Journals

Admer4563 weeks ago2021-04-16 09:47:15 UTC 8 comments
If you don't wanna read through this whole thing, just scroll down until you see "The brick" heading.

Yesterday I had a Bosnian written schoolwork, where I had to write whatever about a chosen topic, whether it's an essay or a short story or whatever.

So, the topic was, "I'm opening a new chapter" and daaaaaaaamn I started thinking about it, inspiring me to write this journal today. Let's roll back the tape a lil bit!
Let's go to... 2017, one of my most memorable years, and the one I'm probably still stuck in.

The end of an era

29th of May 201729th of May 2017
I was right at the end of 9th grade. It was Monday. I think we went to that school a day or two more, before we were finally out of it. I remember being so clueless, yet determined to sign up for an engineering school in Mostar.

Being a kid from a village near Stolac, without ANY prior experience going to a city alone (always went with my parents, but only because they took me with them lol), I couldn't imagine going to the bus alone, and walking the streets alone, and EVERYTHING. It was terrifying to say the least. I grew up in a village without kids, so I had nobody to hang out with. I talked about this years and years ago, so I don't wanna repeat myself. TL;DR been very lonely for years and had absolutely no experience in social interactions, so I was very weird and embarrassing, until 8th grade at least.

Now, my parents wanted me to go to the local general high school, where I'd have all the same classes from elementary school, just in more detail. I didn't like Biology, Geography, Music class (for reasons you probably don't think of), and a couple of others. Chemistry and Physics were fine, but they felt like a chore at times, same goes for History.

And, truth be told, it would've been easier for me in the short run. Familiar place, familiar people, and it's right next to my elementary school, so it ain't any farther. Later on, I realised going to an engineering school in a whole other city was, in fact, the better choice.

New opportunities

Technical Drawing miseries, winter 2017Technical Drawing miseries, winter 2017
At first, I think I had some regrets. Particularly due to Technical Drawing which was insanely difficult to get a good grade in, due to my shaky hands and slightly bent fingers. Electrical Engineering was a pain too, because the teacher was old and very high-standard. Squeezed everything out of you in order to pass. If you got any higher grade, it was because of luck. Nonetheless, I consider myself lucky.

She did make me learn lessons from year 2, in order to improve my grade near the end of year 1. I remember that fairly well. She taught us about trigonometry and alternating currents, which I was lectured in May 2018 or so. When the new teacher came in year 2, he was shocked (no pun intended) that we knew about AC stuff already, at least I did.

And so we enter 2018...

Reaching for the skies

The "workshop" classroom 1The "workshop" classroom 1
That year, I participated in an IT competition, and I won 2nd place. I was still in year 1, so I was among the youngest participants. 1st place was won by a guy from my school, but in year 4. Afterwards, they decided to limit entrants only to students from year 1 and 2. So I could've participated in that next year too, right?

Well yeah, but I didn't. I had something entirely different to chase. As year 1 ended and year 2 began, I got Programming class, participated in a programming competition, won 1st place, yadda yadda. I feel like this is getting pretty long, so I'll just mention some key moments.

At some point, in year 2, I was the guy keeping the class from collapsing in terms of grades. We were doing CorelDraw stuff on IT class, and I helped out basically everyone sitting next to me. 2 guys on the left, 3 guys on the right. I got my own stuff done on time too!

In May 2019, I participated in a gamedev competition, winning 2nd place with my teammate.
I'm the guy in blue, pointing at "idTech 4"I'm the guy in blue, pointing at "idTech 4"
Good old times.

A slight change in trajectory

Year 3 was messed up, cuz' I got Democracy and Human Rights class, which sounded useful until I discovered that it's actually just a class where you recite the teacher's opinions, and memorise the definition of war crimes and different political/administrative organs/layers/institutions. Extremely boring. It's all theory and you have to memorise it word by word. I'm not that type of masochist.

Then COVID came along and prevented (I wouldn't say ruined) our plans for a school trip in year 4, as well as the prom and the graduation event, whatever it's called. I'm honestly glad I won't have any of that. No need to spend a grand on the school trip, no need to spend another on a fancy suit, hell yeah.

In the 2nd half of year 3, we only had online classes. It was easier to cheat, the tests were easier overall. Not that I cheated much. Either way, it wasn't too bad.

That same game development competition happened, but it was online, of course. However, the platform that they used (WebEx) was HORRIBLE for demonstrating your game. If it's online this year again, which is very likely, I'm not gonna participate. Can't complain tho', I won 3rd place and used a part of the prize money to get a microphone and double my RAM. Hell yeah!

Year 4 was interesting, because we got an alternating plan. One week you go to school, physically, the other week you go online. The cycle repeats. It's a huge risk for me since I go by bus, and about 1 in 10 passengers don't wear a mask. Oh well. :/

The brick

So, in year 4, we have to write a graduation thesis. We choose a topic and write about it, whether it's documentation of a project, or a research paper.

Since I was working on a game and an engine, I decided to write about the process of game development. I completed it recently, having written 48 pages within 3 or 4 days.
User posted image
I wrote the cover page in March.
"GRADUATION WORK - Video game design and development - Mostar, April 2021"

And THEN it hit me like a brick to the forehead. ADMER, YOU ARE ABOUT TO FINISH HIGH SCHOOL!
Believe me or not, I'd never thought about it until that moment. Has it really been 4 years since I finished elementary school? This is insane!

