muchvideogames: i give up
DA Dimbark: Cmon
2muchvideogames: i leave malgrove on an adventure all by myself
DA Dimbark: You dreamt that you were captured by the enemy and killed in an arena.
2muchvideogames: i dont wanna be around when malgrove suckes the bucket
DA Dimbark: But the enemies were defeated many years ago.
DA Dimbark: Their empire was taken over by a group of anarchists making it free-roaming land.
2muchvideogames: they could pull a romulans and return from teh future
DA Dimbark: You're lying in bed.
DA Dimbark: The sun rises up as a shining light blinds you from the window.
2muchvideogames: no time to lie in bed it's off to an adventure
2muchvideogames: GO GO GO
2muchvideogames: forget the stuff
2muchvideogames: this sounds ff8
DA Dimbark: You stand up out of bed naked.
2muchvideogames: ish
2muchvideogames: its eyes on me
2muchvideogames: dur
DA Dimbark: NO
DA Dimbark: It's love grows.
2muchvideogames: or the julia one
DA Dimbark: Eyes on Me has lyrics.
2muchvideogames: they sound the same to me
DA Dimbark: As you stand up, you step on an old teddy bear on the floor.
DA Dimbark: You're at the top of the rook, your bedroom.
2muchvideogames: when can i leave
2muchvideogames: adventures await
2muchvideogames: quikckly
DA Dimbark: You head down the stairs naked.
2muchvideogames: yes good
2muchvideogames: just like austin powers
2muchvideogames: i got he powers
DA Dimbark: You go through several different twists down the pillar and to the bottom. A jester is there, blocking the door to the couryard.
DA Dimbark: He jumps and screams in confusion.
2muchvideogames: say move yo ass and keep going
DA Dimbark: "Sir, your balls are showing!" he cries.
DA Dimbark: He moves out of the way.
DA Dimbark: You go into the courtyard.
2muchvideogames: leave
DA Dimbark: You see another rook across from it, the gates out to the top of the hill, and the gates into the castle.
2muchvideogames: wheres the dragon gate
2muchvideogames: not to the castle
2muchvideogames: out of town
DA Dimbark: You go out the gate to the top of the hill loopily.
2muchvideogames: go outside
DA Dimbark: You see one hill leading down to the village, the other hill leading down to the docks.
DA Dimbark: Behind you is the castle.
2muchvideogames: sit down on the side of the road
DA Dimbark: You sit there naked.
DA Dimbark: Your testicals rest peacefully into the dirt.
2muchvideogames: say 'why must thy commands be so unfathomable to thee!"
DA Dimbark: You talk to your balls.
2muchvideogames: plant face into the dirt
DA Dimbark: They reply with, "I dunno." Or did you just imagine that.
DA Dimbark: You plant your face into the dirty dirt ground.
2muchvideogames: lose consciousness
DA Dimbark: You are autistic.
DA Dimbark: You go unconcious.
DA Dimbark: GAME OVER
2muchvideogames: cool
2muchvideogames: game over just like that

