Journals

Winter hasn't even started and I am already sick and tired of it. There are so many things I want to do and people I want to talk to, and smile to, but I can't find the energy. The day ends before you even realize it has started! IS SOME SUNSHINE EVERY NOW AND THEN TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR??!! At least it's not as bad as a couple of years ago when my city had a total of two hours of sunshine in all of November because of clouds. I envy the bears - they are geniuses to sleep through it all.

I have always wanted to escape our Winter but haven't had the opportunity. I'll have to suffer Winter this year, too, but at least a milder version down in Croatia in December and Malta in January and February. They see more sun in the darkest month than I do in March or September, and I really look forward to seeing new places, though I think Christmas will feel lonely. Perhaps I should set my sight on NZ and Australia next year? What a dream to have summer twice a year!

https://meerjel01.github.io/Videos/Cheaples.html
Do tell me if the video plays at all.

Problem is, what theme?
Also im planning to give rewards or something like that. I only have like 2.5 dollars left in my account, and my next paycheck is next week so uuuh...

If you're travelling from Southampton to Bath, best go by road.

A lot of things have happened in a short timespan.

It's crazy how stressed your mind can end up at a certain age, or a certain point in time. Thoughts getting adopted, rejected. Even revealed after a wait worth several years, striking you greatly when it finally happens. I'm likely too emotional about this, as most people here must've gone through the same stage, except they had the will not to let themselves spill it all out as a big stinky piece of text. But I'm tired of holding it all inside until it starts to bring discomfort, and I do apologize for that.

It's weird when you're finally twenty, but aren't bringing anything useful. I'd think I'd be more than of age by now: able to be a productive member of the communities that I am in, pay my monetary debts that I owe to my parents, show that all the effort that went into developing and supporting me hasn't gone to waste. But even now, I'm still unable to do anything. Just sit and wait, and maybe try to influence the situation. Learn and work on personal things from time to time, when I have the energy. And, well, time to do it. I'm just a tiny little bug, crawling around, while the titans are moving mountains, and all I can do is watch.

I'm honestly unsure what to do with all this: with my current life state, all those thoughts that have surfaced, or come, or were ditched. No idea if I should keep doing whatever I've been doing so far, or finally give in to the dreams and wishes that I've had for so long. They seem ridiculous, and likely are never going to work out, but they also won't let me sleep at night.

Funny what a whiskey-filled brain can generate at 06:01 AM. Sorry for polluting the journal list. I'll try not to do that again. Just sharing thoughts.

I've heard there's a club I could join if I made some very poor life choices... What was it called again?

Hi. This is the First Time Wrote Or Type Journal On TWHL. So I'm doing this because there are things that make my feelings emotional when I Experience Of My Life as Modder by people who are full of hate. I even have a slightly unstable mentality that makes me hate myself and have a lot of emotions when my parents see me as a stable person but I'm afraid to tell my parents That I'm Having Mental Issue While I Having Difficult Communicate With My Family. I Also Almost No Life... I'm just Staring at My laptop And My Smartphone Everyday And I'm still Do Online School Until These Days Which Is Inactive Sadly. If I moved another schools, I will definitely get bullied until I become Anti-Social. Because Getting Bullied Just Fucking Change My Life Until Someone Viewed Me As Autistic Person, My parents were often called to school almost every year when I was in elementary school.I have a lot of problems with my knowledge, my attitude, and my socialize. My Teacher Just Trying to Manipulate Me They Even Not Give me The Education Book After Finished On Toilet, They even embarrassed my parents when I needed Soap On the Toilet Then My Friends Are Trying to Harassing me By Pushing Me Into The Hole Full of Black Mud Well Luckily I Already Jumped. So My Family Change Elementary Schools But Again Sadly I'm Getting Bullied But I Have 2 Best Friends Now That Sometimes Always Hangout Together. Unfortunately 1 Friend Change schools. So I only Have 1 Friend That Actually Counter-Strike 1.6 Player And Another Friend Which Is Change Schools Was Roblox Player That's Why I Hangout With Them. after advancing to 7th Class I mean Middle School Now My Family Went Onto Some Not Ordinary School Where Students Mostly Focus on Talents Rather Than Focus on Education Knowledge Like Any Other Shitty Schools Do. But The School Still Has Education Knowledge Well That's Fine I Guess That's Important For Students Then The Worst of The Year Comes in Where The Goddamn Virus Called COVID-19 Spread Across the Worldwide And Schools Are Lockdown. We Need to do Online School on Any Device And This Is The First Ever I got Fucking Isolated By Fricking Lockdown Because of COVID-19 Even now I'm still isolated Although The Virus Already Weakening in worldwide. Then Why I'm still Isolated? that's because my family moved around the island Cuz my father has a job as a boss there. Then The Island Was Kinda Have Terrible Society But I Think Mostly on Traffic I Guess...Then The Schools Welp many Teenage Kids are fighting there in various schools. They Even Stealing Other Neighbors Property And Throwing Rock On Our House They Even Do Street racing In Front of Our House Which Is Really Horrible Things In My Life (But I think Not Really) So My Parents Afraid Moved to That's School Since It Already has a Issues. Then I cannot Anything Besides Playing Video Games With Toxic Communities such as Roblox Or Sven Co-op Or Even Any Type Shitty Multiplayer Games It's Just Boring, Concerning,And Depressing at Same Time I don't have a money to buy games (I Have But I just don't know How to Make Them Digital Currency btw I Hate Money) It's Not Fun Until My Friend Sending The Message About game Called Hotline Maimi He said "It's discount" and tried to Gift me Hotline maimi but I refuses so I Asked Him Just Gifted Me Half-life. Because It's Cheaper I don't want my Friend Wasting Too Much on His Money So He Gifted me for the sake of Nostalgia (When I was a 5 y.o) So This Journey Would Begun If I Having Relation Issue With Some People Here...