With that, I'm about to end this chapter. It's been super fun.

Opening a new chapter

This new chapter is gonna be very exciting as I, yet again, have a major choice to make, and a LOT of obstacles potentially. When I finished elementary school in 2017, I had to choose between the local gymnasium and the engineering school. It was a simple one.

Now I got some rather interesting choices. Once I finish high school, which is in about 2 weeks, I can do one of the following:
  • go to college
  • look for a job
  • rest for a year and then go to college
  • go to the army
  • work in the village
Realistically, the last 2 ain't happening, maaaybe the 2nd one either. Nonetheless, I'll try applying for a job at a couple of software companies here, because I believe I do have what it takes to enter. Then I'll go up from there. There are a couple of gamedev positions, so we'll see.

And if that doesn't work, I'll just go to college, no big deal. Ultimately, my goal is to register a company one day and sell games, which will need quite a bit of money to get started, which is why I want to go with a job first.

A couple of years ago, I used to imagine life in Germany, far away from my parents, working for some game company. Meh. I don't need that to live the way I want. Now I wanna stay with my parents cuz' it's cheaper and I'd save up a lot more money, and I'm definitely not moving out of this country.

We'll see what happens.
Admer4562 months ago2021-02-23 11:23:28 UTC 13 comments
Mmm, the cake was very tasty. I'm gonna have two tests today, too. What an amazing gift lol.
Admer4564 months ago2021-01-05 22:12:27 UTC 3 comments
5th of January 2021, roughly a month after the last journal, "The adventures of BurekTech", a series where I document my progress with my ioquake3 fork.
Progress progress progress progress PROGRESS!!!Progress progress progress progress PROGRESS!!!

New ents

While this isn't directly part of the engine, some entity classes have been implemented:
  • env_explosion
  • func_button
  • func_bobbing
  • func_door
  • func_toggle (basically like Half-Life's func_wall_toggle)
  • trigger_once
  • trigger_multiple

Mapping limits and otherwise

960 entities being rendered, approx. 460k tris + 600 world tris + 50 viewmodel tris960 entities being rendered, approx. 460k tris + 600 world tris + 50 viewmodel tris
I've upped several limits now. Max visible entities are now 1024, max models are 1024, max sounds are also 1024 for now. Each of these were 256. Max brush models are thus also raised to 1024, I believe. Nonetheless, these limits are very easy to raise. It's just a matter of choosing sensible values, and for now, it's perfectly enough for me.

I've done some research and been reading the code. Max lightmaps seem to be 512, which is way, waaaaay more than enough for me at least. Max world faces (wpolys) are 131 072, max visleaves are also 131 072, max brushes are 65 536. Clipnodes aren't used in idTech 3, so I don't have to worry about those.

Stupid Mover Bug

While I was implementing and testing func_bobbing, I noticed a really bizarre bug with player movement. On the clientside, the player would "detect" the moving entity fine, and try to move along with it. But on the server, that wouldn't happen. Ultimately, the answer was somewhere in the serverside collision code.
Solid entities need to have an absolute bounding box defined in order to be taken into consideration when clipping against. My entity's abs bbox wasn't being correctly set up due to its origin. Quite an unusual thing. I decided to name it Stupid Mover Bug, inspired by the Stupid Quake Bug.

Custom compiler

Ah yes, I've FINALLY managed to clone gtkRadiant just to get its q3map2 compiler. It's cleanly written for the most part and it's not too complex for a compiler. Miles cleaner than VHLT, although I guess its light stage could use some neat things from VHLT...
The first thing I've done was adding Valve 220 support, mostly copied from XaeroX's J.A.C.K. version of q3map2. The difference is, It's a compile parameter now, -valve220. This makes it easier for us TrenchBroom users who like the Valve 220 format. Until TB gets patch support and brush primitives, it'll mostly stay this way.

Some other features I'd add to the compiler in the future include:
  • writing vegetation data
  • writing entity event data (a la Source I/O)

Crazy networking

User posted image
Near the end of December, I found out idTech 3 supports multiple instances on a single machine, which is AMAZING for basic multiplayer testing. This way, I can ensure co-op and deathmatch work. Coming from GoldSRC, this feels like discovering alien technology.

Animation system in progress

So, I was quite... saddened... to find out that you can't just place a point entity in the map, assign a model to it and an animation number, and expect it to animate. On the other hand, I was relieved to find out that idTech 3's animation system is literally 3 variables: frame, oldframe and backlerp. This is on the client. On the serverside, it's only one: frame.
I decided to add a couple of variables:
float    framerate;        // framerate of the animation
byte    animation;        // ID of the animation to play
byte    animationFlags; // look at AnimationFlags enum above
animationFlags will be a nice way of telling the renderer "Hey, I wanna handle animation manually, i.e. I wish to increment frames on the server", or "Hey, I want this to be looped".
Right now, models will only support monolithic animations, but in the future, they will support up to 4 animation channels. For example, the torso plays one animation, and the legs play another.

