Be as special as you are and don't apologise for it. Thrilled to read how self-actualised Admer has become after struggling with a lot of this stuff in the past.
Be careful, be sensible, but don't apologise for being you.
All that being said, getting your sleep in order will really help your wellbeing. Physical and mental health is so dependant on sleep, and one of the best life resets you can do is just getting into a sleep routine. Cancel the caffeine after 2pm and try to do a bit of exercise every day so that you get restful sleep. Getting on top of that physical stuff really, really helps the mental side.
Furthermore, I identify as a furry, and I believe I am, but I seem to be more... hardcore (if that's the right word) about it than the rest of the fandom.
And that's okay. hugs
I actually care about the politics of the situation, as opposed to the rest of the fandom, which doesn't even seem to care that there is a group of literal domestic terrorists directly and personally opposing them.
If you mean the US, I dunno. I have a feeling many care, but simply aren't in enough power so there's fear involved. Globally? Well, in some places there just aren't issues like that.
In my country, furries are unheard of and I'm certain if there were to ever be a furry convention here, we'd see the same events that happened in Belgrade in 2001, when Serbia's first pride parade happened. You don't wanna know what happened.
I do confront people who say bullshit though. Sometimes I deem it too risky or simply not worth my time, but when I see a good opportunity to point out that someone's hatred/disliking/disrespect - of not just furries - is utterly irrational and senseless, I take it.
I'm used to being a shade of gray. I suppose I find some comfort in not being a perfect fit for a hole, because it at least means I'll be unique enough to stand out (I mean, I have a fox fursona who's not a femboy, and I'm still an interesting person!) But in being different in ways nobody talks about, I have no reference point. How am I supposed to know if I'm a one-in-a-million, or if I'm part of a silent majority, if it's silent?
I believe every individual is a unique permutation of all the possible features an individual may have, even if just slightly different.
That aside though, yeah. "Nobody's talking about it so nobody knows about it", I guess most people are just too busy to think about it.
My fox sona isn't a femboy either, BTW. I went from being a straight non-furry in 2017, to a bi questioning-furry in 2018, to a pan furry in 2021. Similarly my views on a lot of things (and of my own self) have shifted over the years. Positively, I may say. And they will keep doing that.
Considering my neurodivergency, I have even less to compare myself too, because I can't even assume that basic human psychology always applies. Often it does, but sometimes it doesn't. I'm basically just floating in a void.
Yeah but like, what's the purpose of this comparison? If anything, I'd just occasionally compare past selves and current self to analyse and potentially improve future self. I don't think you need to compare yourself to someone in order to define yourself, because ultimately, you are you.
so yeah be special but not too special
Nah, be as special as you are. No such thing as 'too special'. I know you meant something else, but just sayin'.
holy jesus, i really recommend chaging the coffe or energized drink to something more "rare" such as choco-milk, besides, i mean everyone's interesting in some way, and yeah almost any furr now is a gay-femboy-cute-furry lgbtq/him/them/they/fox/table. so yeah be special but not too special
Commented 1 year ago2023-09-08 11:00:22 UTC
in journal: In other news...Comment #105542
So you are an actual professional! I only took one class in my freshman year, so I'm hardly an expert. Still, I recognize some great skill there, and going the places you go, you get a lot of good opportunities. I think you should do some, time permitting, of course. Don't want to keep you away from your GoldSRC wizardry.
Venting is perfectly fine. Otherwise the metaphorical pressure builds up until something breaks.
The late hours do tend to promote thinking. It's quiet and no one else around, so the mind gets to wander more freely. For a night owl like me, that's when I'm also the most awake and productive.
At the same time, those late hours also often coincide with sleep deprivation, especially for those of us who have to wake up early for school or work and such. That can greatly exacerbate symptoms of depression and other conditions, and negative emotions in general. Not saying you shouldn't be up late, but just that you should be aware how it affects mental health (and, speaking from experience, insomnia and depression can easily start a positive feedback loop that spirals to very bad places).
Commented 1 year ago2023-09-08 09:12:48 UTC
in journal: In other news...Comment #105540
Thanks, I'm glad you think so. 😊
I've done a couple freelance photography jobs over a decade ago but overall it has been pretty much just a hobby. Mostly I take photos for inspiration or reference for my other creative projects, other times because I think a scene or subject is pretty or when I just want to capture a moment.
