Hi!

So apparently I've been on this site for over 17 years and not even once written a journal entry. I decided it's time to change that.
I don't know if I should introduce myself or if that's a bit too late. Perhaps I should. I've spoken to many here but I doubt any actually know much about me.

I'm Erty. What is there to say about me? I love swimming. Back when I was in high school and uni people called me a "crazy scientist" because I built a lot of cool tech and high voltage stuff, like tesla coils and ion thrusters, and owned a piece of fluorescent uranium ore sample. I'm bisexual and a mess. I'm 30 years old as of writing. I used to draw and paint a lot but haven't done much of that the last years (unless you count making textures). I think bananas are pretty cool. I started my goldsrc mapping adventure about 20 years ago, messing around with an early version of HLSDK and finding Worldcraft.

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I guess part of why I haven't written any journal entries, or contributed more than a handful of things for most of that time comes from having been afraid of getting too invested in mapping, or any creative process at all. I've been pretty good at starting projects, but terrible at finishing them. I've only published a handful of vault items, and later removed them. So why bother trying being a part of a community I won't contribute to? I'm just here with nothing to share. I had many such thoughts back then.

Well, a lot of shit happened during those years, the first two decades of the new millenium, an entire third of my entire life just full of chaos.
Looking back I understand better than to blame myself for not being as "productive as I could have been". Maybe participating more in the community could have helped encourage me to finish more projects instead of giving up when I felt like nothing mattered. Hell, perhaps the community here or elsewhere could have helped reminding me that some things do matter.

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But all of that is in the past. My life is better now. I have a great partner. We've bought our first apartment together and moving in a week. We're packing like hell for that. There's also much to do at work. While a lot of things are happening right now, it's in a good way. I still have depression and PTSD, and it still gets in the way sometimes, but it's a lot less than it used to and things are stable enough for me to actually finish my projects. I participated in a SC mapping collab (Ragemap) two years in a row and currently participating in this year's collab as well. I've become more active on this site and various other communities. You might even have seen me around in the TWHL or SC discord servers.

Apart from Ragemap I have some other projects I'm working on. There's another unannounced mapping collab, and a pirate-themed map series I've been working on (perhaps I will tell more about it later on, after I finish moving). This week I began working on a program for converting .obj files exported from Jack to .smd files along with a .qc, all ready for compiling. Today I sent out an alpha version of it to a select few members of the mapping communities to help me test it. I hope it works well enough to fully release it soon and hope that at least some people find it useful. I'm planning on adding rmf/jmf support to it after the release of the first full version (thanks to Captain P for showing me the parser from MESS!)

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Well there we go. My first journal entry. A bit about myself, a bit about the past, and a bit about the now.
Maybe the "bit" is an understatement. Heh.

First off, sorry for the journal spamming. The last two journals on this site (three, counting this one) have all been by me. Sorry.
Okay, so I am a bisexual man, and I have a crush on this guy (we'll call him Clyde here). He's hot, he's funny, he's nice, I'm pretty sure he's gay, he has everything going for him. He and I are friends of course, and I think he knows I like him, but I just don't know where to go with this. At this point in writing this, I am starting to cry and I don't know why. What do I do? I don't want to be single anymore but I don't know how to ask him out and despite my extrovert tendencies I'm super nervous around him and I just... Help. Please.

In my last journal, I mentioned that I had played Quake for the first time. Well, I now have a registered copy (still using the same source port though), and I was going to record some gameplay for my youtube channel. So I set up some software for recording, got everything arranged just right, and played the game for about an hour and a half straight. Once I hit the end of the first chapter, I went to stop recording. However, for some reason (possibly user error), when I told it to stop recording, it didn't save my recording and instead started a new one. So all I have to show for a painful hour and a half of hard gaming is a 17-second clip of me wondering why it hasn't proceeded to the next screen for the video recording software.

I have so many regrets.

Today I played Quake for the first time. It was the Shareware build, as I wasn't about to buy it before knowing if I enjoyed it or not, but I did play it. It was fun. I found the old low-poly graphics strangely amusing, and I was honestly impressed by some of the lighting. I mean, it obviously wasn't any better than Half-Life's lighting, but I was expecting it to be worse.
As far as gameplay goes, it was new. I definitely didn't find it too challenging. I played through the entire demo on Easy, only dying once in the final boss fight. There were plenty of "oh shit" moments, though. For some reason (and I'm pretty sure it was just a quirk of the source port I was using), I didn't have a crosshair, so I ended up having to guess where my shots would land. Thankfully, I was relatively good at this. I enjoyed the music (thanks, Trent Rezzner?) and I found the NINs on the nailgun ammo hilarious. Some of the gameplay seemed a little half-baked, but that's from the perspective of someone who is about 10 years younger than the game. It was probably fine for when it came out.
Overall, I enjoyed it and plan to purchase the full version on Steam, and I would probably give my experience a 4/5.