---

CHAPTER 4: The TRUTH BEYOND DEATH
DA Dimbark: I HAD SOME AWESOME STUFF FOR YOU
2muchvideogames: SO FUNNY
DA Dimbark: BUT YOU DIDNT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY
DA Dimbark: ASSHOLE
2muchvideogames: sorry
DA Dimbark: I WAS TRYING TO DO SOMETHING SERIOUS
2muchvideogames: i'm not good roleplayer ever since...
2muchvideogames: that day...
DA Dimbark: ..the accident
2muchvideogames: that fateful day..
2muchvideogames: but that's another adventure all in itself
DA Dimbark: Let's roleplay that fateful day.
DA Dimbark: Loading..
2muchvideogames: coming soon on netflix
DA Dimbark: Your name is Jack.
2muchvideogames: how did u know
DA Dimbark: You're sitting at your computer, mapping.
2muchvideogames: alternative rpgs!
2muchvideogames: cool
DA Dimbark: You're in your room, the door is closed.
DA Dimbark: From downstairs you hear your folks arguing.
DA Dimbark: Your room is ont he top floor.
2muchvideogames: this better not end up like that dream i had with the garg in my closet
DA Dimbark: Suddenly, you hear a smashing at the door..
DA Dimbark: You hear a voice, "It's me..."
DA Dimbark: The door explodes.
DA Dimbark: Your father is there, dressed in metal shoulder armors.
2muchvideogames: RP feyvern
DA Dimbark: His waist to his feet are covered in a silk cloth, and his hair has been died gray. He grew it out.
DA Dimbark: In his right hand is a katana.
2muchvideogames: died gray
DA Dimbark: His hear is dead.
DA Dimbark: Limply on his head.
2muchvideogames: i never knew my dad was japanese
DA Dimbark: It was killed by 50 Shades of Grey
DA Dimbark: "Son.." he says as his eyes flash with energy.
2muchvideogames: too much perversions
2muchvideogames: DONT WATCH THAT MOVIE
2muchvideogames: MY SON
DA Dimbark: "We were playing Dungeons and Dragons, and we began arguing over the rules," he explains.
2muchvideogames: lol
DA Dimbark: "Why don't you join us with our roleplaying, son..."
2muchvideogames: my dad played DND
2muchvideogames: crazy
2muchvideogames: FYI this is not at all what happened
2muchvideogames: but sounds like it could be
2muchvideogames: hhaha
2muchvideogames: aa
DA Dimbark: "Son, there's a leak in the bathroom," he also says. "I think it's the valve."
2muchvideogames: hey
2muchvideogames: get ur own journal
DA Dimbark: For some reason, you say, "Why not tap it with a hammer?"
DA Dimbark: "Come," he says. "And roleplay."
2muchvideogames: ALOLOLOLOL
DA Dimbark: He walks down the stairs.
DA Dimbark: You feel hi energy force your legs painfully down the stairs as you sit at the table.
DA Dimbark: Your mother has an X on her chest, a bloodied X. She is dead.
DA Dimbark: Your father is across from you.
2muchvideogames: mind slave
2muchvideogames: like a mind slave
2muchvideogames: hilarious
DA Dimbark: "I battled her," he says. "We were at the Arena of the Warden fighting goblins, then I turned on her."
2muchvideogames: omg seriously
DA Dimbark: "I am a warrior of evil energy," he explains. "Who will you be?"
DA Dimbark: He shows you a dwarf figurine, an elf figurine, and a human figurine.
DA Dimbark: "Choose."
2muchvideogames: this is like that one creepy ass game
DA Dimbark: Your mother's corpse collapses onto the floor.
2muchvideogames: jumanji?
DA Dimbark: "Choose."
2muchvideogames: i choose to go back in my room to map
DA Dimbark: You feel his energy building tension in the room. It's like nothing is there except the table, the board game, you and your father, and the decorative DND box with an online password to some free deals on newer version.
DA Dimbark: You are bound to the chair by your father's tension.
DA Dimbark: "CHOOSE" he demands in a satanic voice.
2muchvideogames: say 'you need to see a doctor'
2muchvideogames: about that throat
DA Dimbark: "CHOOSE" he demands once more."OR DIE!"
2muchvideogames: say 'have u ever watched 'the exorcist'?"
DA Dimbark: Your hand flies in the name of his energy and points to the dwarf.
DA Dimbark: "You are Dwarnegon," he says. "Portrayer of paladins and master of good."
2muchvideogames: say 'hey
2muchvideogames: NO FAIR
2muchvideogames: U CANT CHOOSE FOR ME
DA Dimbark: Lightning surrounds the table as he laughs a demonic laugh.
DA Dimbark: "So," he chuckles playfully. "The Warden says, 'death will be given to the one who fails the winning of the dice!'"
2muchvideogames: say 'BUT U KNOW THAT EVIL WILL ALWAYS TRIUMPH BECAUSE GOOD IS DUMB'
DA Dimbark: Your father and you roll the dice, against your wills to the evil game.
2muchvideogames: dies
DA Dimbark: YOur father rolls a 2. You roll a 5.
2muchvideogames: i dont even know how to play this game
DA Dimbark: You take out your axe, and see your dwarven beard become bloodied as you stand up and strike you demonic father. Blood spills over the table as he lands next to your mother.
2muchvideogames: paranormal anxiety
DA Dimbark: All returns to normal as your mother and father lie dead on the ground.
DA Dimbark: You'll never roleplay again..
2muchvideogames: that was horrible
2muchvideogames: LOLOL

---

Chapter 5: The INCEPTION of DEATH
DA Dimbark: You wake up.
DA Dimbark: You had that stupid dream again.
2muchvideogames: it was all a dream in a dream in a dream
DA Dimbark: You're the leader of the Malgrovian military.
DA Dimbark: You're in your rook overlooking the courtyard, completely naked.
DA Dimbark: Across from your soft woolen bed is a chest with your items, next to it a stairway down the rook.
2muchvideogames: i'm playing a quest of me playing a board game in a dream of a quest
2muchvideogames: of me playing a board game in a dream of a quest of me playing a board game in a dream of a quest

I honestly do not believe anybody (with teh possible exception of a certain individual) could read the entire thing up to this point. If you read up to this point, Congratulations! That's about 3 hours of your life spent in my playthru of DimQuest. Until next time, friends! Your 3 hours is non-refundable.