What's left til v0.1?

Several things. First, I need to remove every single mention of gentity_t, since all code related to it is dead, i.e. won't ever be executed. It just makes compile times unnecessarily longer.
Second, I need to finish writing the entity classes. I still haven't written func_ladder, func_breakable, func_train and so on.
Third, I need to implement the animation system.

What's left for the (far) future?

A TON of things.
  • a vegetation system so game entities aren't used
  • rewrite almost the entire UI system (because my GOD, it's so inflexible)
  • hitboxes (that's correct, there are no hitboxes in idTech 3)
  • write a "GUI-in-world" solution that either renders to a texture (so it can be wrapped) or directly renders the polys in the world (significantly cheaper but only works on flat surfaces)
  • a save system
  • a subtitle system
  • an optional day-night cycle that alternates between a number of external lightmaps
  • projected light textures (think HL2 flashlight, GMod lamps)
  • various sky additions (e.g. blending skyboxes, thunders etc.) etc.
Some of these will make it to 0.2, some will be in 0.3, some won't be until 0.5.
Right now, however, I'm working on a game demo with this. It will be in a different repository, once released, and various features will be ported.

Edit: SMH I should really make a blog somewhere
Admer4565 months ago2020-12-01 19:27:28 UTC 5 comments
As I don't feel that this belongs to any forum category, I've decided to write about it in journals.

In my last journal, "GoldSRC + Godot = ???", I wrote about the idea of a game engine/framework built on top of Godot, that aims to have a workflow very similar to GoldSRC. You can map for it with J.A.C.K., TrenchBroom, or even Hammer in theory, AND sell games made with it. Then I stopped working on that and moved back to my ioquake3 fork, BurekTech. Same idea, different engine.
WE SQUASHED THEM BUGSWE SQUASHED THEM BUGS
3 big issues were closed this month, pushing the completion from 11% to 29%. I ported a good chunk of the game code from C/idTech 3 way to C++/BurekTech way.
What this means is, instead of a bunch of global functions and structs, I now have some classes responsible for the game logic (entity spawning, for example), as well as some entity classes. So I didn't just rename all .c files to .cpp and fix the compile errors.
Looks like a ghost town when no entities are 'roundLooks like a ghost town when no entities are 'round
After all the remaining required functionality is ported (spawning temp entities, selecting a spawnpoint (the player spawns at 0,0,0 at the moment), making sure MP works), the next step is to re-implement some important trigger_, func_ and info_ entities. Then write some utilities, like for gib spawning; a basic AI for NPCs (the Q3 bot code is big, no way I'm porting that soon D:); and, maybe not immediately, a save-load system.

Another concept I had was entity semi-components, but certainly won't be in version 0.1.
User posted image
BurekTech is not really an engine IMO, since most of the work is done in the game library. It's not an engine-agnostic game framework either. It's like... a game base? I dunno.
With that said, BurekTech 2.0 should be initially based on a different engine like Godot (partially due to licencing), most likely as a plugin. The idea is still gonna be the same. The folder structure is still gonna be (largely) the same. You get the point.

Anyway, I hope that BurekTech will be ready enough by the end of December, so I can start making a game in January. Or in February. It's gonna be a medium-paced retro FPS, set in 2033 Bosnia. I might post a few screenshots in the WiP screenshots thread.
Admer4566 months ago2020-10-24 12:12:40 UTC 5 comments
My last post in "Post your WiP screenshots" was about my modification of the idTech 3 engine. Now I decided to take it to the journals, since it's ultimately unrelated to Half-Life. But not entirely.

Simply put, the ideas are:
1. Have a GoldSRC-like folder structure: maps, models, sound etc.
2. In mapping, work with it almost as if it were GoldSRC or Quake (this means you make the map in J.A.C.K. or TrenchBroom or whatever)
3. Don't use any Half-Life asset formats or anything from the HL SDK
4. Keep the aesthetic of GoldSRC

It's mainly for folks like me, who are too used to GoldSRC but still wanna make standalone games using archaic methods.
I moved the project to Godot, primarily due to licencing. Not being able to use certain libraries, due to GPL, sucks.

Now the challenge is even more interesting, because I'll need to build a "game engine" on top of Godot - something vaguely similar to what S&box is doing; also somewhat similar to what SharpLife is doing - because I wish to keep the GoldSRC-like workflow: make a map in an external map editor like TrenchBroom, export, compile, and put it somewhere in the maps folder. Then run the engine, open the console and use the map command. No Godot Editor involved.

One neat thing I'm planning to do is manual VIS, since there's no VIS in Godot, or rather, no occlusion culling system. Manual VIS, done in the map editor, would look like this:
CryEngine Sandbox Editor manualCryEngine Sandbox Editor manual
How you'd do this in J.A.C.K., I imagine, would be to place two big brushes textured with VISAREA, each encompassing a room they're associated with, and between them, you place a smaller brush textured with VISPORTAL. I believe that humans are more efficient at optimising a map than the compiler. Anything outside of VIS areas (isn't encompassed by any such brush) would be treated as the outdoors, which is never rendered from the indoors, unless the player sees a special VISPORTALEXIT portal.