Perhaps I could create a new portfolio and do it as a side hustle?
This comment was made on an article that has been deleted.
Commented 1 year ago2023-09-08 07:09:39 UTC
in journal: In other news...Comment #105538
Have you considered professional photography? Every now and then you post a picture of someplace and they're always so goddamn beautiful. It's a bit of time, sure, but you could probably make a lot of money in photography with those skills. If you don't already, that is.
Commented 1 year ago2023-09-07 01:15:53 UTC
in vault item: ReuplinkComment #105532
Being a massive Half-Life: Uplink fan myself I had to give this a try, it was an enjoyable experience.
It's a very interesting feeling going from the easily recognizable revamped areas to places that were reimagined, most noticeably the sewer and the Lambda Reactor Complex, the sense of having being here before but things are now different and then being suddenly hit with something unexpected kept me intrigued through the maps.
I liked that there were new textures for the containers, I also appreciated the locked door for the watch tower so now it makes sense for that soldier to be up there.
The enemy encounters when you return after setting the transmitter to the USNRC were good too, having alien slaves on top of crates and adding houndeyes to spice things up, but the thing I enjoyed the most was the Gargantua chase and that little section in Xen where I thought the lighting was cool.
My only complaint is that the func_tank with rockets wasn't present, and I always thought that turret was a memorable moment in Uplink.
That's one of the coolest things I've read this week, must have felt surreal walking around a map you've made that long ago, glad you were able to recover the files and compile it again. Thanks for sharing this story and the map.
Commented 1 year ago2023-09-06 00:59:16 UTC
in vault item: Contact EstablishedComment #105530
Thank you for playing and taking the time to write a lengthy review, I really appreciate it. I'll go through some of the points you brought up.
The cafeteria: actually a few moments before I released this on the vault, PsyWarVeteran had just suggested me to include some chairs or another table since it felt empty and I do agree with both of you.
The reason I didn't include any more props in that area was because I didn't want them to interfer with the houndeyes path especially considering one of them sometimes randomly decides to stand still (still have no idea why this happens).
There are info_nodes in there but they can still be a bit unpredictable, anyways I also thought of placing the chairs next to the stairway or against the wall (was going to use the orange chairs that appear in the administrator office from the third map) but in the end I decided to leave it as it is and release it.
The difficulty: this is a tricky one, I wanted this to be an experience that could easily be completed by anyone who is new to Half-Life or doesn't play old shooters often (hence why the recommendations and hints section in the readme assume you aren't very used to the game). Also back when I started the project I mainly wanted my friends to play it (some of them have only played HL1 once) and when I got some playtesters they kept dying over and over, so I made sure to include enough HP and armor so that no one could possibly have trouble finishing it and so that they would focus on the atmosphere instead.
Problem is that experienced players would be finishing this without taking any damage at all (on normal at least), so I thought that maybe they could play it in Hard, then I quickly realized how difficult it was to balance healthkits, batteries and chargers placement for them to make sense and be balanced for both Normal and Hard. I don't know how other mappers do it but next time I'll try to make something for the experienced player.
Anyways I'm glad you got some enjoyment from it and that you liked the little details, I wonder if everyone was able to find the secret weapons or if they have spotted both of the gman sightings (so far some people spot the first gman but no one has spotted the second one)
Overall this experience has made me appreciate other mappers work way more than ever before, as now I realize how hard it is to make a level that has both good combat and good puzzles while at the same time looking pretty
Commented 1 year ago2023-09-05 23:36:12 UTC
in vault item: Contact EstablishedComment #105529
A very nice little map pack. Short, sweet and channelling the feeling of the early map packs of the 2000s. I love the little details dotted throughout, though there are spots where things look a little bare. The cafeteria for example, with only a single table and no seating.
Combat encounters throughout are pretty nice and we fight quite a large selection of enemies from Half-Life's roster, including the alien grunts in the later sections.
It would be nice to see some more verticality as you have already said yourself, but it was nice to see some sections where you could catch the enemies by surprise, or the occasional spot where areas were repopulated with enemies for return trips. I will say that playing on medium, I didn't find it particularly challenging. I was practically tripping over health kits that I didn't need and I had plenty of suit power meaning if I ever did get hit the damage was negligible. Giving some enemies like the HECU more room to manoeuvrer and to get around the player and flank them, or perhaps just increasing the enemy count in some places would do wonders to upscale the difficulty a little.