Hallow TWHL! Check out my gameplay of vanilla HL. There's no commentary or anything, but it's slightly different from your average playthru, and you might be bored enough to watch all the episodes.

http://www.youtube.com/user/bigbaby2TV (the first episode is tree_c2a4, then tree_c2a4d, then surface tension... fairly obvious if you played vanilla HL.)

I'M FREAKIN' SCREWED

So today I decided to install the Escape from the darkness mod into steam. I played it before in WON and already know that software mode crashes the mod. The steamfix that was handed out appears only to give the mod a steam background, not much else.

Anyway once I launched this mod it crashes to the desktop saying D3d is not allowed or something and tries to launch in OpenGL. This is bad. My computer is not good with OpenGL and framerates are bad even with vanilla. Then openGL crashed and it tries to launch in software, which looks horrible in steam so I never use it. Then software crashed.
Then I tried another mod and it force switches to software and crashed.
Then I tried vanilla and it force switches to software and crashed.
Then I tried Opposing force (in another folder from vanilla) and it force switches to software and crashed.

And prior to this my computer switches to a bluescreen and crashed.

People were complaining about my last journal being too long, so I'll try to keep this concise and point driven.

So I played this black mesa themed French mod called Destination Black Mesa. You reprise your role as the orange & nerdy penguin monkeyboy known as Gordon Freeman. The G man has sent Gordon back into Black Mesa to find and extract a key science team member known as the Eli Vance. Recall that in vanilla, Eli is indistinguishable from other scientists so... you know, good luck trying to find him.

It took me about 10 tries to successfully complete the training level. You start in a room with about 10 of the 14 weapons while on-screen instructions in French tell you something I don't know. It looked like a typical target range room, so I was just waiting for the targets to start up, and then SUDDENLY POISON GAS FILLED THE ROOM, and A DOOR OPENED TO REVEAL TWO SOLDIERS SHOOTING at me. WTF KINDA TRAINING IS THIS!? I rushed past the two soldiers and then this hatch on the ceiling opened and this dumbass dropped a satchel on my face. Boom. Gordon's training comes to a swift conclusion. Now that he's a pile of gibs on the floor, he is ready to return to Black Mesa.

After a month's worth of stitches, Gordon is dropped by helicopter into the very same helipad from the "WE'VE GOT HOSTILES" chapter in vanilla. Speaking of which, this mod allows you to revisit a good number of areas that you've seen before. Sure to please the long-time games such as ourselves.

Anyway, not gonna bore you with my unrecorded gameplay footage. Here are two main points to know:

1. Early on, I went thru a duct to end up in front of the Silo D door (the very beginning of "WE'VE GOT HOSTILES", you know, where that one guy says FOR GODS SAKE OPEN THE SILO DOOR!) So I went and opened the Silo D door, and guess what? 5 Soldiers came out, and the game faded with Gordon being banged offscreen.

Turns out you are supposed to go in a completely different duct (very well hidden) in order to actually get thru the mod.

2. The ending. I'm not saying it's bad; it's a kinda cool cutscene of the G-man's interpersonal skills. However (spoiler) you never get to the Eli Vance. You go towards this elevator, get bonked, and that's all there is to it. Break a leg.

This mod may be a bit hard, so I wouldn't recommend it to players new to half life. If you are going to play it though, just don't be expecting a good ending (or any ending, for that matter.)

I just finished the mod, The Gate, an incredibly controversial WWII mod that was a real challenge to complete. I had to cheat three times during the course of my playthru which is alot more than my usual of 0-1 times. Most of you all will prolly never finish this mod anyway, so allow me to fill you in with all the gritty nitty details and whatnot.

This mod combines good (albeit cheesy) storytelling with badly-designed gameplay. Just imagine: the credits list the lead writer/director, but no mappers. Unfortunately, the biggest problem of the mod regarding the storyline is the fact that every single character is psychic: they can all speak without ever moving their mouths. I suspect that this is due to the modellers' not giving mouth controllers to the models, but that's not important.