what was just a test map progressively wanted it to be a one shot map and i'm really proud on what i've done so far

i haven't named it yet but i'll only show for now the beginning section i got inspiration from questionable ethics that i put my brain on very hard to make:my only problem with it would be retriggering it after all of the killing/checking is done for some reason hitting the button again just won't seem to trigger it again if anyone could help me with it would be really helpful also to consider i made it with like four invsible func_doors and some multi managers

Zinc - This thing that powers our remotes and keeps us away from the flu

In 1746, an inquisitive alchemist called Andreas Marggraf found an elusive metal deep in the heart of the German highlands. He was looking for the famous Philosopher's Stone when he discovered a silvery-blue element he christened "Zinc." Andreas, enchanted by its malleability and corrosion resistance, rapidly understood that zinc has its own distinct magical characteristics. People from all around the world began to harness the potential of zinc as word of his discovery spread. They used it to galvanize iron and steel, preserving their ships and towns from rust, and farmers utilized it to provide crucial nutrients to crops.

The alchemists of the modern age, known as chemists, experimented with Zinc to create innovative batteries that powered the dreams of a new generation. And so, Zinc, the marvelous discovery born of a quest for the Philosopher's Stone, continued to weave its enchanting tale of transformation throughout the world.

From a metallurgical perspective, as a moderately reactive metal, Zinc prefers to avoid solitude, seeking companionship with other elements in compounds and alloys

I think that about describes how I feel after this milestone. Although I always preferred my solitude for reading and satisfying my curiosities, I'm starting to understand better and better the importance of spending time with others. As with anything else in life, it's a balance.

If I am observing enough, there are quite some distinct changes between me from 10 years ago and today. For one, I don't have that lust I used to have - this is a bit ridiculous but it's a notable change. Or perhaps it's a consequence of unrequited love, idk. And on that note, most of my anxiety and panic attacks are gone, probably restored to a more healthy level (I've had serious issues with anxiety during my college years) Maybe this is what growing old means. Less reactivity. There's also some understanding of the world I'm living in and long term plans.

I am more fascinated than ever with the progress of AI, and disturbed equally by how small progress has been in other areas of humanity (political, peace etc.). We are living in interesting times.

Otherwise I'm in good shape and probably healthy for my age. I noted a decrease in the performance of my eyesight, but that was triggered during the pandemic. I really should make an appointment to the optometrist/ophthalmologist for a complete eye exam as this worries me.

In other ways I feel about life in general, I've replayed some Talos Principle recently and had a pleasant surprise. This message sums it up:Onwards, dear friends!

Back when I'm was a teenager, I watch many people playing a Half-Life Mods. Some are either pure garbage or good, some are well made that It make me inspired to make a mod. During the years of Covid-19, I dedicated my time watching a video about the basics of Valve Hammer Editor. The first one being on setting up a mod into placing a brush to the worldmap. It took me a while to set up Valve Hammer Editor, because it's complicated back then with little to no information about this. (Even though there is a video that mentions TWHL, I was kind of lazy to check it out) Back then, I only have a WON version of Half-Life, that i found on the internet... Since my parents does not allow me to spend some few moneys into buying a games (I weren't lucky enough to get Half-Life for free when Half-Life: Alxy is announce, I kind of ignored it. Don't know why.) It wasn't until that one of my friend who's nicknamed "Groovy" decided to gifted me some Quake Games, and Half-Life. I was thankful for that, It actually does motivated me more to work on Mapping and keep the "My mod" dream alive. After everything is set to work, I decided to start making my own map (With the help of TWHL and the Internet), blindly without any sketch or concept art, Just purely based on my mind when I was thinking of a level. I managed to made many levels, most of them are just a test to my abilities of making a map, some we're an actual map made for my mod, This maps we're eventually never used in the final mod due to how "cubic", unpolished and confusing to traverse trough the level. I decided that I should work on a random mod that I was passionate to work on, while working on my mod at the same time.

The first one being Black Mesa Classic. Before I could join in, I had to remake the Black Mesa Inbound. (I was asked to make a map as a proof that I will work on the mod) Only the first level of that chapter was done. After I joined it, I realize that the team in here we're some-what dead. After what I've seen inside there, I lost the motivation to work on BMC.

The second one being Half-Life Extended, A recently new mod that have been developed for some 2 years or so. I still remember that I asked one of the developers if they have a on working progress of the Hazard Course level. They don't have any. So I decided to silently remaking the Hazard Course for sometimes, until I decided to join in myself on the team. And to this day, I'm still working on the mod, polishing a finished map and making a concept map for the mod.