Here's an illustration:
User posted image
Normally world brushes; I only used func_wall to get the transparencyNormally world brushes; I only used func_wall to get the transparency
The compiler would have to strip off the NULL faces etc., mark which face is in which area etc. and that's about it as far as the basics go. In that early state, maps will have to be made in a specific way, for example, you'll have to cut brushes wherever two VIS areas meet:
Kinda tedious, I knowKinda tedious, I know
If I develop the compiler any better, it'll automatically cut stuff where two areas meet, which is basically what Doom 3's map compiler does.

We'll see where this goes. Worst-case scenario, I'll just go back to idTech 4 and dumb it down lol.
Admer4569 months ago2020-08-02 16:31:49 UTC 13 comments
Yes. I even carried it across the field in front of my house.
User posted image
They were a little heavier than I thought TBH.
I am definitely surprised that Gordon could pick these up so easily, albeit, cinder blocks in HL2 are definitely smaller compared to these, lol.

And no, this is not a birthday journal.
Admer4561 year ago2020-04-02 22:43:54 UTC 2 comments
You know something's up when I put the uwu in the title. :walter:
So, this has been mentioned on TWHL Discord, but it should be mentioned here as well, just in case.

I have 37 tutorials on GameBanana. 8 of them are HL-related and worthy of being ported to TWHL.

Better view bobbing

A tutorial about view bobbing in the HL SDK, covering view.cpp and how stuff works there. Might be in 2 or even 3 parts.

Creating new entities

Penguinboy told me this one could be a start of a new chapter for the programming tutorials. It covers creating a really simple new entity class (which prints stuff to the console) and editing the FGD to add the entity definition.
Tutorials following this one, I imagine, would involve stuff such as targeting other entities, having multiple different targets for each 'condition', checking certain entity properties, finding entities by name or by some other filters, and so on.

About carving

The name says it. A mostly objective view on carving, covering various "manual carving" methods using the clipping tool.

How to fix those leaks

Methods of finding leaks and what can cause them.

Real-life photos to Half-Life textures

No explanation required.

Complete music tutorial

Making music for Half-Life mods and placing it into maps. Can be expanded to an overall audio guide for GoldSrc, covering different uses of ambient_generic and whatnot.

Manipulating light in GoldSrc

All about lighting, different lighting setups, toggling shadows etc.

How to make sprites more flexible

Well, to be exact, this one's originally about sprite orientation, but I suppose it could be expanded to different ways of utilising sprites, e.g. for grass, smoke, light glows, videos even.

Generally, I'm mostly excited about the programming tutorials, not just the couple of ones I'll be porting, but new ones I'll be contributing too.
From general HL SDK tutorials about various parts of its API (engine functions, event API, Triangle API, entity functions, utilities etc.), using certain 3rd party libraries with HL SDK, even touching the VHLT code a bit, all the way to the delicate and fancy stuff like using OpenGL functions, dynamic skies, modifying map & model data in real-time, and a lot more.

Other than said tutorials, I'd of course work on ADM. There are several things I wanna do this summer, mainly working on the vehicle system as well as the FMOD integration. There are a couple of SoHL features and entities that will also be either ported or replicated. I'm really hoping to push out a release by the end of summer. >w<

Also, by that time, I'll probably create a new thread for Advanced Development Mod. Utopia at Stake, while using ADM as a base, shouldn't really have its thread be home to both ADM and itself IMO.

But I cannot do any of that right now. I got a game project to finish.
By the 15th of March, I should be done with my idTech 4 game demo, after which I'll try to release my high school map by June, maybe a bit earlier even. And then, I'll finally get back into GoldSrc business. :)
Admer4561 year ago2020-02-23 16:03:15 UTC 11 comments
When fate and destiny aren't on my side, and when luck doesn't happen to have anything to give me at the moment, then I know for sure, time is only on my side.
And that's gonna take a while. I'm definitely hoping for a miracle to happen, you know. I don't know when it'll happen, I don't know IF it'll happen, but I'm certainly hoping that it will. The two greatest things in life I've ever had experience with, are both words that begin with F.
It's not fraud (never had that), it's not fire, it's not fu--ing (heck, I never experienced that either), it's not fish either, even though it's pretty good, especially trout, mmm, but rather, it's forgiveness and friendship.
There's hardly anything in this world I wouldn't forgive to someone else, and there's hardly anyone in this world who could make me feel as good as a true friend could, someone I feel I don't yet have. Well... at least yet.

Those two words kept appearing in my dreams in one form or another, and almost every time it's the same story. I either ask for it, or beg for it, and then everything seems to become positive, go back to normal. Then I wake up, sweating and in fear. I don't know why, because I don't remember most of the dream. I sometimes really wish to cry or at least sob silently. I can't scream because my soul is already screaming. It's been screaming for weeks...
All I know is, something, or someone, haunts me. It's not really an "it", to be exact. God knows what could've gone better if I hadn't said the right thing in the wrong time. It might be too late now, but at least I've learnt an important lesson.

Who knows, maybe it's not late yet. After all, time is on my side. Time knows what the best moment will be. Time has brought back a lot to me, that I once lost. In turn, time just took... time. My patience, my will to wait for things, that's gonna remain infinite. I'll let time take as much as needed, since both of us need it.
Heh. Time... I feel like someone out there likes testing my patience for certain things.