I personally think that the gameplay fell flat for two reasons: the lack of clear objectives for the player (usually relayed by other characters in a single rapidly-voiced line) and the horribly unbalanced stats for the Nazi soldiers. I'm looking at the skill.cfg here: On Easy, the soldiers have 75 HP compared to 50 for vanilla grunts. On Medium it's 90, and 95 on Hard... what kind of weird stats are these!? As for attack damage, headshots on the the player do about 6x normal damage on easy. That means: a single MP44 bullet does about 18 damage on easy and 36+ on medium... three shots and you're dead. I know you're thinking this is supposed to be like counter-life in that damage is 'realistic' in that the player dies in a few shots, but this is ridiculous. Not only does the system NOT work both ways (takes at least 5 MP44 shots to kill a Nazi soldier on Medium), for gameplay this is nearly impossible. So I cheated here by changing damages back to the default values (3x damage per headshot only) With this change, the soldiers can still take me out fairly quickly, but at least I can take some damage and quick get in cover so I can stand a better chance.

LONG RANT ASIDE, let us dive into the mod itself. You are some retired old special forces veteran, Bob or something living in the mountains. That is, until Drill Instructor Sharpe arrives with soldiers all the way from Arizona to pull you out of your cozy retirement. Off you go to a secret American base, where the Commanding Officer is a chain-smoking hooker. Seriously. A chain-smoking hooker. She gives you a long briefing not unlike the one in Redemption except that nobody actually ever opens their mouth. Although it was hard hearing the voices; I wish the mod had subtitles, like Todesangst 2 did. Basically, Nazi's under Hitler's personal command in 1942 have discovered a stargate in Egypt. And it's up to you to stop them all by your lonesome, unarmed self. What an hero.

Anyway, Senior Drill Instructor Barnes and a platoon of fresh recruits salute you, brave soul, as you enter the giant, looming stargate about to take you to Nazi Egypt. So you start off in some Egyptian tomb looking for a knife. However, you lose said knife about 10 minutes after you find it, by falling off a waterfall. You must then fight a Nazi soldier completely unarmed, supposedly by trapping him in another room.

Soon you find a luger, which is ridiculously weak due to the buffed Nazi soldiers' HP, and the fact that the pistol had an accuracy nerf. As soon as you pick it up some soldiers attack you from across the room. But you know whats more annoying? There is a room immediately after this in which two Nazi soldiers are hidden amongst dense foliage (dense foliage in a tomb). The entire room is also booby-trapped by wall spikes, which are activated by light. It took me about 30 deaths to figure out that the traps are activated by walking into lighted areas. Why? Because the dam Nazi's in the dense foliage are nigh impossible to see, let alone shoot and avoid traps at the same time. And this is in the first dam chapter!

Another annoying part is right when you exit the tomb, there's like 3 or 4 Nazi's across the bridge, and one of them is manning a dam MG42. I swear, the dam MG42's are the bane of this mod! They are extremely accurate and have horribly high damage. Exposure to this baby for about 2 seconds results in many dead players! Unfortunately, they appear fairly frequently, including this one that is protected by an invisible func_wall... I swear, I tried everything against that one freakin MG42: MP44 spray, potato mashers, even panzershrecks, NOTHING WORKS! Because it was protected by an invisible func wall! What the frick. Turns out you were supposed to go into the sewers instead of trying to fight the thing.

Anyway, once you exit the tomb, you come to one of the most annoying sections of the mod, as if the other sections weren't bad enough. That's right you know it: the stealth section. There's a Nazi on a watchtower that whom you must make sure to be never be seen by. You can't take him out either: the springfield sniper (crossbow) cannot take out the buffed soldiers in a single hit. It's ridiculous, but this time I actually didn't have as much trouble in the first stealth section. The FIRST stealth section. However in the second stealth section, you need to escort this NPC to some door, and there are also Nazi's on watchtowers. It was really hard because I didn't know you had to escort the NPC stealthily. I went ahead, saved, and then had to go back for him. On the way I managed to trigger the alarm because I hit a box with my knife. A FREAKIN NAZI WAS IN THE BOX. WHAT THE F

In the next section, I escaped the Nazi compound, but some french Madame knocked me out. You get into this cutscene where the Madame orders the player character to do something really pointless, like blowing up two Opel trucks in the middle of a Nazi stronghold using a detonator. It was a fairly long walk thru the town, but in the middle of this large courtyard were the two trucks and the detonator all set up and ready to go. Oh boy.
You press the detonator, and BAM! 3 windows open up and a shitton of Nazi soldiers spawn into the yard via monstermakers. And the right window facing the detonator is covered by A DAM MG42. Freaking sadist mapper.

