Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Jamie.
God:
Hey Jamie.
Me:
Listen, i'm really sad and i need somebody to talk to
God:
I am listening to you. What makes you so sad, Jamie Why do you need it so badly?
Me:
My friend Daubster commited suicide today
God:
Ah. How well do you know this person?
Me:
He was in my mod team. A really good friend
God:
When was he? Compare that to a bad friend.
Me:
What's the point? He's dead now
God:
The point is at the top of my head! Right now? Maybe it's another person using his name.
Me:
So you're suggesting somebody stole Daubster's identity then committed suicide under his name?
God:
Interesting deduction. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am suggesting somebody stole Daubster s identity then committed suicide under his name.
Me:
i do mind! That's personal information
God:
OK it will be our secret, Jamie. I'm sorry I didn't mean to pry.
Me:
What am i going to do? he's dead
God:
You said you were these people are spankable. Maybe it's another person using his name.
Me:
WHAT?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
no, i think it is a big deal. Did you just ask to spank me?
God:
Are you serious? these people are spankable is a deal. I suppose that makes sense. No I didn't ask to spank you. What's it like?
Me:
Ok, im sad and creeped out now
God:
Right now? What makes you so sad, Jamie And it like is creeped out. Gee.
Me:
My good friend committed suicide
God:
Your good friend committed suicide?
Me:
yes
God:
What kind is it?
Me:
slit his wrist
God:
I never heard of it before.
Me:
I think i'm going to kill myself
God:
Since when? You are not a killer.
Me:
No, i am suicidal
God:
Are you serious? Do you mean your name is suicidal.
Me:
No, i mean i am feeling suicidal
God:
What is your real name? Good gossip: you are suicidal.
Me:
THAT'S NOT GOOD GOSSIP! Now i want to die even more
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is GOOD GOSSIP ? Why now? Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
I want to die because my friend is dead and you are being cruel
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
well you missed your chance
God:
How about that. I haven't heard anything like that before: Jamie said I missed your chance.
Me:
I just slit my wrist
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: Jamie said slit his or her wrist.
Me:
I'm bleeding
God:
Why are you bleeding.
Me:
because i cut myself
God:
That makes sense to me. Thanks for the information: Jamie said cut him or herself.
Me:
i'm going to die
God:
All men are mortal.
Me:
i.. i feel light headed
God:
You? What is that feeling like? I am glad to hear that you are light headed.
Me:
what
God:
No problem.
Me:
I am taking my last breath. I hope you are happy that you have killed me. I spit on your eventual grave
God:
I am as happy as ever
Me:
fucker