Journals
Surprise! Somehow I didn't think this profile, or website, would still be here. I wondered if the passage of time would sweep it away. I'm glad to see that its not. This profile is like a time capsule of sorts for me, looking back on the older stuff. Granted, not much for 9 years, but the stuff before...
I'm not sure what to write here, only that I feel I should put something down before I forget and come back in another 9 years or something. Hope your all keeping well, I'm doing perfectly well myself. Guess that's all there is to say. Have a good night.
I'm not sure what to write here, only that I feel I should put something down before I forget and come back in another 9 years or something. Hope your all keeping well, I'm doing perfectly well myself. Guess that's all there is to say. Have a good night.
21
"Don't be evil" was Google's founding motto.
I watched "Skyfall" for the third time last night, and it occurred to me that all the Bond villains suffered childhood trauma. Some of the trauma were unimaginably brutal (I guess that's an oxymoron, because obviously someone imagined it to fictionalize the background story into the character).
In Skyfall, Raoul Silva was betrayed by his own country, just as Bond suffered a near-fatal friendly fire at the start of the film. The different outcomes experienced by these two characters were determined by their support system. Bond, despite not having any close family ties, had a strong family-like unit at work.
Lyutsifer Safin also suffered unspeakable trauma when he became the lone survivor of an assassination campaign by Spectre. Consequently, he became a ruthless killer and planned to exterminate most of the world's population.
You may wonder how Madeleine Swan emerged unscathed, after she was abandoned by her criminal father and alcoholic mother, and also witnessed her mother's execution. Perhaps she was able to rescue herself by becoming a psychoanalyst.
We are all going through something, and we are all survivors of past trauma. The difference in outcome is how we cope and heal. If we have a secure support system, we can emerge stronger and more resilient. Otherwise, we may live in our own evil lair and plan for doomsday as our personal hobby.
I watched "Skyfall" for the third time last night, and it occurred to me that all the Bond villains suffered childhood trauma. Some of the trauma were unimaginably brutal (I guess that's an oxymoron, because obviously someone imagined it to fictionalize the background story into the character).
In Skyfall, Raoul Silva was betrayed by his own country, just as Bond suffered a near-fatal friendly fire at the start of the film. The different outcomes experienced by these two characters were determined by their support system. Bond, despite not having any close family ties, had a strong family-like unit at work.
Lyutsifer Safin also suffered unspeakable trauma when he became the lone survivor of an assassination campaign by Spectre. Consequently, he became a ruthless killer and planned to exterminate most of the world's population.
You may wonder how Madeleine Swan emerged unscathed, after she was abandoned by her criminal father and alcoholic mother, and also witnessed her mother's execution. Perhaps she was able to rescue herself by becoming a psychoanalyst.
We are all going through something, and we are all survivors of past trauma. The difference in outcome is how we cope and heal. If we have a secure support system, we can emerge stronger and more resilient. Otherwise, we may live in our own evil lair and plan for doomsday as our personal hobby.
After figuring how to change the hud color for my HL1 mod, I though I'd just try doing something similar for The Vorts!
All it took was a couple lines edited, all of them in the hldll's islave.cpp file.
line 744: m_pBeam[m_iBeams]->SetColor(151, 0, 255); //this will give it a nice purple color!
line 790: m_pBeam[m_iBeams]->SetColor(151, 0, 255); //I think this is for the cut revive, lets change the color anyways!
line 820: m_pBeam[m_iBeams]->SetColor(151, 0, 255); //same as the last bit of purple lightning, but this one hurts!
And voilàThink I could get it to cycle some colors too if I wanted, but I thought I'd share this for now!
All it took was a couple lines edited, all of them in the hldll's islave.cpp file.
line 744: m_pBeam[m_iBeams]->SetColor(151, 0, 255); //this will give it a nice purple color!
line 790: m_pBeam[m_iBeams]->SetColor(151, 0, 255); //I think this is for the cut revive, lets change the color anyways!
line 820: m_pBeam[m_iBeams]->SetColor(151, 0, 255); //same as the last bit of purple lightning, but this one hurts!
And voilàJust felt like putting a link to my Twitter here. Might start some sort of conversation.
Meerjel01's Twitter
Meerjel01's Twitter
I am not sure who will be reading this or even care, but I felt like putting this out there. I have been a member of the community on and off since 2005, and I had my checkered history. I came back a few years ago to try and set things right, and I think I managed to mostly remedy some bad decisions and actions. To try and do right by God, and God's will for my life, and by my own conscience.