Always remember to forgive each other, people. Forgive, but never forget.

Speaking of time, today I became an adult. Damn. Wish it came sooner. :walter:
Admer4561 year ago2019-12-25 14:33:26 UTC 10 comments
So, some of you may know that my style of studying is based on 3 principles:
  • study as less as possible at home
  • try to understand and memorise (if needed) as much as possible in class
  • study at home only when you really don't know (e.g. for Democracy class)
With this style of studying, I achieve a GPA of up to 4.63, which is amazing considering I didn't do homework 30% of the time, and 80% of my time at home was spent using the PC (excluding sleep, eating and that stuff). If I wanted a 5.0 GPA, I would have to say goodbye to my free time that I get (which I'd end up using to work on mapping, modding, programming or gamedev projects).

In other words, I wanna work on projects as much as possible, while studying as less as possible, while still maintaining a 4.50 GPA at least.

Now, here's the thing. The 1st semester ends on the 31st of December here, and then the winter break starts. The problem is, my GPA is 4.28 at the moment. It used to be 4.4 until I ruined my score in Electrical Measurements and Digital Electronics, decreasing them both from 5 to 4.

(quick reminder: 5 here is A, 4 is B, 3 is C, 2 is D, and 1 is F)

So now, instead of improving Electronics and Democracy, I also gotta improve German and Bosnian to pass with a GPA of 4.50, which is the bare minimum to pass with an excellent status, otherwise it'll write "very good" on the paper, which my parents, grandparents, and the whole family would absolutely hate. :P

Well, today I managed to improve German, at least I believe so. We had a written schoolwork and I did it for an A.
Tomorrow, however, is the judgment day.

I got an Electronics test, Democracy test, and a Bosnian oral exam. The chances of me getting A's in all three are 15%. Lol.

The day of judging all my sins (of me not studying). The time will come very soon, unfortunately, but at least I've been preparing. I hope I'll survive, and if I do, then my winter break starts right on the 27th of December, cuz' I got no exams left afterwards.

Merry Christmas folks, happy holidays, I wish you all the best, soon it'll be 2020, it's been nice and everything, blah blah blah, I don't even celebrate Christmas, lol.
Now excuse me, I gotta go study for once. :3
Admer4561 year ago2019-06-02 00:23:58 UTC 9 comments
NO. Just no. Not the sexual kind. We'll get there one day, don't worry! This is my "three topics in one journal" threesome, lmao. So before I say anything more stupid: (and trust me, you'll read so much stupid here)

Topic no. 1.
Utopia at Stake. What is it? Why did I decide to do this and give it another chance after giving up in 2016?

It's two things, really. ADM and UAS. Together, they make the mod. ADM is its technical foundation, with the vehicle system, future FMOD implementation, some nice utility entities and much more. So much stuff to do for ADM alone. The plan is to release it to everyone. You can think of it as SoHL, but my way.
UAS is the mod's content itself. Story, characters, assets, you name it. It's the overall experience in the mod too. The feel, the atmosphere, the lore, the music... you name it.

One thing potentially worries some folks, but not me. The sole existence of furry characters in the mod. It'll have dragons too. Dragons are cool. People like dragons. But, people generally hate furries. You'll like my interpretation of them, at least. :P
People think the mod would backfire because of this, but let it be. Let it be a reflection of the society, which, ironically, the mod will also try to be a satire of.

Topic no. 2.
My projects.
So, one of my old maps, ts_untergrund, has been getting massively improved over the years, but I never released that final version. This summer, I will. Hopefully.
Also, my high school map, I guess my classmates have waited long enough. I'll try to push out a playable version in summer.
Plans are there for fun_kobbl, and eventually some others. We'll see.

Then I can work on UAS. And hey, I'm not alone this time. There's someone in the team. And that brings me to my 3rd topic.

Topic no. 3. (I think it'd be wise to skip this - read at your own risk of getting confused and stuff like that)
I am burning. Once again. It hurts so much, but it feels so good.
Remember all my telltales how a girl in 6th grade said "no" to me?
Well, here's a new one.
About 5 years ago, I was still like a fresh piece of wood. Never touched by the rain, never seen fire, just chopped off a tree. Then I... saw someone I really liked a lot. It ignited a fire in me. I burned. My heart first burned and it burned the most, then I burnt in entirety and there was a forest fire.
I burnt the people around me. I burnt down everything. My reputation, my behaviour, my relationships and friendships...
She stood there like an ice berg, and stayed an ice berg. This fire couldn't do a damn thing. Not even a drop of water from that ice.
I had burnt out. There was no hope... I was alone for years.
There were some sparks there and there, a candlelight even. But all that together was never as huge as the big fire I had back then. I myself turned into walking ice. But I still had that tiny fire inside, which had me going for the whole path.