Commented 1 year ago2023-09-05 10:28:21 UTC
in vault item: Contact EstablishedComment #105528
Thanks for the kind words both of you.
The ending is abrupt indeed, for my next project I'll try to make a longer experience, my workflow at the moment is very slow and I honestly just wanted to be done with it hah.
Other things I'd like to improve are: more verticality in the level design, varying depth/details on the walls and ceiling and better npc encounters since I feel the HL enemies really shine when there's more opportunities for them to ambush and flank you while as of now the arenas don't have any obstacles or things like pillars and they are just kind of standing still in open places.
On ModDB: for now I'd rather this to only remain hosted in TWHL.
Commented 1 year ago2023-09-05 08:40:00 UTC
in vault item: Contact EstablishedComment #105527
It's finally up, nice job. Like I said before, this is a pretty sweet and nicely polished mappack. It can pass as an early 2000s release and I say that as a big compliment
Be sure to upload it to ModDB also to get more publicity.
Here to clarify what "loading screen" means. It's the moment after the game entered fullscreen and before the main menu shows. It's actually not the time when the maps are loading (I tested) so you're actually only seeing it for a fraction of a second tops. No wonder nobody bothers making a custom one.
It's alright. Some good ideas and fine enemy encounters, i agree with AfroApe on that one crate stack, took me a good few minutes to find that. The architecture of each room is very bland but you do have some pretty okay brushwork on the props in the room.
Keep up the mapping, you will only get better with time and experience.
Commented 1 year ago2023-08-31 12:11:09 UTC
in vault item: Lab HuntComment #105521
Not a bad little map this one. It starts with you meeting Barney in a side room and then you have to lead him through the labs. You'll find yourself navigating vents and leaping over lasers in order to help him get through. The map even reloads if you get him killed and ends when you reach your goal. Something I'm used to not seeing in early mapping attempts.
If I had to criticise anything I would say the looks are a little bland and the layout makes little sense in-universe. The player starts in a dead end hallway with no form of entrance behind them. A tank busts through a wall, having been seemingly parked in an otherwise inaccessible room. Also, there are some spots like Barney's room where there is no node graph, so you have to carefully guide him through the doorway.
Appearance wise, I'd put more effort into giving the rooms an in-universe purpose, as well as experimenting with some height variation for combat/exploration, and some different lighting in places. Definite improvement here though. Nice work.
Commented 1 year ago2023-08-29 12:54:54 UTC
in journal: 闲记杂谈BlahComment #105518
I think the whole idea of "loving" a job is not right in the first place. How can you love a dead thing? You can love people, and people can love you back.
It depends on how you define a job. To some people, a job is merely a contract. To me, a job is some paid activity + people relevant to that activity. So indeed if I love that job, I love the people, and I love performing the activity partly because of passion and partly because of the people.
Commented 1 year ago2023-08-29 09:30:33 UTC
in journal: 闲记杂谈BlahComment #105517
I guess the only thing 100% certain , and unchangeable , is death. Everything else can, will and must change regarding of the situation it is in. I studied , and finished schooling, for a computer programmer, yet my expertise is servicing electronical components , most of the time Hi-Fi , for a living. - It matters not what one does, but the way one does things.
I had to accept and change regarding my situation, and as life will show so must everyone else, unless one wants to needlessly suffer for all the wrong reasons. Harsh truth is - It is always your fault if you cant find a job that matches your academic direction. Either you are not expert enough, or not determined enough. No matter where the expert is, the employer will come to them.
Commented 1 year ago2023-08-29 06:33:00 UTC
in journal: 闲记杂谈BlahComment #105515
I think the whole idea of "loving" a job is not right in the first place. How can you love a dead thing? You can love people, and people can love you back.
A job is a job, only one way to do it if you want to do it right. Nobody likes responsibility especially if it has to cover someone else, and that can cause a lot of stress, so the best thing to do it is to simply take it for what it is - a timely process that has to be done precisely in order to get payed - or in short - a job
Pretty good. I liked scripted sequence at the beginning. Nicely detailed crates, but put some clue that there is a path behind that one crate stack. Also they have too much life, somone might think that there is no point in bashing them.