For my mod? Well, I kept it on hiatus ever since I joined the HLE Team until I had the right time to work on it again. At the moment the mod only have two map that is considered to be "OK" for the mod.

And that is the whole Journal. There is a lot of things that I intentionally put out due to how long the Journal would be, I've been trying to publish The Journal for straight three or four days. Apologize heavily if there is a "broken English". And thanks to my friend for giving me free Half-Life, that helped me a lot during that time, And to all of those who dedicated their time making an About page for an entity and a tutorial so that everyone (Including myself) could understand more about the functions.

And yeah, that's pretty much it.

I'm also looking forward to make another Journal but don't know what to write about it.
And I don't know how to end a Journal. So... Peace out, I guess?

It's true and I can't stop with it. I'm always wondering when I'm going to break down when I work on anything game related.

I'm really surprised I remembered the password to this account. The last computer I used to log into TWHL was a family tower computer that came with a sparking brand new operating system called Windows 7. In the time I've started using the site I graduated high school, got my diploma, and gained and lost jobs.

Half-Life along with the first Unreal Tournament were not only the first first-person shooter games I ever played, but also the first ones I played that came with their own map editors. Being a preteen without a real creative outlet, I quickly went to task to learn how to make rooms and boxes.
Seeing how I wasn't out of elementary school at the time, I had no knowledge about concepts such as player flow, the importance of lighting, and basic optimization techniques. I was making square rooms and crates, but they were my square rooms and crates, and that made me happy.

I've been a lurker on this site for over a decade. I remember scrolling through the new Half-Life map vault submissions for new deathmatch maps to play with friends. I remember listening to a version of Bohemian Rhapsody with lyrics replaced by TWHL in-jokes. I remember following along with the developer updates of The Core, and I remember the first time I had ever tried to be a part of an online community. At the time, the tutorials and resources hosted on TWHL ranked very high on the search results when you Googled Goldsource tutorials. I visited the site enough to eventually break and create an account. Maybe I'd eventually upload some maps of my own now that I was actually starting to piece things together.

I was very shy on the internet back then. I didn't make an account to use the forms or make friends, so when I penned and published my first journal entry on this site, I was almost horrified that it was publicly posted. My anxiety was assuaged however when people were mostly supportive that I had shared that I knew how to make turrets work. I had accidentally made first landing with the community.

I continued messing with Half-Life, all the while posting on TWHL more journal updates about what I had been up to from making songs with default FL Studio plugin presets, to what MS-Paint quality game I was making with Game Maker 8. Eventually I had completed my first ever map. It was a basic house design made by someone who had just got the hang of how to create brushes, used the carve tool for everything, and didn't have any structured plan for the map and added rooms and objects as they went.

After uploading my map and receiving comments there were trying to be as diplomatic as possible to someone who'd just uploaded their first ever map of a collection of brushes that dares to call itself a house, I took a break from the site for one reason or another and didn't return for several months. When I got back, due to what I still can only assume was a practical joke played on me, Apartment had won a Map of the Month Award. Not only that, but it won by a staggering margin against maps that were made by people who weren't 14 years old. It beat out maps that actually had talented people crafting them instead of someone who made an octagonal brush and called it a table. And the reward for winning the award was that one of the site's mods had to create a review video of it. The task begrudgingly fell on Urby.Watching today, the video is hilarious. Allegedly, Urby had an undisclosed amount of alcohol in him as the camera was pointed at him to record his thoughts. I'd have made the same video were I in their shoes; it's a shit rough-brushed layout, and it got called out as such. Why was the outside plasterboard? Why was it in space? Why were the floors more than 64 units thick? Why was the windowless house 90% dead ends? Why did people vote for it for Map of the Month? Honestly, the video makes itself.

I was 14 at the time, however, and when I watched it then I didn't find it funny at all. I legitimately remember tearing up that someone was eviscerating not only the first map I ever made, but the first piece of content I had ever stepped out of my comfort zone shared online. It took me quite a while to get over it.

When I was 12 I went to a 3-week long sleepover camp. It was the first time I had ever spent an elongated amount of time away from my parents, and I dealt rather badly with it. I didn't like the food being served, I had a loose tooth that really hurt but didn't want to fall out, and I missed my parents dearly. I remember being in the office of the head of the camp, crying that I wanted to go home. It took me a while to get over it.

The point I'm making here is that the Apartment debacle was just one of the many important life lessons I would learn growing up. I actually point to this event helping me develop healthy attitudes when it comes to receiving criticism and feedback, especially if they come from people who know what they're taking about. Urby wasn't going to go on camera and lie about how my map was good for someone who was new to map making. It won the award, and it was going to be held to the standard that all other MotM winners were. I had to learn this lesson at some point if I wanted to participate in an online community, and in retrospect I'm glad I learned it here instead of somewhere else where it could've gone much, much worse.