Of course, the way back to Madame's little hovel is filled with Nazi soldiers and their pet rottweilers. The little doggies are quite easy to take out by a headshot (50x dmg FTW), but the dam soldiers are immune to headshots. They also seems to have taken COD2 to heart by spamming they dam grenades like sprinklers. With about 30 tries I managed to make it back to Madame's hovel with satisfactory HP. (And just to troll you, Madame has a storage room with medikits that cannot be picked up). Whoever did this map is freakin sadist, dammit.

Oh, but it gets better. You meet this one eyed dude who is actually a custom playermodel for the mod Specialists. He is known only as Agent X. I hate this guy. Seriously. Basically all he does is order you to go on ridiculously dangerous and difficult missions with no point. His first mission: I am to make my way across the desert into a clearing covered by 3 bunkers (yes, just like in Beach Party, except there's no pickups and loads of Nazis). The bunkers are of course MG42's with the inhuman accuracy so I had to hug the left side of the map (because the right side was a minefield for some reason). I manage to take cover in one of the bunkers, but guess what? The dam Nazi's began spamming grenades at me. I couldn't really move around much because ohohohoho! In the corner behind the bunkers is fugging tank! Wut? The tank fires at me who is crawling around in a trench, so there's no way for me to move away! Dam dude! This map makes Beach party look easy! Took me well over 50 tries to beat this map, since I have to walk back to the Agent X after blowing the bunkers, by which more Nazi's have spawned out of nowhere to block my path. This is getting old.


So the basterd, seeing that I'm still alive from that other map, sends me into a completely pointless venture into an old abandoned mine. Which wasn't really abandoned. But what's krazy about this one is that it's a dam minekart ride! Classic! Except there's a dam MG42 around the corner.
There are trackswitches that you must shoot to activate but I highly doubt you can aim well at a trackswitch when ur in a speeding minekart and there's an MG42 spraying your ass to oblivion! After that there are some planks of wood specifically designed to crush a standing human riding a fast-moving minekart! Isn't that swell.

I miraculously survive the minekart ride. With like, 3 HP. I walk into another area and the thudding of footsteps tells me that I get to be randomly captured like in the Apprehension chapter of Half life.

Wake up in a train with Madame. Train is taking us to some French Nazi prison. Wake up in a prison cell. Wait for about 10-15 minutes. Then this Nazi opens the cell door and tells me, an American pigdog, to wash my stinking body in a shower specifically designed by them. A shower with flammable signs everywhere. Boy, don't you see where this is going.

I enter the shower, and instead of water, steam comes out. Luckily there are six valves in the shower room, so that, once I turn off all the valves, the Steam disappears completely. But then, a Nazi soldier opens the room and gives me another shower... of lead. What a douche.

Anyway you're supposed to rush past him to a munitions closet filled with ammo and a luger. Thus begins the second half of the mod: escaping from this French Nazi prison. It took a while, but I managed to make it to the prison yard, which had watchtowers. And one of the watchtowers... yes, ANOTHER DAM MG42. This one took me about 40 tries. Then I found I can't proceed. SO IT TURNS out that there was a locked door whose key I never found. So I noclipped thru it. A bunch of Nazi's later, I get to this rear gate. This is where the backtracking really takes the cake. Basically, you have to go down this complex, find a key, come back up to the gatehouse and use the key to open a case with a fuse, then take this fuse back down to activate a generator, then find a gear that will activate the gate. It wasn't a very fun experience, particularly in one corridor that involved the words 'PEEKABOO' and 'MG42'.

Eventually I make it to the sewers where I encounter the French resistance. There I reunite with the Madame. We spend the night together offscreen because here model only has an idle animation and not much else. After that she sends me off to some Nazi Sub Pen to blow up a submarine. Backtracking is atrocious here too. Gotta go downstairs to find a key in a hidden vault, then take it back up to open the explosives room, then take the explosives back down to blow up the sub. All the while Nazi's respawn on the way to make your life difficult. After a LONG time I meet up with Agent X with my getaway boat.