Today I had a hunch: "would TWHL still exist?". Did a quick search and yes! Even Rimrook and Satchmo stills hangs around here, sick.

I've been gone for 13 years (im 32 now, 19 at the time i was last active, was there since I was 15) and will be gone too. My life is so different from the time I was here at TWHL.

From gaming full-time, making maps, earning money with counterstrike tournaments to a restaurant owner with one Michelin star where I cook myself

ps; I still game as a hobby, now together with my 4 year old son and my wife

Time flies

Super Matt Jordan is and has been cancelled for many years now but I always liked and kept the music.

So I put a little Dropbox together of all the (mostly) finished pieces I have.

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/2o60y07saqxu7am/AAD_0vV919iZQITqwV0J0A5Da?dl=0

I do t know if or when I can return to TWHL or mapping, maybe far down the line? Who knows. Enjoy the tunes! ^_^

I've gotten the feeling of hatred so I drew a motivative Gift.Sadness might show trust and humanity but happiness feels good to have.

I'm a music artist :>

Since I've told this story to people numerous, numerous times on Discord and I'm tired of repeating, I'm gonna tell it here once and for all.

TL;DR I fried eggs this morning and I made pizza tonight. Skim the journal for pictures.

I'm gonna tell you one thing now. My mum makes bad pizza. Just keep that in mind.

Lemme introduce you to what happened tonight by telling you what happened approximately 10 years ago. I was 10 years old and it was evening. Dad arrived home from the military, and Mum was making dinner. I was, of course, at my PC. Where else would I had been? Dinner was ready and Mum called me. Naturally, just like my brother now, I've always had a bit of a delay before getting up to go to the kitchen. Stuff on my computer was just way more interesting. This time though, I was hungry.

What I saw on the table was a good-looking, delicious rectangular pizza, cuz' Mum used to make pizzas back in a rectangular oven pan back then. I think the crust was homemade, I don't exactly remember. It was nice though, and I'd always eat a whole lot of it. She'd ask me if I'd like mushrooms on it next time, and I said yes. That one was also pretty nice. I liked it quite a bit. The crust was always very crunchy (not hard!) and it was really nice.

Fast-forward to 2020, that is 8 years later, I was in high school, and I got the 'rona. This changed my sense of taste forever. I stopped eating pizza for the longest time because hers became so... oily and rubbery to me. I didn't like it. Even though I seem to have fully regained my sense of smell and taste roughly 5-6 months later, my mum's pizza was never quite the same...

So, I simply didn't want it any more. I found the pizza in actual pizzerias and restaurants to be very nice. But I was quite intrigued that my mum's cooking seemingly deteriorated. I was not sure what was going on with that. I remember really damn well that Mum's pizza was pretty okay, even though it wasn't on the level of, well, even how cheap bakeries do it. I love pizza from the bakery, it's got a personality of its own. It's like a child that sees these cowboys in 60s western films and tries to act like them. I like the effort and it's definitely got its own sorta thing.

But I stopped liking Mum's pizza.

Later in 2021, I randomly had a thought:
"What if you boiled an egg, then fried it afterwards?"
I was, like, legit curious. This is my shower-thought curiosity at its finest. I google this thought and found out about tiger skin eggs. They look something like this:I came across a video that details how these are cooked, and I was like "Hmm, honestly, I could probably do something like this one day, doesn't even seem hard!"
I discovered a bunch of cooking channels, but a few truly stuck with me: Adam Ragusea and Binging with Babish. One gives me practical ideas, the other gives me less practical ideas because I don't have most of the ingredients here. But lemme tell ya. Ragusea's videos on pizza opened my eyes and things started to click.

You have any idea what kinda pizza my mum was making? She wasn't making a pizza, she was making bread with ketchup and hard cheese on top of it. Oh, and Poli bologna. Honestly that thing isn't even bologna, it's just a heavily-processed chicken sausage that stinks and makes me wanna throw up whenever I see it.
These were the two main enemies:To the left, you got the Poli, to the right, you got the "livada" cheese, which can be translated as "field" or "flatland" or "a plain". It's a type of hard cheese and doesn't melt well, that's all you gotta know really. I don't have a picture of how this pizza looked, but lemme tell you, it is horrible, I'd never eat it again. I can't eat it again after I've been to several good pizzerias.