So what happened?
Then, about 20 days ago, I met a seemingly fiery one. But... her fire was extinguishing, has been doing so for a year. Truly a state of crisis. I could not see that at first, until I got closer. But before it even happened, all the ice that piled up on me, it melted just by a single touch from the fiery one. It evaporated.
And I? That tiny fire inside of me was going crazy. It soon expanded and caught me entirely. It warmed me up at first, and then I realised...
...once wood is burnt out, there's a chance for charcoal.
And charcoal, oh boy. Charcoal burns even hotter. And I am BURNING, baby, to the third degree. Even more than I did the first time. YEE HAW!
I met the real life equivalent of Jody, guys. I'm too happy. Way too happy. Not gonna say much more though. I just want a good ending.
:3

And hey. I know I'm young. I've got 3/4 of life in front of me. I know this lovey dovey stuff will just fade away one day. I just want to have some fun while it's there. But, while I'm at it, I'll try to be as mature and serious as I can.

- This is the part you may scroll down to, if you skipped topic #3 -
And yes. It's 2 in the morning at my place.
Thank you for the bit of attention, and have a good day/night.

P.S. Eeeeh, I forgot about the few competitions I've been in. Might write about them in 2 weeks...
Admer4562 years ago2019-03-12 23:54:02 UTC 9 comments
If you remember this and you wanna know what happened between me and him:
link
...you can read about the end here, if you wish.

So, yeah. It's over.
It's all... done. I'm not sad, and I definitely appreciate the freedom now. I do miss him, though.
All of you who were worried of it being a predator scenario, you may sleep peacefully now. But it wasn't such a scenario anyway.

Brad and I played TF2 and GMod a couple of times. I remember he often asked me for technical help, and a little bit too often, I might add. But he was a good guy. He badly wanted me to get the new PC that I got in July 2018, but something happened before I did...

In June, he... he simply disappeared. He completely disappeared from the Internet, deleting most of his accounts and leaving no contact info for me. Blimey. :/

So yeah. But that was not the only relationship in my life.
There was a girl from Texas, who was kinda nice until she started being overly horny and begging me for nudes (eww). Plus, she always looked for excuses to avoid voice chatting with me and I never saw a picture of her. Could be a catfish. And she wasn't the only catfish there.

There was a cute girl from Taiwan once, but that's a WHOLE other story which involves a dumb Bosnian dude from Slovenia hating me so much after finding out that I'm bi. :D

Then I've had like... 4 more relationships. Two before that, and two after that. The peak was about 3 or 4 relationships at once.
Almost all of these are pretty much done.

The point is, it taught me a damn valuable lesson. Say NO for once.

It taught me another one too, but that's something I realised after reading Voltaire's Candide. It is the fact that "we must cultivate our own gardens".
5 out of 7 of these relationships started like this: "Admer, I love you" - "I love you too!" - "Will you be my BF?" - "HELL YES!!!"

It's just like Candide. He was given all sorts of goods throughout the story, like when he visited Eldorado. But of course, there were really bad situations too, like when the entire Prussian army started beating his butt up, one by one. The thing is, he never did any actual work. He was just going around the world looking for his beloved Cunegonde, and he just got lucky and unlucky at times. In the end, he settled for a piece of land, and he and his friends started actually working on that land, and everyone was happy. (I should read even more books)
And notice something. It's always the other person saying "I love you" first. Meh. I wanna conquer some land myself (it feels more rewarding!), not have it simply given to me so that I can easily lose it later on.

Also, seriously. God. Back then, I didn't know how to say no. It was probably because I was desperate and/or I didn't want to hurt the other person's feelings. Now I am not so afraid.

But yeah. I'm actually happy. Very very happy, partly due to the freedom I have now, and the fact that I don't have to lose so much time during the day to just chat (fact is, they were all from different time zones, so each would message me in different times of day - and that led to many hours being lost on Discord). All these breakups did not affect me at all, in fact I could say they made me a bit stronger.

I'll just not bother with relationships until I'm 25 or so. I'm just not ready yet. Especially for a real-life relationship.

You don't have to say a thing, as far as I'm concerned. I already know. I'm too young, I'm too childish, I have too high expectations... I mostly know...
And what was the point of this journal? It was just to make some things clear, and put an official end to my journals about furries and journals about my relationships.
Admer4562 years ago2019-02-23 15:14:00 UTC 16 comments
0x0017
0x0002
0x07E3

Very simple, and it'll always be.
I've been thinking if I should send a .map file or a .jpg with this inside, but whatever. :)
Admer4562 years ago2019-02-08 23:42:56 UTC 3 comments
Mine certainly does. I don't know about you. It could've sucked for me greatly, but I got lucky.
This is yet another one of my "personal history analysis" journals. Hooray. I haven't posted one in a while, but either way, have a nice read. :)

Year Zero

When I finished 9th grade and completed elementary school, I started panicking.
The first question was which high school to choose. My parents really really wanted me to go to the local general high school. HELL NO. 4 more years of Biology, Geography, Music class (where you learn nothing about music BTW, just singing some songs and learning about composers), no. Just no. Also, book reports every 2 weeks instead of every month. No.

So I chose the school that so many people recommended me. An electrical engineering high school. Precisely, the IT course. There were 3 at the time: IT, telecommunications, automatics. The IT course had been introduced a year prior, and it's supposed to have more programming and IT classes than the other courses, which I find really nice. My parents didn't want me to go there because I'd have to travel by bus a lot and I'd lose 2-3 hours daily because of the long bus rides. But it's worth it IMHO.