Except, he doesn't help me get away. He takes me to this giant battleship loaded with Nazi's and rottweilers. I have to take on a whole boatload of Nazi's including two suckers high atop a balcony toting rocket launchers. I made liberal use of my panzershreck's laser pointer. Fail coding FTW.

In the captain's room of the battleship is the big man himself: The player character calls him 'Adolf Fucking Hitler'. He's a monster generic that stands around doing nothing, except calling for those guards that I already took out. There is this gate switch next to him, but for some reason you can't pull it until Hitler's dead. But once you pull that switch, a German announcer starts a countdown (so that if you don't speak German, you won't know what's going on. Heck, earlier there was a number code in German that's required to get past a door)

I somehow made it to the Stargate before the countdown was up! It was tough, mind you, since Nazi soldiers and rottweilers appeared all over the dam place while I was rushing. I think I jumped thru the gate with a measly 14 HP. So then back to my little cabin in Denver and the Madame anachronistically shows up at my door. I suppose she wants to do some thing offscreen. Oh well, credits do take a while to roll through.

I got a really weird mod from goldsrcforever last week, called HL Baby. You reprise your role as the one Gordon Freeman... except he's around my age. That's right, baby Freeman is about to go on an adventure!

The training has been baby-tized and is about two maps in length, one of which was a mere fullbright room. So forget about that. Baby Freeman wakes up in his crib, and with his little baby curiosity he waddles out and crawls down the hallway. He crawls past the slightly ajar door where his mommy (a reskinned garg) is busy with the housework. Baby Gordon climbs up the stairs, one jump at a time! At the top was the bathroom. There was a headcrab made of legos or something that tries to attack baby Gordon, but Gordon rushes up and mercilessly beats the shit out of it with his rattle.

Gordon finds his trusty diaper in the bathroom cabinet, which provides him with a weapon selection system and HUD. That's right, even baby Gordon's diaper is a special precursor of a HEV suit. It's no wonder Gordon's so adept at survival during the resonance cascade; he's had the experience since he was a baby!

Using his rattle, baby Gordon breaks the bathroom window and jumps out of the house. He lands in the yard, where a strange adult figure hides behind the fence. Baby Gordon crawls forward, his rattle poised to strike.

The preview for this document has ended. Please download the full version here.

Good news everyone! If you thought the hazard course was too easy, then you can attempt this insane challenge in this German HARZARDOUS COURSE which is basically a renovated Hazard Course! Get your HEV suit up and running, because Moving Around in your HEV Suit will be slightly disorienting WHEN YOU'RE RUNNING LIKE A MOFO! The next three jumps get HARDER each time, but they are barely possible. And don't even get me started on Long Jumps.

This is a hazard course for ADVANCED Half life players only! Know that every obstacle IS POSSIBLE without cheating. If you feel you are not a good player then feel free to move on to the next mod. And yes, it is ALOT harder than Half-Quake and Test your skill. There is limited combat, as it is only a hazard course, so don't expect to be a runnin' a gunnin' either.
I recommend you record this so that we can hear all your frustration while playing thru this. However, the 'renovations' to the vanilla hazard course is very funny and amusing to go thru, you know.

I have yet to complete this mod, but there is one part that was really annoying, and that was the test track labyrinth. It's not hard, just really long, and you can't quicksave on this map because doing so will break the track switches. So just a heads up for you on that.

Cry of Fear journal: Not what you would expect if you read this.

So the first thing I'd like to say about this mod is the 1.6 GB download size. I think this is a good thing because it means moar content, which is definitely better than less new content. I commend the team for putting more than 2 GB of work into this mod. Now on to the mod gameplay by 2muchvideogames.

I went into the mod and typed 'map t0a0'
And so, Simon got off at the Hazard course, where a holographic assistant will show him how to use the Hazardous Environment Suit. Unlike most people in Black Mesa, Simon has a stamina bar and he soon got tired from bunnyhopping around like an idiot. The door opens.

Simon moves around in his HEV suit until maybe it can fit him like a second skin. But it didn't, and he accidentally fell into the canal below. Simon apparently has a very strong allergic reaction or something to water, because as soon as he goes underwater, everything turns pale while not unlike the effects of a flashbang. Fps also drop drastically. Simon wades through the water by waving his arms like a swimmer, but apparently the water has so strong of an reaction on him that Simon, still dazed, makes swimming movements with his arms even when out of the water! So, cry of fear when you go swimming.

Simon, unlike most people, cannot fathom ladders. He does not know what to do with them, similar to Chell from Portal. Ladders remain a mystery for these fine-minded individuals.