So what I have done since then? Since then I almost became one of the best Lethal League 1 players in the world, peaking at #8 in tournament ELO in 2015. I learned how to map in the DOOM engine and after studying racing game design theory and I got my first ever map, Coastal Temple Zone, included in the release of the Sonic Robo Blast 2: Kart community cup, available in every vanilla installation of the game. I became the fastest speedrunner of Kirby and the Amazing Mirror for both Any% and 100% outside of Japan. But beyond that, I've been floundering from community to community, never really finding my place.

One of my personal issues when it comes to my hobbies is that I'm a serial starter. I hyper focus on a particular interest very hard for around 5 months, then move on to something else. The upside is that. The downside is that I end up disappearing for years without really a trace and end up decaying ties with friends I might have made - just ask the SRB2K discord about that. I tried returning to TWHL in 2015 or so, but it didn't stick, and I was soon off doing other things.

So what was the point of this journal? Well one thing, I guess this acts as my "Hey, hope you're doing well!" to all the nice people I met over the decade on this site, if they even read this far into this word salad that assuredly has many typos and grammar mistakes. While I haven't really done anything here in years, I'll always remember this place and am so happy it still exists (and by all accounts, is still active). I still sometimes boot up my copy of Jackhammer and start brushing out a Half-Life Deathmatch map that will never be finished. Maybe I'll finish one for old time sakes and upload it. I don't think I ever really redeemed myself.

I started work on a mod called Half-Life Retail, which as the name suggests was aimed at bringing back the game to the condition of the original 1998 release, which had several features that the later versions do not. Namely:

• Those old shadows, which were just the model flattened on the floor at an angle.
• A different type of view model bobbing, where the effect wasn't like it is today(basically the same as Quake 1's).
• Having fleshy hit sounds play as a sort of hit indicator when you shoot an NPC.
• The old Quake-style view roll when you turn around while running, or strafing.

However, I also started toying around with some stuff I felt would be nice to have. Basically, one feature I added was to insert per-vertex lights into the game by relying on light.rad and the level geometry. Of course, I will make this toggleable via the options for those who do not want it. Another feature I also added over from the Raven Beta sandbox mod, is stencil shadows which are cast by these lights.

Another feature I have in mind is to allow gl_overbright to work both on models and the world. I dislike how flat lighting is in OpenGL, and this would basically fix that issue. This too of course would be toggleable.

Anyone interested in perhaps playing a release of this mod? If so, I will probably end up creating a github page for it and updating it there, but also releasing it here on TWHL, and perhaps ModDB. Not sure about the latter though.

Also if you have some other features from the original retail you would like to see, I'm all ears.

I am resigning from my job in two months.

After that, I will do some traveling--first to Taiwan, then Australia, and finally Guatemala.

https://www.signalhillrotary.org/cultural-exchange

I start my instrument pilot training in August, and I should have my certified flight instructor's license by the end of this year.

Modding consoles are a veteran job

EDIT:
I'm in regret again about the things that I did to people. Not just here but everywhere else. I'm too toxic okay?
It's okay to say that people are ignoring me because of my lackluster drawing skills and bad behavior.

For me The Scariest Parts about Windows Are The Malware That Were Hidden Or Even Corrupted System After The Updates But also Stuck In Black Screen For about 15 Minutes, stuck on Game Freezing that cannot be alt + win + del and Alt tab, Virtual Machine Virus Can Spread Through Main Host Machine and Blue Screen.

How about you guys? Many of People who uses PC/Laptop too much somehow causes unnoticed issues..I wanna know what are you experiencing

Mmm feels like 12 but in reverse. Haven't had the cake yet tho'.

I've been spending the past 3-4 days with my boyfriend, absolutely love the lil bastard. He'll be here for another 7 days, but either way, I am terribly happy. I got to experience my first kiss, which was one hell of an experience. We've gone shopping together, I showed him around all kinds of places, showed him a bunch of food here (ćevapi, kebab, Mum's potato & cheese pie), and we've still got a lot more to do~

So yeah, this is life for me. Spending time with a beloved one. I love the feeling. I haven't had a hug in a very long time (5 years!!!) and now I am getting those every day. It feels absolutely amazing and I don't wanna trade it for anything else.

You know, a time ago I said to myself I'd take a break from programming to just enjoy life a bit. That never really happened. But now it's happening, so it's kinda nice, not having to think about my engine project, or ADM, or the HL SDK series... is this what vacation feels like?