Oh, and lemme tell you, we still use canned mushrooms. Mum didn't bother drying them, neither did she preheat the oven pan. She was doing everything wrongly. So, it turns out, when I was little, I simply didn't know better and accepted this kinda """pizza""".

All of this made me attempt making my own. Initially I mostly followed Mum's way but I used turkey ham instead of Poli, and later I started swapping things out for other things. Replaced ketchup with some type of tomato sauce (still not exactly the one I am looking for, but it's good enough), replaced the cheese with a mixture of mozzarella and gouda, and it was a substantial, fairly noticeable improvement. But something was still missing and I was a real beginner, so I didn't quite put enough cheese, and I often overcooked it.

Also, the "tomato sauce" we got was like, yeah, it was weird:Apparently this is some sorta already-baked tomato sauce? Either way, it got mega stinky after a few days.

But this time, I decided to REALLY up my pizza game. Like, really really good. 2 nights ago, I stayed up until 4 in the morning, binge-watching cooking videos and I got several new ideas on how to improve my existing thing:

• actually dry the mushrooms and cut them thinner
• preheat the oven pan
• put lots more cheese

This time, it wasn't mozzarella and Gouda, it was mozzarella and Edam. Still, very good combo, I just wish I had some more mozzarella at hand. I made my brother's pizza with some turkey ham bits and the usual (without mushrooms though). I put it in the already very hot oven pan, and waited for about 5 minutes before getting it out. I then frantically ran around because I realised the dinner table wasn't set yet and I had nowhere else to put the pizza, so I just put the pizza onto the table, no plates, no anything. I quickly grabbed another pizza pan though and put it right in there, as the preheated one went back into the oven. That was quite chaotic.

Also, the tomato sauce I was using this time was a bit different. It was brighter and it smelled a lot nicer. This one seems to be the uncooked kind, it even had some veggies inside and decent, chunky bits of tomato. Perfect IMO.

Now, here's the fun part: it was my pizza's turn. Oh boy. I made it as usual, putting the tomato sauce, putting the cheese, putting some Mediterranean spice mix on top, and I put my dried mushrooms on one half of the pizza, just so I could see if it'll be better or worse with them. Guess you could call it a half-fungirita, eheh?

And then a moment of pure genius struck me as I quickly snatched a bottle of olive oil and poured just a little bit of it (maybe 3 quarters of a teaspoon) on top of the pizza. I had no idea what the result was gonna be. I just knew I had to do it. FOR SCIENCE!!!

Now, I realise this ain't the best pizza in the world, and it surely could be better in many ways, but it's a huge step up from what I've been making before, and especially compared to my mum's pizza:See the yellowish, orange-ish spots in the centre? That is certainly the oil!

That... was damn good. I loved it. Mum tried a slice and asked me if I could make 4 pizzas like that for the family. Honestly, if your overly picky brother eats the crust, you know you've made a good pizza. Or maybe just something he prefers more. Either way, I'm glad I got to see that in life.

Now in completely other news, I also fried eggs for the first time and that was pretty good... I'm going for a cheese omelette next time.
I woke up thinking "I am frying eggs and NOBODY can stop me" and I legit set out to do that. Very good decision. First time frying an egg BTW!(yes, the basement IS the kitchen here, you lucky individuals)It was crunchy around the edges, which I liked, however I would've preferred a softer yolk. Overall, I enjoyed it more than the alternative, which was to grab something from the fridge, like a pathe, or turkey ham. I was also advised to use medium heat instead of high heat next time (thanks Zode!) and I will do just that. It was very epic either way and I got satisfaction out of it.

So yeah, thanks Mum, for having such bad cooking that motivated me even more to start cooking myself. One day, I gotta cook a steak, mmm... I've already done chicken fillets and I definitely like that. I gotta do it more, honestly.

Now, the next thing I wanna do is try cooking some sorta frozen döner kebab meat. I don't have a picture, but just imagine döner meat, whether chicken or beef, in some sorta package that sits in the super cold top part of your fridge. Here's the thing now. So far, I've been heating it up in the microwave, but you know what microwaves do to food... they make em soggy and in kebab's case, very soft and kinda moist. I don't want that.
So I'll see if I can heat it up in a frying pan next time or in the oven. I am not sure how that'll go, but maybe I'll get some better results than in the microwave.

Also, I may have mentioned a panini press, maybe not, but lemme tell ya, I use that thing for everything these days. I love it. When Mum boils hotdogs and I feel like a troll, I just panini press them after the fact. It is immeasurably useful when it comes to bread and stuff.

Either way, congrats for reading all the way to the end, I am quite impressed, not gonna lie. Happy eating, folks.

28 - 27 = Existence

My first flight lesson is this Friday.

I have been studying for the past few weeks, learning all there is to know about the Cirrus SR-20 and SR-22.

Flying with instrument is not unlike mapping. You have to know the functionality of all these buttons; you need to have good spatial awareness; you need to understand pitch/yaw/roll.

See you in the sky!

Two words: "cubic meter" and "multiply".