Simon jumps through pipes and crawls under pipes, under the supervision of nobody. He then learns to jump into pipes, and when he does, the holographic assistant (who hasn't said a thing since Simon's arrival) suddenly blurts out 'Nice job.'

Simon makes several more jumps with the help of a running start, which drains his stamina. But there is one more style of jumping he needs to learn. Long jumping requires its own module, that Simon equips. With it, Simon jumps like a headcrab clear across the room and worthy of an Olympic medal. But up ahead was a lift.

Goaded by the silent holographic assistant, Simon rides the lift up, and now that he is up here there is only one way down. Simon did his best to hit the floor below and resulted in breaking his leg. Simon limps to the next area, where there was no wall mounted healthkit.

Up ahead are some boxes that block Simon's way. There was nothing on the table. Simon jumped over the boxes, but there was no way he could break the grating to proceed. Simon sought to cheat his way through, but found that there was no quicksaving in the game! He issued a Cry of fear. How can he do anything without the quicksaving? I think he's screwed.

POSTMORTEM: Subject failed to complete the Hazard Course.

Okay guys, I know I haven't been playing much mods recently. I think it's because there aren't many new mods these days, not because of TF2 or anything like that.

Anyway Today I have a suitable mod for you guys. If you enjoyed MISSION MCPOKER, which is a masterpiece, by the way, then you will like this mod too, called Sector 6. The only downside that this mod suffers is that it's a czech mod and everything (including in game instructions) are made in czech. However, this shouldn't be a problem because we all know what 'bombe' means and players prolly won't get stuck at the part where you have to bombe the thingy to continue (I got stuck there, though, and used noclip)

Anyway take the trening[sic] level first, because it introduces you to how to fight without a suit, a skill which you will need for the first few levels of this mod.

I had no idea what the Czech intro wall of text said, but I'll make a guess. You're a member of the riot police sent to an underground scientific center to investigate an attack by terrorists from the Middle East. However your station ran out of kevlar armour for you so you have to go into battle with only your underwear and an assault rifle (ammo for which was also out of stock, your station must be on a tight budget.)

As soon as you land, the terrorists attack you. You won't have enough ammo to deal with them, so my advice is to run like a mofo to the Locked Entrance of the facility, where a badly designed transition will take you somewhere inside the scientific center.

Anyway there's a suit somewhere up ahead, but watch out for the invisible lazer that's next to the suit. Just grab it and GTFO. Make your way into the facility, and there is a terrorist guarding a crowbar and a gluon gun. I suppose those things fetch a high price on the black market, especially the crowbar. You have to take his C4 and bombe somewhere, but I have no idea where. This is where your years of Counter Strike experience come to the fore. Good luck.

So after that you do some superficial engagements with aliens and get into a vent, which will take you out to the Middle East, where terrorists are attempting to take down a Big Momma Crab. No, I don't know why, or how. Just do what you gotta do.

Anyway, walking around in the Middle East, you see your police buddies and get to the choppah. The End.

P.S. At least it's a good ending. The world is saved instead of in cripple. No one died on Xen.

Typical conversation with father...

...

Father: The shower has a leak.

2muchvideogames: Yeah, leaks are big problems.

Father: I'm trying to figure out the cause of it. There's three possible explanations. It may have to do with the drain, or else it might be the valve.

2muchvideogames: Yeah, blame it on the valve.

Father: But it's inside the wall though.

2muchvideogames: Yeah, might have to break it with a hammer.

Father: That's right.

I just watched a playthru of this weirdo japanese homebrew 2D earthbound/mother-like dream fantasy game. Name's yume nikki.

It's about this shut-in who goes to sleep and explore strange worlds all part of a dream. And these tend to get really disturbing. The game's essentially a scavenger hunt which could take a long time to finish, since the items are hidden in strange and inexplicably irrational ways. There's really no good way for me to describe how tripped up this game is unless you see for yourself. Since there are many a dream-curious people here, figured y'all might be interested.

As for the ending...

So for the last month I was traveling all over the United States for some reason or another, and have finally just got back. Obviously I wasn't able to play any videogames so that was a downer.

Wait, why do we need those 'other users in this thread' thingy? I was kinda used to the cleaner format from before. Well anyway that totally ruined me because until then I had been closely following planetphillip's 100 days of HL1 mods. I traded a month's worth of Video Game Time for about 12 new facebook friends. What a bargain. I feel like Dimbark after his camping trip whatever it was. Well now that I'm back it's time to forget about real life friends and hang with you guys who prolly don't give a Dam (inside joke, you know, since I visited Hoover Dam.) Ok, well that was lame. End of journal then.