In overall solid start, you can always try to tinker with rooms so they look less squere - "props" won't do the whole job
Short but fun, gargantua escape at the end was nice touch
The transparent texture for the holes on the shotgun looks a bit bad, I would rather see some low poly holes but I think there should not be a problem with more polygons. Half-Life originally doesn't have models with transparent textures too, since transparent textures for models were added to the engine with a certain patch.
The field of view trick was probably more useful back in the day when monitors were very small, since if you used a natural field of view on a small monitor, as in the game looking like the real world, you would end up with a tiny field of view and see very little of the world. Nowadays when many people have big monitors, setting the field of view to a realistic one should get rid of things looking small. Not for me though, I'm stuck with a 17 inch one right now.
A lot of these are great but the glock and the MP5 look a little off in game. They're missing the trick Valve used to counter the fisheye lens effect in Half-Life, making the barrel end of the model larger. As it stands the barrel of the MP5 and Glock in this pack look a little small in game. The 357 and Shotgun are perfect examples of what I mean. They look great.
Be careful, be sensible, but don't apologise for being you.
All that being said, getting your sleep in order will really help your wellbeing. Physical and mental health is so dependant on sleep, and one of the best life resets you can do is just getting into a sleep routine. Cancel the caffeine after 2pm and try to do a bit of exercise every day so that you get restful sleep. Getting on top of that physical stuff really, really helps the mental side.
In my country, furries are unheard of and I'm certain if there were to ever be a furry convention here, we'd see the same events that happened in Belgrade in 2001, when Serbia's first pride parade happened. You don't wanna know what happened.
I do confront people who say bullshit though. Sometimes I deem it too risky or simply not worth my time, but when I see a good opportunity to point out that someone's hatred/disliking/disrespect - of not just furries - is utterly irrational and senseless, I take it. I believe every individual is a unique permutation of all the possible features an individual may have, even if just slightly different.
That aside though, yeah. "Nobody's talking about it so nobody knows about it", I guess most people are just too busy to think about it.
My fox sona isn't a femboy either, BTW. I went from being a straight non-furry in 2017, to a bi questioning-furry in 2018, to a pan furry in 2021. Similarly my views on a lot of things (and of my own self) have shifted over the years. Positively, I may say. And they will keep doing that. Yeah but like, what's the purpose of this comparison? If anything, I'd just occasionally compare past selves and current self to analyse and potentially improve future self. I don't think you need to compare yourself to someone in order to define yourself, because ultimately, you are you. Nah, be as special as you are. No such thing as 'too special'. I know you meant something else, but just sayin'.
The late hours do tend to promote thinking. It's quiet and no one else around, so the mind gets to wander more freely. For a night owl like me, that's when I'm also the most awake and productive.
At the same time, those late hours also often coincide with sleep deprivation, especially for those of us who have to wake up early for school or work and such. That can greatly exacerbate symptoms of depression and other conditions, and negative emotions in general. Not saying you shouldn't be up late, but just that you should be aware how it affects mental health (and, speaking from experience, insomnia and depression can easily start a positive feedback loop that spirals to very bad places).
I've done a couple freelance photography jobs over a decade ago but overall it has been pretty much just a hobby. Mostly I take photos for inspiration or reference for my other creative projects, other times because I think a scene or subject is pretty or when I just want to capture a moment.
Perhaps I could create a new portfolio and do it as a side hustle?
I opened the MyHouse directory and I couldn't find a dev_pack.wad. Maybe that's missing?
It's a very interesting feeling going from the easily recognizable revamped areas to places that were reimagined, most noticeably the sewer and the Lambda Reactor Complex, the sense of having being here before but things are now different and then being suddenly hit with something unexpected kept me intrigued through the maps.
I liked that there were new textures for the containers, I also appreciated the locked door for the watch tower so now it makes sense for that soldier to be up there.
The enemy encounters when you return after setting the transmitter to the USNRC were good too, having alien slaves on top of crates and adding houndeyes to spice things up, but the thing I enjoyed the most was the Gargantua chase and that little section in Xen where I thought the lighting was cool.
My only complaint is that the func_tank with rockets wasn't present, and I always thought that turret was a memorable moment in Uplink.
The cafeteria: actually a few moments before I released this on the vault, PsyWarVeteran had just suggested me to include some chairs or another table since it felt empty and I do agree with both of you.