What will happen to me? Will I get beaten to death by bullies in high school? Will professors be evil in high school? How will I even find my way to the bus station in the city?

Thousands of other questions, however, were frightening me. I thought I'd not be able to handle it for sure, right?
Incorrect.

Year One

The first year was not as bad as I thought. I had to get used to taking buses and that stuff.

In the first year, I was in the morning shift, so class would start at 7:00 and typically end at 13:10. It started at 7:30 on Mondays (Practical class + History), and at 7:40 on Wednesdays. Mondays were special: 7:30 to 10:30 (3 classes of Practical class and 2 classes of History).
But that meant I had to wake up at 4 o'clock. D:

There was a bus in 5:40 that would arrive to the bus station in 6:30, so I took that one, until they canceled it, so I had to take the one in 5:15 that would take a longer route but get there in 6:30.
What I see every evening now in the afternoon shiftWhat I see every evening now in the afternoon shift
The professors were nice. My classmates were angels in comparison to the ones from my elementary school.
I was even given a chance to switch to German. I had Turkish in my elementary school and I got tired of it after 3 years. Some Turks came into the town when I was in 6th grade, they convinced most of the parents to vote for Turkish to be a secondary foreign language and it happened. :/
So I switched to German. Surprisingly, it went really well for me. Mum couldn't believe it. :D

Sure, there were some classes where I under-performed: Electrical Engineering and Technical Drawing.
Technical Drawing was that one class where you must be precise down to a micrometre. Otherwise you get a 4 instead of a 5. First semester went like 4, 4, 1, 5. That 1 was when I brought the wrong type of paper to do the blueprint on. Second semester went like 3, 3, 3, 5. I could never draw well. But at least this class was only for the first year.
I got a 3 for these...I got a 3 for these...
Electrical Engineering... my professor was quite interesting. She would go through the lessons at 120 km/h, barely explaining most concepts, and we would not understand much. Lenz's Law, Kirchhoff's Laws, ask what they are to any of my classmates and they won't know. On my first test I got a 1.

Why? Because I was just missing a word or two in my answers, and she crossed basically every answer that had such mistakes. We've even had a situation where we finished all of the lessons for the first year, and moved on to lessons from 2nd grade.

AC currents? Trigonometry? We weren't supposed to learn that right in the first year, lol! But alas, we had to. And frankly, I'm actually thankful for that.
Even though she was very strict on tests, she helped me understand trigonometry and AC currents better later on, in the 2nd year, that is when we got a new EE professor. He's cool.
I had a 4 in EE in the first year. Miraculously, considering that everyone performed badly in it. Like, 60% of the class would fail the test, and I'd be the only guy who got a 3. Of course, there was that one girl who always got a 5. But I can't be like that. She never had a 4 or a 3 in her life. That's just not my style. (don't get me wrong, it's not like I get 4s and 3s often, I actually tend to get 5's, with a tiny tiny mix of 4's - I avoid the lesser marks)

But either way, I surprisingly made some small headlines by winning the Regional Spelling Bee in Mostar and participating in the National Spelling Bee of BiH, and winning 2nd place in an IT competition in Mostar. Pretty good for a first year in HS. :nuts:
User posted image
This is what I'd see when I crossed the bridge leading to the bus station. Nice view.

And bam, the first year ended in the blink of an eye. I survived with a GPA of 4.57, where 4.50 is the minimum for an excellent status (or let's call it A if you wish. 1 = F, 2 = D, 3 = C, 4 = B, 5 = A).
Sooo yeah, then I had a nice summer break and the 2nd year began.

Year Two

But MAN, is the 2nd year good!
I got Programming, something called Processing and Transmission of Signals, and Electronics. I lost Chemistry, Technical Drawing and IT Systems. (BTW classes are not optional in this country - you get them, you have them, and you lose them)
On Programming and IT class, I'm basically the guy who walks around the classroom helping his classmates with their technical problems, and then finishing the actual task on my PC in the last couple of minutes. The two professors are surprised by my efficiency. :)
User posted image
Of course, sometimes my classmates would get scared of the things I was doing. :v

Two classes I like in particular are Practical class and History. They are held in a special place, away from the school.
User posted image
This is a photo from the cleaning action. We were taking out all the trash and cleaning the place up.
User posted image
Playing Super Mario Forever during History class. :walter:
Do not do this, it's not healthy for the 4017 ICDo not do this, it's not healthy for the 4017 IC
One of the circuits we built on Practical class. Not quite happy with what we're doing to the IC itself, but hey, it's flashy!

And some of you know that I'm a school mapper.
It's a draft, still - I'll make sure to revise it when I have the timeIt's a draft, still - I'll make sure to revise it when I have the time
The professors actually like this project, believe it or not. Tell me whatever you want about that 2007 incident, but you know I'll ignore it. :^)

And recently, I found about an extra class where we'll work with Arduino boards. Man, I've been waiting to get my hands on one of those for a while. :crowbar:

The 2nd year was a great change.
I was no longer in the morning shift, I was in the other, afternoon shift.
Class starts at 13:20 and ends in 19:30. However, that ending at 19:30 never happens in my schedule.
Monday:       11:45 -> 17:10
Tuesday:      13:20 -> 19:00
Wednesday:    07:30 -> 10:30
Thursday:     13:20 -> 18:00
Friday:       13:20 -> 18:15
Next year, I'll lose the following classes: History, Physics, Practical class, Electrical Engineering ( :( ), IT.
I'll get the following: Mobile Programming, Computer Networks, Computer Architectures, Democracy, Digital Electronics.