However, after I have finished the Pathos Engine, I realized I don't really have any real reason to be in the Half-Life community anymore. I am working on a video game now, not a Half-Life mod. I however still sometimes produce content, like Half-Life models, etc. I might still post that here. However, I have decided it's time I moved on. For this reason I am leaving the Half-Life modding community, hopefully on much better terms than I tried to last time. I have deleted my Discord account also, to focus more on my creative work and job. I do my best creative work in solutide anyway.
I want to say thanks to everyone who was kind to me, and thanks to the people who gave me a second/third chance. I hope people enjoyed the content I created, and will enjoy any future content I create. I doubt I will return again, but if I do, well, we'lll see how it goes. Nothing in life is certain.
And for those I've left without a real explanation, let it be this: Sometimes there's irrevocable differences between two individuals which cannot be resolved, and I might not see a future for said relation. It is not my intention to leave on a bad note. I sometimes just don't see a solution, which might be an error in me.
In the meantime, I will try and realize what God has intended for me to do with the remainder of my life.
Thank you.
However, after I have finished the Pathos Engine, I realized I don't really have any real reason to be in the Half-Life community anymore. I am working on a video game now, not a Half-Life mod. I however still sometimes produce content, like Half-Life models, etc. I might still post that here. However, I have decided it's time I moved on. For this reason I am leaving the Half-Life modding community, hopefully on much better terms than I tried to last time. I have deleted my Discord account also, to focus more on my creative work and job. I do my best creative work in solutide anyway.
I want to say thanks to everyone who was kind to me, and thanks to the people who gave me a second/third chance. I hope people enjoyed the content I created, and will enjoy any future content I create. I doubt I will return again, but if I do, well, we'lll see how it goes. Nothing in life is certain.
And for those I've left without a real explanation, let it be this: Sometimes there's irrevocable differences between two individuals which cannot be resolved, and I might not see a future for said relation. It is not my intention to leave on a bad note. I sometimes just don't see a solution, which might be an error in me.
In the meantime, I will try and realize what God has intended for me to do with the remainder of my life.
Thank you.
Yep. Cambreaker recently accidentally gifted me Hunt Down the Freeman, and chances are, I might stream it on TWHL Discord on Christmas.
It's a bit early for me to say "merry Christmas", so I'll wait a bit. 
My conscious. I had an idea for a comic involving the Half-Life 1 Alpha. It's gonna be like my Marathon comic where an OC walks around in Black Mesa doing funny things and getting herself into danger. I haven't started with it yet and it might not be made.
I already have a funny parody comic and I'm usually not making fan art of popular things like Half-Life. But if someone wants to change my mind then go ahead. I can listen.
I already have a funny parody comic and I'm usually not making fan art of popular things like Half-Life. But if someone wants to change my mind then go ahead. I can listen.
With my vast spare time from being a full-time pediatrician, president of the Rotary Club, writing two novels, I decided that I should create the website for my son's soccer team.
https://www.millikanboyssoccer.org/
Granted, they're pretty kick-ass (well, most of the times they try to kick the ball rather than asses, but they do both).
https://www.millikanboyssoccer.org/
Granted, they're pretty kick-ass (well, most of the times they try to kick the ball rather than asses, but they do both).
After a few years of absence, in addition to problems and turmoils, I'm finally back.
I have a lot of new stuff to show, like new maps, some photos of hobbies and... maybe some mods to unveil.
The reason I came back is because I have matured, and I realized that reserved sites, like forums and this community, are very safe. Unlike social networks such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, among others...
Too much life exposure drains you. The internet from 2015 until now has gotten worse, because these social media has grown a lot.
As I said before, I gonna post some photos of personal hobbies, but without exposing me too much.
Anyway, I'm back. I hope you understand.
If you want to say something, say it. I'll answer you later.
I have a lot of new stuff to show, like new maps, some photos of hobbies and... maybe some mods to unveil.
The reason I came back is because I have matured, and I realized that reserved sites, like forums and this community, are very safe. Unlike social networks such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, among others...
Too much life exposure drains you. The internet from 2015 until now has gotten worse, because these social media has grown a lot.
As I said before, I gonna post some photos of personal hobbies, but without exposing me too much.
Anyway, I'm back. I hope you understand.
If you want to say something, say it. I'll answer you later.
I created gamingparents.org right around the time when my son was born in 2007. I took the site down due to lack of activities, but I still have fond memories of running the site. I don't have any regrets having ventured into community building.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CWGJy_0lSKW/?utm_medium=copy_link
https://www.instagram.com/p/CWGJy_0lSKW/?utm_medium=copy_link
I where banned from a discord server dedicated to the OG Xbox version of Half-Life 2 some time ago. Still feel a bit bad about it even if I don't remember what I did.
Or maybe they shut it off. Don't know.
Or maybe they shut it off. Don't know.
It happened again.