The reason I didn't include any more props in that area was because I didn't want them to interfer with the houndeyes path especially considering one of them sometimes randomly decides to stand still (still have no idea why this happens).
There are info_nodes in there but they can still be a bit unpredictable, anyways I also thought of placing the chairs next to the stairway or against the wall (was going to use the orange chairs that appear in the administrator office from the third map) but in the end I decided to leave it as it is and release it.
The difficulty: this is a tricky one, I wanted this to be an experience that could easily be completed by anyone who is new to Half-Life or doesn't play old shooters often (hence why the recommendations and hints section in the readme assume you aren't very used to the game). Also back when I started the project I mainly wanted my friends to play it (some of them have only played HL1 once) and when I got some playtesters they kept dying over and over, so I made sure to include enough HP and armor so that no one could possibly have trouble finishing it and so that they would focus on the atmosphere instead.
Problem is that experienced players would be finishing this without taking any damage at all (on normal at least), so I thought that maybe they could play it in Hard, then I quickly realized how difficult it was to balance healthkits, batteries and chargers placement for them to make sense and be balanced for both Normal and Hard. I don't know how other mappers do it but next time I'll try to make something for the experienced player.
Anyways I'm glad you got some enjoyment from it and that you liked the little details, I wonder if everyone was able to find the secret weapons or if they have spotted both of the gman sightings (so far some people spot the first gman but no one has spotted the second one)
Overall this experience has made me appreciate other mappers work way more than ever before, as now I realize how hard it is to make a level that has both good combat and good puzzles while at the same time looking pretty
Combat encounters throughout are pretty nice and we fight quite a large selection of enemies from Half-Life's roster, including the alien grunts in the later sections.
It would be nice to see some more verticality as you have already said yourself, but it was nice to see some sections where you could catch the enemies by surprise, or the occasional spot where areas were repopulated with enemies for return trips. I will say that playing on medium, I didn't find it particularly challenging. I was practically tripping over health kits that I didn't need and I had plenty of suit power meaning if I ever did get hit the damage was negligible. Giving some enemies like the HECU more room to manoeuvrer and to get around the player and flank them, or perhaps just increasing the enemy count in some places would do wonders to upscale the difficulty a little.
The ending is abrupt indeed, for my next project I'll try to make a longer experience, my workflow at the moment is very slow and I honestly just wanted to be done with it hah.
Other things I'd like to improve are: more verticality in the level design, varying depth/details on the walls and ceiling and better npc encounters since I feel the HL enemies really shine when there's more opportunities for them to ambush and flank you while as of now the arenas don't have any obstacles or things like pillars and they are just kind of standing still in open places.
On ModDB: for now I'd rather this to only remain hosted in TWHL.
Be sure to upload it to ModDB also to get more publicity.
Keep up the mapping, you will only get better with time and experience.
If I had to criticise anything I would say the looks are a little bland and the layout makes little sense in-universe. The player starts in a dead end hallway with no form of entrance behind them. A tank busts through a wall, having been seemingly parked in an otherwise inaccessible room. Also, there are some spots like Barney's room where there is no node graph, so you have to carefully guide him through the doorway.
Appearance wise, I'd put more effort into giving the rooms an in-universe purpose, as well as experimenting with some height variation for combat/exploration, and some different lighting in places. Definite improvement here though. Nice work.
I had to accept and change regarding my situation, and as life will show so must everyone else, unless one wants to needlessly suffer for all the wrong reasons. Harsh truth is - It is always your fault if you cant find a job that matches your academic direction. Either you are not expert enough, or not determined enough. No matter where the expert is, the employer will come to them.
A job is a job, only one way to do it if you want to do it right. Nobody likes responsibility especially if it has to cover someone else, and that can cause a lot of stress, so the best thing to do it is to simply take it for what it is - a timely process that has to be done precisely in order to get payed - or in short - a job
It is kind of easy, I'd say. The hard thing is to find a job that you love.
In overall solid start, you can always try to tinker with rooms so they look less squere - "props" won't do the whole job
Short but fun, gargantua escape at the end was nice touch
The field of view trick was probably more useful back in the day when monitors were very small, since if you used a natural field of view on a small monitor, as in the game looking like the real world, you would end up with a tiny field of view and see very little of the world. Nowadays when many people have big monitors, setting the field of view to a realistic one should get rid of things looking small. Not for me though, I'm stuck with a 17 inch one right now.