Conclusion

Well, frankly, I've learnt nothing new about programming in high school because I already learned it at home, except the difference between a++ and ++a. (we have C++ for these two years, and we'll get another language in the 4th year)

But what I did learn was a bunch of stuff about electronics. It made me start following YouTubers like GreatScott, ElectroBoom and the like. Not only did I find ElectroBoom's purposeful bloopers funny, I actually understood why they happened and how to prevent that stuff. Lol. Sadly, I don't have many options for buying components. I'll have to get components somewhere. There's a Conrad shop in Sarajevo, and other electronics stores. I'll see what I can do about this stuff.

I met new friends, got used to a totally new community and place. It's quite nice for a change.
The only problem with these new friends is the same as with my old ones. They have no particular interest in anything.
Basically, these guys (and girls) signed up for a school about electrical engineering and programming, yet they don't like either of those.
Most of them signed up in my high school either because they had no idea what school to sign up for, or because they quite simply had a cousin in this school or a close friend.

Had I decided to go for the general high school, I would've been suffering, lol.
Their professors are super strict over there and I'd pretty much be an amount of wasted potential. And people would be disappointed. :/

But yeah, this high school rocks. I love it more than elementary school. :P
If I made the wrong decision, it'd probably suck like it does for most ex-classmates of mine. The general high school wasn't the only choice though. I could've gone for a medical high school, or a construction high school, or a traffic high school, none of which I'd like lol.

There was a girl in elementary school who had all 5's, and even she has trouble in that general high school. I was the only 1 out of 2 people who actually signed up for this type of high school, and the rest mostly went to the general one. And they're suffering, from what they told me.

Either way, I'm pretty much happy now, since I'm slowly getting to know my abilities and what kinds of jobs I'll want to do in the future. :)

I might end up writing a part 2 or 2, 3 and 4, who knows.
Admer4562 years ago2018-12-05 22:49:10 UTC 5 comments
(no TL;DR for the lazy readers, I even put pictures for you)

The day started off as usual. It was an early Wednesday morning and I arrived to the Southern Camp in Mostar. We basically have classrooms on 3 separate locations, and each is specialised for some kinds of classes, e.g. Practical class. Nothing was really special on Practical class today, as my classmate and I were testing out the new prototyping boards and soldering some capacitors on them. We completed all the lessons, so the professor decided to give us something to do, that's why we were soldering instead of assembling a circuit.

Note: my class is split in 2 groups only for Practical class. 10 people from 7:30 to 9:00 and the rest from 10:40 to 12:40 or so.

And then that class ended. We were about to have History class. But then, someone launched Mario Forever on the professor's laptop:
User posted image
(video clips will be included in my 3rd school moments compilation)

It was fun. I was the only one who reached Bowser's castle, except our professor entered the classroom when I was trying to defeat Bowser.
Nice for a change. My classmates (precisely, one of the girls) called it the most interesting class ever. We don't usually play any games while the professor is absent. :P

We had a lesson about Bosnia and Herzegovina in World War I, and I forgot to look at my watch. It was 10:40 and my bus left the station at 10:25. Woops~
User posted image
But I didn't really care. I spent 15 minutes waiting for the bus which would leave at 11:30, but then I remembered hundreds of thoughts from my past. "Change yourself for once.", they said. So instead of spending the rest of the time outside on the cold and windy weather, I walked back to the building.
User posted image
(this is an older photo, ignore the stuff on the floor)

The 2nd half of my class was having Practical class there. They were a class behind my group, so I already knew everything and I decided to help them out and explain some things.
Nice for a change. These guys didn't know a thing about ICs. Imagine what would've happened if I hadn't gone back and stayed where I waited for my bus.

And then a professor from the neighbouring classroom came in, and asked someone to set up the projector. Something wasn't working.
Her entire class was unable to solve the problem. And there were really only 2 things to do: having to use the Intel GMA properties window and enable duplicate displays, and inserting the VGA out into the VGA port, not the Super VGA port. :P
Nice for a change. A presentation could've failed if I hadn't been there.

So, I realised one thing today. I definitely should change in some aspects. I wonder how many things I've missed out by standing still on the spot, or saying "no" when somebody asked me to go somewhere with them.
Change is good. As a Bosniak, I perceived change as one of the worst things that can happen to me, but honestly, now I don't think it's so bad. (and yes, Bosniaks in general hate change - it's a fact that we're one of the biggest haters of change)

And don't worry, I didn't miss the bus in 11:30. xD
Admer4562 years ago2018-10-15 20:14:52 UTC 4 comments
On the 15th of October 2007, my laptop was manufactured, probably.
Photo from 2016 or soPhoto from 2016 or so
Happy 11th birthday, old chap. Live long enough and you might just end up in a museum, right where you belong. =)