Caught a Level 80 ▀▓ ’M ▓░ today in Pokemon Blue. It has really high attack stats but the defense stat is horrifically pathetic. Seriously any Lvl 20 rattata with hyper fang can take it out in 1 hit. And I thought I could battle real people using these guys.

I tried to trade it to Gold and in the trade screen it appeared as a slowpoke. But when I tried to trade it said "you're friend's slowpoke is abnormal" and wont let me trade. So I went back in Blue and rammed a rare candy down the thing's throat, and it evolved into kangaskhan. Great an Lvl 81 kangaskhan with water gun and sky attack. Taught it Hyper beam with one of my 120 TM's to make it look better. Then I traded the 'kangaskhan' to gold. It worked.

SO THEN I went to try out my new Lvl 81 'khangaskhan' and fought a Lvl 30 wild pokemon. After beating it, my kangaskhan leveled up to 82! Then up to 83! Then 84! 85! 86! 87! 88! 89! 90! ...100! ...120! ...200! ...255! 14! 24! 34... And then Player shut off the gameboy.

Someone mentioned IMUS the other day, I think. So Today let's go over IMUS's contributions in the vast stockpile of HL1 mods. They are all available on TWHL, just click his name above. But first:Okay, now that's over with, we can get to talking about IMUS's mods. He made 17 submissions that is in Da Vault, but I'm going to focus on the three singleplayer mappacks that he has here: The mansion, night things, and night things 2: woodstock manor. In all of these, IMUS shows his knack for frustrating clever puzzle solving in a dark, foreboding atmosphere. Consistent with this setting, your foes will tend to be headcrabs, zombies and slaves. Not soldiers. Ugh, the Almighty knows how many maps those days involved soldiers. Nothing but soldiers. Frankly I'm a bit sick of seeing that white camo everywhere I go. But nevermind about that.

Mansion
This is his first 3-map pack set in...hmm...I dunno, maybe the Australian outback. It features a wide expanse of land right from the outset, dragging your framerates down to the depths of Atlantis. Right after that is the current Guinness record holder for Longest Hallway Ever in a Goldsource Map, also pulling down framerates. Then you are inside a mansion. Regrettably, I never did figure out where to go, and r_speeds didn't improve much, so I shudder gave up for a while. Forgive me.

Night Things
If I remember correctly, this one featured in order a creepy house, followed by two large outdoor areas. It's pretty interesting, especially when IMUS used render properties to feature some new scares. There is still the dark atmosphere and creepy setting, and the large outdoor areas are indeed large. It's one of the few reasons why I don't like goldsource's limits, but this place ill needs another debate on why goldsource sucks/is good.

Night Things 2: Woodstock Manor
This is the latest of the three, so it logically follows that this one is the most polished. I believe about this time IMUS figured that goldsource was choking on his large outdoor maps, so he cut down on the hectares used this time around. I must admit, the first annoying thing about this map is the murky puddle outside the house...it dishes out radiation damage. Alot. Once you go take a stroll in that puddle, your health is gonna go down faster than the odometers in Earthbound. It might be fun looking at that but it certainly ain't healthy.

Once you get inside the house, though, the real frustration fun begins. I managed to kill a ghostly man who was stuck in the floor, and also see some variations of the message "this door is locked". So, gotta find the key. I mean, this can't be that hard, at least not as hard as finding Zeeba-G's kitchen key. Oh no.

Well after trying for 2 months with no luck, I just took that dam glock and banged all over the house. I banged the basement trapdoor, I banged the I banged the fireplace, I banged the chandeliers. Then randomly I banged one wall and it broke up revealing some goodies. SO AFTER FINALLY finding that bedroom key, the rest of the keys were no trouble. Then finally I get to the basement where everything's all foggy.

There is no way back up. This leaking steam pipe then blew up and explosions went all around me. After reloading couple a times, I got thru a pipe, or vent, out of there and end up back outside where I began. So finally I was going to complete the mod... and I walked across and fell victim to that dam irradiated puddle. F-

Anyways, IMUS's mapping is pretty good (progressively speaking). And they are available on TWHL. I recommend you try them.

Wait a minute did steam remove the ability playing offline? OH now that's crossing a line here. Gonna install WON then.